by Towne, L. E.
“Yeah, she and Ben are good. You know about that, right?”
“Yeah, Rachel seems happy.” She breathed a sigh, and chided herself for her cowardice. The subject of Ben and Rachel was so much safer. “I guess there’s a wedding in your future.”
“You know?”
“Of course I know.”
He stopped dancing for a moment and she almost stumbled in his arms, confused. He quickly caught her and moved into a step. “You said to move on.”
“I see Rachel every week day. She can’t quit talking about it.”
“If you had answered my calls I would have told you,” he whispered.
“I did answer.” What was he talking about? Hadn’t he gotten her messages? She wondered why he was suddenly acting so strange.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
“You mean from Rachel? Who else would I talk to?” Finally, reality broke through the haze of uncertain euphoria she felt and she realized why he looked so stricken. That he wasn’t talking about Rachel and Ben anymore. “Wait, what are we talking about? Rachel and Ben’s wedding or—you’re getting married?” Seconds ticked by—beats of music, shuffling steps across the crowded dance floor—they all faded away and left his words zinging through her. She seemed to spin away on another plane of existence. The thoughts whirling in her head in time to the music. Please say no. Say of course not, why would I get married? Not now, not when you’re...
“Isn’t that what you were talking about?” he spoke slowly as though to a child, his eyes as clear a green as she’d ever seen them. But he didn’t deny it. She swallowed, trying to speak over her heart lodged in her throat. Two quick deep breaths—a look around the dance floor to change her focus from inside herself to outside. She could do this—just keep it together a little longer.
“Yes, of course. Your wedding—to Dani. I should say congratulations.” But she couldn’t. Too busy keeping the shock and sadness out of her expression, and the tremble out of her voice. While in the back of her mind, she waited for him to deny it. Deny the fact that they would never be together. She felt anything but congratulatory and the sentiment never did find its way to the surface.
The colored lights of the ballroom flickered across his face. “You’ve had a lot on your plate lately. Working things out with. . .the family.” She turned her head, watching other dancers whirl around them. He said family, but his meaning was clear—Jonathan. “How are they?”
It took her a long time to answer and he pulled her closer to him in some unspoken need to comfort them both. Not wanting to be comforted, she managed to keep herself from melting into him. He was simply being kind. She pulled back and pushed his arms into a more proper dance hold.
“They’re fine. Just fine,” she mumbled, and thought of Eli, who would soon have divorced parents and how he’d handle it. Somewhere in the next few moments, as their dance came to a close, he mentioned moving to California. It should have shocked her, the news of his leaving his beloved Chicago, but she was too numb to respond. She was barely holding it together as it was. Every moment she was in Ross’s arms made her think of how right it felt, the way they fit together. And then with each step they took, she thought of Dani—the model girlfriend. Now she was the model fiancée. By the time the song ended, Az couldn’t stand to be there anymore and she pulled away, leaving Ross with a stunned look on his face.
“You said you wanted to talk.” The rough timbre of his voice sent tiny shockwaves through her, bringing back the memory of a posh hotel room, the remnants of a Minnesota blizzard outside and the two of them kissing on the bed. When his phone alarm had sounded the glow of desire between them was strong enough to taste, even after he’d left. If they hadn’t had that breathing space, they would be together now. She was sure of that. Standing on the edge of the dance floor, with him leaving her again, she’d have given anything to have those moments back. She would’ve never let him leave that hotel room. Now she had to let him go.
“There’s nothing much to say, really. I’m happy for you, Ross. You deserve a happy life, tons of kids, the whole bit.” The last part was true. She did want him to be happy.
“I wish things had been different.” Then why weren’t they? Why couldn’t you wait for me?
Before she could bring the thoughts into words, he stepped back. She rushed to kiss him one last time. His lips were soft, his mouth opened in surprise. Azure disappeared into the crowd. It wasn’t in her nature to hide, but there was safety in numbers and couples swirled around her, shielding her from his view. She didn’t want him to see her heartbreak. She knew he’d come after her and leaving him once was hard enough. Side stepping an elderly couple in the midst of a dangerous Charleston, she turned back toward the door. She couldn’t resist once last glance and she watched his departure. His shoulders seemed less broad, less determined, his stride more hesitant than the Ross she knew. It was her last vision of him.
-15-
A Miles Davis tune was serenading from his computer as Ross packed the last box of books. The song ended with an extra three beats. Rap, rap, rap. He moved the box out of his way and the three beats came again. He turned down the music and opened his front door to find Jack Isaacson with a brown bag that obviously held liquor.
“You packed yet? Or did I time things right for a break?” Jack asked with a smile.
“You’re just in time for the heavy lifting.” Ross held the door open.
“Bullshit. We’re leaving that to the professionals. I come with some very fine Scotch, and I’m betting you haven’t packed the glasses yet.”
Ross pulled glasses from his cabinet.
“Not quite yet. Kinda surprised to see you actually. You slumming?”
“Believe it or not, I entertained clients at Rigo’s tonight. They wanted something unusual and real Chicago-like.”
“The Rigo Mortis Zombie Bar? Really?”
“Rigo grills a decent Porterhouse. Who knew?” Jack settled himself on the sofa, glass of Scotch in hand. “Hey, I never noticed what a view you had from this place, not bad, Berenger. You gonna miss it?”
“Actually, yes. I mean, the place is small, but since most of Dani’s stuff is with her in California, it’s not too bad a space. Good enough for one person. Seriously, Jack, what are you doing here?”
“What? I can’t drop by?”
“Of course you can, but, you don’t. Not since we’ve lived here.”
“Well, I would have called but it’s been hectic. I knew you were headed out sometime soon.”
“Just for the holiday weekend. Then I’m back for the final packing.”
Jack sipped his drink and looked around. Boxes were stacked neatly along the far wall. All of them were meticulously labeled and coded by room and contents. Ross closed his laptop, silencing Miles for the moment, and sat in the overstuffed chair, across from his friend.
“Things are okay? Right?” Ross asked.
“Things are great. Sienna is pregnant.”
“Cool, hey that’s great.” Ross stopped. “That is great news, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s good news. We were gonna wait, but we got a little carried away on vacation, she forgot her birth control and—thank God she’s got these flexible hours at the new firm.”
“Forgot? On purpose maybe?” Ross wondered what he would do if that happened with Dani. Jack shrugged,.
“No, Sienna wouldn’t do that. It doesn’t matter. We’re stoked about it.”
“Congratulations, then.” They tapped glasses. “That’s terrific. Sienna’s a brave girl, trying to raise you and a kid.”
“Agreed,” Jack said good-naturedly. “So, what about you? You really gonna do this?”
“What? Move to California? I put in the notice when I got back from the last trip.”
The last trip was to Omaha. His and Az’s last goodbye. The last piece to fall into place so that he could really move on. He’d gotten home, poured himself the last of the Jameson and sent notices to the leasi
ng company and utilities. He’d started packing in earnest then, not just a token box or two.
“No, I mean ask Dani to marry you?”
“It’s about time don’t you think?”
“Yes. It is, but...”
Ross got up to fetch the bottle of scotch on the counter. He refilled Jack’s glass and set the bottle between them. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the rest of what Jack had to say.
“Look, I know, I was on you about Azure a lot this past year, but–”
“Can we not talk about her? It’s over and done. I’m moving, getting married. To Dani.” he added, almost as an afterthought.
“She hasn’t said yes, yet.”
Ross smirked and leaned back to grab the ring box from its place on his workstation. He handed it to Jack.
“You really think she’s gonna turn me down? After all we’ve been through?”
Jack flipped open the box and whistled.
“Nice. That must have set you back.” He closed the box. “No, I don’t think she’ll say no.” Jack fidgeted, straightening his slacks and re-settling himself on the couch like he couldn’t quite get comfortable. “I wouldn’t have said this a year ago, but, I think maybe you’re rushing things. Why don’t you go to California and hang out, see how things are and then—”
“It’s not like I’m getting married tomorrow. You know Dani. It’ll be a long engagement because she has to plan the perfect wedding. How’s that? Make you feel better?” Ross studied his friend for a moment. “It’s not like you to be so paranoid.”
“I’m practicing to be a dad.” Jack smiled.
“Yeah, well, Dad. I’m fine. Things will be fine. I got it all—”
“Planned out?”
“Yes.” Ross grinned and toasted Jack again. Both men relaxed.
“So the long distance thing hasn’t caused problems?”
“Are you kidding? It’s great. Dani’s busy—auditions and classes and whatever. It’s a lot less pressure than before. I think she’s really happy there.”
“And you’re happy here, so what does that tell you?”
Ross set his drink down and ran his hand over his hair, mussing the short strands. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it much. The idea of being happy. Most days he was caught up in trying to get through the day without thinking of things that made him miserable. Had he stumbled upon the secret? Had some form of happiness snuck up on him while he wasn’t looking?
For the last year, he’d been obsessing over Azure and fighting with Dani. Now that neither woman was in his life, at least not immediately, he’d been logging more hours at the gym, playing racquetball with Jack, and hanging out with Ben. He’d also had time to work on his ideas for the book and do some research into agents. The notion of taking some time to write had taken hold. He could say he was content, if not exactly happy, and he didn’t want to ruin it by defining what happiness was.
“I’m okay,” he said, and as if on cue, his phone played its usual verse of Dream On. He checked his watch, not understanding why Dani would be calling at this hour. It was early evening in California. Maybe she was stuck in traffic and bored.
“Speak of the devil.” Jack grinned and moved to go. Ross waved him back down as he fetched his phone. The call had disconnected by the time he got to it.
“She’s probably butt dialing me. She forgets to lock her phone,” Ross said and started to set the phone down, but something made him stop. He stood at his work station, phone in hand, and his foot nudged a bunch of framed pictures. One of them tipped, hitting him in the shin. It was the Theolonius Monk concert poster—the one he’d bought for Azure and never gave her. He tipped it back into place, looking at it. He missed listening to live jazz. He’d miss Chicago. Miss his family, his friends. Jack had moved toward the window, looking out into the night sky. Ross thumbed his phone open and returned Dani’s call. He was a little startled to see his own face pop up on his phone. He’d hit face time instead of just a call. He shrugged and let it ring, holding the phone out in front of him.
“Hello?” Dani’s voice was slow and muffled. On the screen he could only make out shadows. She held the phone close to her face.
“Hey babe, you called me again,” he said cheerfully. “Look at me.” He heard an “Oh”, and watched as her face came into view, a puzzled frown turning down the corners of her mouth. He heard the voice before he saw him—a muffled question of someone just entering a room, a male voice. Then, blurring into reality, just behind Dani’s bare shoulder and her guilty look, a definite male form loomed in the background, shirtless and far too happy.
“Simon?” Ross asked, startled. He’d only met him once, during an early visit with Dani. The smarmy agent with all the answers. Ross held the phone out further, as though he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The picture moved away and Dani spoke hurriedly, but he didn’t wait to catch her words. He closed his phone. And he laughed. It was just a surprised chuckle at first, and then it welled up inside him and spilled out like ocean waves. He laughed so hard he had to sit down. Jack turned from the window and sat down across from him. He said nothing, just poured two more drinks.
Book 2
Azure
After her trip to Omaha, she’d let herself into the empty house in Westminster.
Jonathan had taken Eli to Elitches, for a day at the amusement park. It had been one of their favorite activities as a family. Now, it was Jonathan and his son alone. Eli would be home the next day with stories about tilt-a-whirls and bumper cars, probably still on a sugar high from too much cotton candy. That night she was alone with too much time to think. She grabbed her cell.
“Hey,” Malinda’s slightly burred accent was a welcome sound in her ear. “You’re back already?”
“He was there.” This was the thing about calling your best friend. There was no need for preamble. No pleasantries, no nonsense, just straight to the undeniable, horrible truth of your stupid life.
Malinda recognized her tone right away.
“What happened? No, wait, don’t tell me. This calls for desperate measures. I’m coming over.” The phone clicked in her ear. Azure took a shower while she waited, washing off the travel grunge and exhaustion. Her former college roommate lived twenty minutes away in the re-vamped urban neighborhood of Stapleton. Az was dressed in her comfy yoga pants, a white tank and her super-soft grey sweater by the time the doorbell rang.
Malinda arrived with a pint of Haagen Dazs and a bottle of Vintner’s Reserve Cabneret. Putting the ice cream away, they went straight to the good stuff.
“I don’t understand.” Mal lounged on the floor in front of the fireplace, her empty wineglass teetered precariously in her fingers. “You called him, right? Like weeks ago? Left a message.”
“A message he didn’t return—two in fact.” Now, she knew why. “He was busy figuring out how to propose to the model girlfriend.” Her bitterness swirled around like wine dregs in a glass. The model girlfriend was not a nickname. Dani actually was a model, taking her perfect figure to Hollywood to be the next procedural cop show victim. How could she compete with someone like that?
“Well, you were married.” Mal interrupted her thoughts.
“I was getting divorced. I am getting divorced. That’s why I called him.” Rubbing a tired hand through her short hair, Az tugged one lock angrily. “Should have done it sooner, I guess.”
“Think that would have made a difference?”
Perhaps it was simply a missed opportunity, that he didn’t really love Dani. He was only trying to move on with his life. He’d said that right? She couldn’t remember. The words were fuzzy now. Only the feel of his arms around her and the liquid green of his eyes were clear in her memory.
“I don’t know.” Her words sounded numb and stupid. How could she have been so stupid?
“I can’t believe the bastard’s getting married. After everything.” Mal paused, a small quirk on her lips and Az, knowing her friend, braced herself for the next statement.
“Your audaciously bad luck still holds—first boyfriend bites the dust, second guy is a British stick in the mud, and this character—running off to Hollywood with Kim Kardashian.”
“Dani is a long way from Kim Kardashian.”
“What? Her boobs aren’t big enough? Not that far off, I’m guessing.” Mal’s off beat sense of humor had seen her through the worst of times.
“Do you really think there is such a thing?”
“As Kim Kardashian? No, I think she’s an alien.” Malinda smirked.
“No, I mean, someone who is meant for me? Or for you? Or for anyone?” Az stretched from her position on the couch and munched a tortilla chip. The slight buzz from the wine had dulled her heartache to a minor throb.
“You’re sad, I get that.” Mal’s mild Scottish lilt was even thicker now and Az smiled at it. “But you’ve never been cynical. Even through a divorce, you’re the upbeat-y-est person I know. So you, of all people should be like, tomorrow is a new and exciting day and love is just around the corner.”
“What have you been smoking?”
“Mmn.” Malinda smiled a cat smile. “Brit got us some premium gold the other day. I think I’m still high.” She rolled her petite self over and propped up on her elbows, chin in one hand. “If I’d had some left, I would have brought it instead of Haagen Dazs.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but that’s all I need—Jonathan dropping Eli off in the morning with the house smelling like a college frat party.” She smiled though. Her friend was an advocate of the try anything once philosophy, and if you don’t like it, then try it again, maybe you’re wrong. “He’d sue me for full custody and the divorce isn’t final yet.”
“Speaking of that, what if he goes back to England?’
“He’s not taking Eli.” She couldn’t imagine Eli growing up in that big, stuffy house of the Worth’s. Of course, Jonathan would have his own place, and it probably wouldn’t be nearly as stuffy, but still.
“Do you think he might? I mean, would he try?” Malinda sounded worried. She loved Eli and not having any kids of her own, she’d adopted an Auntie status.