Trust I Seek

by Laura Gates

  "But he's a guy and plays guitar for the biggest metal band in the world. There's a hidden agenda there."

  "I thought you said I would never be attractive again because of the whole mom thing."

  "Don’t change the subject. You need to start acting more like a mom."

  “I thought you wanted me to be more sexy, which I’m still confused about because I dance like this all the time.”

  "Well, you never acted like that for me at home!"

  Beau looked back at Evie and saw her on the verge of tears talking on her phone. He quickly rushed back and asked, "What's wrong?" Evie held back tears, but she couldn't answer the question. Beau knew it was Jude on the phone. Beau quickly took her phone out of her hands and held it up to his ear. Evie sat there, stunned and frozen, wondering what had just happened. "Jude Long?" Beau asked. Jude paused. "Beau Halstead?" Jude asked. "Yes, that's me. Stop harassing my manager and friend. She is putting up with a lot from you lately, and it's affecting her work."

  Jude paused. "Why are you even with my ex-wife? Isn't there some other girl you could be with? Like those girls who hosed you down in the showers? You know, Evie could have been..."

  "Are you seriously comparing your ex-wife to one of those shower girls? Do you even know her?" Beau interrupted, cutting Jude right off.

  Jude paused again. "Um, yes, but…." Jude felt cornered.

  "Okay, prick," Beau began, "I am going to say this loud and clear one time. If I see Evie's demeanor affected by you in any way, I will personally fly to Baltimore and kick your ass!" Beau heard Evie's phone beep, and he knew Jude hung upon him.

  "He probably won't be bothering you for a while," Beau said, handing Evie her phone. When she grabbed it, she immediately threw her keys on the table and stormed out of the restaurant. Beau ran after her after he grabbed the keys.

  "Evie!" he called, but she kept walking. "Evie! Stop! Please tell me what I did wrong," Beau shouted.

  Evie stopped and turned around. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me," she said.

  "I promise, that's not what I was doing. I was trying to get him to leave you alone."

  "Please stay out of this! I can take care of myself."

  "Really? I see you fight back the tears whenever he calls you. I saw your anger at him today in class. It's okay to ask for help, sometimes."

  "You may have made things worse!" Evie scolded.

  "What do you mean, 'made things worse?' Is he abusing you? Do I need to help you find a lawyer?" Beau immediately went into "fix-it" mode.

  "I'm just feeling so overwhelmed right now with the first leg of the tour coming up in six months, all the venues that I still need to call, Levi's flag football game, finding a dance studio that takes two-year-olds...."

  Beau could see how anxious this whole thing made her, so he decided to hug her. "Hey," he said as calmly as he could, trying to calm Evie down, "I’m sorry. I just hate what he does to you. It’s like your entire demeanor changes when he calls, and I know he calls a lot. It takes some sort of a distraction to get that smile on your face again." Evie, shocked by the gesture, calmed down as she listened to Beau's soothing heartbeat as he rubbed her shoulders. They soon went back inside and sat back down at their table. Beau grabbed their food and brought it back to their table.

  "Why do you let him talk to you like that anyways?" Beau asked as he sat down.

  "Because I'm scared that he is right," Evie replied, unwilling to tell him she believed Jude.

  "About what?"

  "That no man will… that I am unable to raise my children in a stable environment because of the band."

  "Do you think working for us is an unstable environment? It's not like we offer your children drugs and alcohol. We all have or have had children in the past."

  "That's what I told him, but then he has a problem with you."

  Beau paused. "What's his problem with me?"

  "He hates that you're always around the kids and me when he thinks he should be the male figure around." Beau processed Evie's statement. Why would he have a problem with me, he contemplated deeply.

  Then he turned to Evie and watched her eat one of her tacos. She devoured it in three big bites, which Beau found really impressive and hot. Suddenly, Jude's insecurities about Beau made sense. Jude still had feelings for Evie in some twisted way. He didn't regret divorcing her, but he wasn't ready to let her go. Beau began piecing together the type of man Jude was.

  "Well, why doesn't he come out here to visit? I'm not going to stand in the way of a father wanting to see his kids," Beau said.

  "I've told him that, too. Jude's always been more bark, less bite. But he can be downright rude," Evie responded while inhaling another taco.

  "I think Jude regrets divorcing you because he is missing out on this great adventure in the kids' lives as well as yours. I also belive he is trying to exercise some sort of control over you with his abuse.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re probably his cushion in case his plans backfire, whatever they are." Evie masticated Beau's words and her taco for a minute. She hadn't thought about that before.

  Once they were finished with their meals, Beau and Evie drove back to the Jeppsens' to pick up Levi and Harper. “They’ve had dinner, so they should be ready to go to bed when you get home,” Jetta said. “Thank you so much. Sometimes, it’s a lot easier going to the gym childless,” Evie said. “I understand. Anytime you need a day or night out, I can watch the kids. We have beds for them,” Jetta said. “Thanks,” Evie said, smiling at Jetta. Beau let Evie talk for a minute as he helped load the kids in her car. He soon climbed back in as well.

  After hugging her friend, Evie walked back to the car, climbed in, and drove towards Novato to drop Beau off. “See you tomorrow!” Beau said, climbing out of the car. “Bye, Beau. Thank you,” Evie said, referring to Beau’s confrontation with Jude. "You’re welcome," Beau said. "All right, can everyone say, ‘Bye, Beau!’" "Bye, Beau!" the kids said, waving to Beau as he waved back at the little family.

  At this point in his recovery, Beau hated and loved going home. He loved being home because it was his house with all of his restored cars and bikes he worked so hard on, he loved his comfortable bed, his TV, his kitchen where he loved to cook and bake, and how quiet it was. On the contrary, he hated it because the memories of his family still haunted him. He worked daily to try and remember all the good times and memories, but he hated that he had to move his comfortable bed into the mother-in-law suite to avoid memories of Phoebe and the wing he and his family used to live in. These memories caused a lot of sadness and anger Beau had all the time but amplified, and those emotions back in the day caused him to drive to a bar. But this time instead of driving to a bar, Beau pulled out his phone. There was only one person who could fix the urge. “Hey! What’s up?” Evie asked, “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m doing fine. I’m just… struggling,” Beau stammered.

  “Okay, what can I do to help you?”

  “Just stay on the phone with me until the urge I’m having goes away.”

  “Okay. I’m warning you now, I need to bathe the kids and put them to bed, so things will get loud.”

  “I’m in a heavy metal band. Nothing is louder than that.”

  “Harper’s screaming when Levi takes a toy away from her?”

  Beau suddenly remembered a couple of times at the studio when that happened. “Fair point. She screams like a banshee. Although, Chloe was the queen of banshee screaming when she was two.” The twinge in Beau's heart grew, and the pain got worse.

  The statement surprised Evie. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention her up ‘till now.”

  “I really don’t like to talk much about her or Cordell. It causes me to have this urge and call the Death Toll Stabilizer.”

  “I’m assuming that’s me?”

  “You assumed correctly.”

  Evie lightly chuckled. “Well, you don’t have to talk about them if you don�
�t want to. Whenever you are ready is fine. Are you sure listening to my kids is a good idea?”

  “Well, you guys help me focus on what’s going on in my life now rather than reflecting on the trauma.” Evie understood that.

  Beau and Evie talked through the whole bath process as Evie got her kids ready for bed, sang the lullabye, and tucked them in bed. Finally, both of them were sitting in front of their own TV’s, watching the same movie on Netflix. Beau let Evie pick, and she picked the movie, Made of Honor. Beau ate popcorn, cheese, and beef jerky while Evie ate popcorn as well, a chocolate protein shake, and some blueberries.

  “Why do you like this movie again?” Beau asked with a mouth full of popcorn.

  “Because it’s a good story,” Evie replied before taking a drink of her shake.

  “It’s so cliche, though. She was right there in front of him the entire time,” Beau ranted.

  “Sometimes the best things in our lives are right there with us, and we never take the time to notice. She even fell into the trap as well, see?” Evie pointed out. The main actress realized that her fiance shot and killed the animals they were eating at the rehearsal dinner. The look of disdain on the actress' face caught Beau's attention, and he thought about what Evie said. It made him think about all the people he was grateful for in his life at this moment; Luke, Kade, Rick, and even Evie and the kids.

  “So, do you think she remembered what a nice guy her best friend was?” Beau asked.

  “Just watch the movie,” Evie bantered, eating popcorn.

  Beau and Evie continued to watch the movie, and Beau realized that all of his urges and anxieties were gone. He hadn’t felt relief like this in a while. Evie truly was the best medicine for him. Beau felt understood, which was huge for him. He wanted to make sure he took advantage of that every day.

  Chapter 8

  Music Lessons for Beau and Evie

  Evie carried her violin and tenor saxophone into the equipment room, hoping it had the right conditions to store her instruments. San Rafael was way more humid than Annapolis this time of year, so she wanted to see what the room was like for all the guitars.

  As Evie walked into the equipment room, never had she seen so many guitars, bass guitars, amplifiers, and a bunch of other equipment. All of the guitars she had seen throughout the years sat on their racks or hung on the walls. Then she saw Beau's signature guitar, a white ESP EXplorer. She remembered seeing this guitar in college at a concert as well as in other videos. She believed it was one of his favorite guitars. Then she saw his collection of Flying V's. She knew the black one was his favorite. She wanted to pick one up to play, but she didn't want to get her fingerprints all over the guitar.

  Beau walked into the equipment room and saw Evie staring at the Flying V's. He paused, watched her set an instrument case down on the ground, and reach out for his white Flying V. She hesitated to touch it, which made him smile. Then he saw that she had a violin case in her other hand. He smiled. "Do you know how to play guitar?" he asked. Evie jumped. "Only a little bit. I never had formal education on it. When I started teaching at the high school, they gave me a couple of guitar classes to fill my schedule, so that's how I learned. I've forgotten a lot, but I am sure if I looked at a book, I would remember," she said. Beau smiled, walked over to his chrome EXplorer, and picked it up. He grabbed two stools and motioned for Evie to sit down. She sat down on the stool, and Beau told her, "Pick up one of the V's." Evie hesitated again. "I don't want to get my skin oils all over your guitar," she said. "I have a guy who cleans them. It's okay," Beau said. Evie picked up the white V.

  "All right, what do you know about playing guitar?" he asked her.

  "I know how to play the D Major scale," Evie said as she proceeded to play the scale two octaves up and down on the V.

  Beau was impressed. "Cool. Do you remember any chords?" he asked her.

  "It's been a few months. I don't," she said.

  "That's okay. What do you know about our music?" "I know you play a lot in E minor."

  “You really are a fangirl at heart, aren’t you?” Beau joked.

  Evie scowled playfully. “Punk,” she replied, drawing a blank on a witty comeback. “Lesson, please?” Evie was determined to just breeze over that.

  "Fine. So the E minor chord is open 1st, 4th, 5th, and 6th strings. The 2nd and 3rd strings have the 1st and 2nd fingers on the 2nd fret." Evie positioned her fingers into the E minor chord and strummed a couple of times. Pretty soon, she started playing the E natural minor, harmonic minor, and melodic minor scales.

  Beau was amazed at the level and knowledge of musicality, technicality, and theory she possessed. He continued to go over some other chords with her, and once she figured out what note each string was, she played a scale. Beau decided to teach her the chord progression to The Call of Ktulu since he knew it was Evie's favorite instrumental song Death Toll wrote and played. Once she figured it out, Evie began soloing much in Kade's style, and Beau accompanied her on his guitar.

  Noticing her left hand’s form needed to be corrected, Beau set his guitar down, moved his stool behind Evie, and began manipulating the hand. Evie felt some butterflies in her stomach as Beau touched her hand. She could feel him breathing down her neck, which made it hard to focus. Beau rubbed her hand a little bit after he moved it, and he took a quick inhale of her hair. Roses, he thought. Without thinking, Beau wrapped his right arm around Evie’s waist, and the tension between them grew as Beau’s breathing grew heavier and Evie’s heart rate grew faster. They felt the pull as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

  Evie finally asked, “Do I need to file a complaint against you with HR?” Beau stared back very confused, instantly letting go. “What?” he asked, feeling shocked. “Usually a teacher needs to ask for permission to touch a student before adjusting posture, form, technique, and embouchure,” Evie said, trying so hard not to laugh. Beau stared back at Evie, not knowing what to say. He really had no explanation for what he just did. “Um… I…” Nothing made sense in his brain. Finally, Evie burst into laughter. Beau pursed his lips, not sure what to do. “Sorry…?” “I’m just kidding. It’s all good,” she said, still chuckling a bit. Soon, Beau saw the humor in the situation. “That’s funny,” he finally said.

  Beau moved the stool back to where it was, picking up his guitar and starting to play the chord progression to The Call of Ktulu. Evie began playing along again, and Beau watched her intently, trying to hold on to that tension he felt for her. There's still something missing in her playing, Beau thought. He became curious about her education in music. "I know you're a musician, but what are all the instruments you play, again?" Beau asked.

  "Well, I play the violin, clarinet, and saxophone. That's what the big case is," Evie said, pointing to her tenor sax. "

  Violin? Is that why everything is so technical?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I just noticed you are a very technical musician. There wasn't much emotion."

  Evie looked at Beau in disbelief. "I just started learning the song today. How can I play with emotion when I have yet to refine my skills on this song?"

  "True, but you figured out everything super fast. I just thought you would add emotion rather than continue to work on your technique."

  "I am a violinist. That's my job to have perfect technique. We need to have that technique before we add emotion to our playing."

  "If you say so," Beau said, "I was always taught to know and understand the emotion you play."

  "Classical music is a bit more complex."

  "Prove it," Beau challenged.

  Evie pulled out her violin, tuned it, and started playing an excerpt from Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto in D Major. Never before had Beau seen a violinist play with so much emotion. The violin was like a detachable appendage to Evie's body. Beau watched and listened to every single intricate part of the first movement as well as her facial expressions, which kept changing depending on the riff, or run, as Beau remembered that's what long pas
sages were in symphonic music. Evie’s body swayed with each note on the violin. It was almost like watching her dance with her violin like that other girl who played violin. Beau couldn’t remember her name. There was passion in her musicianship, too. What wasn't she passionate about, Beau thought to himself.

  The joy on Evie’s face exceeded the joy in a Zumba class. Beau was completely mesmerized and smitten with this girl as he continued to watch and listen. Once Evie finished her excerpt, Beau felt like he had to pick his jaw back up off the floor. "Well…" he began but couldn't find the words to describe what he saw and heard. "I learned and performed that concerto for my senior recital with the university's premier orchestra. I practiced 10 hours a week during college to keep up on my scholarships even when I followed you guys around. If you're not technical first, the violin will kick your ass," Evie concluded, realizing that Beau's cursing was rubbing off on her.

  Beau's brain finally started working again. "Teach me the violin," he said. Evie looked at him in disbelief. "What?" "I want to learn the violin. And just maybe...." Beau brainstormed ideas in his head. "Maybe we could have you amped on your violin and play with us," he said. "What?" Evie asked again. "I need to get back to the recording room with Luke," Beau said before standing up and walking out of the equipment room. Evie had no idea what he was thinking. She remembered a few other songs from her senior recital, including an arrangement of Stairway to Heaven she arranged herself and the orchestra.

  As she played and sang along, Evie didn't realize how much she missed her violin. She continued through her arrangement. Beau walked back into the equipment room to grab Evie, but he was stopped by her beautiful rendition of Stairway to Heaven. He leaned against the wall and listened. Finally, Beau had a crazy idea to plug in his EXplorer and play during the power section with her. When he started the guitar solo, Evie turned around, surprised by the familiar sound of Beau Halstead's signature guitar sound.