Phoenixlost

by K. T. Strange

  “I find it hard to believe you were ever that age,” I said. The breeze lifted my hair, and I turned my face toward the sky, a weight falling off my shoulders. It was nice to joke about meaningless things. Max wouldn’t want me to suffer forever in sadness. I hoped she was looking down at me and that she was proud of me.

  “You can explain to the rest of the guys where you’re keeping Frank and Daria tonight,” Cash said as we pulled onto our street, the busy road in downtown hopping with shoppers and business people. “I’m taking Darce out tonight. Big date planned.”

  “What?” I sat up, surprised. He met my eyes through the rear-view mirror, a smile cracking across his lips.

  “Gotta celebrate your big life decisions, doll. So get dressed all pretty for me, yeah?”

  Four

  I fluttered my fingers over the soft, buttery feel of the fabric. The dress was gorgeous, and I was glad I’d be able to show it off. I was trying to embrace the whole paparazzi thing, leaning into it instead of fighting it. It’ll be just like leaning into it. If anything, I could be an excellent example for other people of a new way of living and polish off a little bit of the prejudice against people in multiple, polyamorous type relationships.

  Nevermind that nobody knew that we were deeply enmeshed in a way that was totally foreign to the average human. The tingle of the mating bite marks still lit up my skin, and I tried not to blush thinking about them. At least parts of my life would forever be completely private. No way would anyone be able to know that I had a deep, life-long connection to the guys. Let the paps and the rest of the media think that we were just fooling around, young idiots in love. I glanced at myself in the mirror.

  I would always be theirs. It was a comforting feeling, like being embraced from the inside out. They would never leave me, and we'd fight to keep our relationship stable. There was something about being assured of having them in my life that made me want to be a better person and partner, in whatever capacity I could be.

  "You keep day-dreaming, and Cash'll come in here and throw you over his damn shoulder," Elias said as he slipped into the bathroom, reaching his hand up to tug on one of my waving curls as it spiralled past my shoulders. "This is pretty." He eyed up my dress. "Don't let him rip it off of you. I want you to wear it out with me, one of these days."

  "He wouldn't dare," I said, smoothing my fingers over the fabric again. Elias laughed.

  "You're looking good enough in that he just might tempt your wrath."

  "I'll zap him," I grumbled. "This was expensive." Elias's eyes softened, and he smiled at me before pulling me close for a gentle kiss.

  "You're not still worried about money, are you?" He asked.

  "I'm always worried about it." I couldn't lie. The imbalance in our relationship where my finances were directly reliant on theirs was making me somewhat uncomfortable. But that was something to talk to them about another day. Plus, once I graduated properly, I'd be able to really believe that I had the right credentials for the work and that I deserved the job I had. A small part of me was still being insecure about that, and I didn't think I'd ever get rid of it entirely.

  "Well, you look beautiful," he said, tugging on my hand. "C'mon, don't keep the poor asshole waiting all night."

  I smiled at him. The guys clustered around me, jostling Cash as he reached for me. He kissed my cheek and smiled.

  "Who's the luckiest bastard here?"

  "Get the fuck out and stop bragging," Finn said, leaning in the arched doorway to the living room. Cash flipped him a middle finger, and we left, arriving downstairs just in time for our ride to pull up. The limo was long and sleek, and Cash slid inside after me, his arm closing over my shoulders.

  "So, where are we going?"

  "Someplace with a lotta fuckin' meat," he promised, startling a laugh out of me.

  "Oh my god, you are predictable." I smiled up at him and leaned into his warmth as our driver took us through the streets. I relaxed and sighed. "You know, we'd be a lot less conspicuous if we just took a normal car instead of a limo."

  Cash looked offended.

  "I fought in a world war-."

  "Oh Jesus," I muttered.

  "Lived almost a whole century, ate bread crumbs-"

  The giggle was working it's way up inside of me, and I shook my head at him. He kept ranting, although there was a smile on his face that warmed his eyes.

  "Busted my ass touring forever, half-starved and wearing the same clothes for weeks on end-."

  "Gross."

  He hushed me with a finger against my lips, only pulling it away to kiss me.

  "I want to be a bit flashy," he admitted. "I think I damned well earned it, to have you on my arm, and the cameras going like crazy, it just reminds me how much I did to get to this point."

  "You're..." I searched for the right words, warmed from my head to my feet. "I love you."

  "Good," he said, "or we got a problem."

  I gave him a soft smile, and he grinned in return, the motion of the car around us slowing to a stop.

  “Time to show you off,” he murmured, as the door swung open and he slipped out, offering me a hand. The lights nearly blinded me, and I had to hold my hand out to shield my eyes.

  “Where the hell did you take us?” I demanded under my breath as I stepped out onto a ridiculously plush red carpet. My heels sank into it, and if it hadn’t been for Cash’s arm on me, I would have toppled backwards. My calf muscles were getting the workout of the century.

  “Opening of a new restaurant, celebrity chef, dunno, the one who yells a lot on TV and tells people they’re a… a what? A… stupidity baguette?” Cash gave me a confused look, and I snorted.

  “That doesn’t sound concerning at all,” I drawled sarcastically, “but at least the food will be good.” I ducked my head against his shoulder to stay out of most of the photographs as we started to walk The Gauntlet that was the red carpet, photographers on one side, the step and repeat banner on the other side stretching for what felt like a mile. In reality, it was just twenty feet, but Cash was a star, and cameras, and microphones, turned to us like they were sunflowers eager for a bit of his light.

  He grinned, his arm tucked around my waist, the heavy warmth of it settling my nerves with each stop we made. He didn’t offer too many comments, and seeing as big-time movie stars were arriving behind us, we made it to the entry doors fast enough. I couldn’t hide the relief on my face, and Cash snickered at me.

  “I’m gonna twist one of your nipples,” I threatened, which just made him laugh harder.

  “Legend for two?” The host asked, his crisp white shirt looking so starched my skin itched in sympathy. He led us to a quiet table against a glittering backdrop. The arched ceiling above was entirely made of glass, revealing us to the stars, and thankfully despite it being Seattle, the sky wasn’t overcast. For once.

  Cash tucked my seat in as I sat, and I sighed, fidgeting with my napkin in my fingers. The heavy cotton rolled against my skin as Cash settled himself. A single flickering candle illuminated his face.

  His expression was…

  “What?” I asked, unsure if I should be defensive if he was still laughing at my threats, or whatever.

  “I just never thought I’d have a sight as pretty as you across from me; in all my life, I couldn’t have dreamed of getting everything I wanted.” His words warmed me from the toes-up, and my hand lifted involuntarily to my chest, brushing over the soft pulsing heat of the heartstone where it lay against the neckline of my dress.

  My cheeks were hot, and I glanced down at the menu, pulling the crisp leather folio open.

  “I don’t have pretty words like that to tell you how I feel,” I said. Cash shrugged and leaned across the table, grazing his fingers over the back of my hand.

  “I don’t need ‘em. Just the way you look at me is enough to tell me how you’re feeling on the inside, Darce.” I let my fingers tangle with his and hung onto him, needing the grounding that he gave me, reminding me that ev
erything, the lights and photographers outside, the noise and craziness of the world, our perilous future: it was nothing unless I stayed focused on the here and now. What was the point of winning all our wars if I couldn’t appreciate what I had while I had it?

  “You always know just the right things to say,” I replied, with a small amount of envy. Cash laughed.

  “Don’t mistake me for Finn. He’s the goddamn poet, coming up with all those lyrics. You should hear the new songs he’s writing. He’s getting pretty creative for coming up for euphemisms for your-”

  “Annnnnd good evening,” our waiter swung by, a bright, cheery smile on her face. “What could I get you both to drink?”

  I hoped she didn’t notice the way my cheeks were on freaking fire. Finn better not have been writing songs about my, uh, whatever. I’d kill him. Super dead. Or maybe just zap him in his balls—the curse of dating musicians.

  Cash ordered our drinks, a non-alcoholic strawberry something for me, and I gazed around the room. I recognized at least three-quarters of the patrons.

  “Did they fly in half of Hollywood’s C-list?” I murmured. Cash chuckled.

  “The glitterati aren’t half as sparkling as y-”

  “Okay, you need to stop,” I said, but the smile was broad on my face. “You can’t keep… like filling me full of compliments, cause I’m going to explode.”

  “That’s not the only thing I’m gonna fill you with tonight,” he said as he looked at his menu.

  “Cash!” I hissed. His eyes met mine over his menu, and he smirked.

  “What? They got a crepe buffet. I’m gonna fill you full of crepes.”

  “I hate you,” I grumbled as I closed my menu with a huff.

  “Not my fault you got a dirty-as-sin mind,” he teased.

  “What else was I supposed to think, what with you telling me Finn’s writing odes to my-”

  “Here we are,” the waitress returned at the exact wrong moment, setting our drinks down. “Can I recommend the set menu tonight?”

  “Has it got steak on it?” Cash asked, a gleam in his eyes that only really got there during sex or when he was looking at a hunk of half-cooked cow. He would never survive as a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. He was a carnivorous sex-machine.

  “I’ll have the set menu,” I said before she could answer. If it was the celebrity chef I was thinking of, everything would be delicious no matter what. “Excuse me,” I said, getting up and pushing past the waitress. “Is the restroom that way?”

  She nodded in the direction she was pointing.

  “Don’t order meat-everything,” I warned Cash. “Get a vegetable, at least.” He rolled his eyes but grinned at me despite my nagging. I shook my head at him. He was probably going to order meat, meat, and only meat just to spite me.

  Cool air-jetted over my skin as I stepped into the hallway that led down to the restroom. Something… wavered in the air, like a heat-glimmer. I froze. The sounds of dining behind me died off, like a curtain dropping to muffle the noise.

  It wasn’t right.

  I could feel it in my gut, making my bones hurt. The door at the end was a fire exit, the sign glaring red above it. It swung open, out into the darkened parking lot beyond.

  Nobody stood there, though. The doorway remained empty. My breath caught in my throat. I started walking toward it against my better judgement.

  I should’ve gone back into the restaurant, grabbed Cash by the arm, and told him we needed to go.

  Instead, I walked. If there was a threat there, if something wrong was happening, something magical, then the whole restaurant was in danger.

  I couldn’t let innocent people be hurt, not by hunters or anything else that might’ve been coming for Cash and me.

  He stepped into the pool of light at the exit door as I was five feet from it, and my heart shuddered in my chest.

  My father lifted his hand, his skin blackened and crisped all over, nails dripping blood.

  “Daughter,” he breathed, and my body jerked forward, a muffled scream echoing out of my throat as my mouth slammed shut with the power of his magic. I flew through the air and slammed into the ground, skidding along the pavement at his feet. He turned, the door shutting behind him.

  His hands moved, undulating in the breeze-less air, and I lifted off the ground, feeling weightless.

  “Daughter, at last,” he whispered.

  Oh. God.

  Five

  I couldn’t move, the breath barely escaping my chest. It felt like I was drowning, but the air was all around me, but my lungs were hardly functioning. My eyes blinked in slow-motion as my father approached me, his hands outstretched.

  Oh god.

  Oh god, he was going to strangle me like this, choke the air from my lungs, forcing my whole body to shut down. He wasn’t going to lift a finger, and he’d stop my entire body from moving, squeezing the life right out of me. The spell was crude, raw, and all-consuming. Like a new-come witch into powers would cast, unaware that the freezing spell they’d just thrown on their cat would suffocate it.

  His fingers brushed my cheeks, nails scratching my skin, and I couldn’t even flinch away from it.

  “My precious daughter,” he murmured, his breath thick with ash and death, spilling out and tainting what little air I could squeeze into my slowly-inflating lungs. “I’ve missed you.”

  I ached to scream. It was like being locked into a dream where I couldn’t move fast enough, run fast enough, to get away from monsters licking and drooling at my heels. My heart thudded loud and slow in my ears, the beats coming too far apart. They never talk about this in the movies, when some magic spell gets cast and freezes everyone.

  At least when I’d done it, I’d let everyone breathe.

  My father was killing me, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was crazy and forgetful or doing it on purpose to be cruel. Both thoughts were terrifying.

  His fingers dragged down my neck, long, blackened nails catching on the chain of my necklace.

  “And this, your greatest achievement, a crowning glory. I should be disgusted, and yet I find myself… curious. How someone who never could so much spend two seconds at her magic studies could create it-” With a yank, he snapped the chain. The air barely puffed out from between my lips in an outraged gasp. He studied my face, his watery eyes calm and dead. The heartstone rolled into his palm, glistening in the light thrown off by the street lamps. Security should have been rounding the corner any minute. Someone would find us. Interrupt this horror-show.

  My legs were starting to feel heavy, an odd sort of pressure. Panic flickered in the back of my mind as my heart gave another sluggish, indignant beat. Was it slowing down between pulses? My thoughts raced as fast as my body refused to move, the slowness in my muscles making me wish I could scream.

  A gritty noise fried in the back of my throat, and a twisted smile appeared on my father’s lips.

  “You disagree? Did you think you were a model student, a genius little witch? You were nothing, a disappointment, and yet, when it all came down to the end, you were my greatest achievement. A witch who could challenge me in the seat of my own power. Impressive.” His hand closed over the heartstone, and for a moment, I was terrified he would somehow crush it, that the strength that had kept him alive through Max’s fire would see him super-human and able to grind stone to dust in his palm. He sighed, his glassy eyes closing almost as slow as mine. My body felt heavy, and if it hadn’t been for the sheer force of his magic, I believed I would have fallen to my knees, my muscles trembling with the effort to remain upright. Flashes of heat rolled through my body, rising and falling with the slowness of my breaths, pulsing with the off-time beat of my heart.

  Inside me, I felt the crackle of power, just a whisper, barely a vibration, as my magic tried to come to life.

  It was like flicking a lighter without fuel. My mind was too clumsy, my vision starting to spot dark and light in places, as the lack of air was getting to me. A whisper, half a cry, e
scaped my throat. My father gazed at me, his look as heavy as the blood pooling in my legs - that's’ what that heavy feeling had to be.

  “How things could have been so different,” he murmured, his paper-dry fingers stroking the side of my face again. “I would have had you for my own, and the power my get would have commanded-” He leaned in, revulsion bubbling up bile in my chest, his lips pressing to mine. The first touch of his mouth on me cracked something wide open inside my belly, and the lighting exploded outward, brilliant sparking of power that shoved me backward and toppled him onto his back.

  The spell shattered, and I gasped, my chest heaving as air flooded into my system. I rolled over onto my side, the sound of my father’s groans fueling me. I needed to get back to my feet. My body didn’t want to move, and I screamed inside my own head as he shifted, staggering to his feet. His hands clasped, parting as light built between them. A crackling blade emerged, the flat of it translucent and arcing with power. The hilt solidified in his palm, and he held straight upright. My legs ached as I scrabbled on the ground, trying to get them to work. Up. I needed to get up.

  “Hold,” he said, his voice quiet and somehow thundering through my ears. The power in it flattened me, and my back crumpled down onto the ground, my head an inch from the pavement when I caught myself. “We do not need to fight-”

  “You’re the fucking asshole with a… lightning blade in your hand,” I snapped, the severity and insanity of the situation finally breaking me. “You’re the one who’s been trying to kill me for the last however many times you’ve seen me!” Red heat flashed through my muscles, and I crunched forward, rolling up onto my knees. Panic-fueled and angrier than I’d been in probably forever, my hands crackled with un-spent lightning, the flare of it nearly blinding me as I stood at last. “You’re the one who’s trying to hurt me and mine,” I spat each word with purpose. His grip on the hilt faltered for a second as I took a step forward, the shuddering power growing inside of me. Enough. I was past done. I’d been done months ago. I’d been done when I ran from home at eighteen.