Black Knight (Royal Elite Book 4)

by Rina Kent

  No good person would enjoy that. I’m not even close to Silver anymore and even I didn’t like seeing her that way.

  He’s her stepbrother. He’s supposed to care more, not take pleasure in it.

  “He can’t stop watching. It’s an impulse. He used to control it better in the past, but the alcohol is screwing up his judgement,” he continues in his neutral tone. “Xander, I mean.”

  “Is his drinking issue bad?”

  “Bad? He’s becoming an alcoholic.”

  I swallow, my fingers shaking around the bottle. “Maybe it’s better he leaves then.”

  “Better?” Cole’s eyes light up as if he’s a dog who found a bone. “So that means you’ve thought of another option to the situation.”

  “Y-you know?”

  He nods. “So does Aiden.”

  Oh. That must be why Aiden said he might have information that explains Xander’s hatred. It was around the time he started getting involved with Elsa, but he never told me anything.

  “Since when?” I ask Cole. “Why the hell did he tell you but not me?”

  “He didn’t tell me. I connected the dots myself. He did tell Aiden, though, when he was drunk and vomiting his gut. He was complaining about how close you got to Knox after he beat him up.”

  “Xander did that?” I release the bottle and it falls on the counter with a thud.

  Knox, Teal’s twin, had come to school with his face beaten up and Elsa was dead sure Aiden had done it because he was jealous of him. I never imagined it was Xander. Although I should’ve suspected it since he snarled in my face to stay the fuck away from ‘the new boy’.

  I would’ve laughed if it were under different circumstances.

  But all of that doesn’t matter now.

  It’s done, finished, over.

  “About that second option,” Cole repeats. “What did you have in mind?”

  “N-nothing.” I swallow. “How can there be a second option in our situation?”

  “I see.” He appears thoughtful for a bit. “But before you close all doors, remember, the impossible is nothing if you decide it isn’t.”

  He reaches the threshold, then glances over his shoulder. “Oh, and he leaves tomorrow.”

  27

  Kimberly

  Sometime later, everyone goes home.

  Elsa wanted to stay the night, but she’s spent a lot of time with me lately and I can tell Aiden isn’t amused, so I sent her home, saying I need time with Kir.

  And I do.

  We talk for what seems like hours and he tells me all about the new letters he received and that he might consider replying to one of them.

  My baby brother will grow to become a heartbreaker.

  He falls asleep as soon as I lie beside him, after making me promise him I’ll never leave him for long again.

  I make that promise, and unlike the other time, I have a strong belief that I’ll keep it.

  After I tuck him in and kiss his cheeks and forehead, I untangle his small arm from around my waist and leave his room.

  As if on autopilot, I find myself down the stairs and standing in front of the huge window that overlooks the Knights’ mansion.

  Cole was right, it’s an impulsion and can’t be stopped.

  My fingers trail to my scar, feeling over the bandage. Why do I feel like ripped tendons aren’t as bad as the pain creeping under my skin?

  It’s slow and almost invisible, but it’ll surely break my heart.

  I’m holding my breath for the moment, hoping against hope it won’t ruin me again once and for all.

  “Here you are, Angel.”

  I smile at Dad as he passes me a mug of Lady Grey tea, then takes a sip of his, its bergamot scent filling the air in no time. Dad is a sucker for tea, British through and through.

  For a minute, we just stand there sipping our tea and watching the house opposite us.

  “Xander said something that night, didn’t he?” Dad asks.

  I pause mid-sip, gulping the liquid as if it’s poison. “How do you know?”

  “You were showing signs of improvement before he came in. Besides, you haven’t stopped watching his house since we got here.”

  I glance at Dad, unable to understand how he knows so much about me, even though he’s not my real dad.

  No – he’s not my biological dad.

  Calvin Reed is my real father and the only father I’ll ever have.

  That’s why I don’t want to hurt him by revealing Jeanine’s affair, or worse, disclosing I’m not his biological daughter. He’s probably keeping up with my mess because he’s my father. Once he figures out he’s not and we share no familial ties, he’ll throw me away.

  My chest squeezes at the thought and I take a large gulp of the tea in a helpless try to hide it.

  I’d rather suffer in silence than lose my dad.

  “You’re hiding again, Angel. Didn’t we agree you’d tell me everything?”

  I keep my mouth on the cup, not wanting to meet his eyes. I’m hiding so I don’t lose you.

  Lewis is okay, I guess, but he’s not my dad. He’s not the one who has been taking care of me since I was a baby.

  I’m not his Angel.

  “Hold on.” He pauses, watching me intently. “Did Xander mention any familial ties by any chance?”

  I cough on the tea, some droplets splattering on my hands. Dad pats my back, telling me to take it easy.

  “How…” I breathe, then clear my throat. “How do you know?”

  “I always have.” His brow furrows. “I’m only surprised Xander does. Did he say how or when he figured it out?”

  There’s no way I can keep it inside anymore. I tell him everything about that incident seven years ago and what Xander overheard from Mum and Lewis’s conversation.

  “Why did she do that, Dad?” My voice is brittle. “Why did she do that to you and me? How can she make Xan my brother? I don’t want him to be my brother. Please tell me he somehow heard it wrong.”

  “Unfortunately, it’s all true.” Dad leads me to the sofa and takes the cup from my hand to place it on the table. “You are indeed Lewis’s biological daughter.”

  The tears I’ve been holding in since the hospital flow down my cheeks and my chin and soak the hem of my T-shirt.

  “Don’t cry, Angel. It breaks my heart when you do.” He plucks tissues and wipes under my eyes.

  “How can you care for me this much when you know I’m not your daughter?”

  “The moment I saw your beautiful eyes, I decided you were my daughter. I didn’t care what the world says. DNA doesn’t make a family, Angel. Jeanine is a prime example of that.”

  It takes everything in me not to throw myself at him in a hug and ruin his cardigan sweater. “You’re the only dad for me, too.”

  He clears his throat. “Lewis isn’t bad either.”

  “How can you defend him? Mum had an affair with him.”

  “Jeanine lied to him, giving proof that Samantha and I had an affair first.”

  My lips part. “S-Samantha Knight?”

  He nods. “We had a fling before our marriages, but that’s all it was, a fling. It ended before our respective marriages and each of us went on different roads. We became neighbours, but Samantha and I remained platonic. Jeanine made Lewis believe it was a long affair and demanded revenge. They had their own affair, but it only lasted until she discovered she was pregnant with Lewis’s child. After he found out the facts from me, their affair came to an end.”

  I squirm in my seat, but I manage to ask, “So everyone knows I’m Lewis’s biological daughter? Aunt Samantha included?”

  “Yes.”

  How could she be so kind to me, knowing I’m her husband’s daughter out of an affair?

  “Everyone also knows Lewis isn’t Xander’s biological father.”

  If my jaw could hit the ground, it would. “T-then who is?”

  “I am.” He smiles a little. “He’s the result of that fling with Samantha. Lew
is knew about it from the beginning and we made the decision that he and Samantha would raise him as their son. Just like we made the decision that Jeanine and I would raise you as ours.”

  My head spins with the amount of information shot in my direction at one go.

  Xan is Dad’s son.

  I’m Lewis’s daughter.

  But we’ve switched fathers. It makes my head hurt.

  “Then whose son is Kir?”

  He smiles. “Mine and Jeanine’s. There’s nothing in there.”

  Oh, okay.

  “I know this is too much to take, Angel, and I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I don’t want you to kill your happiness because of adults’ mistakes.” He pats my hand. “You live in the present, okay?”

  I’m an adult, too, and I’ve already made a lot of mistakes.

  Most of all, hiding and allowing the fog to swallow me whole.

  “So…” I gulp, the question burning at the back of my throat. “So this means Xander isn’t my brother?”

  “Not at all.”

  I smile as I give Dad the hug I’ve been meaning to. “I love you so much, Dad.”

  Xander isn’t my brother.

  Not at all.

  28

  Xander

  “I’m here if you want to talk.”

  I stare at my room’s door after Dad leaves. I might need some sort of alcohol for my ears because I think the almighty Lewis Knight just offered to listen.

  It’s already weird as fuck he didn’t tell me to get my shit together, but to go as far as being an actual parent?

  Who knew that concept existed in his vocabulary?

  Dad is the last one on my mind, though. After our decision – or rather, his – the only thing I keep craving is a look at her, or even a peek would do.

  I can be fucking selfish and ask for a touch, but that would be torture in the long run and I’ve been tortured enough through the years.

  Apparently not enough, fucker, because you’re still thinking about it.

  Shut up, brain.

  I stand in front of my balcony, in the middle of my last spying session. However, the Reeds’ house is dark and silent, which means they’re probably asleep.

  My fucker friends left earlier and Ronan made sure to wave at me from down there, ensuring I saw him.

  Wanker.

  The bright side, she was smiling and appeared happy, considering the way her eyes brightened and her shoulders didn’t droop.

  I meant what I said in the hospital, she’s strong and will get through this. She’ll stand tall and embrace her scars and blemishes and everything in between. Kim has an unyielding spirit and while it broke, it can be mended now that Calvin and Elsa know.

  It might take time, but she’ll be fine.

  I’m the one who won’t.

  I’m the one who’ll stay up every night thinking about her, then curse myself for thinking about her.

  It’ll be an endless, vicious cycle I’ll have neither the power nor the will to stop.

  Maybe I should go confess or something. Or is my sin too big for that? I don’t want the priest to drown me in holy water or chase me with a bat.

  There’s another simple solution that’s hiding in my drawer in the form of a bottle. Dad banished all the liquor from the house and told Ahmed to donate them. The joke’s on them. I always have a hidden bottle somewhere.

  If I’m going to quit, I might as well go out with a hurrah. Being sober for days sucks. The itch is like an urge that consumes me from the inside out. It won’t leave me until that burn tickles my throat.

  The door opens and I sigh. Of course, Dad would return to ruin my fun. I understand the sudden hit with parenthood, but come on, we need a break from each other.

  I need a break from hating my father because he’s her father.

  I need a break from thinking he ruined my life.

  I need a break from him. Full stop.

  “I’m not interested in talks, Dad. Leave me the fuck alone.”

  I expect him to reprimand me for ‘language’ in his stern politician voice, but there’s no answer.

  Maybe he got the memo this time.

  Small arms wrap around my waist from behind. “I’m not leaving you alone anymore.”

  What the…? Am I getting drunk without alcohol now?

  Either that or I’m going crazy, because nothing explains the soft hands resting on my stomach or the voice that should only visit in my dreams.

  And my hell once I’m dead.

  Because I have no doubt I’m going straight there. Do I regret it? For her, yes. For me, not at all.

  I kind of made peace with my demons after long years of struggle, and they’re against the holy water idea.

  My demons spill out to invade my space and whisper those thoughts that, while sinful, feel so fucking right.

  One last time.

  One last touch.

  One last push into madness.

  What do you have to lose?

  It could be the demons or my demented mind, but I remain still, soaking in her warmth that’s creeping into me and filling me with a weird sense of comfort.

  It’s when she tightens her arms around my waist that I realise it’s neither because of the alcohol or a dream, like the other time.

  Kim is here and she’s hugging me.

  I grab her hand and attempt to yank it. While a part of me wants her to stay there forever, this will only fill her with regrets later.

  A moment of weakness will rule her life and before she knows it, all her actions will be eating away at her soul like cancer.

  That’s how I felt after the kiss and the oral sex. I felt so much guilt towards her, it drew a hole in my chest and I had to fill it with bottles and bottles of alcohol.

  Spoiler alert, it never worked.

  She doesn’t release me, her clutch turning hard and unyielding while her chest presses against my back.

  Fuck me.

  “Let me go, Kim.” My voice is thick, wrong.

  She shakes her head against my T-shirt.

  “Let me the fuck go,” I snap for her sake, not mine.

  She has to stay the fuck away from me because I’m this close from ruining us both for life.

  When she doesn’t comply, I grab her arms and shove her away. She releases me with a gasp, but she doesn’t leave.

  We’re both breathing harshly as we stand across from one another. She, because she probably took the stairs running – like when she was excited as a kid. Me, because of all the black thoughts swirling in my mind. Thoughts about hugging her again, kissing her, and being a sinful fucker fit for hell and all its friends.

  “Why are you here?” I speak in my cruel tone, the one I’ve always used to push her away.

  This is how I pretend her presence doesn’t tilt my world and refuses to let it snap back to normal balance.

  “Because of you.” She smiles, her eyes sparkling as if she’s reading one of her books.

  “Didn’t you hear a word I said at the hospital? You’re my sister, Kim.”

  The more I say that word, the harder I dig in that blade from seven years ago. It’s becoming rusty and it hurts like a fucking bitch whenever twisted.

  She lifts her chin. “I’m not.”

  “Just because you want it to be that way doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re not a kid anymore. Grow the fuck up.”

  “Screw you, okay?”

  That’ll be impossible. Or possible if she doesn’t get the fuck out of here, now.

  “Didn’t know you had incest as a kink, Kim.” I grin.

  “Apparently, you do. You always thought about it, didn’t you, Xan?”

  My jaw tightens, but I remain silent.

  “I’m not judging you.” She sighs. “I probably would’ve been the same.”

  “Well, I’m judging you, so get the fuck out of here.”

  “So you can leave and never return?” She stares up at me with those huge, gut-stabbing eyes.

  T
hose eyes will be the reason for my free fall to hell. I see it, feel it, can almost fucking taste it.

  “Yes,” I mutter.

  “You know, even if we were siblings, I would rather have you close than not here at all.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you think I can stay here after all that’s happened?”

  “I hope so.”

  “What?”

  “Listen to me first, okay? Dad told me everything.”

  I pause. “What do you mean?”

  “We’re not siblings, not biologically, at least.”

  Then she goes on to tell me what Calvin said about his relationship with my mum and how Dad and Janine retaliated.

  The entire time, I listen to her, but I’m not even sure if the words are reaching me right.

  The fact that Calvin is my biological father.

  The fact that Dad willingly chose to be my father.

  The fact that Mum wasn’t a saint as I tried to convince myself.

  But most of all, one fact remains with me through the whole retelling.

  One fact revives my heart and allows it to beat.

  After Kim finishes talking, she stares up at me with that spark in her eyes, the hope and excitement I thought I killed once upon a time, but they still find their way back to her life.

  This time, I have no intention of murdering it. If anything, I’ll protect it, thrive on it.

  “So?” she asks.

  “So what?”

  She grabs my arm. “You have nothing to say?”

  I smile at her impatience. Some things never change. “Like what?”

  “Xan!” she snaps.

  My palm finds her cheek, and my thumb strokes the puffiness under her eye. This means she was crying before coming here.

  Once again, I made her cry.

  She leans into my touch like a kitten and sighs.

  Kim and I are the same in so many ways. We’re both broken, flawed, and have unsatiated hunger.