Looking Back

by Looking Back (retail) (epub)

  After they’d finished their cocoa, they talked for a while about Sandra, and while Rosie took the cups back to the scullery, Molly fell asleep, curled in the chair. ‘That’s it, lass.’ Rosie covered her over with a coat from behind the door. ‘Sleep while ye can,’ she murmured. ‘I dare say ye haven’t slept soundly for many a night.’

  For a time she just sat there, warming herself in front of the fire, watching Molly and wondering.

  ‘Should I tell him?’ she whispered. ‘I love you both. I’m doing what you asked, and Alfie is following his dream, but what about you? I know how hard it is for you, me darlin’, but I don’t know if I should go against you and tell Alfie the truth of it, or leave things to sort themselves out.’

  In her heart she wanted these two together. Yet Molly had extracted a promise that she would not tell Alfie, and now she was duty bound by it. And yet…

  Her eyes went to the sideboard, to a picture of her beloved twins, with Molly in the centre. Going quietly across the room, she picked up the photograph and carrying it back to the chair, looked at it for a long, long time. She saw the joy in Molly’s face, and Alfie smiling, with his arm round her. Then Sandra, brash and bold as ever, lifting her skirt hem and showing off her legs, a wide grin on her face. ‘You were a right little devil, so you were!’

  Rosie chuckled at her daughter’s antics. Then the chuckles became tears and she softly sobbed, the picture pressed close to her heart, and her heart so crippled with pain she could hardly bear it.

  * * *

  Slightly inebriated, yet sober enough to have come in without waking the children, Frank found her sitting at the foot of the stairs bent over the picture and sobbing uncontrollably. ‘Hey!’ He went over to her. ‘Come on, Rosie. What’s all this, eh?’

  Ashamed to have been found like that, especially by Frank, she stood up. ‘I’ll go now,’ she murmured. ‘Molly’s asleep. The children, too.’ Looking up at him now, seeing the compassion in his dark eyes, she realised how, by hurting Amy he had hurt Molly and the rest of his children. He had indirectly separated Alfie and Molly, driven Lottie away, and now, when it was all too late, he had begun to mend his ways.

  Suddenly, to Frank’s astonishment, she was beating at him with her fists, not shouting or accusing, but still sobbing wildly. Grabbing her by the wrists, he drew her to him. ‘Ssh now!’ He wiped her tears and looked down into her stricken face, and something happened between them; a feeling, a certain loneliness, connected them. Whatever it was, it had them holding each other, unable to let go.

  When the kiss came, it began nervously, and then a flood of emotion overwhelmed them and they were kissing with a passion that neither of them had ever felt before.

  Shocked and uncertain, Rosie pushed him away. ‘NO!’ Her face was stark white. She shook her head and fled down the passage. At the front door, she glanced back to see Frank staring at her, his dark eyes frowning, hands at his sides and a look of confusion on his face.

  Molly’s voice broke the spell. ‘Rosie?’ The parlour door opened and she popped her head out. ‘Dad!’ She hadn’t realised. ‘Where’s Rosie?’

  ‘She’s gone,’ he said flatly, and began to make his way up the stairs.

  ‘Your dinner’s in the oven,’ Molly called after him.

  But he wasn’t listening. He had suddenly realised that the slight attraction he’d always felt for Rosie Craig was not just a fancy. Holding her close to him just then, lost in that wonderful kiss, had confirmed it.

  At his age, when he had made a mess of his marriage and let his kids down, he had fallen in love. ‘Bloody ridiculous!’ he muttered. ‘A bloke like me doesn’t fall in love.’

  Rosie was experiencing the same disturbing feelings. Her late husband had been her one and only love. In all this time she had never wanted any other man, not in a serious way. And certainly not a man with the reputation of Frank Tattersall!

  Now though, she had been swept into his arms, and to a place she had never thought to be. The truth was, in that wonderful, intimate moment, she had realised something quite shocking.

  Somewhere in her heart, she had opened a door. Frank Tattersall had made his way in, and now she couldn’t seem to get him out.

  ‘Jaysus, Mary and Joseph!’ Her mind and senses were in turmoil. ‘What have I done?’

  Chapter Twenty

  Molly didn’t sleep a wink. At six o’clock she was downstairs, pacing the floor. Alfie was leaving today, and she could think of nothing else.

  Like a cat on hot bricks she watched the hands of the clock go round, until it was six-thirty, then quarter to seven, and now seven o’clock. Rosie had said he’d be leaving about half past seven, she recalled, and her heart sank.

  She lit a fire, then got her dad’s breakfast going. He was on a slightly later shift at the factory today. She made herself a brew and sat by the fire. Then she was up again, peering out the front window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Alfie.

  At this time of the morning, the street was coming alive with people; some on bicycles making their way down to the mills, others hurrying to the tram stops, and still others pushing through the chill wind on foot, the men with their caps pulled down, women with headscarves wrapped round their heads, all of them bent to the wind, their faces set hard.

  Alfie was nowhere to be seen.

  Hearing her dad come down the stairs, she returned to the scullery where his breakfast was keeping warm. Dishing up two eggs, a rasher of bacon and a plump pork sausage, she placed it on the table. ‘I’ll get your tea.’

  When, a minute later, she returned with his mug, she found him standing at the back window, deep in thought, and not seeming to care whether he went to work or not. ‘Have you seen the time?’ she asked. ‘If you don’t get a move on, you’ll be late for work.’

  Without a word, he walked across the room and, when he was settled at the table, she reminded him, ‘I’ll need ten shillings.’

  Before he could begin his usual inquisition as to what she needed it for, Molly began her list. ‘I owe four shillings to the grocer. Eddie needs a pair of trousers, and Georgie’s shoes…’

  Before she could finish, he fished a ten-shilling note out of his wallet and laid it in front of her.

  Molly was dumbfounded. Normally she had to ask him time and again before he came across with the money; and she had no intention of telling him how much she earned from the deliveries, because then it would be even harder to get him to part with a single penny.

  To add to her confusion, he put a half-crown alongside. ‘I noticed one of Georgie’s shoes had a hole in it,’ he remarked. ‘That should get new soles on the pair of ’em, and a new set of laces too.’

  While Molly was left wondering if he’d finally lost his mind, Frank went into the scullery to swill his hands and face at the sink.

  Seeing Molly go into the passage, he leaned against the wall and thought about the incident between himself and Rosie. ‘She’s a fine figure of a woman,’ he murmured. ‘A good woman, too.’

  He had always thought of himself as a man of the world. But to his amazement he was still shaken by the press of her body against his, and yet it wasn’t only that. It was something much deeper.

  Something he had never really felt with Amy.

  * * *

  It was time for Alfie to leave. ‘I’m all packed,’ he told his mother. ‘Grandad’s still asleep. I’ll give him another half hour, then I’ll go up and say my goodbyes. After that I’ll have to make tracks or I’ll miss that aeroplane tonight.’

  Rosie saw the hollows under his eyes. ‘You didn’t sleep much last night, did you, son?’

  ‘Not really.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Thinking about Sandra and… everything.’

  ‘Are you keen to be going back?’

  Throwing himself into the chair, he pondered on that for a minute. ‘I had hoped there might be a future with me and Molly, but I was wrong. She preferred some other bloke to me, and there’s not much I can do about that.’ But it still h
urt so badly. It wasn’t so much the rejection, but the losing of Molly. She meant the world to him, and always would.

  ‘Mam?’ He hesitated, having tried to broach the subject several times since coming home, and each time drawing away from it.

  ‘Yes, son?’

  ‘Oh, it’s all right. Best let it be,’ he decided. ‘Old coals and all that.’

  ‘I think I can hear your grandad moving about up there.’ Rosie knew what Alfie wanted to ask, and she was glad of the intervention. ‘If you’re going up to him, tell him I’ll have his tray along in a few minutes.’

  When he was gone, she chided herself. ‘When it came right down to it, you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him, could you?’ Giving a great heaving sigh, she blew it out noisily. ‘Mebbe he’s right,’ she wondered. ‘Mebbe it is all best left alone… old coals, just like he said.’

  Alfie loved his old grandad. ‘Get yourself better and you can come and watch my next fight,’ he told Michael. ‘I’ll send the ticket money for you and Mam both.’

  Michael was frail these days, but he had the same cheeky grin and the same sense of humour. ‘Knock ’em cold, son,’ he wheezed. ‘If I were younger I’d soon show ye, so I would!’

  Alfie laughed. ‘I don’t doubt that for one minute!’

  He was concerned though, about the old fella’s health. ‘Look after yourself,’ he said. ‘Remember what I told you. Get yourself better and I’ll send for you. Unless you’re frightened of going up in an aeroplane?’ he teased.

  The old man bristled. ‘Huh! You’ll never see the day when Michael Noonan’s frightened of anything!’

  ‘That’s the kind of fighting talk I like.’ He stood up, tall and strong, and the sight of him brought a tear of pride to the old man’s eye.

  ‘You’ll need three tickets,’ he told Alfie. ‘I’m not coming without young Molly. She’ll be company for yer mam while you and me tend to the boxing.’

  Alfie hadn’t realised. ‘Didn’t Mam tell you?’ he said gently. He knew how fond the old man was of Molly.

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘Me and Molly are finished. She’s got herself another fella.’

  ‘Don’t talk bloody daft! Oh, I heard ’em talking… her and yer mam.’ He laughed. ‘Got herself another fella? Wake up, boy! Herself worships the ground you walk on. She’d no more get herself another fella than pigs might fly.’

  Alfie was puzzled, and excited. His heart began to pound. ‘What are you talking about, Grandad? What do you mean… you heard them talking?’

  ‘Your mother and Molly. It were just after Amy Tattersall ran off with some bloke or another. Talk to yer mam. Make her tell you the truth.’

  Easing himself on to the edge of the bed, Alfie spoke firmly, but kindly. ‘Now then, Grandad, I want you to tell me what you heard. What exactly did Moll and Mam say to each other?’

  * * *

  Molly was on her way upstairs to wake the children when she was startled by a frantic thumping on the door. ‘Molly! Open this door!’

  Recognising Alfie’s voice, she feared something had happened to Michael. Running down the passage, she let him in. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘You tell me!’ Pushing his way in, Alfie took her by the shoulders, almost lifting her off her feet. ‘You and Mam! Cooking up a story to send me off to America, when all the time it was supposed to be for my benefit. Have you no idea what you’ve done to me? Don’t you know how much I love you, Molly Tattersall?’

  Molly didn’t have time to wonder who had told him. All she wanted was to convince him it had all been for the best. ‘Mam ran off and I was left to look after the children.’

  ‘What’s wrong with your da looking after them?’

  ‘Oh Alfie, you know what he’s like. He can’t look after himself, never mind the children.’

  ‘So, what’s wrong with me! I love them kids as much as anyone, and well you know it. Or didn’t you think I’d be man enough?’

  ‘Don’t say that! There’s nothing I would have liked better than to keep you here with me and the children,’ Molly confessed. ‘But it wasn’t fair to ask. Besides, you’d just got that offer to fight in America. It was something you’d always dreamed of. If I’d taken that away from you, you might never have forgiven me… oh, not straight off maybe. But later, when you were older and all your chances were gone, you might have resented what I’d done. I couldn’t live with that, Alfie. I love you too much!’

  ‘Oh? And you didn’t think I loved you enough, is that it? You didn’t think I would work my fingers to the bone and look after you and the kids?’

  ‘No! That’s exactly why I had to make you believe there was somebody else… because I knew you would do just that! I couldn’t risk it, Alfie.’

  Pausing, she took a shuddering breath. Looking up at him, the tears coursing down her face, she wept, ‘I would have lost you. Somewhere along the way, I would have lost you for good.’

  He shook his head. ‘Never.’ His own eyes moist with emotion, he took her to him, his arms wound tightly about her, so she would never get away from him again. ‘Oh Molly, I thought I would never hold you again like this.’

  Molly knew what he meant, because hadn’t she suffered the same agony? But, ‘In the end, we found each other,’ she whispered.

  With the anger and confusion out of the way, they held on to each other, their love all the stronger for having been tested.

  * * *

  In the parlour, Frank had been pulling on his work boots when Molly let Alfie in. He had listened to what Molly had to say, and he was mortally ashamed. ‘What kind of man are you, Frank Tattersall?’ he asked himself. And back came the ugly truth.

  He had been the worst kind of bastard, and because of him, Amy had gone, his children had lost their mother, and these two good people had had their worlds turned upside down. He finished tying his bootlaces, put on his jacket, and sneaked out the back way.

  There was something he had to do. Someone he had to see.

  And the sooner the better.

  Part Four

  FEBRUARY 1949

  SILVER LININGS

  Chapter Twenty One

  ‘No, Amy. Don’t come to the door, you’ll catch your death of cold.’ Holding her inside the hallway, Jack kissed her goodbye. ‘I’ve two meetings today,’ he said, ‘then it’s on to Kent for a look at that derelict house. If what Matey says is true, it might be a good investment.’

  Amy smiled. ‘Always on the lookout for a good investment, that’s my Jack.’

  ‘That’s right, my girl, and you’re the best investment I’ve ever made.’ Kissing her again, he whispered in her ear, ‘You look so gorgeous, I could eat you. Come to think of it, get yourself all dolled up and I’ll take you out to dinner tonight. Deal?’

  She nodded. ‘Deal.’ Standing at the window she waved him goodbye.

  When he was gone from sight, she went to the dresser and took out a small envelope. Inside was a letter from Rosie:

  Dear Amy,

  Thank you for your letter, and for the money to buy flowers for Sandra. I took them up today, and they look lovely.

  I was really surprised to hear from you. I showed your letter to Molly, but I did not tell her your address. The way things are, I thought it best not to.

  I’m sorry about you and Frank, and though I did see it coming, I have to say that I never dreamed you would leave the children like you did. It wasn’t fair to them, and more to the point, it wasn’t fair on Molly. I’m afraid she’s very bitter towards you, Amy.

  The other reason I’m writing is to tell you that Molly and Alfie have set the date for their wedding. It’s Saturday, 16 March, at St Peter’s.

  I don’t know if you’ll come, and in the circumstances, I wouldn’t blame you if you thought it better not to.

  The thing is, Amy, there’s something I need to speak with you about. So, if you’d rather not come, let me know, and I’ll travel to you. If that’s all right?

  Mind how you go th
en,

  From Rosie.

  Having read the letter twice over, Amy went into Jack’s office, where she found pen and paper, and sat down to write her reply:

  Dear Rosie,

  I’ve got your letter. Thank you.

  I can’t say whether I’ll be at the wedding or not, or even if I’d be wanted there; I think not, though it goes without saying that I’m thrilled for Alfie and Molly; I always knew the day would come.

  I know I was selfish in what I did, but I was at the end of my tether and could see no other way.

  I need to turn a few things over in my mind before I’m sure of myself.

  I’ll write to you as soon as I can.

  Take care of yourself, Rosie, and please don’t show this letter to Molly. With the wedding looming, and her being so bitter towards me, it would cast a shadow over her special day, and as we both know, I’ve done her enough harm already.

  Thanks again, Rosie. It’s so good to have contact.

  Love from Amy.

  Tucking the letter into the envelope, she sealed it then licked a stamp and pressed it on. ‘I’m sorry it’s such a short letter, Rosie, lass,’ she muttered. ‘Only I have an appointment in half an hour, and to tell you the truth, I’m dreading the outcome.’ She had been in a daze these past two weeks, and now, with the appointment so near, she was all at sixes and sevens.

  It took her ten minutes to wash and dress, five to walk down to the tram stop, and the journey to the doctor’s surgery took another ten.

  Looking smart in her brown dress and winter coat, and a cheeky little beret pulled over her hair, Amy was at the desk with one minute to spare. ‘Take a seat, Mrs Tattersall.’ The receptionist thought Amy was very pretty.

  No sooner had she sat down than she was called into the surgery.