Reading His Submissive

by Brandi Evans

  “I’m the coward? Try looking in the mirror, my friend. If you wanted her, then you should have acted sooner.”

  Maddox went momentarily rigid, and Carter instantly regretted his words, even before Maddox’s fist exploded against his cheek.

  The punch landed with enough force to knock Carter backward, and he fell onto the sofa.

  “I want you out,” Maddox shouted over his shoulder as he headed for the kitchen. “I’m done watching you wallow in your self-imposed misery. You love Raven; she loves you. Act on it or don’t. Your choice. Me, on the other hand, I may be too damn late to do anything about my own feelings, but I plan to fight tooth and fucking nail for the woman I love.”

  Carter struggled back to his feet. Part of him wanted to comfort his partner while the other part wanted to pummel him. Fighting for the woman he loved meant fighting for Genny. The idea stuck in Carter’s craw. Maddox may be better for her, but damn it, Carter didn’t want to give her up. He needed to, but he just didn’t want to.

  “Maddox, look. I’m sorry I—”

  “Consider this a friendly warning, I’m going to Restrained Fantasies tomorrow night to meet Raven. Since y’all are apparently over, I’m assuming you won’t mind if I make my move.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What was confusing about what I said?” Maddox pulled a can of beer from the refrigerator.

  Carter clenched his hands into fists. No way had his partner insinuated he was about to make a move on Genny. Surely Maddox wasn’t so fucking heartless; he wouldn’t go after Genny this soon.

  Would he?

  Seconds stretched into minutes, and for a long time, the pop of Maddox opening his beer was the only sound that passed between them.

  “What do you mean?” Carter asked when he couldn’t stand the silence any longer, his words stretched taut.

  Maddox shrugged. “If y’all are done, there’s nothing stopping me from having a go. I mean, I wouldn’t have acted on my feelings if y’all were together, but now…”

  Maddox left the rest of his sentence to Carter’s imagination.

  A wave of jealousy built in his chest like the mushroom cloud of a nuclear blast. Thinking his partner had feelings for Genny was far less painful than knowing how his partner felt. And for Maddox to be so blatant about it was sixteen degrees beyond heartless. The bastard might as well have pulled out his sidearm and plugged Carter right between the eyes. God knew, it would hurt far less.

  And all Carter had to do to make his partner back off was to say he intended to find a way to win Genny back. All he had to do was say the words, but saying the words wouldn’t change the fact he was a curse on the women he loved. One was dead, and he’d already let the other down. Backing away now was the smart and noble thing to do.

  But fucking fuck, he loved her so goddamn much.

  Letting her go was breaking his heart.

  Irony was a cruel mistress.

  “That’s fine,” Carter finally said, the words feeling like glass in his mouth. “I hope y’all will be very happy together.”

  Maddox paused mid-chug, as if Carter’s acquiescence surprised him, but if he were indeed surprised, it was only for a split second.

  His partner smiled. “Thanks, buddy. I’ve actually already made arrangements to meet her at Restrained Fantasies after her shift tomorrow.”

  “You’ve what?” Anger had the words spilling free before Carter could pull them back. Genny was already arranging dates with other men?

  What the actual fuck?

  “That’s what I was talking to her about on the phone.” Maddox backed toward his bedroom door. “We’re meeting in the employee locker room after her shift’s over. She still wants to explore her submissive side, ya know, but she wants a Dom she has trust in. And well, since you don’t seem keen on helping her explore anymore, I volunteered to help her, and I’m seriously looking forward to it. I’ve wanted that hot ass for too damn long.”

  And with that said, Maddox stepped into his bedroom and slammed the door in Carter’s face.

  Why’d she have to miss Carter so damn much?

  Raven fell back against the elevator wall and closed her eyes. A shift at Restrained Fantasies had never felt so taxing. Every cry, every groan, every moan, every scream from a sub at his or her Master’s hand was a punch to Raven’s heart. Knowing things were over between her and Carter made for the shittiest of days, and considering the amount of shit she’d been dealt in life, that was saying something.

  She needed to get thoughts of him out of her mind, permanently. She also needed to find a new place to stay. She’d had the pleasure of watching the new buyers level her old house—talk about a rush—but the plans she’d made regarding the house she’d planned to buy had fallen through. More precisely, she’d allowed them to fall through.

  When she’d gone to the house to meet with the owners one final time, the place had left her with a hollowed out feeling inside her chest. Maybe it had been the fact she’d spent so much time at Carter’s she thought of his home as her home, a place where she could see herself forever, with him and his stupid dog.

  How foolish she’d been.

  Now, she didn’t have Carter or a place to live. She was a woman without a home, and it was her own damn fault.

  Luckily, however, Vivian had offered her one of the spare bedrooms in her and Brock’s house. Their house might be aesthetically amazing, but living with the boss was seven degrees of weird. He’d been nothing but polite to her, but between seeing how he and Viv were together, how happy they were, made her need to flee more pressing.

  Viv and Brock were, in every way, each other’s other half. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to see, especially with her and Carter’s breakup so fresh and vivid in her mind. They’d shared something similar. Well, she’d thought they had, but apparently, she’d been wrong.

  The elevator doors slid open, and she headed toward the locker room. She was supposed to meet Maddox there in a few minutes. She wasn’t sure why he’d chosen to meet in the locker room, but this was Maddox. Saying no had never crossed her mind. She only wished Carter had been the one to ask her here.

  She pushed open the locker room door. Maybe she could talk Maddox into tricking Carter into meeting her. Sure, it was a bit underhanded, but it wasn’t as if Carter had given her much of a—

  “Carter!”

  His name flew from her lips. In her distracted state, she hadn’t noticed him standing in front of her locker until she’d practically run into him, close enough to smell the citrus of whatever smoothie he’d recently ingested. Close enough to see, in full glorious display, every tell he’d gone over in class to describe anger in a person’s expression.

  She took two steps back, verifying what her eyes told her, but her brain didn’t want to accept. Narrowed eyes. Eyebrows down and drawn together. A glare in his eyes she feared would leave third-degree burns on her soul.

  “How could you?” His words were complete accusations and confusing as fuck.

  “How could I what?” She hadn’t meant the words to come out with so much venom behind them, but she didn’t deal well with people attacking her, physically or verbally.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Maddox.”

  “What about him? He asked me to meet him here, and I—”

  “I know exactly what he asked. I just can’t believe you said yes.”

  “He’s a friend, and he wanted to talk to me.”

  “Talk? That’s a strange way to describe setting up a Dom/sub scene.”

  “A Dom/sub scene?” She shoved her fingers into her hair, grabbed on, and fought the urge to scream. “Okay, can you dial your inner asshole down from eleven? I have no idea what you’re going on about. Maddox asked me here because he said he wanted to talk. I could tell something was seriously bothering him, so, of course, I agreed. To talk. Nothing more.”

  Carter paused, his demeanor slipping from hulked-out to holy-fuck-what-did-I-just-do. “You mean, you didn�
�t ask him to top for you?”

  “No, you idiot! There’s only one Dom I want topping for me, but don’t worry, after tonight, getting over him will be much easier.”

  Okay, not really. Carter Burkes would be nearly impossible to get over, but nonetheless, she shouldered past him. She should have just turned to leave, but she needed her car keys. Without them, any storming out would be purely symbolic.

  She didn’t look at him as she spun her combination lock. Didn’t look at him as she grabbed her purse or slammed the door. Didn’t look at him as she made her way to the door, but she could feel his gaze on her with every step.

  Hand on the doorknob, she paused, still not turning. “I’ve still got a few things at your place, so please don’t tell your house to forget me until I’ve gathered the last of it.”

  “Genny, I—”

  “Don’t. Not right now. I’m too damn mad at you, Carter.” She shook her head. “I thought we had something special, but I guess it was just me.”

  “It wasn’t just you.”

  “Then why did you push me away? No, wait. Don’t answer. Anything you say will probably only make me angrier.” Maybe later, when he hadn’t just accused her of trying to seduce his best friend.

  She yanked the handle—but the door remained squarely shut.

  What the hell?

  She tried again. Nada. She lifted her hand to bang on it when her cell rang. A quick glance at her watch revealed the caller was Maddox. Perfect. Maybe he was outside trying to get in.

  She grabbed her cell from her back pocket and swiped on. “Maddox! Thank god. Listen, I’m locked in the employee locker room.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry.”

  “What?”

  “Who do you think locked you in, Raven?”

  She pressed the palm of her free hand to her forehead. “Tell me this is some sort of sick joke.”

  “I’m afraid not. I needed a way to get you two in the same room, but my partner was being an obstinate asshole, so I had to get creative. Sorry, I sprung it on you like this though.”

  “I still don’t understand.”

  “You told me to punch some sense in him, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Here’s the thing, Raven. My stupid idiot of a partner loves you. Honestly, I think he loves you more than he’s ever loved another woman; he’s just too much of a chickenshit to face his past. And, unfortunately, shadows from his past are keeping him from the future I know he wants to have with you. You should have seen how pissed he got when I told him I was meeting you after your shift to hookup.”

  She turned to Carter. So, that was why he’d lit into her. He’d been jealous of her being with Maddox, and jealousy wouldn’t work into any equation where he didn’t care for her, at least, on some level.

  “What happened in his past?” she asked.

  Carter tensed at her words.

  Maddox was quiet for a long moment before responding with a sentence that nearly leveled her. “Her name was Emily, and he loved her very much.”

  And Maddox was gone.

  Maddox had played him like a fiddle—a broken fiddle but still. Of course, Carter would go straight to Genny after his and Maddox’s blowout last night.

  Fuck!

  From his pocket, his cell rang. He thought briefly about ignoring it, but he knew exactly who was calling him. Maddox. And Carter knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, his partner would call and call and keep calling until Carter finally answered—or broke another cellphone against a wall.

  Carter clicked on. “You fucker.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m the worst kind of fucker imaginable, but not for this. For what I did to Katlyn.”

  “What’re you talking about? We did everything we could for her.” Not that Carter believed his own lie for a second.

  “I told myself, when I sent her away, it was for the best, that getting her away from here, away from her husband, was the best thing I could do for her. I thought about you and Emily and what happened with y’all—so yeah, I thought I was doing right by Katlyn by sending her away, no matter my personal feelings.”

  Suddenly, everything made sense. The intensely personal way Katlyn’s disappearance had affected Maddox. How attentive he’d been toward her at the precinct. When he’d almost come to blows with her husband. The white-as-a-sheet complexion he’d had over the past two weeks. His line at the club about loving the one you were with. Becoming withdrawn and melting down when the captain had ordered them to come home when the leads had dried up. It was everything Carter had experienced when Emily had died.

  “You love her,” Carter said. It was a statement, not a question.

  “Very much.”

  Carter thought back to the past month. Maddox had been in love with someone he couldn’t have. He’d been pining, but it hadn’t been for Genny. He’d fallen for Katlyn like Carter had fallen for Emily. Because sometimes, despite a person’s best judgment, he or she falls for someone they have no business falling for.

  “Fuck, Maddox. I’m sorry. I thought—”

  “I was in love with Raven? Yeah, I worked that out last night after I knocked the shit out of you. Sorry about that, by the way. I’m—”

  “Emotionally devastated. I know the feeling.”

  “I know you do.” Slight pause. “Not knowing whether she’s alive or dead is killing me. Sometimes, I convince myself she’s alive, but then, I’m overcome with terror at the thought of what that bastard might be doing to her. There’s a burning fire in the pit of my stomach I can’t put out. And if I had to guess, you’ve got the same fire burning in your stomach, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you throw away what you have with Raven because you’re too much of a goddamn coward to face your past, not when I’m terrified every second of every day the woman I love is lost forever.”

  Maddox’s voice broke, as did something inside Carter.

  “Don’t throw away what y’all have, Carter. You have the chance to fix it. I know how much Emily’s death hurt you. Trust me, I know more than ever, but don’t fuck up what you have with Raven.”

  The line went dead.

  Carter held the phone to his ear long after the call had ended, unable to sort through the jumble of emotions billowing inside him with the ferocity of an F-5 tornado. He loved Genny. Carter knew that now, but what he didn’t know was how to fix what he’d broken between them.

  So far, no one at the precinct seemed the wiser regarding what he’d done to get Genny’s money back. Hell, he doubted Brenda Malek could fully recall their conversation, considering her drugged out state. If she remembered, though, he doubted anyone would believe her. He’d covered his tracks well, not that being a good criminal should be something to be proud of.

  He wasn’t sure how long the silence had stretched between them when Genny finally spoke, her voice soft and timid, so unlike the strong, independent woman he’d grown to love and respect over the past month.

  “Tell me about Emily.”

  He wrenched his eyes closed, leaned back against the locker and slid onto the floor. He wasn’t ready for this. He was never prepared to talk about Emily. His memories were an exposed live wire. Where the fuck did he even start?

  Soft footfalls shuffled toward him, and Genny sat beside him. She didn’t touch him, but she was close enough he could feel the heat of her body against his suddenly cold skin. The subtle scent of her vanilla lotion reached his nostrils, and he drew the smell into his lungs. For a long moment, he held the breath inside him, holding something of Genny inside him.

  “Maddox said you loved her.” Her voice was still meek.

  “I did. Guess I still do in a way but…” It was still fucking hard to say. “But she died.”

  “Oh, Carter.” She took the hand nearest her and interlaced their fingers. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  He brought their intertwined hands to his heart, capturing her hand between both of his and holding tight. Her touch was a lifeline he desperately needed to survi
ve the storm raging inside. “I was still relatively new on the force when I met her. She and her husband lived a few apartments down from me. My schedule and hers just happened to sync, so we were always in the laundry room at the same time. I was smitten with her from the beginning, but of course, I didn’t do anything about it because she was married. Then one week, she didn’t show, so naturally, I went to her apartment to make sure she was okay.

  “She didn’t want to let me in at first. She kept the chain on the door, but eventually, she opened the door. Her right eye was bruised and nearly swollen shut. She said she slipped in the shower, but I was already too jaded by my few years on the force and I didn’t buy the line. I went to my superiors with my suspicions, but I was told that without her coming forward to report the abuse, there wasn’t much we could do. Of course, it didn’t help matters any that her husband’s brother was a Texas senator who was the darling of his party. He had power, charisma, and a base of supporters behind him, so without irrefutable proof or Emily coming forward, no one was willing to touch his family. I was told to drop it.”

  “But you didn’t drop it.” Her response wasn’t a question.

  He shook his head. “I started my own off-the-books investigation. I watched her at home. I watched her husband at work. I did everything I could to stay impartial and thorough in my investigation, but then one day, I saw her limping and struggling to carry a single load of laundry to the laundry room. I confronted her about it and told her I knew her husband was abusing her. I told her that if she testified against him, I could keep her safe and—”

  His voice broke.

  Genny scooted closer. She didn’t speak, merely pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

  “It took a while, but eventually, I convinced her to turn him in. We took her into protective custody. They wanted to send her away for her safety, but I was having trouble letting go. I knew once she left, I’d likely never see her again. I tried to convince the marshals to delay one more night, telling them I needed more time to finish my paperwork, dotting my ‘i’s and crossing my ‘t’s, that sort of thing. They didn’t give me the entire night, but they allowed me two hours. I knew it was now or never, my last chance to tell her how I felt before she left my life forever. So, I told her everything, and she told me she felt the same. I was riding high for about thirty seconds. That’s when the gunfire started.”