Best I've Ever Had

by Abbi Glines

  I was intrigued and maybe a little nosey. If Eli didn’t look so uncomfortable, I’d let this go on so I could figure out who Hendrix was and what he’d said to Eli. Right now, I was on a rescue mission even if I didn’t want to be.

  “Eli, can you take me on that walk now?” I asked him and all four pairs of eyes swung to me. I ignored them all but Eli’s of course. I smiled sweetly at him. “You did promise,” I added.

  Nate didn’t like me getting involved. I could tell without looking at my brother. He could get over it.

  “Yeah,” Eli replied, and he nodded his head for me to start walking and he’d follow.

  I managed a bright smile that was so fake it was ridiculous to the other three standing there then turned on my heels and made my way to the French doors overlooking the gulf. Before I reached the exit, Eli moved in front of me and opened a door then stood back so I could go outside. There was the guy I remembered. The gentleman everyone loved. But as quickly as he appeared with the opening of the door, it was gone. No smile. No thank you for the rescue. Not even silent eye contact.

  I slid off my heels and left them at the top of the stairs then headed down toward the sand below barefoot. The breeze was warm, so my arms weren’t chilled. Summer wasn’t officially here until the solstice, but in South Alabama, it had most definitely arrived.

  The moon was full and walking beside Eli in the silence felt nice. There was no need to talk if he didn’t want to. We’d done that already. I hadn’t gotten him out here to talk anyway. I was tired of talking today. I’d done more than I usually did. Besides, Eli had little to say. No need to force him to speak.

  The house was just a light in the distance when he finally spoke.

  “Why did you do that?” he asked.

  I lifted a shoulder to give a half shrug. Still no thank you. Not even the sound of gratitude. “You looked like you needed an escape.”

  “I did,” he agreed.

  “I was headed upstairs to escape myself. But I couldn’t ignore my hero mentality and let a poor guy get eaten alive by angry females.”

  “Hmmm,” was his only response. What did that mean? And why did it have to sound so raspy and sexy? I should be annoyed by his lack of response. Not turned on by a deep husky rumble.

  Back off Ophelia. Don’t go there. You already discussed this with yourself. He is off limits. Girl code unscripted or some shit.

  “I owe you one.” His voice and words surprising me. That was as close to a thank you I was going to get, but I’d take it. Besides if he was gushing over me and appreciative would I be as attracted to him? I knew that answer and I was going to pretend I didn’t. It made me sound shallow. I hated shallow. Needing to get out of my own head, I decided I’d do the small talk thing. Or attempt it with him.

  “No, I think we are even now. I owed you one,” I told him.

  I felt his gaze on me then. Meeting that gaze was a stupid idea. I did it anyway. Because tonight I was being all kinds of stupid. Even out here in the moonlight, those eyes of his were something.

  “Why did you owe me?” he asked, and I was suddenly as mesmerized by his lips as I had been his eyes. What was I doing? Snap out of this, Ophelia! I jerked my gaze off him and looked straight ahead again.

  “The wedding. You saved my sanity by sharing your whiskey. Got me through that day.” I wasn’t just saying that either. I was serious. I’d been stressed out until my little visit with Eli on the bench under the beautiful live oak tree. He’d made me smile, given me enough drink to calm my nerves, and I enjoyed his drunken company.

  “That’s all blurry. I’d had way too much of that whiskey. It was a good thing I shared some of it,” he said.

  “Do you remember our talk at all?” I asked, feeling a little deflated that it was blurry for him. Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like I had dwelled on it over the past year. Just because he was here with me in the moonlight walking down the beach with his new brooding and mysterious sex appeal . . . no big deal.

  I chanced a glance at him, and he was smirking. It wasn’t a smile. The smirk didn’t even crinkle his eyes. No real amusement in its appearance. More like he remembered it but it held no importance to him and he seemed to understand I wanted it to. If that even made sense.

  “The way you smell. I remembered that. It’s the same.”

  Not the response I was expecting. I needed him to elaborate on that. Did I smell bad? Did he like it? Did he think about it often? Come on Eli . . . I’m a female, I need more.

  I waited. He said nothing.

  “That’s all. My smell,” I coaxed finally.

  When I thought he wasn’t going to say more, he slowed to a stop and looked up at the moon then toward me. I’d also stopped walking. “I believe I told you that you looked hot as fuck.” He added that bit as if we were talking about the weather. He didn’t turn to see my expression or flash me a teasing grin. He seemed to be thinking of something completely different than the conversation we were having. His profile was hard, masculine, and the lack of interest pouring off him sent out a challenge I didn’t think he realized. Add that thick, deep voice and he most likely got girls naked within seconds. No, no, no . . . stop that. I was not going to think about sex with Eli. I WAS NOT. He certainly wasn’t thinking about it with me. Where was my pride, for crying out loud? I was better than this.

  “You did say that,” I replied, finally remembering his drunken words and how at the time I thought he was sweet. A word so foreign to the man in front of me now. There was nothing sweet left in him.

  “I was so fucking naïve,” he said, more thoughtful now. His eyes held a seriousness in them. A knowledge of things the old Eli didn’t possess. What had this Eli seen, done, experienced that changed him so much? His head turned toward me then. Our eyes meeting. It frightened me somewhat. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but like earlier, it seemed like he was searching for more.

  I stood there letting the waves crashing behind us be the only sound. Although the way he studied me so intently made me feel exposed. I also knew there was nothing I truly had to hide from him. Allowing him to search for whatever he seemed to want to find was hard, but I remained still. And I did some searching of my own.

  It was me who broke eye contact first. My chest ached from something I couldn’t explain and for a moment I missed the guy I’d never gotten to know. He wasn’t inside there anymore.

  “It’s probably safe to return,” Eli said. “They’ve all got to leave eventually.”

  Then he started walking back.

  I didn’t follow right away. I watched him for a few moments while I mentally scolded myself for being affected by him so much. I had one objective and that had been to rescue him from his family. I’d done that. It was over. There was no reason to long for his company when he obviously wasn’t desiring mine.

  There was a good chance I wouldn’t see Eli Hardy again for months or even years. Our paths had no real reason to cross. The thought wasn’t the relief it was meant to be. Instead, I missed him already.

  He stopped walking and glanced back at me. The darkness shadowed his face. I began to move in the direction he was toward the house. He waited until I caught up to him then fell into step beside me. No words. Nothing more.

  It was as odd as he was but also comforting. I didn’t feel like I had to say anything or that talk was expected of me. We just walked on in silence.

  MAY 25 / 10:23 AM

  Eli Hardy

  DISTANCE. I NEEDED some distance. From everyone’s fear, concern, tears, all of it. This morning wasn’t even over and yet it felt like days since we’d been in the waiting room. There were still hours left to go. At least that was what we had been told to expect.

  Getting outside of the hospital and its smell that brought back all the times I’d basically lived in one while Bliss had been there. The smell triggered memories I didn’t want to think about. The last time I’d stepped in a hospital had been the hardest moments a man could face. My soul had been rippe
d from me. I would never be the same. Yet, facing another kind of pain, I was back inside the walls of one while the sorrow from my past taunted me.

  I stepped outside the sterile building into the fresh air, I felt instant relief. It would be brief, but it was needed. Reality was still the same. My gran was still in there and we would know today how long she had to live. That wasn’t going away. But the motherfucking smell that haunted me was gone for now. I could breathe.

  “Donuts? A few even have bacon on them. I hear they’re really good.” The sound of Ophelia’s voice managed to pull me from the heaviness with an instant calming effect. I soaked that in before turning to see her standing a few feet behind me with a large bag in her hand. “I would have brought coffee too. I’m sure the coffee in there is awful, but there’s too many of y’all and only one of me.”

  I glanced at the bag in her hand before taking in her smile again. Wanting to look at her wasn’t anything I should get attached to or even dwell on. Even knowing this, I enjoyed the view anyway. She was hard not to appreciate. Even if I didn’t want to admit it, her presence soothed the reckless ache inside me.

  “Donuts with bacon?” I asked her instead of telling her that just getting to look at her was sufficient. It was all I would ever allow myself to do and even that much was dangerous. There was nothing good that would come of that. Besides, Ophelia Finlay had her own walls. I’d seen them a year ago and they were still standing. Her eyes were expressive even when she was trying to hide her thoughts. I knew she had walls just like I knew she had seen the difference in me everyone else had been confused over. But she wasn’t asking. She wasn’t pressing me with questions. She was accepting there were reasons and letting me keep my secrets.

  “I’ve not had them myself. I prefer chocolate glaze on my donuts, but this place is so popular if you don’t get in line early you don’t get the donuts. They sell out. I was in line at seven this morning and by the time I got up there, they only had three of the bacon ones left. So, if you want to try one, you need to grab it now. Before your family gets a hold of this bag,” she said, holding the bag up for me to take.

  It was a large paper bag with two sturdy handles. I quickly took it because I was sure it was heavy. Not because I wanted the bacon donut. That didn’t sound appealing even if I loved bacon. I appreciated Ophelia’s kind gesture and I knew my family would too.

  The bag was heavier than I thought. “How many donuts did you buy?” I asked.

  She sighed with the weight of the bag gone. “You’ve got a large family,” she stated the obvious. “A lot.”

  “This was nice of you. Getting in line at seven though was more generous than necessary.” I wanted to keep her out here with me. I didn’t want to go back inside. I’d keep her and the damn donuts out here with me in a bubble if I could.

  “Today’s a hard day. I know donuts don’t make it easier, but I wanted to do something.”

  Her being here was enough. At least for me. The rest of them would appreciate the donuts for sure. They probably knew about the damn popular donuts. It was nice of her. I didn’t need any other reason to like this woman.

  “Are you okay?” she asked me then and the concern in her eyes shouldn’t feel good. I was letting her get too close and I already knew the trouble that came with trusting or caring.

  “I’m good. It’s been a tough morning.” I nodded my head toward the doors. “Aunt Amanda is having the hardest time with it all. Preston has had to hold her constantly. She’s crying a lot.” I was deflecting and oddly enough she realized it. The way her eyes slightly narrowed gave it away. She studied too closely. I had to be careful with that. She may not ask questions, but she didn’t miss what was said in the silence.

  “I can’t imagine how she feels. If I was facing this with my mother, I’d be the same.” She wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better. The sincerity was as clear as her other reactions. There was no bullshit with Ophelia. The blunt honesty was so damn refreshing I was finding my need to keep her talking was growing.

  “Dad hasn’t broken down and I almost expected it when they took her back this morning. He’s not talking though. He just sits and stares straight ahead. Mom has his hand in hers and she’s beside him whispering things to him occasionally, but mostly they sit in silence. She got up once for coffee and Dad looked so damn lost without her it was too much to look at. I’ve never seen my dad scared before.” I stopped talking. Shit was just pouring out of me that I hadn’t even realized was bothering me. How was I suddenly needing to talk about it to a woman I barely knew?

  “Is that why you’re out here? To get away from it for a while?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” No. It hadn’t been why, but now I realized possibly it was a part of the reason.

  She reached for the bag in my hands. “Let me take this inside. You go find a quiet spot and recharge.”

  I didn’t hand over the heavy bag. I held it unsure if I could go back in there just yet, or if I had to make myself so she would leave. Keeping her here was not something I should entertain. The more I opened up and relaxed with her the more difficult this would become.

  “Will you come back?” I asked. My mouth completely ignoring my head. What the fuck was I doing?

  “Do you want me to?” she asked, her eyes so damn sincere. She would return to me out here. All I had to do was say I wanted her to and she was back. This would not end well. I should thank her and take the huge bag inside. Forget the way she affected me. I should but today . . . I wasn’t going to be able to.

  “Yeah, I do.” Fuck it, that was the truth. Today I could accept the fact I was weak. My emotions raw and her being here made that easier. For whatever reason it was. Possibly the voodoo I’d experienced last night.

  She smiled then. As if my blunt honest answer was exactly what she wanted to hear. “I’ll be right back. I promise,” she said then took the bag and I watched as she entered the hospital.

  When the automatic doors closed behind her, I scanned the area for somewhere to go. Standing at the entrance wasn’t far enough away and anyone who came by to check on things would see me. I’d have to talk to them. They wouldn’t be Ophelia and therefore I wouldn’t be interested in speaking.

  I wasn’t going to think too hard about why I wanted Ophelia close. Just her company. I’d given up overthinking shit this past year. I just went with it. Lived life and knew regret would always be there. Just as I knew I wouldn’t change the past even if I could. My actions would have still been the same outcome. Except I’d have seen my gran this past year. That I would change. I regretted missing out on Christmas at her house. What if it had been the last year she was alive for the holidays and I’d missed it? Even though I would want to go back and be here that would have been impossible too. Because the events that had happened during that time had brought me to my lowest point. I’d been unable to see anyone then. I didn’t even remember Christmas Day. Darkness slowly came with the sorrow attached to those days. I’d worked hard to find my balance again.

  I slammed a fist into the trunk of a tree three times until the skin broke on my knuckles and I saw the blood. Didn’t fix shit and the small sting of pain wasn’t enough. Regret wasn’t something you could control. One small detail Grate O’Neill hadn’t told me. But then Grate had lived a much different life than mine. Maybe regret wasn’t an issue for him at all.

  The day I’d walked into his shop to get my first tattoo I’d been so damn naïve he’d taken pity on me. Taught me things. Shown me a world I hadn’t lived before. Without Grate, I wondered if I would have come through any of the things that followed. Grate hadn’t been through the pain I had been trying to fight through, but his had been just as intense and it had been longer. He’d lived a life so very different than mine.

  “You’re bleeding.” Ophelia’s voice brought me back to the here and now. I glanced down at my hand before I looked at her. She was already taking a seat on the grass beside me. I felt bad about not sitting a few feet over on the woode
n bench, but she seemed fine with joining me on the grass.

  “Yeah, I had a moment,” I said with no more explanation.

  Ophelia opened her purse and pulled out a tissue then handed it to me. “Clean it up some with this,” she said then continued to dig. I watched her as I absently wiped away the blood. The tissue wasn’t going to do much, but I wasn’t going to be rude and point it out.

  Then she lifted a small pink animal print container from her purse and opened it. I watched as she began taking out first aid items.

  “You carry around antiseptic wipes and bandages in your purse?” I asked amused.

  She was busy opening one of the small square antiseptic wipes, but she lifted her gaze to me. “Are you mocking me?” she asked.

  I shook my head, and in that moment, I felt like grinning. It was so fucking foreign to me now it startled me. I noticed she was fighting back her own smile. It was cute. Ophelia Finlay may look like an angel, but her reputation wasn’t that spotless. She had a badass quality that made being near her easier. I knew my demons and although she didn’t ever need to know them, I felt like she was tough enough to venture close and not get burned. The first aid kit in her purse did not fit how I thought of her.

  “My mom still stuffs our stockings at Christmas,” she said as she went back to work now cleaning my knuckles herself with the wipe. The alcohol burned like a son of a bitch, but I didn’t flinch. “She gave all the girls one of these this year.” Ophelia shrugged then opened a bandage. “I tossed it in my purse and so far this is the second time it’s come in handy.”

  Not wanting her to stop talking I asked, “When was the other time?”

  She finished with me then closed her little kit. “I cut my arm climbing over something.”

  The way her cheeks turned slightly pink made me even more curious. “What?”

  She tossed the container back into the small white purse then put her hands in her lap and sat with her back straight before meeting my gaze. “A fence.”