Deicide

by M. K. Gibson

  It seemed like a standard garage, steel, and body shop. Several bays for work, an adjacent storage area filled with cars and various machinery that was protected by a chain-link fence and several three-headed guard dogs. Atop the garage, Jessie noted several windows that were likely apartments. Vulcan’s registered residence was the same as the shop, so he likely rented one of the rooms.

  Driving two blocks away, Jessie instructed the driver to pull over and park. Once they had stopped, she turned around to face the others.

  “Okay, how about we do something crazy?”

  “Like what?” Cross asked.

  “I know it’s out of the ordinary for us, but . . . how about we stop bullshitting and actually come up with a plan? Hmm? Insane, I know, but what the hell, right?”

  “Oh, you’re so ugly when you think you’re cute,” Arby said.

  “Shut up, Arby,” Cross said. “What’re you thinking?”

  “Well we could—”

  “It’ll never work,” Arby said, interrupting. “So Cass, do you think Ted has a friend who—”

  “You didn’t even hear my idea—”

  “It’s very rude to interrupt,” Arby snapped. “I weep for your generation.”

  “But you—”

  “Damn it, New Girl,” Arby said. “We have some very serious things to discuss here. Clearly Cassy’s romantic life, and my quest to score, trump everything else.”

  “But Vulcan? The case?”

  “Bah,” Arby said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “He’s just going to run the moment he sees us. So before we have to go chasing him across Agartha, I’d like to hash out a dating scheme. I was thinking—”

  “Why would he run?” Jessie asked.

  “Vulcan will run because the moment we walk in there, he’ll think we know everything,” Cross explained.

  “But we don’t. We only have a guess.”

  “We won’t get that far. The guilty always assume that law enforcement know everything they did when they show up at their home or place of work.”

  “Then we have to not get caught. And if we do, we just keep him calm.”

  “Sounds like a standard bet to me,” Arby said.

  “Agreed,” Cross said.

  “No! No no no, I’m not agreeing to that!”

  “Sorry kid, cop law,” Arby said. “You made a statement, I challenged. It’s more ironclad than calling dibs or shotgun. Talk to any lawyer.”

  “It’s basically science,” Cross confirmed with a nod.

  “Dios, I hate you two.”

  “They’re not wrong,” the Ch’Über-Cab’ra driver said.

  “All three of you,” Jessie corrected.

  ********

  14 May, 12:31 pm

  Gobannus Garage, Little Atvatabar, District of Agartha

  The bell above the body shop’s front door jingled as Jessie stepped in. Cross and Arby followed, electing to let her take the lead. Which was fine. If she was going to prove to them that she could defuse the situation, she had to walk the walk.

  The small office was reminiscent of any garage or body shop. There was a small counter and a waiting room that led to a large bay where various workers and technicians worked on cars, machines, or odd projects. Behind the counter, Jessie saw a female dwarf playing with her cell phone while she stroked her soft, red beard.

  “Welcome to Gobannus Garage. How may we help you?” the dwarf said without looking up.

  “Ahem,” Jessie said, clearing her throat. Yet the receptionist didn’t seem to either notice or care.

  “You’re doing great,” Arby whispered from behind her. “You got this.”

  Jessie looked back at him. “What are you doing?”

  “Being supportive?” He shrugged.

  Jessie turned back and ignored him. “Excuse me, ma’am, but I’m Officer DeLeon of the APD. We need to speak with a manager about one of your employees, and if possible, we need to inspect his apartment.”

  “Uh huh,” the dwarf said as she casually looked up, gave Jessie a once-over, and returned to scrolling through her phone. “Unless you got something that needs fixing or a warrant, then you’re shit outta luck.”

  “I—” Jessie started to say, but was cut off as Cross stepped in front of her.

  “Hey there . . . Fiona, is it?” Cross asked in a condescending tone, looking at the dwarf’s name tag. “We can come back with a warrant if you like. Or you can just let us talk to one of the mechanics here. But if we have to come back, then something tells me we’re going to find enough violations to shut your business down for quite a while. So why don’t you—”

  “Gonna stop you right there, Jugs,” Fiona said, interrupting Cross. “The problem with you cops is that you think we’re all scared of you. We ain’t. ’Specially down here. So why don’t you run along, get your warrant, and we’ll see you then.”

  Jessie watched as Cross’s hand went to her weapon. Arby reached out and grabbed Cross’s wrist. “Now now, let’s leave the nice receptionist alone. Clearly we have important things to do.”

  “Like what?” Jessie and Cross said at the same time.

  “Well, Vulcan came back early and is about to make a break for it.”

  Through the waiting room’s window, Jessie watched as Vulcan sprinted down the street. “Damn it,” she sighed, then pushed past Arby towards the front door.

  “Sorry, kid. Being right is a curse.”

  “Dios, you’re an asshole.”

  “I wouldn’t gloat if I were you,” Cross said as she followed.

  “Why not?”

  “We still have to chase him.”

  Arby let out a sigh as he patted his stomach. “Damn it.”

  ********

  14 May - 12:17 pm

  Streets of Little Atvatabar, District of Agartha

  “Keep up!” Cassy yelled behind her while she continued to run down the crowded sidewalk and through the open-air market.

  “This . . . sucks!” Arby huffed as he did his best to keep up.

  “Then exercise more!”

  “Blasphemy!” Arby barked.

  The people on the street yelled and jumped out of the way as Vulcan plowed through whoever was in his way. Even bereft of his power, the large Roman god was easily as big as Arby, but in much better shape. He pushed his way though the throngs of people while also managing to grab anything or anyone he could to cause a distraction or hinder their pursuit.

  “Come on, this way!” DeLeon yelled as she sidestepped a trio of goblins, practically leaped over a fallen troll, and slid under a rolling hot dog cart.

  “How’d . . . she . . . do that?!”

  “Come on!” DeLeon yelled.

  “Right . . . behind . . . you,” Arby wheezed.

  They continued chasing the escaping god for several blocks. The crowded sidewalks and busy streets made it almost impossible to catch up. There were simply too many things and too many people in their way. They couldn’t open fire and they definitely could not match the speed of a god fleeing the police. Not on foot, anyway.

  Vulcan made a hard left and ran into oncoming traffic. Cars screeched to a halt and honked at him. The god managed to zigzag his way across the street and continue running. But DeLeon refused to give up. She ran and jumped onto the first stopped car, then hopped to the next and the next, until she too had crossed the street.

  “Cross, Arby!” DeLeon yelled back. “Come on!”

  “I’m not doing that,” Arby said.

  “Come on,” Cassy said. “You got this.”

  “No, no I don’t!”

  “Didn’t you hang off of an SUV yesterday?”

  “Yeah . . . hang. Not run!”

  “Just pretend it’s one of those movies you like so much!”

  “This isn’t pretending!”

  “Arby!”

  “If I die I’m haunting you!”

  “So nothing will change,” Cassy taunted as she followed DeLeon. Cassy leaped onto one car, took two steps and jumped onto
another before dropping to the pavement. She slid across a hood and then sprinted across the street, narrowly dodging a district bus. She looked back to see Arby still standing there.

  “Arby!”

  “I’m coming!” the big man bellowed back.

  “Today?”

  “Aw, fuck it.” The big man jumped onto a car, then onto another hood, denting it and half tripping. He tried to perform the same slide as she had, but slipped, fell, and hit the ground hard. He sprang to his feet and managed to grunt out, “My sciatica!”

  The three of them continued after Vulcan as he ran westbound into Agartha’s Cutter’s Forge burrow. The area was a little more run-down, with liquor stores, sketchy bodegas, and porn shops.

  Vulcan continued his sprint, running past a brothel just as a short man in a green suit stepped out onto the sidewalk. DeLeon sprinted past him, and Cassy did as well. But she heard a kerfuffle behind her.

  “Gotcha, ya little prick!”

  “Let go of me, ye oaf!”

  Cassy looked over her shoulder to see Arby tackle the short man to the ground. “What are you doing?!”

  “Look! Remember Kilkenny? We found him!”

  “I’ll gut ye!” Kilkenny threatened.

  “Arby, come on!”

  “But—”

  “No buts!”

  “Fine,” Arby said, getting up. “But if this were a movie, people would be really pissed we dropped this plot thread!”

  “Arby!”

  “I’m coming!” he yelled. “And you . . . march your little ass to the nearest police station immediately!”

  “Feck off!”

  Arby took off and managed to catch up. He ran alongside her and was looking rough.

  “This . . . this is getting us nowhere,” Cassy said, huffing. “He’s . . . too fast.”

  Arby suddenly stopped and ran back the way they’d come.

  “What are you doing?!”

  “Got an idea!”

  Cross ignored him and pushed herself to run faster. DeLeon was clearly a runner. Up ahead, Cross watched as DeLeon closed to within a few feet of Vulcan.

  “Stop! You’re under arrest!” DeLeon yelled.

  “Fuck off!” Vulcan yelled back.

  DeLeon grabbed her police baton from her belt, extended it, and dove for Vulcan’s legs. Swiping out wide with the baton, DeLeon managed to connect with the back of Vulcan’s knee. The sudden strike threw the large god off balance, and he crashed into pavement.

  DeLeon wasted no time jumping on top of him and assuming the mantle position as she reached for her cuffs. “Vulcan Fireforge, you’re under arrest for—”

  The god whipped around hard, throwing a back elbow into DeLeon’s temple. The younger officer toppled to the side while Vulcan started to get back to his feet.

  Cassy charged in and dove into the off-balance man, taking him back to the ground. “You can add resisting arrest to the list!”

  “Good job!” DeLeon said.

  “Shut up and cuff him!” Cross grunted as she tried to wrestle the larger man.

  From flat on his back, Vulcan shoved DeLeon back with his right hand as she reached for her enchanted restraints. From atop the god, Cassy put her left knee on his chest and her right knee on Vulcan’s left arm at the elbow bend, pinning it down. Leaning forward with the rest of her body weight, she put her left palm on the god’s left cheek.

  “Get off!” Vulcan bellowed.

  Reaching up with his free right hand, Vulcan grabbed a handful of Cassy’s bright blue hair and pulled hard to the side. Cassy tumbled over into DeLeon. Immediately, her hands went to her hairless head. Looking up, she saw a stunned Vulcan confusedly holding a bright blue wig.

  “What the—”

  “Shut up, New Girl!” Cassy hissed as she snatched the wig from Vulcan’s hand and did her best to put it back on her head.

  From the corner of her eye, she saw DeLeon reach for her weapon. Suddenly, the other woman stopped and lunged for her.

  “What are you—”

  “Move!” DeLeon said as she tackled her to the ground before something large, dark, and annoying fell from the sky.

  “Look out below!” Arby yelled.

  Arby fell on top of Vulcan with a thunderous boom, hitting the god with what Cassy could only describe as an atomic elbow. And on his shoulder was . . . Kilkenny?

  “Yer right boyo, that was fun.”

  “H-hey . . . Cass,” Arby wearily. “S-surprise.”

  “What the shit just happened?!” Cassy demanded.

  “That was me favor to the big guy,” Kilkenny said. “In exchange for a pardon.”

  “I never said . . . pardon,” Arby said, shaking his head. “Just said leniency in exchange for a quick teleport.”

  “I . . . hate . . . you . . . all,” Vulcan groaned.

  “Hey, Vulcan, I know this is awkward timing and all, but I have a question,” Arby said. “Are you sleeping with Kali?”

  “If you get your fat ass off me, I’ll answer anything.”

  “Look, I’m a few pounds overweight. No reason to be rude,” Arby said as he rolled off Vulcan. “But seriously, y’all are doing it, right?”

  “Yeah, what of it?”

  “You just won me two bets,” Arby said with a big smile, then passed out.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  14 May - 1:33 pm

  1st Precinct Detention Facility, Sub-basement 2, District of Axis Mundi

  Eric sat along the observation room’s far wall opposite the large viewing monitors. The split screen showed Vulcan in one cell and Kilkenny in another. On the monitor, Eric watched as Cass verbally tore into the leprechaun. After what had happened to her today with her hair, Eric almost felt bad for the fun-sized crime boss.

  He scanned through reports from the APD raid on Vulcan’s home. There were several more vials, some empty, some full, and a few other black market magical artifacts.

  “So what’s the big deal?” Jessie asked from beside him. “She wears a wig. Lots of people do.”

  “Drop it Jessie,” Eric said. His usual mirth was absent.

  “Does this have anything to do with why she’s so—?”

  “I said—”

  “Yeah yeah, drop it.” Jessie said. “But we’re going to be working with one another from here on out. So maybe we should open up a little? If we know one another, then—”

  “Then why don’t you start?” Eric snapped. “Tell me about how growing up as an orphan affected you?”

  Jessie’s face went blank. “How—”

  “Because I’m a goddamn detective,” Eric said. “You said you have no connections and you have NO pictures of family in your apartment. That might mean you’re a self-centered asshole, but I remembered that you’d mentioned the Church of St. Nicholas to that goblin hooker.”

  “The church helps out prostitutes,” Jessie said.

  “You know what else it does?” Eric asked as he took out his phone. “One search and what do we have? Lo and behold, Church of St. Nicholas doubles as an orphanage. Add it all up and you’re an orphan who became a cop. Lord, I’m surprised you didn’t just go the extra mile and put on the tights and become a vigilante superhero.”

  “Screw you,” Jessie said.

  “Aw, what’s the matter? I thought you wanted to share.”

  “Piss off!” Jessie said as she stood and stormed out of the room just as Cass was walking back in.

  “Okay, I cleaned up Arby’s mess. Kilkenny is now our new informant in exchange for leniency. Hey, where are you going?” Cass asked.

  “Away from that asshole for a while,” Jessie said, then left the observation area.

  When the door slammed shut, Cass crossed her arms and turned on him. “What did you do?”

  Eric sighed. “I got a little . . . snippy. She was talking about the hair . . . incident and . . .”

  “And?”

  “And I might have gone a little overboard.”

  “How overboard?” Cass asked.
r />   “I kinda, mighta, sorta—”

  “Arby?”

  “I called out the fact that she’s an orphan.”

  “She is?”

  Eric rolled his eyes. “Am I the only one who earned their detective shield around here?”

  “Watch it,” Cass warned him, then shook her head. Her hand went to her hair, then she dropped it. “It was embarrassing. But I’m over it.”

  “It’s trending on social media,” Eric said, holding out his phone. “I guess someone took a video of it and posted it. Some kid even set it to music.”

  Cass looked at the phone. “Damn it. I’ll be back.”

  “Where you going?”

  “To clean up another of your messes.”

  Even though the door slammed shut, Eric couldn’t help but smile. One day, the world would realize his genius.

  ********

  14 May - 1:35 pm

  1st Precinct Detention Facility, Sub-basement 2, District of Axis Mundi

  Orphan. That son of a bitch. How did he piece it together?

  Jessie mentally kicked herself. She’d been so careful. Why did she mention the church? So stupid. They won’t take her seriously. They’ll pity her. They’ll—

  “Hey DeLeon,” Cross called out from down the hall.

  “What?”

  The taller woman was leaning against the wall. Her arms were crossed and one foot was up against the wall. “You ever hear the one about the little boy who finds a lamp on the beach?”

  “What?”

  “So, this kid is out digging for treasure on a beach and he finds a lamp. Kid picks it up, rubs it and poof, out pops a genie. Genie says ‘You have freed me from my lamp. I will grant you any wish you desire.’ The kid thinks about it and says ‘I wanna be just like Batman!’ Genie nods his head and says, ‘Your wish is my command’, and kills the kid’s parents.”

  “God . . . damn, Cross.”

  “What, too soon?” Cross asked with a wink.

  “You think that’s funny?” Jessie asked.

  “A little?”

  “Fuck you, you bald bitch.”

  Cross pushed herself off the wall and stepped up into Jessie’s face. “Say that again.”