The Million Dollar Typewriter

by Murray Segal

  “Don’t get used to it because I retain veto power over the movie we’ll watch.”

  “You mean we watch chick flicks?”

  “Maybe one. Who knows what will strike my fancy?”

  “How about The Playboy Channel? They have lots of chicks.”

  “You’re a sick man.”

  “Maybe so but I expect to have this sickness until I die. And it’s not what will kill me.”

  I search IMDB and find a movie that tempts me called Cast a Giant Shadow. It is based on a supposedly real story about the establishment of Israel and the events just thereafter. I am always dubious about Hollywood’s attempts at writing history. I also don’t care much for war pictures. I suppose this one attracts me because of my Jewish background. It also has an outstanding cast, including John Wayne, Frank Sinatra, Yul Brenner, Kirk Douglas, Angie Dickenson and a woman I have never heard of named Senta Berger. She plays the female lead.

  “We’re in luck. I have made a reservation for a week at the B & B for only $70 a night and that includes breakfast.”

  “Sounds good to me. I don’t know if I want to be constrained by having breakfast there every day but that’s a minor detail and it is free. In the meantime, your social director has picked out a movie for us. It’s called Cast a Giant Shadow. It’s about the events leading up to the establishment of the Country of Israel, and the chaos that followed. Allegedly a true story about an American officer who returns to Israel after having fought in Europe and then returning to the USA. Eventually he unifies the disorganized Israeli forces and leads them into a successful campaign.”

  “Oh, lord! That is certainly not a chick flick but my interest is piqued. Put it on tonight’s program. Maybe we’ll find another one that is a bit lighter for a double feature. You ever wonder why there are no more double features at theatres?”

  “I have indeed. Maybe the films are just too expensive. That wouldn’t be cost effective when you can get the same revenue with only one film. Cost effective for everyone in the film industry but not for us moviegoers. I’m going to call the desk and see if we can get a pizza sent up. Is that alright with you?”

  “Well. Um, Ok. Ask him for some out of town newspapers. Nice to keep up to date on the goings on in the country and the world.”

  “I will. Didn’t think you would eat pizza again. We just had it recently. You sure you don’t want me to search the town to find some tofu?”

  “Good to break the rules every now and then.”

  “It is but you are in danger of becoming a serial rule breaker.”

  There’s a knock at the door. A young man has copies of the New York Times, the Boston Globe, and the Wall Street Journal. I tell him to put the papers on our bill and tip him generously for delivering them.

  “Silvia, it’s too early to have dinner. Would you like to try out the bed? It does look comfortable but you will never know unless you try it. If it’s uncomfortable we might have to change rooms. If we wait too long they may be sold out.”

  “It’s a deal that we get a chick flick after the war movie? You promise?”

  “Of course. It’s a bargain and I will hold up my end of it.”

  “You’d better.”

  That leads us to a very acrobatic encounter which proves satisfying to both of us. We snooze for a while afterwards, in that strange state that is neither asleep nor awake. I let Silvia sleep. When I call the pizza shop, they tell me it will be delivered in 30 minutes. While I’m waiting, I wander through the newspapers. The presidential election campaign is in full swing. It is strange to see both parties in such disarray. The Democrats are fighting to come together and push Hillary Clinton into the White House (and, of course, husband Bill) but they have many defections due to the treatment Bernie Sanders got and the mess of her damaging emails that continue to surface. The Republicans are also dealing with a huge fracture in the party. Many of the party leaders (and of course the press) are pounding away at Donald Trump. Hillary leads in the polls, with a couple of months to go. Unless she lands in jail it looks like she is a winner and Bill can have unfettered access to every one of the interns in the place. I have never seen a national political campaign like this one in my extensive lifetime. I hope I never see another one. According to the latest issue of the Wall Street Journal, Hillary and her vice-presidential candidate Tim Kaine have released their tax returns, a move called a diversion by Donald Trump. Which it is, no doubt. Trump keeps burning bridges and his VP Candidate Mike Pence keeps trying to mend them. The latest polls suggest this is not working as the Dems have widened their lead to about 10 percent. We’ll see. Meanwhile one of my favorite columnists, Peggy Noonan, has jumped off the election wagon for this week and writes about “the top is detaching from the bottom” all over the world. Whatever that means. Amidst all of this chaos, I am about to eat pizza and watch a war movie and a chick flick.

  A knock on the door announces the arrival of the pizza. I kiss Silvia’s forehead to waken her as gently as I know how. I hate to wake anyone up, but especially her.

  “Welcome back to the real world and our splendid dinner which will be served as soon as you put a cold, wet wash cloth over your forehead and wake up.”

  “Nice to be back. I can hardly wait to dig into this scrumptious, one-course extravaganza.”

  We eat the pizza and then watch Cast a Giant Shadow. We both love it. All except for the ending which is the real ending and not a Hollywood one. I doze through most of the chick flick and don’t even remember what it was. We are both sound asleep by 11 0’clock and don’t wake up until the next day at 7.

  CHAPTER IX - WE CROSS THE BORDER

  After a quick breakfast at the hotel we check out, pack the car and head east for the Canadian border and the Maple Tourist Home B & B. It proves to be a circuitous route to the place. We drive north to Caribou on Route 1, then east on Route 89, north on Route 1A and finally east to the Hamlin/Grand Falls border crossing. It would have been immensely simpler to stay in the Perth Andover area which is directly east of Presque Isle but money is money and the prices are best at the place that we chose.

  I stop the car a few miles from the crossing and say to Silvia, “You drive through the crossing and use you charm to get us safely through.”

  We switch places and she drives the final miles to the crossing and gets us in line. Silvia hands the border guard our phony licenses and passports while I hold my breath for what seems like 10 minutes.

  “What is the purpose of your trip Mrs. Stein?”

  “Just pleasure. To be honest, we came here because we got a good rate at the Maple Tourist Home B & B.”

  “You have made a good choice. I know it well. My family stays there when they come here to visit. Have a pleasant stay.”

  “I’m sure we will and thank you so much.”

  Phew, I exhale and then direct Silvia to the Bed and Breakfast.

  “Well, our credentials have passed their first test. Remind me to congratulate our favorite forger.”

  “Perhaps I should go on Facebook and let the whole world know about his skill.”

  “A few more of those not very funny lines and I shall be very sick.”

  “I plead guilty to the charge of producing lousy comedy. I trust the judge will go easy on me with the sentence. Maybe just a few months of public service.”

  “God help the public.”

  The B & B is located just west of the St. John River in Grand Falls, New Brunswick. The river makes a half circle there, producing a peninsular land area. The accommodations are terrific, as advertised. After we are checked into the B&B by our affable hosts, I get on the Toshiba to find a map of the area and places to eat. First things first, no?

  “You have made a great choice, Sylvia. We have hit the mother lode you sweet, wonderful woman. There’s a Burger King, a McDonald’s, and a Pizza Boy right nearby, so plenty of good food here. All we need now is to find a Dunkin Donuts to make it perfect. I understand that McDonald’s is now serving lobster rolls. How abo
ut that for dinner?”

  “You are joking, aren’t you? There must be something else!”

  “Well, there is some place named Le Grand Saut. Everything from shrimp cocktail to pizza. There are more eating places close by so we have options.”

  “Let’s try Le Grand Saut, but before we decide, suppose we ask our hosts about it.”

  We do and they recommend it so we head there. I. have Whiskey-Smoked Riblets and Sweet Potato Fries. Silvia chooses Scallops. The food is Grand.

  “We need to have a battle plan for the tomorrow and the next few days. I suggest that we stay here for 3-4 days. This will give us time to look for a reasonably priced place to stay back in Presque Isle, to familiarize ourselves with the place and look for jobs so we can preserve our cash.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me. Speaking of jobs, I’m going to try the University. Are you still aiming for the local newspaper?”

  “I am. I figure that is a good place for me to be from a safety standpoint. I would be able to keep track of the crime news there and it would be a good way to tap into the police. So, I’ll try like hell to land a job there. I worry about my lack of credentials.”

  “Sure, but after all you were editor in chief of your high school year book.”

  “Funny.”

  After lunch, we decide to drive back to Presque Isle to continue our walking tour, even though we’ll only have a few hours before sundown.

  “Let’s both go to the University (UMPI) since I should be familiar with it even though I’m not going to do any teaching there.”

  The UMPI campus is located just south of the downtown area. We start at the admissions office and get a copy of the campus map showing all its facilities. It is a compact campus consisting of the usual attributes, including a lovely building housing the President. In addition, the campus has a daycare center, tennis courts and a soccer field. I guess this means this branch of the University does not have a football team. There’s an auditorium and a gym/fitness center.

  “Silvia, the place is a little short on athletics. No football, just soccer and basketball amongst the major sports.”

  “Oh boo. And here I thought I’d get a chance to show my skills as a quarterback.”

  “Sweetie, you are my quarterback. Just don’t try an end around play because I will flatten you in a second.”

  “Hah. Keep eating the way you do and you’ll never be able to catch me. When did I become sweetie?”

  “You’ve always been sweetie to me.”

  “You are becoming too adept at bull... Come on let’s tour the entire campus.”

  We walk around and look at every building. We don’t do any more than that because it is getting late.

  “Harry. I have a good feeling about this place. I’m glad we decided to look it over this afternoon. Tomorrow I’ll come back and talk to the head of the English Department about applying for a job.”

  “While you are doing that, I will continue my tour of the downtown and see if I can set up an interview with the Star-Herald.”

  “Let’s have dinner here in town. Part of our familiarization process.”

  “I’m for that and I’ll even pay for it.”

  “You’ll pay for it? Have you come into some money that I don’t know about?”

  “Not exactly but I will reimburse you out of my first paycheck.”

  “You haven’t even had a job interview yet.”

  “I recommend a first-class dinner at the Café Sorpreso. Soon, I will be bringing in the big bucks. More bucks then a typewriter shop can generate back home.”

  “You will? What the hell, we have had a productive day and I’m not in the mood for McDonald’s lobster rolls tonight. Like I said not very long ago, just don’t get used to this fine dining. You probably won’t see it again for some time, if ever.”

  We drive back to the Sorpreso on Main Street. The maître de seats us at a good table where we can eat and watch the locals come and go.

  “I’ll have the Filet Mignon with Portobello Bacon Sauce.”

  “Can I get you a cocktail or something for a starter?” asks the waiter.

  “I’ll just have a large cranberry juice and shrimp cocktail.”

  “Very good choice, sir. And what can I get you, madam?”

  “I’ll have the baked haddock, but please ask the chef if he will leave off the Dill Crema and Buttery Crumbs.”

  “I’m sure that won’t be a problem. Something to drink?”

  “Just water, thank you.”

  We relax a few minutes in silence while we survey the other patrons and generally watch the comings and goings.

  “You know I never would have guessed that you would find such a topnotch restaurant way up here in the northernmost reaches of Maine. When I think of Aroostook County I think of mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, French fries and potato farmers and not Baked Haddock with Dill Crema and Buttery Crumbs.”

  “I guess there are enough university professors and wealthy potato farmers to support this place. Certainly, your average worker here will probably never see the inside of Café Sorpreso.”

  “Nope, not at these prices.”

  When the waiter returns with our meals I ask him what he knows about the history of the Café.

  “I only know that it was opened in 2007, so it’s only about nine years old. I believe that one of the chefs came from England but I’m not sure about that. The staff here believes it is the finest restaurant in all of Aroostook County and maybe in northern New England.”

  “We would agree with that and we do have a lot of experience, everywhere along the east coast.”

  “The food and the ambiance are terrific,” Silvia adds.

  We eat our meals at a leisurely pace, savoring every bite. I think the food and the ambiance have blocked out from our minds the reason we are up here in the very north of New England. This is a good thing, so I eat slowly, adopting Silvia’s normal pace. It takes us several hours to finish our meals, pay the check and leave the Café. During that time, there is a turnover of diners and they appear to be brothers and sisters of the group that was here when we arrived. We leave the Café about 9 o’clock and stop at the Northeastland Hotel to see if we can get some recent issues of the Star Herald. It is close to ten o’clock.

  “Do you mind if I catch the end of the Patriots pre-season game?”

  “Go right ahead but use the headphones so I can read.”

  It is surprising that I am can get the game in Canada. The NFL and its teams rake in billions of bucks every year. Money talks and billions shout. The NFL has been scheduling games in England for a few years. If I remember correctly, they are playing one in Mexico this year. This appears to be pointing in the direction of expansion outside the USA.I love football even though my high school only played soccer. On the other hand, my college, The University of Miami, has a bigtime football program. The Patriots are playing the Chicago Bears without their all-time great quarterback, Tom Brady. Brady is serving a four game suspension at the beginning of the regular season and will not make an appearance. Jimmy Garoppolo his backup plays a very good game as does the third string quarterback Jacoby Brissett. The Pats win the game. That makes them 2 and 0 in the preseason. It is north of eleven o’clock when the game ends. Silvia has long since gone to sleep and I drop into the never-never land minutes after my head touches the pillow. Force of habit gets me up early. Five am early. I shower and shave and by that time Silvia has just started to stir. I let her climb into consciousness without my help. I hate to wake anyone up but especially her.

  “Good Morning, love of my life. Nice to see you.”

  “Good morning yourself. How long have you been up?”

  “About an hour or so. How are you feeling?”

  “Well, not raring to go yet but I will be after a long hot shower. Did your beloved Patriots slice up the big bad Bears?”

  “Not exactly. It was only an exhibition game and I don’t think any of the players go flat out, because no one wants to ri
sk a serious injury in a preseason game. That’s just me talking. As you know, I never played a minute of football in the NFL.”

  “Nor anywhere else.”

  “You mock me. The Pats did win. Not by much but a win is a win and they looked rather good at times during the game.”

  “I’m happy for them and for you, macho man. Let me at that shower.”

  “While you are in there I will go through the recent issues of the Star Herald to find out what’s going on in the area.”

  When she finishes her shower, and is dressed, we decide to have breakfast here at the B & B because it comes with the room. Our cash is starting to shrink to an alarmingly low level. We meet and chat with several of the other guests at the Inn. Maybe I’m a snob, but none of them are particularly interesting.

  Back in the room, I sit Silvia down and say, “I’m going to take a few minutes before we leave for PI and tell you what I read in the local paper. It’s another way to familiarize ourselves with the area. We both need a lot of that and quickly. We shouldn’t appear to be as dumb as we are about the place when we start interviewing for jobs.”

  “Start talking. You have my full attention.”

  “First, the crime news. You will be pleased to know that a vicious killer from Florida came up here and killed another man. They were both in their 80’s. The killer took a bus back to Clearwater but he managed to get himself on a Walmart Security tape. Witnesses also claimed to have seen both men together. The harvesting of the area’s vegetables started in earnest around the first of August and officials claim that 16% of the folks who live in the State have something called ‘Food Insecurity.’ I guess that means they are hungry or in danger of being hungry.”

  “And the good news is what?”

  “Well, the judge denied bail for the Florida killer.”

  “Is that the best you can do?”

  “Hey, I don’t make the news, I just report it. The town of Easton has filed suit against the County Commissioners alleging they are giving undeserved tax breaks to six Amish farmers. Oh yeah, the Maine DEA busted a Meth Lab in Washburn that was operating about 1,000 feet from a school.