Loving Annie

by Anna Huckabee

  Dr. Winslow stood, as well. “When did you get to be so smart, so wise?”

  Annie felt herself flush. “I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for that, sir. I don’t think I’m either smart or wise. All I know is how I’d feel if I was in your position. I’d want to talk about and remember the person I’d lost.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “And thank you for loving and caring for my children. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Snow fell thick and fast outside. Inside, four children watched, faces pressed to the window. They could see it accumulating on the ground. Annie knew their school day was finished. They wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

  “It’s almost lunchtime.” Annie tried one more time to get their attention. “Let’s finish what we’ve begun and then I’ll let you be done for the day.”

  “Really?” cried Danny. “A half day of school? Can we play outside in the snow after lunch?”

  “I don’t see why not. It might be better if you wait until there’s more of it on the ground.”

  Danny heaved a dramatic sigh. They dragged their eyes from the window and dropped into their seats.

  They managed to finish school that morning with frequent trips to the window to check the storm’s progress. The wet, fluffy flakes piled up fast. Before they finished, several inches blanketed the ground.

  Annie fed everyone the soup her mother had made the day before. It was perfect for the freezing temperatures. They finished and cleared away the dishes. Then everyone bundled into coats and hats and gloves. Annie layered clothing on Darren and wrapped him in a blanket.

  Danny clattered down the attic steps, a sled under each arm. “Look, Miss Annie! I found the sleds!”

  “There aren’t any good sledding hills and I don’t dare leave the yard. Your papa is on a call.”

  “We’ll pile the snow in a corner and sled down it,” said Ava. “It’s what we always do. There aren’t any good hills anywhere around here.”

  Annie, wrapped in her own warm clothing, gathered Darren into his blanket, and hurried outside with the children. Darren didn’t know what to make of the white stuff falling from the sky. Annie let him touch it and taste it. He wanted down to play in it, so Annie let him sit in the snow for a few moments.

  The thick falling slow coated them all in white. The children didn’t seem to notice. Using shovels, they packed a corner of the yard into a short hill. More snow filled in where they’d scraped the yard. They took turns sliding down their man-made hill, competing to see who could go the farthest. Ava took Darren down the hill with her. His baby eyes were wide, with wonder or fear, Annie couldn’t tell. But he grinned and clapped when Ava took him a second time.

  “I need to take Darren inside for his nap,” Annie called to the children. “Ava, I want you to watch everyone and make sure they stay safe.”

  Ava’s chest puffed out and she beamed at Annie. “I’ll watch them just like you do, Miss Annie,” she promised.

  Vivian’s lip pooched out and tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to take a nap, Miss Annie.”

  “This once, I’ll let you stay awake. But you must promise to listen to Ava while I’m inside with Darren.”

  In a flash, the frown changed to a smile. “I promise!” Vivian screamed and dashed to the hill for her turn on the sled.

  Annie watched the children play for a moment longer. She didn’t know if she dared leave them outside alone. She knew they’d be fine, but she didn’t know how Dr. Winslow would react.

  “You need a nap, baby,” she whispered to Darren. He responded by trying to wiggle free of her arms. Annie laughed and kissed his baby cheeks, which made him laugh, too. She carried him inside and stripped him out of the wet layers of clothing. She hung the clothes over a drying rack in the kitchen.

  “Are you cold, Darren?” she asked as she changed his diaper. His fingers felt chilly to her but his legs and feet were warm. She rubbed his fingers and held them in her hands.

  Darren wiggled one hand free and patted Annie’s face. “Mama,” he said with a huge grin, flashing his two newly cut teeth.

  “Oh, baby, I’m not your mama,” Annie said. She lifted him into her arms and snuggled him close. “Your mama was a blessed lady to have a big boy like you.”

  “Mama,” he said again. He rested his head on her shoulder and stuck his thumb in his mouth. He was asleep before Annie even had a chance to rock him.

  Annie held him close and breathed in his baby smell and stroked his downy hair. She kissed his soft cheek as she laid him in bed, then tucked the blankets around him so he’d be warm enough.

  Annie felt like an imposter. He’d called her ‘mama’. She couldn’t understand why he’d called her that name. Why now? She loved him with all her heart, but that didn’t make him her baby. She felt waves of love, followed by guilt wash over her. Maybe he’d forget. Maybe he’d never call her ‘mama’ again. She tucked the memory into her heart to take out on lonely days and promised herself she’d never tell anyone. He’d given her a treasure and she’d keep it.

  The children were dragging each other around the yard on the sleds when Annie got back outside. They started racing, Annie or one of the older children pulling the sleds with Ezra and Vivian riding, to see who could get across the yard fastest. When they tired of the sleds, Annie started a snowball fight. Dr. Winslow arrived home in time to watch the last of it from the front porch, an enigmatic smile on his face.

  “Papa!” cried Ezra. “Miss Annie let us have the whole afternoon off school!”

  Dr. Winslow smiled and waved at them before entering the house. Annie wondered if he’d heard Ezra. She wondered if she’d hear from him about the half day of school later. She decided not to worry about it.

  Dusk was falling as rapidly as the snow. Annie bundled the children into the kitchen door.

  “Danny,” she said, handing the boy a clean bowl from the kitchen. “Run outside and fill this bowl with clean snow. Find a place where we didn’t walk and collect it from there.”

  The boy grinned and ran outside. Annie filled the kettle and put it on the stove to heat. Ava and Ezra hung their wet coats and hats in front of the fire.

  When Danny returned with the clean snow, Annie drizzled treacle over it and passed out spoons.

  “This is the best food I’ve ever eaten, Miss Annie,” said Ezra. “It’s even better than ice cream.”

  “Nothing is better than ice cream,” said Ava. “But this is close.”

  Dr. Winslow entered the kitchen as the children were finishing a cup of warm tea.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” Annie asked.

  He surveyed his children before answering. “That would be nice, thank you. I need to see you in my office for a moment once everyone is finished here.”

  Ava’s wide eyes met Annie’s. Annie tried to give her an encouraging smile, but she didn’t know if she’d succeeded.

  ∞

  Darren was awake when Annie took the children upstairs and had them each pick a book for some quiet reading time. He flashed his teeth at her and reached for her with both arms calling “Mama!” Annie changed him and carried him back downstairs with her.

  She took Darren and Dr. Winslow’s tea to the office at the same time

  “Excuse me,” she said from the open doorway.

  Darren grinned at his papa and reached for him. Dr. Winslow came around the desk to take his son. Annie set the cup of tea on the desk.

  “You wanted to talk to me?” she said, nerves fluttering in her stomach.

  “One of my patients is dying,” he said. “I need to be with the family tonight. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Would you be able to stay with the children? I can’t leave them here alone.”

  This wasn’t at all what Annie had expected.

  “I knew I might need to be away overnight at some point,” Dr. Winslow continued. “I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

  “What would you have d
one it you’d been called out in the middle of the night with no one else here?” Annie asked.

  “I have no idea. I’d considered waking Ava. She could watch the others until you arrived in the morning.” He looked uncertain. “That didn’t seem like a very good idea, but it was the only one I had. Kathryn left and disturbed everything.”

  “We can talk about it for another time. Meanwhile, I can stay with the children tonight.”

  Dr. Winslow sagged with relief. “Thank you so much. They all adore you. I know they won’t give you any problems. I thought about asking our neighbor to come but she’s cranky and they don’t like her.”

  Darren chose that moment to throw his arms toward Annie and cry, “Mama!”

  Dr. Winslow grew very still and stared at his son. Darren tried to wiggle out of his father’s arms and Annie finally took him and set him on the floor. The baby crawled to the couch and pulled himself to his feet. He threw his body onto the couch and climbed onto it.

  “That’s new,” said Annie. She hurried to sit next to him. “I didn’t teach him to call me ‘mama’” she explained, as the silence grew long and heavy.

  “He’ll never remember his mama,” said Dr. Winslow, grief etched in every line of his face.

  “I don’t know how to stop him,” said Annie. She felt like crying.

  Dr. Winslow joined them on the couch. He scooped his son into his arms and held him close.

  The baby grunted and tried to wiggle free again. “Dada,” he said as he patted his father’s face.

  Dr. Winslow smiled at the baby. “At least you have that part right,” he said. He set Darren on the couch again.

  “I’m sorry,” said Annie. She didn’t know what else to do. She felt like she’d betrayed Dr. Winslow somehow, even though she’d done nothing.

  He covered her hand with his own. The touch surprised Annie but she didn’t try to pull her hand away. “Don’t be sorry,” he said. “It isn’t your fault. He’s a baby. He needs a mama. You’re here more than anyone else and you take care of him.”

  “I’m doing my best to help them remember,” Annie assured him.

  He ran his thumb across her knuckles absentmindedly, “I know. I hear them talking about her and sharing stories. I appreciate what you’re doing. Thank you.”

  Annie had never seen this side of Dr. Winslow. She’d always been intimidated by him. Now she was getting a glimpse of the man Sarah must have fallen in love with.

  “Could I telephone my mother and let her know I won’t be coming home tonight?” she asked. “I don’t want her to worry.”

  “Of course. It’s probably safer for you to stay here tonight, anyway,” he said. He removed his hand and lifted Darren back to the floor. Annie found she missed his touch. “The snow is still falling. The sidewalks aren’t safe right now.”

  “And yet you’ll be heading into this dangerous weather to spend the night with a family in need.”

  “I’m a doctor. It’s what we do.” Dr. Winslow shrugged, dismissing her observation. His eyes, when they met hers, held a sad smile.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Coren walked home in the gray light of predawn. The snow had stopped sometime in the night and the skies had cleared, causing the temperature to plummet. His boots crunched in snow as he avoided the sludgy sections of the sidewalk that had probably frozen.

  His mind replayed the previous night in which an old patient had passed peacefully into eternity. Death was never pretty. Ever since Sarah, he struggled to keep his mind on those he was trying to comfort.

  The family had gathered around the elderly lady and sung her favorite hymns. Their minister prayed with them. She had slipped away in her sleep, a small smile on her lips.

  The sight had reminded him of Sarah, clinging to Darren and to life. She’d warned him she was going and he’d begged her to fight for her life.

  “It’s okay, Coren,” she’d whispered. “I’m not afraid.”

  Coren had been afraid enough for both of them.

  He brought his dark thoughts back to the present. His mind and heart were easier tonight than they had been in months. The anger and bitterness that had been his constant companion in the last months had not reared their ugly heads. He knew the woman tonight had gone to be with Jesus, just as Sarah had months ago. He knew he didn’t need to be angry. Still, he struggled to understand why God would rob him of his wife when he needed her most.

  He turned the corner toward home. A light shone in the kitchen window. Coren smiled. Whenever he’d been up all night with a patient, Sarah had always been awake to greet him when he arrived home. She’d given him a little breakfast, something warm to drink, then she’d sent him to bed.

  Was Annie already awake? Coren’s heart gave an odd kick at the thought. He remembered watching her play with the children in the snow the day before, her cheeks pink from exertion and cold, her eyes dancing as she dodged snowballs and threw a few of her own. He’d seen the rightness of it, how much the children adored her and how she adored them back. She’d only been their governess for a few months but he couldn’t imagine life without her. Why had he ever thought it was a bad idea?

  He saw her through the kitchen window, hair drawn back in a braid, her eyes still filled with sleep. Something stirred in him he hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt right to come home to Annie in his kitchen. He felt drawn to her in a way he hadn’t felt with any woman except Sarah.

  Annie smiled at him as he entered the kitchen door. “I thought you might have come home while we slept. I didn’t realize you meant you’d be gone literally all night. Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?”

  “Tea, please, if it isn’t too much trouble.”

  “I already made myself a cup. The water is still hot.” She filled a mug from the steaming teapot on the stove and set it in front of him on the table. “Would you like something to eat before you sleep? The porridge is almost warm.”

  At his nod, she filled a bowl for him and set it next to the tea.

  “Thank you,” he said. “Were the children good for you?”

  “They’re always good for me,” said Annie. “I love your children.”

  By the look on her face, Coren could tell the words had popped out before she thought about them.

  “I mean…” Annie’s face was red.

  Coren held up a hand. “I know what you mean. I’m glad you love them.”

  “I know you must be exhausted,” Annie said, “But I need to go home to get my lesson plans for today. I could probably use what we didn’t cover yesterday afternoon. I don’t think it’s enough and I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’ll hurry.”

  “You’ll need to be careful. It’s very cold and any spot where the snow was slushy has frozen into a sheet of ice.”

  “I promise to use care. If I go now, I’ll be back before they wake up.”

  Coren nodded. “Miss Petit, thank you for staying with them.”

  ∞

  The children were awake before Annie returned. They tumbled out of bed and downstairs calling for her, Ava bringing up the rear with baby Darren. Coren left his office and met them as they exited the kitchen.

  “Miss Annie left?” said Vivian, her eyes filling with tears. “She said she would be here when we got up.”

  “She had to go home for your school lessons. She said she would hurry back so she’d be here when you woke up, but you woke up earlier than expected.”

  Ava giggled. “We were excited about Miss Annie being here.” She turned to her siblings. “Come on, let’s get dressed and make our beds before she comes back.” She handed Darren to her father. All the children dashed back up the stairs.

  Coren followed more slowly, snuggling his son. “Do you wish Miss Annie was here, too?” he whispered to his infant son.

  Darren laughed and clapped his hands.

  Annie returned before breakfast. Coren was strapping Darren into his chair and the others were setting the table.

  “Miss Annie!” Vivian cried.
>
  “Mama!” cried Darren.

  The room fell silent.

  “She’s not your mama,” Ezra whispered to the baby.

  “Mama!” Darren called again and reached for Annie.

  Annie leaned over and kissed the baby on the cheek. “I’m happy to see you, too, Darren.”

  “You came back,” said Vivian.

  “Of course I came back, sweet girl. Why ever wouldn’t I? It’s gotten very cold outside and the sidewalks were icy. I had to walk slowly so I wouldn’t slip and get hurt. It took me longer than I planned.”

  The older children took their seats in silence. Coren observed their somber faces. “Darren doesn’t understand who you children mean when you talk about Mama. The only ‘mama’ he knows is Miss Annie.”

  “You aren’t angry, Papa?” asked Ava, concerned.

  “I’m sad Darren doesn’t remember his mama, but I’m not angry. He needs a mama, just like you children need one.”

  “But we don’t have a mama, either.” Vivian’s eyes filled with tears for the second time that morning. She would definitely need a nap today.

  “I know, Viv. I’m sorry.” Coren felt tears spring to his eyes as well. Ava wiped her nose on a handkerchief and Danny sniffed loudly.

  Annie broke the somber mood. “Enough of that,” she said, giving the children a soft smile. She ruffled Danny’s hair and cupped Ava’s cheek. She leaned and pressed a kiss to Vivian’s head. “We’re already behind for the day with school work. You all better eat up so we can get started. We’ll take some time later to tell Darren stories about his mama. How about that?”

  Ava managed a watery smile and nodded. The others dug into their food.

  Annie turned to Coren. “You need to sleep, Dr. Winslow. Don’t worry, I’ll be here with the children until you wake.”

  Coren managed a smile. He was exhausted and struggling with his own emotions.

  Annie followed him from the kitchen. “I didn’t mean to be glib back there, sir,” she said.

  “Not at all. I think they were surprised by Darren’s name for you, that’s all. I was when I heard it.”