The Million Dollar Typewriter

by Murray Segal

  “That seems like an old and oft repeated theme. Do you have a hook in mind? By the way may I enquire about your salary?”

  “Not sure yet.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Absolutely. It was my idea to have a two-week tryout and then talk dollars. Have faith.”

  “Sometimes I don’t believe you. Sometimes I do believe you and that can be worse yet.

  “If you don’t get it done in two hours, I may go looking for a pistol. Why don’t you just write the whole thing right now?”

  “I will but first you have to ply me with wine and a luscious dinner. If I can be honest with you, I am jealous of you because you have beaten me to the ranks of the employed.”

  “Don’t be. I’m positive you will land a job. And soon.”

  “I’ll check the Toshiba for restaurant advice. Here we go, Le Grand Saut, right here in beautiful Grand Falls. Get your best duds on, I am taking you to dinner.”

  “If you think that would speed up your production of your test article, by all means let’s go quickly.”

  We drive to Le Grand Saut, which is not very far, and enter what looks to be a very quaint restaurant both inside and out.

  “Very cool,” says Silvia, once we are seated.

  “My thought exactly. What is your pleasure?” I ask after the waiter has dropped off our menus.

  “Nice going Harry. You got nary a scowl from the waiter. I will write home about this. And then ply me with fine wine and I will tell you what my pleasure is. If I’m sober after dinner, I may show you my pleasure.”

  “I love it when you talk dirty.”

  “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I haven’t suggested anything dirty yet.”

  “Well, I have pictures in my head.”

  “You always have dirty pictures in your one-track head.”

  “You must admit I am on the right track.”

  Just then, the waiter arrives and saves me from sticking my foot any further into my mouth.

  “Can I get you folks something to drink?”

  “Of course, you can. I’ll have a carafe of your best burgundy wine and my husband will have a plain seltzer because he is the designated driver.”

  “Are you ready to order dinner or do you need more time?”

  “I’m ready.”

  “You are always ready to eat. Designated drivers wait for their passenger to order and I am not ready.”

  The waiter departs with a shrug like he’s seen this before.

  “I intend to get one quarter sloshed my good man, so don’t rush me.”

  “Yes boss. Have you noticed that a substantial number of the diners here are speaking French?”

  “And that must make it difficult for you to eavesdrop. No?”

  “Oui.”

  “Here are your drinks,” the waiter offers when he returns.

  “I notice that some of your patrons are speaking French. Is this unusual?”

  “Not at all. About 22 percent of Canadians speak French. Most are in Quebec but there is a sizable French speaking minority here in New Brunswick. Many of the French speaking people also speak English.”

  “Thank you for that information.”

  “And are you ready to order dinner now?”

  “Yes. We are,” says the boss. “I will have a Shrimp Cocktail and Atlantic Sea Scallops with Roasted Red Peppers.”

  “A good choice, madam. And you sir?”

  “I’ll have Whiskey Smoked Riblets and a side of Sweet Potato Fries. Would you make the Riblets rare, please?”

  “Of course. May I get you more wine, Madam?”

  “Yes, you may cuz I don’t have to drive.”

  When he returns with another carafe of wine I look at Silvia.

  “You really are going to sloshed, aren’t you?”

  “You are damned right and not one half sloshed but COMPLETELY sloshed. You may have to carry me to the car.”

  “My pleasure, madam.”

  “When I hear the word madam, I think of a woman with a house full of women. In other words, a brothel.”

  “There you go again talking dirty.”

  “Our meals arrive and I am not surprised that the food is excellent.”

  After eating we return to the B & B and fall into bed. Just sleep. For Silvia while I slave away on my homework for Frederick.

  CHAPTER X - SCORE ONE FOR SILVIA

  I drive to PI and drop Silvia off at UMPI first thing in the morning. It has taken a bit of prodding on my part but she finally agreed to drop off the job application and press for an early interview.

  “Good luck, sweet. Just remember, you will make a terrific professor and make them believe that.”

  “I’m just going to drop off the application and set up an interview.”

  “Sure. Just make them want to interview you before someone else snaps you up. There are other places to teach here and they know that.”

  “I know but the others are smaller and are less attractive to me.”

  “I understand that’s true, but they don’t know that. So, don’t show them that. And make sure you don’t let them know that you are here for a short time.”

  “C’mon Harry. How dumb do you think I am. Besides, if I do get an instructor’s appointment maybe we’ll decide to stay here forever.”

  “Now you’re kidding. Right?”

  “Sure I am.”

  She opens the car door and says she will call me on my cell when she is finished so I can come pick her up. I drive to the Star Herald intending to check in with Steve Frederick. Fredrick’s door is closed but I can see through the window that he is busy with another staffer. When he’s done with the other staffer, he beckons me into his office.

  “Let me take a look at your test article.”

  He speed-reads through the article in minutes. I suppose a newspaper editor needs to develop this technique. Maybe I can learn to do this. Watching him, I am nervous. I hope it doesn’t show.

  “Looks good to me. You still interested in the job?”

  “Yes sir, I certainly am.”

  “Good. My name is Steve. Sir was my father. Let’s talk salary. As a beginning cub reporter, I can only offer you $400 a week with no overtime and you must be ready to go out in the field to follow a story right up until press time. I’m sorry I can’t offer you more but it would upset the balance on the rest of the staff. Still interested?”

  “Yeah Steve, I am.”

  “Good you are hired as of this minute. First thing you do is to introduce yourself to the staffers who are present. Then come on back and we go over your assignments for the next issue.”

  I wander around and introduce myself to everyone who is in the office. Joshua Archer is a most active staff reporter. His stories cover the entire front page of a recent issue. Christopher Bouchard is also active with a front-page article on County Tourism. Both have photographs along with their stories. I make a mental note to see whether my old Nikon is up to the task. I hope so because our money situation is tight enough so that I don’t want to invest in anything new.

  There are several articles in a recent issue with the byline BDN. When I go looking for BDN, I am told it stands for Bangor Dailey News. I wonder what that is all about. Then I find out. The Bangor Daily News is the parent company of the Star-Herald. I check the stories and see that they do feature news from outside the PI area. Places like Houlton. I make a mental note of this since, we are loosely connected there with Moose. I see that Frederick is now alone in his office so I rap on the door.”

  “C’mon in. What’s happening?

  “I saw that you were busy so I spent some time outlining some routine stories on criminal activity including the Troop F report. I also wandered around and introduced myself to everyone who is working just now. I have given some thought to a feature article. Let me run it by you.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I thought a man-in-the-street type story might be interesting. I go out and interview a sample of residents in PI and ge
t their views on crime in the area. Are they interested in reading about criminal goings-on here? Are they aware of the scope of these activities? Are they happy with the level of enforcement? Is there anything they think needs changing? Do they follow crime and corruption outside PI? In the State? In New England? In the rest of the country? In foreign countries?”

  “I like it. Start on it immediately. I’ll put it in the next edition on the front page. This means it must be ready in two days to meet the deadline. Concentrate on that and I will shift the other stuff to the rest of the staff. I like the way you have hit the ground running.”

  “Ok. Let me out of here. I will start on it now.”

  “Good. Anything you need, let me know. Get some pictures of anyone who doesn’t mind seeing their mug on the front page, but don’t pressure anyone. Sometimes people will be straight forward with a reporter so long as they are not identified. I imagine this would especially be the case when they are talking about the police department.”

  Before I leave the paper, I grab a clipboard, lined paper tablets and a few pens. The office staff fixes me up with a press badge. I decide not to call Sylvia, just in case she is in the middle of something at UMPI. Instead, I drive over there and find her. She has a happy look on her face as she approaches the car.

  “Thanks for stopping by. I have great news. I managed to wrangle an interview before the committee on the day after tomorrow. I was told that one of their English professors is leaving shortly for a better job on the main Campus in Orono. They are anxious to fill his spot. There’s not much time before the fall semester starts. I think the chances are pretty good that I will land a spot on the faculty.”

  “That’s great. I have good news as well. Frederick liked my test story. Hired me on the spot. He also likes my idea for a man-in-the-street story and has scheduled it for the front page of the very next issue. I have my work cut out for me but I will make it one way or the other.”

  “May I offer any help you may need? In the not too distant I expect to be an Assistant Professor of English. I can help you in setting up the questions and who knows what else? Did you finally get around to salary or are you going to wait until the end of the year for that?”

  “More sarcasm. He could only offer me $400 a week without upsetting the balance in the office. Your help is gladly accepted and indeed needed. After all I am just a dumb-assed reporter with all of 4 hours of experience. I have all kinds of trouble with the English language and I can’t spell worth a damn.”

  “And what do I get as payment for this help? After all, university professors don’t come cheap.”

  “I know you are kidding but there is one thing I can promise you. When you are making up your lecture schedule for the fall stick me in it. I will come and tell your students all they need to know about crime and reporting on same.”

  “I like that. You’re on.”

  “I tell you what. Why don’t we pick out a good spot somewhere on Main Street where we will conduct the interviews? And then we can make up a list of appropriate questions to ask. That would be better than trying to do that at the Inn.”

  “Good idea.”

  “How about right near the Café Sorpreso?”

  “You mean so we can eat afterwards? Will you ever be able to get food off your mind?”

  “No. Not as long as I’m alive.”

  “I figured.”

  “We find a parking spot near the Northeastland Hotel on Main Street where the sidewalk is wide enough for us to set up a small card table.”

  “This looks like a good spot to set up camp, don’t you think?”

  “We are at what you would call the 100% corner. Suits me. It’s time for the English Professor to go to work and whip up the proper wording for our questions.”

  “When did these become OUR questions, Loveman?”

  “I believe in using talent where you find it and you are IT.”

  I prepare a list of questions with the help of my in-house talent. After about an hour we have the routine pretty much worked out. We have a quick lunch at a forgettable restaurant after which we drive back to the B & B. I go over the routine one more time, clean it up and write out a readable copy. The Survey must be done in two days to meet the paper’s deadline. It’s convenient that Silvia is available to help.

  “What do you say we have dinner at Le Grande Saut and then watch a movie back here? Bed at 11:00. An early start on the street in the morning, say about eight. That way we may be able to catch some men, er, I mean people on their way to work.”

  “You just remembered that women work too. Huh?”

  “You bet, and I will make sure that women are well represented in our sample. You know how I love women, right?”

  “Right, especially blonde ones with large chests.”

  We have another great meal at Le Grande Saut and then watch a movie entitled Brooklyn. Some people would call this one a “Chick Flick” and I would agree. It’s a light romance set partially in Ireland and partially in Brooklyn with an Italian love interest thrown in. It is not a heavy drama. We have an early breakfast at the B & B. For the first time, we meet an interesting couple, named James and Sally Smith. My antennae go up when I hear a couple named Smith talking with a decidedly heavy Germanic accent. I cast a quick glance at Silvia. I read her eyes. She is having the same reaction that I am. When we leave the B & B we discuss our sense of the two people.

  “I wonder if we are both developing severe cases of paranoia,” I offer. “When a troop of heavy duty bad guys have chased you all the way into the northern most region of the country, a bit of paranoia might be a good thing. But is probably just a coincidence and we are making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

  “Maybe so, but I am going to stick their names and faces in the corner of my underdeveloped brain for future reference.”

  “Me too. By the way woman, we need to call the B & B sometime today and tell them we are checking out so they can have a bill ready for us in the morning.”

  “Let me do that. I have some rapport with our hosts and I’d like to leave on a high note. I may try to wheedle whatever information they might have on the couple supposedly named Smith.”

  “You go girl. If there was ever a good wheedler, it’s you.”

  First thing in the morning we drive straight to “our spot” near the Northeastland Hotel. I set up a small folding table and tape a small sign to the edge of it. It reads “Star Herald Newspaper.”

  With my ID badge firmly attached to my shirt, I begin approaching pedestrians, one at a time. For the most part they are agreeable and speak freely at the beginning. There are some who pull back and change their mind when I tell them I want to talk to them about the Police Department. Several of them nearly turn and run away. Maybe I exaggerate but it would be interesting to know if they are hiding something. Like for example a long criminal record.

  “Did you notice the few people who turned and have left when I tell them the subject matter of the interview?”

  “I did. Makes you wonder. Maybe there is some way you can follow up with another feature story about them.”

  “Maybe there is. I’ll think about an approach when we have wrapped this one up.”

  “Well, look who is walking up the street toward us.”

  I turn in the direction she is facing and there are our old friends, the Smiths.

  “Hello there. I never expected to see you two here in PI. I’m doing man-in-the-street interviews for a feature story. If you live in PI or plan to live here, I can interview you.”

  “No. I’m sorry but we do not live here and will not be settling here either.”

  Too bad. I’d really like to interview the hell out of them individually and compare their stories.

  “Good luck with your survey,” says Jim Supposedly Smith as they saunter off and out of sight around the corner on State Street.

  We look at each other without a word and I continue the interviews. After a good four hours, we have collected enough for
a good story.

  “I am going to skip lunch and go back to the office and write the article. What are you going to do in the meantime?”

  “The 8th, 9th and 10th wonders of the world. My husband is going to skip a meal. I was hoping to come along with you and perhaps help you do some editing with the article.”

  “I never say no to an offer of help. Particularly one that comes from a beautiful woman. Let’s go.”

  “You are so suave. I can’t stand it.”

  “No, I really mean it, lovewoman.”

  The two of us drive over to the Star Herald. I introduce Silvia as an English Professor at UMPI to the staff that is there. We go over the interviews, select the ones that are good and compose the story. It is done in two hours. I leave it in the editor’s box and we depart for the B & B.

  “When we get back to the B & B you need to do two things.”

  “Good that you know what I need to do.”

  “Hey. You a much more talented soul then I am, so like said before, never let talent go to waste.”

  “And what is it I should do?”

  “First, let our host know that we are checking out in the morning so she can have our bill ready. After thanking her for a lovely stay, see what you can learn about the so-called Smiths.”

  “Oh yes, oh master. And have you written a script for me?”

  “Come on Silvia. This is serious stuff and anything we can learn may save our lives in the future.”

  “I know dumbbell. A little humor can go a long way in reducing the stress on us, so grin and bear it.”

  “Look, the Smith’s car is not in the parking lot so they are not back yet. Go do your thing.”

  Silvia goes into the office while I go to our room and start to pack our meagre belongings. The MDTW is still hidden in the closet under the pile of LL Beans clothes. This reminds me that I promised to check the antique shop to see if he has located another machine for us.

  In a few minutes, Silvia comes in with her news.

  “Our friends the Smiths have checked out. They gave an address in Houlton as their home. We should be able to check with Moose to see if that is phony which I kinda know it is. What do you think this is all about?”

  “There could be many reasons why they are here and probably using a false home address. Because of our circumstances, my first supposition would be that the Nazis are on our trail and they were sent to keep an eye on us. On the other hand, they may simply be shacking up and the false address could be a way of preventing anyone like a husband or wife to track them.”