Guilty Hearts

by Jade Winters

  After what seemed an age for Rachel’s aching feet, the two returned to the courtyard.

  “That was fantastic, I don’t know why we don’t have something like that in London,” Kathryn gushed.

  “I know, I loved the paintings, some of them were absolutely amazing.”

  “What would you like to do now?” Kathryn said, then glancing at Rachel’s feet continued, “I think we’d better get you back to the hotel and you can give your feet a good soak.”

  “That sounds great. I think I’ve done all the walking I can for one day.”

  “Okay, let’s go and find the car. I’ll give Aran a call and see where he is.”

  Spotting a seat opposite them, Rachel said, “Would you mind if I wait here while you go and find him?”

  “No of course not. Will you be alright?”

  “Yes, I’ll be fine,” Rachel said, sitting on the chair and letting out a sigh of relief.

  Kathryn laughed. “Okay, I shouldn’t be too long.”

  Rachel watched as Kathryn disappeared out of view. “I think I will be just a little bit unconventional,” she said, slipping her feet out of her shoes. She then stood up and walked back into the gallery.

  CHAPTER 18

  As darkness fell over the vibrant city, Kathryn sat on the sofa by the window in Rachel’s hotel room, a large glass of white wine in her hand.

  She hadn’t felt this relaxed in a long time. Every holiday she had been on with Gareth had been a strained one. She would want to go and explore nature, he would want to sit under a shade by the pool reading one of the many books he had taken with him. The evenings would be spent watching the international news channels. Not once had they spent any time together just relaxing like she had with Rachel.

  Bringing the glass up to her lips, she watched as Rachel sat sprawled on the sofa — so comfortable in her own skin. It was one of the determining features that she felt so attracted by.

  “I’m so relieved the tree house is sorted,” Kathryn said, stretching her legs out in front of her.

  “I bet you are, and it’s nice it hasn’t been all work since we got here. Work isn’t everything, Kathryn. If you can’t enjoy the benefits, what’s the point of it all?”

  “I know,” Kathryn said, sighing. “Anyway, slight change of subject, what shall we do about dinner?”

  “We could eat at the hotel tonight.”

  “Would you mind? I mean, I thought you might want to go out somewhere in town?”

  “Of course not.”

  Kathryn was so relieved. If she was honest, she just didn’t want anyone invading their time together — what little time they had left she wanted them to spend it alone. She didn’t know when they’d have another opportunity once they returned to London. “Do you want to eat at the restaurant or room service?”

  “Definitely room service,” Rachel said, leaning over the chair to pick the menu up from the desk. “There’s a good selection to choose from,” she said, handing it over.

  Kathryn studied the menu. “You’re right, there’s a lot on here.”

  A comfortable silence ensued as both women sipped on their drinks.

  “This is so nice,” Rachel said, breaking the silence.

  “Yes it is,” Kathryn said, looking at the red contents in her glass.

  “I was talking about being here with you,” Rachel ventured.

  “Oh right, sorry,” Kathryn said, slightly blushing.

  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just meant it’s nice to spend time with you.”

  “Don’t apologise. I feel the same way, it’s nice to get away with a friend. I can’t remember the last time I went away without Gareth.”

  “Must be quite stifling being married. I mean, most people lose contact with friends as they enter the world of coupledom,” Rachel said, draining her glass and refilling it.

  “Yes, I suppose so but I think in my case it’s not so much about being married. I think work has been the stumbling block. Sometimes I just get so carried away on a project I totally forget there’s a world that exists outside of it.”

  “Do you socialise much with your husband?”

  Kathryn paused before she spoke — imagining him at home either watching TV or doing his crossword. That was what most of their lives consisted of recently — he would talk to her occasionally to ask her about a clue or sought her opinion on something to do with politics. She felt like an old maid just thinking about it.

  “Not so much these days. I don’t finish work until late, by the time I get home I’m just ready to crash.” She held out her glass for more wine. “Do you go out much?”

  Rachel averted her eyes. “A fair bit,” she said. “Are you ready to eat?” she asked brightly, as she leaned over her shoulder and snapped the menu up from the desk.

  “Yep, I’m famished.”

  ***

  “Go on, try it,” Kathryn said, raising the oyster towards Rachel’s face.

  Rachel leaned backwards, eyeing the slimy-looking thing in the grey casing dubiously. “I think I’ll pass. The thought of that thing slipping down my throat makes me want to ....” She stopped. “Sorry, I don’t want to put you off it.”

  “No chance of that, I love oysters,” Kathryn said as she tilted her head back and in one go, tipped the shell, releasing the oyster into her open mouth.

  Rachel pulled a face of disgust.

  Kathryn laughed. “You surprise me, I thought you’d be up for anything,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

  “I am for most things, but a girl’s got to draw the line at something,” Rachel said, digging her fork in to her penne pasta. “More wine?” she asked, glancing at Kathryn’s empty glass.

  “Why not?”

  “Why not indeed,” Rachel said, refilling both glasses.

  “The food has been absolutely delicious,” Kathryn said as she finished the remaining scraps on her plate. “As has the company.”

  Rachel grinned. “Thanks. So what do you fancy doing? Do you want to kick back and watch a film?” she said, desperately wanting Kathryn to stay longer. She didn’t want to be alone in her room, thinking about this gorgeous woman in the room opposite her.

  “Sounds good,” Kathryn replied.

  “Well, jump up on the bed and relax.”

  Kathryn looked at the bed warily, a look that wasn’t lost on Rachel. “You don’t have to worry,” Rachel said softly. “I’m not going to try and seduce you.”

  “Sorry, it’s just that ....”

  “I’m a lesbian and you feel threatened, in the same way you would if I was a man and I suggested we watched a film together on a bed.”

  “Well, when you put it like that even I can see the absurdity of it, I’m sorry,” Kathryn said, resting her arm on Rachel’s shoulder.

  “It’s okay, really don’t worry and stop apologising.”

  Kathryn let out a nervous laugh. “I seem to be doing that an awful lot around you, don’t I.”

  “You can’t help it, it’s just being British,” Rachel said, picking up the remote control and turning the TV on. “I’ll arrange the chairs so you can enjoy the film without worrying about my roaming hands,” she joked, pulling the back of the chair to turn it around. Kathryn put her hand over hers.

  “No, it’ll be more comfortable on the bed. I was just being stupid.”

  “I really don’t mind, honestly.”

  Kathryn puffed up the pillows behind her back. “It’s fine, come on, it will be like a sleep over,” she said, slipping out of her shoes and jumping on the bed. “Bring the champers with you.”

  They settled on a slow-moving chick flick, of which they both bored quickly, but neither wanted the evening to end so they endured their suffering in silence. Tiredness overcame Kathryn in narcoleptic waves as she fought to keep her eyes open. She could feel the heat emanating from Rachel’s body. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol or just being in Rachel’s company but as the night had gone on she had totally forgotten about Gareth, work
, and just about every other thing that normally crowded her mind. All her thoughts consisted of Rachel. Giving in to the heaviness of her eyes, she closed them and sank into oblivion until she became aware of Rachel’s face hovering tentatively above hers — the prolonged anticipation waiting for contact was almost unbearable. Finally she felt Rachel’s mouth on hers, forcing her lips open with her thrusting tongue, softly caressing the inside of her mouth, sending currents of desire through her. She was shocked at her own eager response to the touch of her lips. She breathed heavily.

  “Are you okay?” Rachel asked from a faraway place, breaking her fantasy. She sat up with a jolt — shocked by the intensity of how she felt.

  “I’m ... I’m fine,” she said, clearing her throat, confusion clouding her senses.

  “You were breathing a bit heavy,” Rachel said, staring at her with genuine concern.

  “No, I’m fine honestly,” Kathryn said, straining not to look at her, afraid of what her eyes would reveal. “I’d better go.” She lifted herself of the bed. “It’s a good thing you woke me. I would have ended up staying the night,” she said, trying to make light of the situation.

  “I wouldn’t have minded,” Rachel said.

  Kathryn said nothing, not trusting herself to speak. She gathered her shoes from the floor and strode to the door, turning once she was at a safe distance. “Thanks for a lovely evening, Rachel. I’ll see you in the morning,” she said before opening the door and quickly disappearing through it.

  “The pleasure was all mine,” Rachel replied to the closing door, as she gathered the pillow Kathryn had laid upon, bringing it to her face and deeply inhaling her scent.

  CHAPTER 19

  The following morning, Rachel selected a pair of faded blue jeans, black shirt and black knee-high boots from her case, before running herself a bath. Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, she turned to the mirror — her face devoid of make-up, she groaned. No amount of grease paint could conceal the puffy eyes and dark shadows beneath them. She had only managed a couple of hours sleep after Kathryn left and was feeling anxious to get home and get to bed — that was if Cody wasn’t still there.

  Before she had a chance to get in the bath, there was a gentle tap on the door. Slipping into the white cotton dressing gown hanging on the bathroom door, she opened it and was surprised to see Kathryn looking worse than she did.

  “Bad night sleep?” she enquired.

  Kathryn nodded.

  “Me too, do you want to come in?”

  “No, I just wanted to know if you want to get breakfast here or at the airport?”

  “The airport would be better. I haven’t got much of an appetite at the moment.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Okay, I’ll be ready in half an hour.”

  “Great, I’ll see you then.”

  The journey back to England was uneventful. The women slept on the flight and Kathryn had spent most of her time looking over paperwork on the trip back through London, leaving little time to talk. Rachel was grateful — she didn’t know what to say. Something had shifted in their relationship and neither woman wanted to acknowledge what that something was.

  Before she knew it, Rachel was unlocking the front door to her flat. She was relieved to hear silence. Heading straight to her bedroom, she quickly undressed — naked, she slid under her duvet, relishing the feeling of the soft cotton sheet beneath her. Although sleep deprived, she felt horny as she thought of Kathryn and slipped her hand between her legs. The sexual tension that had built between them fuelled her fantasy and she wasn’t surprised to find herself already wet. She had been replaying the scene from the night before over and over in her mind — Kathryn laying beside her, breathing heavily and sensuously, as though she was in the throes of having hot sex. She gently caressed herself, letting out a slight groan as she imagined reaching out to Kathryn and touching her, feeling her, in her most intimate places.

  “Is it safe to come in?” Zoe called from behind the door.

  Rachel jumped, pulling her hand quickly above the quilt.

  “Yes,” she replied hoarsely, still in sex mode.

  “So how did it go?” Zoe asked as she sat on the bottom of the bed.

  “It was really nice.”

  “Is that it, just nice?”

  “Yes, Zoe, what else could it have been?”

  “I don’t know, you tell me.”

  “Zoe, I’m not one of your clients, there’s no hidden message behind what I’m saying. If you’re asking if I slept with her, the answer is no. We had a meal, watched a film, then she went back to her own room.”

  “Oooh, you’re a bit touchy, aren’t you.”

  “No, just tired,” Rachel said wearily.

  “I’ll let you sleep,” Zoe said, getting up.

  “Whoa, hang on a minute, sit back down and tell me what happened with you last night. Did Cody come round?”

  Zoe sat back down, bowing her head. “Yes.”

  “And?” Rachel asked, smiling.

  “And nothing. We shagged and she left. I felt like a prostitute — without being paid.”

  “I’m sorry, Zoe.” And she really was. Zoe was so sensitive — she wasn’t cut out for the rough and tough dating of the gay scene.

  “Nah, don’t be. I knew what I was letting myself in for.”

  “Are you going to see her again?”

  Zoe shrugged her shoulders. “My libido is screaming yes but my mind is saying no.”

  “Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, stop letting your heart rule your head.”

  “I know what you’re saying, but I’m really not into all this game playing. I don’t know how you do it, it would drive me up the wall.”

  “The key is not to get emotionally involved — just take it for what it is. Your problem is that you see sex as emotional — I don’t. The less emotional baggage the better things are,” Rachel said, sleepily.

  Zoe stood to leave. “It’s not my way, Rach, it’s just not my way,” she said, sighing as she walked through the doorway.

  CHAPTER 20

  “So how’s fatherhood?” Kathryn asked Rob as they sat at her office desk for their first meeting since she had arrived back from Copenhagen.

  “Great!” he replied, smiling proudly as he fished his mobile phone from his back pocket. “Eight pounds on the dot,” he said, showing her the screensaver on his phone.

  “Oh, Rob, he’s adorable,” she said, looking at the photo of his baby son. A mop of black hair like his father’s, sleeping peacefully in his mother’s arms.

  “He is. I can’t believe I held out so long on wanting a child. It really has been an amazing experience,” he gushed, his features breaking out into a wide smile.

  “I’m so happy for you, for you both.”

  “Thanks, Kath,” he said. “I’m really sorry about letting you down at the last minute with Copenhagen.”

  “Hey, don’t be silly. I wouldn’t have expected you to leave your wife at a time like that, everything went fine.”

  He looked up, meeting her eyes. “I know, I just don’t like letting you down.”

  “You haven’t, not once in all the time we’ve worked together. So how is our other project coming along?” Kathryn asked, changing the subject.

  “Great, it’s been quite amusing for the lads. They’ve been getting a lot of female attention, not to mention a bit of bottom pinching.” They both laughed at the thought of it. “We should be finished by Friday and Ellie’s early next week.”

  “Great. Are you sure you don’t want some time off after that?”

  Despite Kathryn’s insistence that he take a few weeks off to bond with his child, he had been dead set against it.

  “No, I’m glad of the distraction, if I’m honest with you. My mother-in-law ...” He shook his head. “Let’s just say, the less time I spend in her company, the better it is for all of us.”

  “I see,” she said. She often wondered if Gareth would have thought that way about her
own mother if she had still been alive.

  “If you change your mind, just say.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate it but with two projects on the go at once, I really need to be here.”

  Kathryn nodded. “And I’m eternally grateful,” she said, briefly placing her hand over his.

  “No problem. Well, I’d better get a move on.” He stood up and walked to the door.

  “Okay, Rob, again, congratulations.”

  “Thanks,” he said, smiling boyishly as he left.

  Kathryn leaned back in her chair. God why can’t my life be that simple? She hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything all morning. It had taken a lot of effort to engage in business talk with Rob and now she felt drained. She still hadn’t been able to sleep properly since Tuesday. Tuesday. She closed her eyes. The dream she’d had felt so real. It had taken all of her might to get off the bed and get to her room. It would have been a matter of minutes before she fell into Rachel’s arms and to hell with the consequences. The situation had now gone past the point of no return. She was falling in love with her — that’s if I haven’t already. What the hell was she going to do now? She was a married woman, albeit an unhappy one, but she was still tied to her husband. And what of Rachel? Had she not said on numerous occasions that she wasn’t looking for a relationship — no matter who it was with? And therein lay another problem — was she really going to leave the security of her marriage to become Rachel’s friend with benefits? She shook her head. That wasn’t going to happen. There was no point jumping from the frying pan into the fire. But whatever she decided to do, she had better make a choice soon because she couldn’t cope with these emotions anymore.

  Feelings of guilt flooded her mind. Gareth would be devastated if he found out that she had feelings for another person, let alone another woman. She knew what she had to do — there was only one choice to be made. She just hoped it was the right one. Picking up the phone purposefully, she dialled and listened as the phone rang. After two rings, it was answered.