Grand Adventures

by Dawn Kimberly Johnson

  “Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to clean up yet.”

  I turned to face Roy, who had come up behind me during my retrospection.

  “That’s okay.”

  Roy gave me a strange look before gently pushing past me into the tent. I could only watch, sitting on my haunches as he cleaned up the best he could. He really didn’t do that great of a job, just randomly throwing things into bags instead of repacking them. But it said something about him and his concern for making me happy and comfortable.

  When he had cleaned up to his standards, he looked at me and waved his arm to invite me inside. I crawled in, settling on the new blue sleeping bag I’d bought just for this trip. An awkward silence fell over the tent. That was different too. We were best friends. Awkward silences didn’t happen between us. And I wasn’t too happy with this new development.

  “Roy? What’s going on with you today? You seem off.” I tried to sound nonthreatening and comforting, but as I listened to my own words, I knew my intention wasn’t going to be heard. I sounded too confrontational.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Roy said, voice raised.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything. I’m just worried about you. You’ve seemed kind of weird today. Like when you came back from getting the bags out of the car. I’ve never seen you so mad at me before.”

  “I wasn’t….” Roy’s voice trailed off. He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t mad at you. Not really.”

  “It sure seemed like it.”

  “I know. But I wasn’t. I was mad at Austin.”

  “Why? He didn’t do anything to you. Did he?”

  “Yes, he did. And he knew it.”

  I was shocked. Austin couldn’t hurt a fly. “What did he do?” I breathed.

  “He hugged you.”

  I tilted my head in shock. “Huh? Why is that wrong?”

  “Because you’re mine!”

  My brain struggled to process what the hell he had just said. What did that mean? Did it mean what I thought it did? But before I could get the words out to ask, Roy leaned over and kissed me, hard, on the lips.

  The kiss was full of more passion than I’d ever felt. One of his hands reached behind my head, pressing us closer together. His lips felt raw and yet soft at the same time. And love! I didn’t think I had ever felt such love in a kiss before.

  But just as I was starting to get used to it, he broke apart, leaving me wanting so much more. He shot me a look of horror and embarrassment, like he couldn’t believe he had just done that. Of course, I couldn’t believe it either.

  “I’m sorry,” Roy muttered before turning, grabbing a flashlight, and crawling out of the tent.

  I sat there for a minute in stunned silence, trying to process what the hell had just happened. Roy loved me? Was that even possible? Sure, we had been tight for a while, but just as friends. Right? That was what I always thought. Did he really love me?

  Needing to know the answer, I stumbled out of the tent with every intent of finding Roy. As soon as I got outside, I realized I’d made a huge mistake. It was pitch black outside. The only lights in the whole area were the glow coming from Austin and Dylan’s tent and the faint starlight that managed to make it through the trees. I quickly crawled back in the tent and grabbed the five-dollar flashlight I’d picked up at the mall with my sleeping bag. Flicking the button, I went back outside, waving the light around to try to find Roy.

  But he wasn’t there. At least, not that I could see. I should have known that he would run. He often did when he got freaked out. But he usually ran to me.

  Thoughts started running through my mind at a mile a minute. Roy had run away, deep into the woods. What if something happened to him? How would we ever find him? What if he got bitten by a snake? Or eaten by coyotes? Or bears? Bears mauled people! I didn’t want my best friend in the whole world to get eaten by a bear.

  “Roy!” I called out in complete fear.

  But my plea was only met with silence. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I got more and more terrified.

  “Roy! Come back!”

  “Jamie?”

  My breath caught as I heard a soft voice behind me.

  Roy!

  I spun around only to see Dylan standing behind me, lantern in his hand. I should have known it wasn’t Roy by the sound of his voice, but fear distorted everything. Austin came out of the tent behind Dylan.

  “Jamie,” Dylan called to me to try to get my attention. “What’s going on?”

  I bit my lip as the tears I’d been trying to hold back started to fall down my cheeks.

  “Jamie,” Dylan said softly as he stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder.

  And with that little bit of comfort, I cracked. Falling forward into the arms of my best friend, I cried my heart out, all the fear and confusion coming out as salty tears. I felt Dylan’s arms close around me, as Austin walked over to wrap another arm around my shoulders.

  Eventually, my tears dried, and I pulled back to look at my friends.

  “Now can you tell us what’s wrong?” Dylan asked in his gentlest voice.

  “Roy’s gone. He ran off.”

  “What?” Austin exclaimed. “Where’d he go?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We should go look for him,” Austin stated.

  “Wait,” Dylan commanded before Austin could jump into action. “Why did he run off?”

  “He kissed me,” I whispered, as if it were a dirty little secret. “I think he may love me.”

  Dylan and Austin let out small sighs of relief before exchanging a weird glance.

  “What?” I asked. “What do you know?”

  “Come on,” Dylan said, the arm on my chest guiding me to their tent. “Let’s go inside and we can talk.”

  “No. I want to wait out here for when Roy comes back.”

  “Why don’t we go back to your tent and wait, then? We’ll be more comfortable.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  Dylan just turned and started guiding me back to my tent. “Let’s get comfortable, and then we’ll tell you what you want to know.”

  I allowed myself to be guided back to my tent, and I crawled inside without a fight. I needed to know what the hell was going on, and if this was how I was going to find out, then I would easily go along with it.

  “Now, what do you know?” I asked, hopefully for the last time, as soon as I settled back on the sleeping bag in our tent.

  Dylan and Austin shared a glance that made me question if they were actually going to talk. But when Dylan blew out a long breath, I knew he was going to tell me everything. I had good friends.

  “Okay. So here’s the deal. Roy does love you, which I’m sure you’ve already figured out. He’s had a crush on you since the beginning. But as graduation gets closer and closer, he’s been getting more and more scared of losing you forever. I guess it just all came out tonight.”

  My head started to spin again. He’d loved me for three years and never said anything? How was that even possible?

  “He’s loved me all that time. Why didn’t he say anything?”

  “You know he’s bad with… emotional stuff.”

  Well, that part was true. He really couldn’t handle when I cried, which unfortunately for him was quite often.

  “But why me?”

  But Dylan just shook his head at me. “How am I supposed to explain the inner workings of love? Only Roy can tell you why he loves you.”

  “If he ever comes back,” I said sullenly.

  “He’ll be back.” Austin comforted me. “He just needs a little time to process things. You know how this works.”

  It was true. Roy often went on long walks to try to work out what was going on in his mind. But….

  “What if he gets eaten by a bear?”

  Dylan and Austin both laughed, but I didn’t know why. Getting eaten by a bear was a serious thing.

  “I don’t t
hink you have to worry about that,” Dylan said, getting himself under control first. “Roy has more outdoors sense than the rest of us.”

  “But he’s out there all alone.”

  “He’ll be back. You’ll see.”

  I wanted to be as confident as Dylan, but fear made me skeptical.

  “Now what?”

  “Now,” Austin said, grabbing my pack out of the corner of the tent and throwing it to me, “you go to sleep. He’ll be back when he’s ready. No sense staying up all night.”

  I didn’t want to go to sleep, not when he was out there all alone. But I knew Austin was right.

  “Do you want us to stay with you?” Dylan whispered.

  “No. It’s okay. You can go back to your tent.”

  “Okay,” Dylan said, leaning forward to squeeze my shoulder. “Get some sleep. You know where to find us if you need us.”

  Dylan started to crawl out of the tent, taking his lantern with him. Austin leaned over and gave me a quick hug before crawling after Dylan.

  And just like that, I was alone. As I unzipped my bag, I tried to think about all the signs I had apparently missed over the years. All the times Roy might have shown me that he loved me with an extra touch or kind action. And when I thought about it, I found a lot of them The time when he begged me to room with him instead of Dylan like I originally wanted, the time when he stayed up all night helping me study for a math test I would have failed if not for his help, when he made the decision to stay at school over the summer instead of going home to be with his family, all the times he held me when I cried, even though it made him uncomfortable. I just thought he was just being a really good friend. But it was love. Real love. It was Roy supporting me and loving me in the only way he knew how.

  I pulled my pajamas out of my bag and started to strip out of my clothes. As soon as I pulled my rainbow fleece pants over my hips and my favorite green hoodie over my head, I started to feel a little better. Like I was being wrapped in a warm embrace.

  But just as I started to feel better, a thought crossed my mind that made my heart stop.

  Roy loved me. That much was clear to me now. But what did I feel? Did I love Roy? Sure, I loved him as a friend, but did I love him as a boyfriend?

  To be honest, I’d never really thought of him like that. He was always just Roy. My best friend. Could I erase how I’d been viewing him for the last three years and start seeing him as my boyfriend? Did I even want to?

  I’d never had a real boyfriend before. I had always been so busy with classes and clubs and everything else that I’d never felt the need to be tied down like that. Sure, there had been some casual hookups, but no one I would call my boyfriend. No one I wanted to spend all my time with. No one I wanted to take home to meet my mom. No one I wanted to share all my thoughts and feelings with.

  But even as my thoughts spun around, I realized how stupid I sounded, even to myself. All those things I thought I’d never had because I never had a boyfriend, I already had with Roy. He had already met my mom, and he already knew my innermost thoughts. He was my rock, my support system. He was there through all the bad times and the good. And if that wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was.

  The realization put a smile on my face. Of course I loved Roy. It might have started out as friendship, but over the years it had grown to something more. Something I didn’t even recognize. I couldn’t help but wonder when it had turned from friendship to love, but it didn’t matter now. All that mattered was Roy coming back to me.

  I wanted to run outside and try to find him, but I knew that was a horrible idea. All that would happen if I did that would be getting myself hopelessly lost. I had no sense of direction. Or wilderness smarts. So, instead, I just crawled into my sleeping bag and tried to get comfortable. It was difficult, because there was no pillow and the ground was hard, but I made do.

  I must have drifted off to sleep, because I woke up a short while later to a rustling sound and a rush of cool air hitting my face. Groaning, I turned over on my back and opened my eyes.

  “Sorry,” the quiet voice said. “Go back to sleep.”

  I almost listened to the soothing voice before I realized who was speaking. Roy!

  My brain snapped awake, and I sat straight up before I could think about my actions. Roy looked startled as I jumped up, but he didn’t say anything.

  “You’re back,” I said as if it were the most shocking thing in the world.

  “Yeah. It got cold out, so I thought I’d come back here and get a jacket. But as soon as I get it, I’ll go.”

  “What if I don’t want you to go?”

  My whispered words made Roy stop dead. He turned and faced me straight on, as if he needed to see the truth in my eyes. I hoped he found what he needed, because I didn’t think I could lose him now.

  “What are you saying?” he breathed.

  I held my hand up to him, silently asking him to come down to my level. He squeezed my hand like it was a lifeline and sank to his knees in front of me.

  “I talked to Austin and Dylan. They told me you’ve had a crush on me since we first met.”

  “They what?” Roy exclaimed in horror. “They had no right.”

  Roy made motions like he was going to get up and march over to their tent, but I held him tight.

  “No. I’m glad they told me. And I’m glad you kissed me. Otherwise, I might never have figured out the truth.”

  “What truth?”

  “That I love you.”

  The shock on Roy’s face said it all. I knew then that he hadn’t imagined me loving him back in a million years. I didn’t know why. I’d loved him like a brother since the start. It didn’t seem that much of a leap to me. Although maybe he was just scared of getting his hopes up. Afraid of getting his heart broken.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, I do. It may have taken the best kiss of my life for me to realize it, but I know now. All of those years you’ve been there for me, supporting me and caring about me. That was you loving me. And somewhere along the way, I returned that love without even realizing it. But I don’t want to make that mistake ever again. I want to be yours. Forever.”

  “Jamie,” Roy breathed, as if my name was the most sacred thing in the world. “You’d better mean that, because if you don’t, I swear—”

  The fear in his voice made me spring into action. I couldn’t handle him being so nervous. So I leaned over and kissed him. It wasn’t my best kiss. It wasn’t a kiss of dueling tongues and open, panting mouths. It wasn’t tight and intense, leaving both of us struggling to breathe. It wasn’t a kiss that curled toes and sparked electricity. But it was soft and sweet and full of as much love as I could possibly muster. And I loved every second of it.

  But as much I wanted it to, no kiss can last forever, and soon I had to pull back to get oxygen into my lungs.

  “You… you,” Roy stammered even as he tried to get his own breathing back under control. “You kissed me.”

  “Well, yeah. I love you.”

  “I never thought….”

  “What? That I could love you?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re you. You’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met. You’re sweet and loving even when people don’t deserve it. You have so much patience, especially when dealing with my crap. You always try to bring out the best in people, which isn’t always the easiest thing, especially when it comes to me. Yes, you can be emotional, but you are also stronger than you realize. And after three years, you still manage to put up with all my bullshit. And that makes you perfect.”

  “Roy. I’m not perfect. I know that.”

  “But to me you are. And you always have been.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough for you.”

  “Roy, how can you think that? You’re my everything. You put up with all my issues. You are my whole support system. My rock. I can’t i
magine life without you. Honestly, I was wondering how you could possibly be in love with someone like me.”

  “Did I answer your question?”

  I nodded. “So now what?”

  “Well, I guess we just have to decide whether or not we want to give this boyfriend thing a try.”

  “I do,” I said with complete honesty and devotion.

  “Me too.”

  I smiled and leaned forward to give my brand-new boyfriend a kiss. The kiss was short, but it felt right. I just held him after that, my arms wrapped around his strong back, and his arms pressing me tight to his chest.

  I didn’t know where this relationship would lead. Or if it would even last. But something deep in my heart told me this was the start of something beautiful.

  The Exhibition

  ANDREA SPEED

  Keep fighting the good fight, Eric & TJ. I wish you both all the luck and good will in the world.

  IT WAS the farthest they had ever traveled for a showing, and Roan was worried he’d get himself kicked out of the gallery before they realized he was the artist’s husband. Oh, and occasional model.

  “You are not getting kicked out,” Dylan said, his firm tone informing him this was an order. “You’re going to be on your best behavior and keep the meanest thoughts about anyone to yourself. Until you and I can talk in privacy.”

  “And then let it fly?”

  “Oh, you better believe it,” Dylan said. “You’re the best gag writer not in the business.”

  The Wilhelm Gallery was a new place opened up in the suburban hinterlands, which seemed a weird place for a gallery, but as Dylan rightfully pointed out, they wanted to be close to where their buyers were. Sure, the big-city buyers had their choice of galleries, but what could the suburban artsy-fartsy types do, especially if they didn’t want to drive? (Dylan gave him a very evil look when Roan replied, “Internet.”) So it was somebody’s cash grab, and if Dylan could make some money out of it, all the better.