Guarding Her Heart (Guardians Inc. Book 1)

by Belle Calhoune

  “No! You cannot make me feel something I don't want to feel,” she screamed, shaking her head back and forth, denying him what he most wanted in the world. Reassurance. Comfort. The knowledge that she still loved him...deeply, sacredly, reverently. “I could never love a man who was responsible for harming my brother.”

  He rushed towards her, his powerful arms encircling her in a tight bear hug. It was the only thing he knew how to do to bind her to him. She was slipping away from him, like every other decent thing he'd ever had in his life. He pinned her arms to her side so he could look directly in her eyes and connect with her, to let her see she wasn't in this thing alone. She looked so frightened, so small, so incredibly vulnerable. He'd never seen her like this. He didn't know who this woman was.

  “I know you're scared. I know you're hurting, baby.” Tears misted in his eyes and he felt a tear trickle down his face. It was the first tear he'd shed since the day they buried his mother. The sensation felt so odd on his face, so foreign, but he didn't bother to wipe it away. It was a testament to everything he felt for this woman.

  “Don't touch me! Don't say my name! I never want to see you again. I never want to hear the sound of your voice again.” She fought him like a wild woman, flailing against him. Lashing out. Grunting. Slapping. He bore it all, willing to withstand her wrath until she was spent. As far as he was concerned it didn't matter how long it took. He was in this for the long haul. He knew her anger stemmed from fear. Fear of losing a member of her family. Perhaps this desperation was rooted in the early years of her childhood she couldn't remember. She broke into sobs and ripped herself from his grip, breaking into a run as she left the chapel. He knew following behind her would only make things worse.

  Pain sliced through him with the force of a tsunami, holding him so tightly in its grip that he could no longer breathe. He was choking on it, drowning in it, engulfed by the sharpest pain he'd ever known. The pain brought him to his knees. He was lost. Despair swallowed him up like quicksand. His only chance at love had just walked out the door.

  ***

  Forty-eight hours after her arrival at the hospital, Marissa had finally been able to breathe. Jason was the doctor who’d delivered the good news to her family that Tony had turned a corner post-op and was expected to make a full recovery. Now, seventy-two hours after his surgery, Tony had almost been restored to his normal, sarcastic self. In addition to hitting on a slew of nurses, he was complaining about hospital food and threatening to order Chinese take-out. Marissa had sent her parents’ home to get some much needed rest while she took a shift watching over her brother.

  “Sis, you look awful,” Tony said as she walked into his hospital room with an armful of magazines and video games.

  “Thanks,” she said dryly, “You don't look so hot yourself.”

  “But I was shot. What's your excuse?”

  “I've been a little preoccupied the last few days,” she said pointedly. “It's not every day I have to worry about whether my brother is going to live or die.”

  He frowned. “Have you slept at all?”

  “Here and there.” She smiled weakly. “I can sleep to my heart's content when you're released from the hospital.” She leaned towards Tony and plumped his pillows the way she'd seen her mother do a million times when they'd been sick. “Now if we could get some of Mom's chicken noodle soup up in here you'd be on the mend in no time flat.”

  Tony grabbed her wrist and forced her to look straight into his eyes. “It's not his fault.”

  “Who's fault?” she said feebly.

  Clearly, Tony wasn't buying her act since he raised an eyebrow and gave her the who-do-you-think-you're-fooling look. “Matt Cruz. It wasn't his fault I got shot. He didn't tell me to come to your house. I made that decision on my own.”

  “He should've stopped you!” she said fiercely, her cheeks flushing with emotion. “That's what law enforcement officers do. They prevent innocent people from getting killed. They make sure there's no collateral damage.”

  “But I wasn't killed. I'm fine,” he said in a reassuring tone.

  “Fine? You were shot twice in the abdomen. That is not fine! You're recovering from major surgery and you were in critical condition when the EMTs brought you here. The surgeon said if the bullet had been an inch to the right you would've died.”

  He threw his hands up in frustration. “I know all that. Ever since I came out of surgery Mama and Daddy have been reminding me that I need to get my life in order. Getting shot is quite a wake-up call.”

  “Don't underestimate your bravery. You rushed into a situation to keep me safe from harm. You saved my life!”

  “I wanted to help you. It's always been you helping me out, little sis. I was the one who got you into this mess in the first place.” Tears trickled down her brother's face and his voice quivered with emotion. “I'm so ashamed about sending you to the Wharf that night. For once in my life I wanted to feel good about myself when I laid my head down to sleep at night. So I headed to your house despite the fact that Cruz told me to stay out of it. He all but told me he was going to throttle me if I left the Sheriff's office. But I couldn't do it. I wasn't going to sit on the sidelines when this whole thing was my fault.” Stark pain was etched on his face, and for the first time she realized her brother was coming to terms with his own issues. Although she’d never thought she would see the day when Tony took full responsibility for his actions, that day had finally arrived. Her brother had grown up a lot in the past week and she could tell his near death experience, along with Ronnie's murder, had changed him forever.

  “I don't know what I'd do without you,” she said in an emotional voice. “You, Mommy and Daddy mean everything to me.”

  “And what about Matt? What does he mean to you?”

  She brushed away a few tears, trying to be stoic even as her heart was shattering in a million pieces. “It doesn't matter. Matt and I are over.”

  Tony's eyes bulged and his mouth flapped open in surprise. It seemed to take him a minute to get his bearings. “So it was just a fling?”

  “Of course it wasn't just a fling. I love -.” She stopped mid-sentence, dumbstruck by her own inability to keep a lid on her feelings. What was happening to her? She was so emotional, on the verge of being out of control. Is this what love did to a person? “You love him,” Tony said with a satisfied expression.

  She winced at the realization that she'd let the truth out with a slip of the tongue. “Yes, I love him, but I can't be in love with him. It's too messy and it’s way too complicated.”

  “Don't put up this front. I can see you're hurting. You have that same wounded bird look on your face you used to have when kids teased you about being adopted.”

  “I'm not a kid anymore, Tony,” she protested.

  “That's right. You're a grown woman who needs to fix things with the man she loves.”

  “I can't. Too much was said. I can't take those things back. I can't even look him in the eye after the things I said to him.” She blushed with shame as she recalled all the hateful words she'd hurled at him. I can't believe I thought I loved you. I never want to see you again.

  “C’mon, Marissa. Isn't this worth fighting for?”

  “Tony! It's too late,” she said sharply. “I can't fight for something that's crashed and burned.”

  “Wow,” Tony drawled, his eyes glittering with fury. “I can't believe you'd walk away from a man who did so much to keep you safe. Let me break it down to you. That man who you can't face guarded your precious little self around the clock when a maniac was trying to kill you. He opened up his home to you and kept you alive. And even though I gave him every reason to doubt me, he actually listened to me when I finally came clean about Andrew. Not to mention the fact that the doctors also said Matt saved my life as well. If he hadn't given me CPR at your house I wouldn't be sitting here right now telling you a thing or two about yourself.”

  Listening to her brother's words was like receiving a stinging slap
in the face. He was telling her everything she'd already known in her heart. Matt Cruz was an amazing, generous, loving man who'd gone above and beyond the call of duty to protect her. He'd shown her loyalty, forgiveness, dedication...and he'd taught her to love as she'd never loved before. In every way that mattered he was the real deal. How could she turn her back on all that?

  Her heart began to thump wildly in her chest as panic seized her. “What if he doesn't want me?”

  “Why wouldn't he want you, sis? You're the best woman I know. Sounds like the two of you make a perfect match. But sitting her looking at me with those beautiful doe eyes isn’t going to get the job done.”

  She fiddled nervously with her fingers. “What should I do?”

  “You need to tell Matt Cruz in no uncertain terms that you love him. You. Love. Him. Cause if you don't, I'm libel to do it myself on your behalf.”

  She let out a shriek. “You wouldn't!”

  “I just might. This place gets awfully boring after a few days here. Half the nurses in here are married, and the other half,” Tony said with a roll of his eyes, “don’t take me seriously.”

  “I take you very seriously, Mr. Santana,” said a booming voice from the doorway, “but it's time for your sponge bath.” As they turned towards the doorway, a stern faced, heavy set nurse in her late fifties stood there with a sponge in one hand and a bowl in the other.

  “Thelma,” said Tony with a flirtatious smile, “I've been dreaming of you all day.” He winked at Thelma and said, “Now if my sister will just give us some privacy we can get this party started.”

  Marissa shook her head at her brother and said, “I'll go grab a snack in the cafeteria while you have your sponge bath.”

  “Take your time, Marissa,” Tony called out. “It will give you time to figure things out.”

  When she reached the doorway she swiveled her head around, looked her brother directly in the eye and tossed out, “By the way, if you tell that man I love him before I get a chance to, you may wind up having another near death experience.” As she strutted out of the hospital room she heard Tony erupt into a fit of hysterical laughter. She felt the beginnings of a huge smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as a small kernel of hope began to blossom inside her.

  Dear Lord, please give me the courage to make amends with Matt. I love this man more than mere words can ever express. I can’t allow fear to take away this opportunity to make things right with the man I love.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tumbleweeds was dead tonight, Caleb surmised as he entered the bar's dark interior and scanned the room for Matt. A love song by Kelly Clarkson rang out from the jukebox, filled with heartbreak and angst. Somebody wasn't loving somebody the way they used to according to the lyrics.

  It wasn't hard to spot Matt, he realized, since he was the only person sitting at the bar. His height and size served to increase the odds of finding him since he stuck out like a sore thumb. He was sitting hunched over his beer mug, guzzling it down as if it was going out of style. For the moment Matt was in his own little world, Caleb realized, far removed from the harsh realities of life. He watched from a distance for a few minutes before moving in for the kill.

  “What's up?” He greeted his old friend with a firm clap on the back.

  “What're you doing here?” Matt asked as he looked at him through bloodshot eyes.

  “I heard you were here crying in your beer,” Caleb said as he sat down next to Matt on a bar stool.

  Matt glared at him and puffed out his chest. “Who told you that?” he snarled.

  Caleb chuckled and signaled the waiter for a beer. “My eyes are telling me that, my friend. You're pretty pathetic.”

  “Haven't you ever heard of drowning your sorrows?”

  “Been there, done that,” Caleb said with a smirk. “If I remember correctly, you were sitting right next to me on this barstool when I was doing it. And it’s not the answer to a single problem in this world.”

  Matt snorted loudly and said, “Humph! I remember it like it was yesterday. You were moaning about the one that got away. Next thing you know she walks in that door -.” Matt gestured towards the door with his mug, cursing loudly as the amber liquid sloshed over the sides of the mug. “Boom. The rest is history.”

  “It wasn't as easy as all that, but we did get our happy ending,” Caleb said with a satisfied smile.

  “Well, goody for you,” Matt said with a scowl as he threw back a handful of peanuts.

  “By the way, I heard Tony's condition has stabilized. He's going to make it.”

  Caleb watched as a look of relief washed over his friend's face.

  “That's a relief! At least I didn't kill the man.”

  “Stop blaming yourself for Tony being shot. For once in his sorry life he did the right thing. He got shot in the process. Marissa can't blame you for that.”

  “Well, s-she does,” he slurred. “She threw my love right back in my face. Called me a killer. Said she never wanted to see me again. Never wanted to talk to me again -.”

  “Easy, big boy. I get the picture.”

  “She's done with me,” he said mournfully. “I finally fall in love then this happens.”

  Caleb had never seen him like this. His best friend, Matt Cruz, taken down by a woman. It was almost pathetic, he thought, as he watched his best friend's head slump over his drink. His buddy was acting as if life as he knew it was over. He knew his mouth must be hanging open like a slack-jawed rube, but for the life of him he couldn't hide his shock.

  “Do you really love her?”

  Matt gazed deeply into his mug, as if all the answers lay inside the draft. “Yup. I love her.”

  “Whoa!” Caleb said with a low whistle. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

  Matt turned his head to shoot him the death glare. “This is all your fault.”

  “What? You can't blame me for this!”

  “You brainwashed me with all your mushy talk about the joys of love. For over a year now I've had to listen to you carrying on about Sierra. From the moment she waltzed back into town you were trailing after her like a love sick puppy dog -.”

  “That's a lie, Matt! In no way did I ever resemble a love sick puppy dog.”

  “Hah! You did everything but bark!”

  “This is some serious revisionist history,” Caleb said.

  “You two had to go the whole nine yards and get hitched, didn't you? And now you're having a rugrat. You might as well put up a white picket fence and call yourselves the Cleavers.”

  “She's not a rugrat. She's one hundred percent princess!”

  Matt's mouth opened in a wide O formation. “She? It's a girl?” he shouted, drawing a few stares from neighboring tables.

  Caleb groaned and slapped his hand on the bar. “You keep your mouth shut about the baby's gender. Sierra swore me to secrecy.”

  “A girl,” Matt said in a voice filled with awe. “Pink ribbons and doll babies. I can't believe you're going to be a little girl's daddy.”

  “I can hardly believe it myself,” he said in a humble voice. Caleb couldn't count the number of times he'd pinched himself in the last year over all his blessings. God had been good to him.

  “You wanna know a secret?” Matt continued in a slurred voice. “I'd love to have my own little girl someday.”

  Caleb patted him on the back. “You will, Matt. Things can turn around in a heartbeat. If someone had told me a year ago that Sierra and I would be expecting a baby girl, I would've thought they were crazy. I hadn't seen her in eight years, man. Never in a million years did I think we would end up back together.”

  Matt frowned. “That might be kind of difficult to accomplish under the circumstances. It's near impossible to have a happy ending with someone who can't stand the sight of you.”

  Caleb regarded his best friend with a shrewd eye. “If I remember correctly you couldn't the sight of her a few weeks ago.”

  “Shut up!” he growled. “She's the most
beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.” Matt rested an elbow on the bar and said, “She's an angel.”

  “If you feel that way, go to her!” Caleb implored.

  “She doesn't want me,” he said gruffly.

  “Does she know?”

  “Know what?” he asked through reddened eyes. Caleb took the opportunity to signal Charlie to stop serving Matt any more beers. Charlie gave him a fearful look and made a subtle gesture in Matt's direction. Caleb rolled his eyes. Clearly, Charlie was intimidated by the sheriff.

  “That you love her, you fool!”

  Matt looked confused. “I've never used the L word with her.”

  “What are you waiting for? Now's the time to bring out the big guns.”

  Matt squirmed in his seat and began to fidget like crazy. “I've never told a woman I loved her.”

  “Never?” Caleb asked in an incredulous tone. “Not even once?”

  “Never. I've never even felt it. Never knew I could feel it,” he said with a big shudder. “Until now. And it hurts something awful. Forget those corny love songs. Love makes you feel like a prize fool. It makes you weak. I've never felt so powerless in my life.” He let out a groan. “I’ve been praying and hoping and getting down on my knees asking God to throw me a bone. If Marissa could forgive me, I think I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

  Caleb shook his head. “You’ve got it bad, Sheriff. From where I'm sitting you only have one option. Hunt Marissa down and beg her forgiveness on bended knee. Beg. Grovel. Plead. Profess your love. Hire a plane to fly one of those banners around. Buy one of those big shiny diamond rings and propose to her. Do something other than sitting around Tumbleweeds getting inebriated. This is not a good look for you. Man up!”

  Matt picked up his glass and finished off the contents, his Adam's apple convulsing as he swallowed the last dregs of his ale. “If you weren't my best friend I'd ask you to step outside for saying that.”