by Rina Kent
Hope is a dangerous thing; it makes you believe in things that might never exist.
I believed in Samantha Knight, and that hope is now dimming to nothing at the first conversation.
She’s not here to save me.
“Why are you here, Samantha?”
“I’m your mum and you’ll address me as such.”
“Nope. You kind of, sort of, stopped being my mum the moment you abandoned me in the streets while I was crying and calling your name.”
She stands up and I expect her to come at me or something, to try to prove her biological status, but she heads straight to the drinking cabinet Lewis always keeps at the corner of the room. She curses when she finds nothing, her fingers shaking.
“Remember that drinking problem I have?” I tilt my head to the side. “Dad banned alcohol from the house because of it.”
“He’s such an expert at throwing away good liquor.” She rubs her neck and her fingers tremble.
I reach into the side cupboard and retrieve a small bottle I keep there, then throw it her way. “I see where I got that problem from.”
She clutches the bottle and opens it with over-eager fingers. “Vodka, seriously? Don’t you have any wine?”
“Everyone picks his poison of choice, I guess.”
“Whatever.” The moment I see her gulping the liquid like she’s been in a desert, a sense of disgust hits me.
It’s so hard, I physically clutch the counter for balance.
I look like that. Just like her.
Now that I think about it, she always walked around with a cup of wine in her hand. She even mixed it with my redberry juice once, and that was my first sip of alcohol. I finished it all and was acting weird. That’s how Dad found out about it and they had a huge fight.
Then he took me to the doctor and I might have had my stomach cleaned.
Maybe that’s why Dad has been an extra dick about the drinking since the beginning of this year.
“Are you even sorry?” I ask.
She wipes the side of her mouth, but doesn’t give back the small bottle. “Sorry? For what?”
The fact she’s asking is enough to say she’s not, but I speak anyway, “That you left your only son behind with a man who isn’t even his biological father.”
“You know,” she murmurs.
“Yup, kind of figured about all the cross-breeding.”
“Just so you know, I don’t appreciate sarcasm.”
“Just so you know, I don’t fucking care.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t leave you with a stranger. Lewis considered you his son from the very get-go. Besides, he and Calvin came to an understanding a long time ago to supervise on their biological children from afar. Why do you think Calvin picked you up sometimes and Lewis picked Kim up at others? Or when the four of you had fathers’ days out in the park and all that rubbish? They had it all planned.”
I figured Dad and Calvin were exchanging information behind the scenes, but I never thought they were this much in tune about how everything was playing out.
“Did the arrangement bother you?” I ask. “Is that it?”
“I didn’t care.”
“Of course you didn’t. That’s why you left.”
She says nothing, and her silence is more painful than her words. I thought I was immune to pain about now. Turns out, I was fucking wrong.
“And why did you come back?”
She sits on the sofa again and takes another drink of my vodka, more gracefully this time since she doesn’t have an itch to satiate.
“Whatever happens, you’re my son, Xander.”
“Bullshit.”
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me.”
“Listen here, Xan, as your mother, I demand respect.”
“Bullshit,” a stronger male voice says from behind me.
Dad.
That was faster than I thought. He probably was in Silver’s father’s house nearby.
He places his briefcase on the table and strides inside to stand beside me. “You heard him.”
“Lewis.” She smiles. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I told you not to ever come here.”
“Wait.” I stare between them. “You meet? Are you like tea parties’ mates? I thought she was in fucking Brazil or something.”
“Can you leave us alone?” Samantha’s hand trembles around the bottle’s lid.
“Fuck no,” I say.
“Just go.” Lewis motions behind him.
“I can’t believe this.” I stare at her. “You’re here for him, not me?”
She taps the lid of the bottle, keeps her posture, but says nothing.
I scoff as I exit the room, but not the scene. I hide behind the corner and do something I used to when I was a kid – eavesdrop on my parents’ fights, hoping they’d end soon.
When they didn’t, I went to Kim because she was the only one who weaned down the chaos. She still is.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Samantha?” Lewis yanks on his tie.
“You’re not answering my calls.”
“That’s because I don’t want to. Take a hint.”
“You don’t get to ignore me, Lewis.”
“Watch me.” He stands by the table, towering over her. “I told you last year that would be the last fucking time you’re getting money from me.”
“Mike’s business went bankrupt again. We need help.”
“You won’t be getting it from me. Last I checked, I’m not your husband’s sponsor.”
Wait a fucking second. She remarried and Lewis has been giving her money all this time?
What in the actual fuck?
“You better well be.” She stands up, clutching the bottle in a death grip. “Otherwise, the press will know about your illegitimate daughter. How do you think your campaign will go, huh? The mighty politician Lewis Knight has an illegitimate daughter and is raising another bastard child as his own. I can see it as the headlines. And remember, I have the DNA tests to prove it.”
“You thought I was giving you the money because I’m scared of you? What a mess have you become to think that way? I only funded your loser husband’s companies because you’re the woman who gave birth to my son and I don’t want to see you hit rock bottom, but if you threaten my children in any way, I’ll bury you and Michael so deep, no one will be able to find you.”
“We’ll see who’ll be able to bury the other one first.” Her face reddens. “Either I find the money in my bank account or you can kiss your peaceful children’s lives goodbye.”
She heads to the door.
“Samantha,” he calls after her.
When she turns around, a hopeful expression covers her features. “Changed your mind?”
“Don’t you ever show your fucking face here again. Keep your alcoholic influence away from my son.”
The door closes behind Samantha with a loud clink. Lewis breathes harshly and runs a hand through his hair as he sits down and retrieves his phone.
He places a call to Sebastian Queens to tell him he won’t be making it to the rest of the meeting, then to his secretary to let her know there could be changes to the plan, and finally to Calvin to inform him about Samantha’s visit.
As soon as he finishes that call, I come out of my hiding spot, placing both hands in my jeans’ pocket. “Why didn’t you tell me she’d remarried? Why did you tell me she was in Brazil?”
He lets the phone drop beside him and stares at me. “I should’ve known you’d eavesdrop. I’d prefer it if you’d never heard that.”
“You mean the part about my mum being a gold digger?”
“That part, too.”
“What else did you hide from me? Because hiding things seems to be your modus operandi around me.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” My voice rises. “This is my life; I have the right to know what’s happening in it. I’m not a kid anymore and you do
n’t get to make the decisions on my behalf.”
“Fine.” He sighs. “Samantha had an affair with her current husband for the last year of our marriage. I asked her to stay for your sake, but she didn’t want to. She said this life wasn’t as she expected it to be and it was suffocating her. She hated being a mom and this whole lifestyle. She also became neglectful of you and your safety. When she decided to leave, I didn’t stop her.”
My fist curls in my pocket. “Why haven’t you told me any of that? Why did you let me hate you all these years?”
“For that exact same reason. You already blamed me, so I didn’t want you to hate your other parent, too.”
“Well, don’t expect any applause, Dad.” I turn to leave.
“Xander.” His stern voice stops me in my tracks.
“What?”
“You said you’re not a kid. So don’t act like one.”
I face him fully. “What do you mean?”
“The drinking needs to stop. Don’t make me use force, because I’ll do it.”
I release a long breath. “How about you think about a solution to her threat? If this goes to the press, it’ll fuck Kim up. People will start thinking of us as siblings and that’s off the table.”
“How about you?”
“What about me?”
“You said it’ll screw Kim’s life, but it’ll also screw yours.”
I lift a shoulder. “I can manage.”
“It’s okay if you can’t. You have me for that.”
“I don’t need you,” I mutter.
“I know. I’m just putting it out there in case you do.” He rises to his feet and places a hand on my shoulder. “You are my son, no matter what DNA tests say.”
I wiggle him away. “Sappy doesn’t suit you.”
“I figured as much.” He chuckles, the sound rare and I know it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Lewis Knight doesn’t laugh, at least not genuinely. He doesn’t stand there and offer his hand without expecting something in return.
For the first time in forever, I stare at him through a different lens.
He’s my dad.
While I respect Calvin, Lewis is my dad.
All biological ties be damned.
With that thought, I ask him something I would never ask of other people.
Kim is right, I’m too proud to ask for things. Help, for instance, or a brake to put on my life that’s spiralling out of control.
“Can you stop her?”
“I’ll do everything in my might,” he tells me.
“What if you can’t?”
“Worst-case scenario, we all have to leave the country.”
“Calvin, too?”
“Especially Calvin. He works for the diplomatic circuit and that’s even more scrutinised than politics. No scandals are allowed.”
“Shit.”
“I know, but we have to think about the worst-case scenario. I can always give her money, but she will never stop. Besides, I won’t deal with someone who threatens you.”
“Thanks…I guess.”
“No sarcasm this time?” He smiles.
“Don’t get used to it.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I need you to focus on you now. Think about that program.”
“Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed, young man. This situation will not go on.”
And the dick Lewis is back. Good to see you again, Dad.
“Kim is worried about you,” he says.
I lift a brow. “Since when are you and Kim pen pals?”
“I told her the other day to tell me if she needs anything. I found her pacing in front of her house earlier and once she saw me, she ran to me and said these exact words, ‘You said to tell you if I need anything, and I do. Whatever you have to give me, give it to Xan. He needs help as much as I do; he’s just too proud to admit it. So don’t give up on him. One day he’ll look back and thank you for it and I will, too.’”
35
Kimberly
I can’t stay still.
Ever since Samantha showed up, I’ve been pacing the length of my room, back and forth like a trapped animal.
After I talked to Lewis, I spent time with Kirian and Dad. We played Scrabble, then we put my baby brother to bed. Now, I’m in my room, feeling out of sorts.
Dad just told me about what Samantha is threatening, and I might have died inside a little.
Yes, the threat of the press and being known as Xan’s sister is crippling, and the thought of media attention makes me shake, but that’s not the reason I’ve been on the verge of crying.
It’s Xander.
It’s the boy who was running after that red car when he was so small. It’s the image of his crying face and the sound of his screams as he begged Samantha to stay, right before he tripped and fell.
That image has never left my mind. It was pain in its truest form, raw and deep.
The fact that the same woman has returned to inflict a different type of pain on him makes me want to punch her in the face.
She disappeared for twelve years just so she could come back and ruin his life.
Our lives.
I retrieve my phone and check my messages. Nothing from him, so I type.
Kimberly: Are you there?
No answer.
Kimberly: You know I’m here for you. I’ll never leave, just like I promised.
Still nothing.
The thought that he’s out drinking or fighting freaks me out.
I tuck the phone into the pocket of my pyjamas and head to the kitchen for some Lady Grey tea – Dad may have made me a fan lately.
On my way downstairs, I text Ronan.
Kimberly: Did Xander come by?
Ronan: Who’s that? Oh, the traitor. If he shows up, he’ll be slaughtered.
Ronan: Want to come to my party of one?
Ronan: Or two if you count the weed.
I shake my head, then text Elsa.
Kimberly: Did Xander get in touch with Aiden?
Elsa: No. Is everything okay?
Kimberly: It’s fine. I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Elsa: This is Aiden, make it after tomorrow. Or better yet, next week.
I consider texting Cole, but I don’t dare to after what he witnessed the other week.
“It’s final, Jeanine. I’ve made my decision.”
Dad’s voice stops me in my tracks at the entrance to the kitchen. He’s at the table, talking to Mum with his usual cool tone.
Her head snaps in my direction as if she senses me. I freeze in place, and even my phone remains in my hand. I’m acting like a criminal who’s been caught stealing.
“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Mum snarls, pointing an accusatory finger in my direction.
“No, it’s because of you. You’re not fit to be the mother of my children. This is long overdue.”
“I can’t believe you’re divorcing me because the brat cut her wrist.” She glares at me.
There’s that need to melt into the wall or to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself in it.
Since I was a kid, the moment Mum has looked at me like that, I’ve been reduced to nothing.
“Shut your mouth,” Dad scolds her. “I won’t allow you to speak to her in that manner.”
“I’ll speak to her however I please. I’m the one who gave birth to her, yet she hasn’t done anything to reward me for that sacrifice.” She shakes her head, staring me down. “I should’ve got rid of you when I could.”
“Jeanine, if you don’t shut up right now –”
“Maybe you should’ve,” I speak over Dad with a calm tone. “That way, I would’ve never had the misfortune of being your daughter.”
“What did you just say to me?”
“You were never a mother.” Now that I’ve started talking, I can’t stop. The words tumble from my mouth like a prayer. “You made me feel so insignificant and small that the thought of finishing my life became the first thing I’d wake up to and the last
thing I’d sleep on. You made me believe I was a mistake, a disgrace, a disappointment, but I’m not. You are. You love yourself too much to care about any other human being. Your narcissistic type shouldn’t have been allowed to give birth to children. DNA doesn’t make you a mother, it makes you a vessel.”
She barges towards me, raising her hand. I stand my ground, glaring back at her.
Now that I’ve told her what’s on my mind, there’s no way she’ll be able to bring me down. Once upon a time, I used to slave for crumbs of her attention and approval, but now, I realise I was emotionally abused by this woman.
Physical abuse is nothing compared to the scars she’s left in my soul, scars it will take me a long time to heal.
But I’ll get there. I’ll build back my life, and she won’t be a part of it.
“Touch her and I’ll burn your studio down,” Dad speaks in a non-negotiable tone.
She stops right in front of my face. Of course, the threat to her precious art, the translation of her ego, would stop Mum. No, it’s Jeanine. She was never a mother to me.
Her nostrils flare as she glares down at me. For the first time in my life, I don’t bow my head down and leave. There’s no need to cry or to hide. My bloodstream is filled with adrenaline as I meet her stare with mine.
Dad comes to my side and holds me by the shoulder. “I expect you to leave the house immediately.”
“What? You can’t do that, my paintings and supplies –”
“Everything will be packed and sent to you tomorrow. You’re not allowed to spend another minute under the same roof as my daughter.”
“You don’t understand,” she hisses. “I have an exhibition. My family is expected to be there.”
“Your exhibition is none of our business.” He motions at the door. “Now, get out of my house.”
I should feel bad, a tinge of something, but she killed that part of me a long time ago.
Now, there’s a new me, and it’s no thanks to her.
36
Kimberly
I spend the next hour tossing and turning in bed and checking my phone like an obsessed freak.
Xander never responds to my texts.