All I Ever Wanted

by LuAnn McLane

  “What are you doing, Grady?” Devin shoved his fingers through short-cropped hair that was just beginning to gray at the temples—it was the only sign of age in Devin’s still-youthful appearance. Devin was one of those guys who never seemed to get any older.

  “Standing here,” Grady said calmly. “Should I be doing something?”

  “This.” Devin shoved a sheet of paper at him filled with stuff. Lots of stuff.

  “Holy shit.” Grady frowned at the printout. “Why did I ask?”

  Devin grinned. “Because you’re a stickler for detail, just like me.”

  “Arabella’s taught me to delegate. It’s a beautiful thing.”

  Devin laughed. “I haven’t learned that yet.”

  “Where is Arabella, by the way? I’m guessing she has a list too. One of her own.”

  “She’s doing an interview with Sea Breeze Monthly right now and I’ve got your brothers scattered around doing meet-and-greets. Julie has a handle on publicity. She’s got photographers everywhere, and there’s constant social media coverage. She’s got you trending on Twitter.” Devin pointed to the paper. “You’re due over at the foundation tent right now. Having you there will draw a big crowd, so get on over there.”

  Grady gave Devin a salute. “I’m on it.”

  Interviews and last-minute details kept him from seeing much of Arabella. He knew she was busy making sure their marks were on the stage and that their wardrobe was pressed and ready, but he wanted to see her, if only for a few minutes.

  Because the venue was at an outdoor amphitheater, they’d set up two large RVs in the parking lot, one for the backup band and one for Heartbeat to use. He hoped he could somehow get her to join him in the trailer, share lunch, and have a quiet respite from the buzz of activity.

  When he had a break from his list of things to do, Grady watched the load-in of equipment and stood by while the band tinkered and toyed with their instruments. Oliver worked closely with the sound engineer, making sure the mix that the audience would hear and the mix onstage would be perfect. Although the concert wasn’t until seven o’clock in the evening, the outdoor venue would open early for the audience, most of them from Sea Breeze, to allow them to set up lawn chairs and blankets. The brothers had decided early on that they wanted a festival-like, casual setting so kids could run around and play and people could stand up and dance. Although this was a fundraiser, it was also a tribute and a celebration, one that was long overdue.

  Located on the far end of Main Street, Sea Breeze Park hosted many annual events, but nothing compared to the reunion of the town’s very own famous boy band. Picnic baskets and coolers were allowed in, although several food trucks were arriving to provide a variety of choices of local favorites. The air already smelled of charcoal, barbecue, fried foods, and sweet cotton candy. Merch tables lined the sides of the green space, laden with shirts, mugs, posters, hats, and various other keepsakes that were already going fast. A large tent manned by staff from the Susan Heart Lupus Foundation had mountains of information, leaflets, magnets, and other takeaway reminders to spread awareness and remind people to give to the foundation. Media, both local and national, started filing in, setting up vans and equipment.

  The day already hummed with excitement.

  Grady took a drink of his water and smiled when Jesse approached him. “Hey there. What’s up?”

  “I’ll be so damned glad when Oliver’s damned no-drinking rule is over,” Jesse said, and made a disgusted face at his own water bottle.

  Grady chuckled. “You and me both.”

  “Well, everything is falling into place. Pete Carter might be one of the best sound engineers around, but Oliver is hounding him like a drill sergeant. If I were Pete, I’d punch him in the face.” Jesse raised his hands in the air. “I had to get away from there.”

  “Pete’s pretty easygoing, but I hope Oliver doesn’t piss him off.”

  “Should I go and get him away from Pete?”

  “Hell no, let him stay over there.” Grady shook his head. “Earlier, Oliver was driving me nuts by checking the weather every ten seconds. It’s not gonna rain.”

  “Oh, I know. He saw one lonely, puffy cloud that looked like a hippo, by the way, and almost went into a meltdown,” Jesse said. “I showed him the radar but that didn’t faze him.”

  Jimmy walked over and joined them. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay, I admit I’m nervous as hell. Look at all these people!”

  “Jimmy, you’re better than you’ve ever been,” Grady said.

  “Tell my nerves that. Can I sneak a shot of Fireball?”

  “Well, since you just told me, I guess you ruined the whole sneaking part,” Grady replied with a shake of his head.

  “Do you have some?” Jesse’s eyes lit up like those of a little kid.

  Jimmy patted the pocket of his jeans. “Yep,” he confirmed, and looked at Grady for permission.

  “Hey . . . come on.” Grady shook his head. “I can’t tell you two to take shots.”

  Jimmy groaned. “Just to take the edge off. You know how I hate performing.”

  Grady scrubbed a hand down his face. “It’s not even noon yet.”

  “So we’ll be fine by the concert,” Jimmy said. “Scout’s honor.”

  “You were never a scout.” Grady laughed.

  “Details, details.” Jimmy raised his fingers in an attempt to make the Boy Scout pledge.

  “That’s a peace sign, bro,” Jesse said, and laughed.

  “Guys . . .” Grady sighed.

  Jesse pounced on Grady’s indecision. “Come on. You know you want one.” He gave Grady a soft nudge with his elbow. “Oliver is up to his eyeballs in sound checks and lighting. He’ll never know.” Jesse arched a pleading eyebrow. “It’s just one little bottle, not enough to do any harm. And who gave him the right to make that rule, anyway?”

  “Famous last words,” Grady grumbled, and then shooed them away. “I know nothing.”

  “Yes!” Jesse said, and gave Jimmy a high five. “We’ll be in the RV if you want to join.”

  Grady chuckled. “Don’t tempt me.”

  “Uh, we just did,” Jesse said, and angled his head toward the massive white RV looming in the background.

  While Grady didn’t plan on imbibing, he followed Jimmy and Jesse to the RV just to monitor the situation. Besides, he wanted to get out of the controlled chaos and head into the quiet trailer. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was nervous too. Rehearsals were one thing, but this was the real deal.

  Grady looked around for Arabella as they walked across the lawn, but he failed to spot her. For some reason, he felt anxious without her by his side. He’d grown used to having her with him. Just seeing her walk into a room made him smile. While they’d been apart for so long and so much had happened in their lives, the gap seemed to be closing, and in some ways he felt as if they’d never been apart.

  “No thanks,” Grady said when Jesse passed him the pint-size bottle. But when Jimmy took a swig and sighed with relief, Grady reluctantly reached for the Fireball. The cinnamon whiskey slid down his throat, leaving a trail of heat, but he had to admit that it tasted damned good. “You guys are such enablers.”

  Jimmy blew out a cinnamon-scented breath and leaned back against the couch cushions. “Wow. I needed that.”

  “Hey.” Grady shoved at Jimmy’s knee. “I know this performance isn’t something you wanted to do. Thanks for coming on board.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Jimmy’s eyes misted over. “It was the right thing to do. And although I’m nervous as hell, I’m not hating it as much as I thought I would. Or maybe I’m not as geeky as I used to be.”

  “Uh, yes you are,” Jesse said, and Grady laughed, wondering for the millionth time how they could be twin brothers and be so different.

  “Hey, geeks are the new cool,” Jimmy
said, getting an eyeroll from Jesse. “It sure helped that the dance routines are easier. Arabella did a fantastic job of making the routines more simplistic but still full of energy.”

  Jesse nodded. “And we’re on our home turf. We might still be referred to as a boy band, but we’re grown-ass men, and this was the right thing to do for a lot of reasons.”

  “We should have done this years ago, but I was too busy wasting my time not having any real goals in life,” Grady said.

  “I don’t know about that, Grady,” Jimmy said. “I think we all struggled trying to figure out our lives after Mom died. I think I still am. My songwriting is therapeutic, but sometimes I feel as if life is passing me by.” He shrugged.

  “I just don’t know how we’re going to get through Mom’s song,” Jesse said, and then took another swig. He sucked in a breath.

  “If it’s not perfect and if there’s emotion in our voices, I think it will only be better,” Grady assured them. “Don’t be afraid to let the audience know how you feel. Mom and Dad meant a lot to Sea Breeze. There won’t be a dry eye in the crowd.”

  “I’m glad we don’t have dance moves during Mom’s song,” Jimmy said with a sigh.

  “You don’t have to worry about that,” Grady said, and the twins nodded in agreement. Arabella knew that the emphasis needed to be on the song and the lyrics, not on them.

  “Where is Arabella, by the way?” Jimmy asked. “I spotted her earlier but not recently.”

  “I think she’s taking care of last-minute details up onstage,” Grady said. The thought went through his mind that she might leave, but he pushed it aside. “I sent her a text message but she didn’t respond. I’m sure she’s just busy.”

  “Do you think we should go get Oliver and get him to settle down and take a break?” Jesse asked. “He seriously needs to chill.”

  “He’ll drive us crazy with worry. He’s still worried about rain even though there’s only a stray chance and that little hippo cloud.”

  “Yeah, he needs a shot of Fireball as much as we do. Maybe more. But you know he’s eating this up just like the old days,” Jimmy said. “Remember when Devin masterminded that whole fake teen romance between him and Belinda Beal?”

  “I should have put an end to that nonsense,” Grady said, and then reached for the Fireball. “And she was a cutie back then. It’s a shame that her career fizzled. She had an amazing voice.”

  “I wonder what happened?” Jesse asked. “She seemed on the brink of stardom.”

  Grady shrugged. “Good question. But that’s the nature of this business. I think I read somewhere she had a creative disagreement with her record label or something. I still wish I’d stopped the whole fake-romance thing. But I was too damned busy dealing with my own issues.”

  “Oliver loved the attention,” Jimmy argued. “I know you’re the oldest, but you don’t have to take responsibility for that.”

  Grady took another swig of the whiskey. “It’s hard to believe this day is finally here.”

  “I know.” Jesse reached for the bottle. “It kind of feels like waiting for Christmas. Once it’s over, Oliver is gonna need something to occupy his time,” he said. Grady wondered if Jesse might feel let down too.

  Grady felt a little flash of guilt at the thought. Could Arabella be right? Would tonight be such a tremendous success that his brothers might want to do more? And if so, what would he do? He’d promised. . . .

  Jesse nudged Grady’s knee. “You okay?” He passed the bottle to him.

  Grady took another swig and then forced a smile, grateful that the bottle was small or he might want to consume too much. “I’m thinking too much,” he said, sympathizing with Arabella and her runaway thoughts. He inhaled a cleansing breath, telling himself not to worry and to enjoy the night they’d worked so hard on for so many weeks. “Mom and Dad brought music to Sea Breeze. Tonight’s all about them and bringing awareness to lupus.” He put his hands on his knees. “Now I’m going to head out to explore the food trucks and grab a light bite to eat,” he said, and pushed up to his feet. He pointed to Jimmy. “That’s the only bottle, right?”

  Jimmy held up the empty Fireball and nodded. “Scout’s honor.”

  “Don’t try that again,” Grady said with a chuckle. “But seriously.”

  “That’s all I have. I promise. And you know a Heart’s word is good.”

  Grady felt another pang of emotion. Arabella had insisted that she didn’t want his promise. She was giving him an out if he wanted it . . . and if possible, it made him love her even more.

  The rest of the day flew by in a flurry of activity. Interviews, meet-and-greets, photo shoots, final sound checks, and warm-ups led up to just minutes before Heartbeat was due to take the stage. Finally, Devin corralled the brothers together in the back of the amphitheater.

  “This is it,” Devin said. “The crowd is buzzing. I just wanted to wish you luck.” He paused to clear his throat. “I’ve always enjoyed working with you, but you know how I felt about your mom and . . . ah damn, this night means a lot to me too.”

  “We couldn’t do it without ya,” Grady said, and they all nodded.

  Devin squeezed Grady’s shoulder. “The mayor is getting ready to introduce you. This town is damned proud of Heartbeat. So don’t leave anything on the stage.”

  “That’s the plan,” Oliver said.

  “And would you look at that, no rain!” Jesse pointed up.

  “Don’t jinx us!” Oliver said. “Dammit, Jesse.”

  Devin laughed. “You guys will never change. Well, listen, I’ve got to catch up with Julie. I’ll see you at the RV after the concert.”

  “Send Arabella back if you see her,” Grady requested.

  “Will do,” Devin said. “I’m sure she’s on her way,” he added, and sure enough, Arabella rounded the corner a minute later.

  “Hey babe.” Smiling, Grady pulled her in for a hug and a lingering kiss. “Where have you been all day?”

  Arabella stepped back and pointed to the venue. “Here. There. Everywhere. Taking care of little details. Devin gave me a never-ending list. I ducked past him a moment ago. Grady, I think you’ve forgotten that you’ve been tied up most of the day too, but that’s okay. I wanted to stay out of the way.”

  “You, in the way?” Grady frowned and grabbed her hand. “Never. I tried to text you. I want you near me all the time,” he said, and felt relief when she smiled.

  She turned to Jesse, Jimmy, and Oliver. “Well, guys, the big moment has finally arrived! I’m so proud of you all! You’ve worked so hard.”

  Jesse gave her a hug and then grinned. “Just don’t say the whole break-a-leg thing. That always creeped me out.”

  “Don’t fall off the stage,” Arabella said with a grin.

  “I was pulled! Why doesn’t anyone believe me?” Jesse asked, and then gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Well, then, watch out for adoring fans,” Arabella said.

  Jimmy stepped forward. “We couldn’t have done this without you, Arabella. You’ve managed to even make me look good.”

  Grady watched her tear up. He squeezed her hand. “So very true.”

  “You’re amazing,” Oliver said. “We’re all gonna look good out there because of you.”

  “Oh, stop.” Arabella smiled and swiped at a tear. “Well, I had a lot of talent to work with,” she said, and hugged him. “The crowd is absolutely buzzing with excitement. Merch is selling like crazy. Has been all day long.”

  “It’s like Woodstock,” Jesse said. “But, you know, without the drugs, nudity, and sex,” he added, drawing a laugh from everyone but Jimmy.

  “Oh wow . . .” Jimmy inhaled a deep breath. “God . . .”

  “Are you gonna puke?” Jesse asked.

  Jimmy groaned.

  “Come on.” Grady gave Jimmy’s shoulder a shove. “You’
re going to be great. You just said so.”

  “I’d be fine if there weren’t any, you know, people out there. I hoped I’d gotten over the whole stage-fright thing but it’s rearing its ugly head. This is stupid.”

  “Some of the best in the business get horrible stage fright,” Arabella said. “You’re not alone.”

  “Don’t worry, Jimmy,” Jesse said. “The audience will be distracted by looking at this.” He pointed to his chest and they all laughed, even though Jimmy’s chuckle sounded more like a whimper.

  “That wasn’t a joke.” Jesse pulled a face, but then laughed with them.

  “I think I have to pee.” Jimmy glanced at the RV.

  “You just did,” Grady reminded him.

  “Oh, right.”

  “Hey guys.” Arabella blew them each a kiss. “I’m going to get my primo front-row spot. The mayor is nearly finished with the intro. It’s showtime!”

  Grady grabbed her and pulled her into his embrace before she could escape. “I love you.”

  She gave him a trembling smile. “I love you too.”

  Grady watched her walk away and had an urge to go running after her, but the mayor’s voice boomed over the PA system: “And now, please welcome the pride of Sea Breeze, Florida! Our very own . . . Heartbeat!”

  An elaborate laser show coincided with the pulsing sound of a beating heart. Smoke swirled and billowed over the stage, giving them time to run onstage, find their marks, and strike their poses. The crowd cheered, whistled, and screamed in anticipation.

  Grady’s heart thumped while he stood on his mark, head down, hand holding his fedora in place. The thump thump, thump thump seemed to coincide with his own pulse. Adrenaline surged through his body and he could feel the excitement radiating from the crowd and spilling onto the stage. Arabella was right. He did miss this.