Reckless Surrender

by R. C. Martin

  She opens the door and my heart aches, overwhelmed with all the emotions that are coursing through me. There are too many to identify. Looking at her tear streaked face, I know that after today—after this moment—nothing will ever be the same.

  “I said wait,” I state.

  “Why?” she barely manages. “So you could—”

  “Stop talking,” I insist, stepping toward her. “You got your turn, now it’s mine.” She seals her lips and I reach for her face. I dry her cheeks with my thumbs and then tilt her head back tenderly, so that I can look directly into her eyes. As I do, I realize that I’m never going to find the words she needs to hear. I’m just going to have to show her.

  My heart beats wildly as I lower my mouth to hers. After over three years with this woman, we’ve never shared a kiss—until now. I kiss her gently at first, needing to relish this profound moment. I can feel the hoop of her lip ring and it makes me want to nibble on it, so I do. She whimpers, pressing her body closer to mine. I slide one hand into her hair, dropping my other to the small of her back. She moves to wrap her arms around me and the urge to taste her overpowers my will to take my time with her.

  I slip my tongue into her mouth and she emits a sigh in response. As if she’s flipped a switch, I begin to tremble with need. Every fiber of my being yearns to claim her as mine. I kiss her deeper and she holds me tighter. Mine—this woman, her mouth, her body, her heart—mine! I reach behind me and swing the door shut before I start walking her backwards. She stumbles and I catch her around the waist before hoisting her up. Her legs wrap around my hips and my hunger for her intensifies.

  She knocks my hat off as she reaches up and buries her fingers in my hair. One of my hands finds its way underneath her shirt, onto the warm skin of her back, as we kiss our way to her bedroom. I lay her across her bed and recline on top of her, my lips leaving a wet trail from her mouth, down her neck. When I reach for the bottom of her shirt, she helps me take it off, along with the tank top she wears underneath it. I let her take off my shirt, the look on her face as she does so turning me on even more.

  I’ve never seen her so raw with desire. I’ve never seen her look more sexy.

  My dick is dying to come out and show her just how much I want her in return.

  I smother her with soft kisses between her breasts and across her stomach. I don’t think twice about unbuttoning her shorts and discarding them on the floor. She sits up and reaches for me and I surrender to her kiss as she pulls me back down on top of her. I want to touch her, to feel the evidence of her desire. It’s my only thought. But I don’t want to rush her. We’re moving so fast, I want to make sure she’s keeping up with me. I silently ask for her permission to go farther, moving my hand over the fabric between her legs.

  She gasps, her eyes flying open in search of mine. I wait, my yearning growing unmanageable as I do. Then she moves against me, granting my request. I drag my fingers up her core and feel my way underneath the top trim of her panties. Something tells me to pause—I need to hear her say it.

  “I won’t be able to stop,” I caution her, resting my forehead against hers. “Once I start, I won’t be able to stop—so, if you don’t want to do this, if you want to slow down, it’s now or never.”

  “Never,” she pleads, shaking her head for emphasis. “Never stop.”

  I capture her mouth with mine and kiss her with all the passion I can summon. A groan rumbles its way out of me as I trace my fingers between her folds. She’s so fucking wet, I can hardly stand it. I’m convinced I’ve never been so hard in my life. If I don’t pace myself, I’ll blow before I get the chance to make her come.

  I insert one finger—then another. She grips me tighter, arching her back as she pulls her mouth away from mine. The look on her face as I begin to pleasure her about pushes me over the edge. The sound and feeling of her unraveling beneath me steals away all sense of patience.

  I need to be inside of her.

  I need to make her mine.

  Right. Fucking. Now.

  I free her from her black panties and matching bra before I stand to drop my pants. She lies still as she watches me and I can see that she’s not nervous. She’s completely naked, on display for me to see, but she’s not self-conscious or anxious—she’s beautiful and full of a fire that I want to consume. When she smiles at me, she takes my breath away.

  Now it’s my turn to take hers.

  I rid myself of the rest of my clothing and crawl into the space between her legs before I realize—“Shit!”

  “What? What’s wrong?” she asks, cupping her hands around my face.

  “I don’t have a condom. I didn’t really plan—”

  “I don’t care. I want you inside of me. I want to feel you—I need to feel you—now,” she begs.

  “Daph—”

  “You’re clean, right? And I’m on the pill.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask for her sake, not for mine. I’m more than ready to take her up on her offer.

  “Please. Ple—” She cries out as I penetrate her entrance.

  I clench my teeth together as I ease my way in, allowing her body to make room for mine. She feels unbelievably good. She’s warm and soft and so tight around me, I know that I’m not going to last very long. “Fuck,” I breathe, closing my eyes. It takes me a minute to gain some semblance of control and I stay perfectly still as I work on it. Then Daphne hiccups and I open my eyes to find her crying. “What? Baby, are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

  “No,” she cries.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I—I just love you. So. Much.”

  A small smile plays at my lips and I plant a delicate kiss on her forehead before I begin moving in and out of her. My pace is slow—slower than I’ve ever cared to go—and it’s the greatest sensation I’ve ever felt. “Do you feel that? Do you feel my need for you? Do you feel how much I want you?” She nods, her irregular breathing conveying how I’ve robbed her of her words. “I love you too, baby. It’s always been you. You’re mine, now. And I’m yours.”

  I continue my slow rhythm, trying to make our first time last for as long as possible. I can’t take my eyes off of hers and I watch her as she gazes up at me. It’s as if we both know that we’re where we belong—where we were always meant to be—together. At one point or another we both fought it; but this surrender isn’t about giving in. It’s about allowing ourselves the freedom to be who we are, completely. Right now, in her arms, I’m a man who will no longer deprive myself of love. In her arms, I’m the best damn version of myself that I will ever be.

  I kiss her mouth softly, wishing to remind her that I’m right here with her—and not just physically. The expression she gives me in return destroys me and I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

  Her hands are all over me; her fingertips matching me stroke for stroke as she feels her way around my body. She trails them down my chest, up my back, along my arms, and across my shoulders—tickling my neck, caressing my face, and ruffling my hair. I’m in awe of how fucking insane it makes me feel. It’s like she’s awakening every nerve ending in my body from a dormant state as she discovers who I am in a whole new way.

  “You feel too good, baby, I can’t last much longer,” I warn her, pressing my forehead against hers. “I want you to come with me.” As if her body is under my command, I can feel her insides tighten. “That’s it, Daph.” She moans, her hands reaching out to grip two fistfuls of blanket. “Let yourself go. I’m right behind you.”

  “Trevor—oh, my god—”

  “That’s it, baby.” I watch as her body yields to her euphoria.

  “Holy shit—Trevor!”

  Her orgasm brings me to mine. “Daphne!” I grunt as I’m overwhelmed with my own release. I ride it out until I’m drained and then collapse on top of her. Sated, I lay listening to the sound of her breathing, accompanied by the rapid rise and fall of her chest. She wraps her arms around my neck, obviously content to stay just as we are.

 
I’m happy.

  The thought hits me like a lightening bolt. I’m happy…happier than I’ve ever been. I just made love with the most incredible woman in my world. I don’t feel guilt, I don’t feel shame, I don’t feel remorse, or regret—I feel happy.

  Daphne sniffles and I pull away when I realize that she’s crying again. As irrational as it might be to imagine that she could be in a fit of regret right now, that’s exactly what I fear.

  Sex changes everything. We can’t take that back.

  “Stop thinking what you’re thinking,” she tells me, wiping away her tears. It’s useless, as more tears are quick to wet her cheeks again. “I’m sorry that I’m so emotional,” she laughs and cries all at once. “That was, by far, the single greatest moment of my entire life. So—thank you.”

  I prop myself up on one elbow and bring my free hand to her cheek, continuing in the useless act of drying her tears. “You have nothing to apologize for. I do. I’m sorry that it took me so long to give you that. I’m sorry that I didn’t—”

  “Shh,” she whispers, placing a finger against my lips. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

  I take her hand and bring it to my chest, pressing it over my heart. “I love you, Daphne.”

  “I love you, too, Trevor.”

  I really wish I knew what was going on. My sister hasn’t been confiding in me over the last couple of weeks. I get it, I do. What she’s going through with Trevor is a big deal and I know her—I know that she doesn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up by expressing that she’s ready to put it all out there for him. It’s because she’s scared of rejection. It’s one of her biggest fears; not so much in terms of what the world thinks of her, but what the people who mean the world think of her. In her mind, it’s better if no one knows what’s going on because their enthusiasm would raise her hopes, too.

  We all know that Trevor loves her, but we also know that it’s complicated. We can give them crap about it all we want, but if one of them decides they want more and the other person doesn’t—what then? None of us think that’s possible but, according to Logan, that may have been what’s just happened. I wish I knew more. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate having a direct line into what’s going on with Daphne during this whole debacle, but I’m not a big fan of hearsay—especially not where my sister is concerned.

  As soon as I get off of work, Logan and I hurry to my Jeep so that I can drive us back to their place. I try and ask a couple questions, in hopes of getting a better grip on the whole situation. After a couple frantic I don’t knows! I decide it’s better if I just keep my mouth shut. We ride the rest of the way in silence. When we arrive, she jumps out of her seat as I shift into park. She’s walking so fast I have to jog to catch up to her. I’m curious how she manages to move so quickly in shoes so high.

  Logan reaches for her keys at the same time that she reaches for the handle of their front door. She looks back at me when she discovers that it’s unlocked. I press my lips in a firm line and shake my head before we both step inside. We’re barely two steps in before she stops me, placing her hand against my chest. She points to the Denver Nuggets baseball cap that’s on the floor and then brings a finger to her lips, signaling that I stay quiet. She sweeps her hair behind her ears and I watch her, waiting to see what she’s doing.

  When she squeaks in a gasp and claps her hands over her mouth, I’m startled—that is, until I see the joy the lights up her eyes. Now I’m confused. For a second, I have no idea what’s going on. Then I remember her Spidey ears and I shrug, implying that I need her to fill me in. Before she can say a word, I hear my sister.

  “Trevor—”

  “Out, out, out!” Logan commands in a demanding whisper. She places both of her hands against my chest and practically skips as she pushes me back outside. She closes the door behind us then turns and throws her arms around me. “We did it!”

  My reflexes instruct my arms to return her embrace, but my mind is elsewhere. “I can’t un-hear that,” I grumble, slightly disturbed.

  “Okay, I sort of understand why hearing your little sister have an orgasm is awkward,” she says, pulling away just enough to see my face.

  “I think I’ve been scarred for life.”

  “Seriously, Roman? That’s so not the point! They’re together! Eeek! They’re together!” Before I can respond, she plants a kiss on my lips. Suddenly, I’m not worried about my sister anymore. “Come on, we have to get out of here before we get caught,” she says, and then kisses me once more.

  It takes me a second to keep up with all that she’s saying. Her affection has become a frequent distraction that seems to transport me out of my right mind. “Hold on, I don’t think we should be the ones worried about getting caught. She called you, remember?”

  “Oh! Right!” She reaches into her skirt pocket and takes out her phone. It isn’t until she props herself up against me that I realize I’m still holding her. “Problem solved,” she tells me, distracting me from my thoughts before I can read into them.

  “What did you just do?”

  “I sent her a text telling her that we came, saw Trevor’s truck, and decided that it was best if we left them alone. Now, come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  “Wait—where are you going?” she asks, reaching for my hand as I climb off the bed.

  “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” I don’t bother with any clothes on my way out of her room. I make a quick stop at the linen closet and grab a wash cloth before going to the bathroom to wet it with warm water. When I get back, I find her sitting up. “I thought I said not to move,” I tease, spreading her legs so that I can clean her up. She sucks in a breath at the contact and my eyes shoot up to meet hers. “You okay?”

  “Never better.”

  I tilt my head to the side in a display of my disbelief. “Wings…”

  “There’s a lot of you,” she murmurs bashfully. “I’m just a little sore. It’ll go away. Hopefully very soon.” She reaches for me, sliding her hand around my neck and drawing me in for a kiss. “By the way,” she whispers, touching her nose to mine. “You have a hot ass.”

  “You have a flat ass,” I chuckle.

  “Hey,” she whines playfully, pulling away from me. “You love my flat ass.”

  “I do,” I admit, tossing the wash cloth aside as I sit beside her. I circle my arm around her waist and lower my lips to her shoulder.

  “I didn’t know sex could feel like that. I mean, you read about it and you see it on TV and you imagine that it will be great and then it happens to you and…I don’t know. My first time felt like an out of body experience. It hurt and it was kind of awkward. With you—” I wait for her to finish her sentence. When she doesn’t, I lift my head to see her face. She’s smiling, but not at me. She’s remembering.

  “I’ve never made love to anyone before,” I admit. I know that this is only her second time having sex but we both know my sexual history is chalked full of one night stands and regrets. I want her to know that this was a first for me, too. I want her to feel special. “And I’ve never done it without a condom.”

  “Really?” she asks, her gaze focusing in on me. “I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah. You felt amazing. Just thinking about it makes me want to do it again.”

  “Okay,” she replies with a grin, leaning into me.

  “Not now,” I say with a laugh. She frowns at me and I lift her chin and press a kiss to her lips. “I don’t want to hurt you. Besides, I think we should get out of here. This incredible girl I know made me this awesome dinner that I could really use right now. “

  “How perfect. I’m actually really hungry.”

  “Worked up an appetite, did you?” I tease, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

  “Stop it,” she giggles, pushing away from me as she stands to get dressed.

  “Oh, you just wait. I hope you made enough for us to have a midnight snack—I’m not done with you.”

  “Didn’t you just tell me no a second
ago?”

  “There are plenty of other things we can do,” I tell her, stepping into my jeans. “You and I have a hell-of-a-lot of lost time to make up for.”

  “That we do,” she sighs wistfully.

  “Alright, lets get out of here.” She squeals when I scoop her into my arms, cradling her against my chest.

  “What are you doing?”

  “In your haste to run away from me, you forgot your shoes.” She hums her understanding as she clings to me, both of us pretending that she doesn’t have a collection of other shoes in her closet.

  I spot my hat on the floor in the living room and dip down, jerking my chin at it as a request for her to pick it up. She does, sliding it over her wavy locks. She looks adorable and I just want to kiss her. I smile when I remember that I can, and then I do. “Got all you need?”

  “My bag,” she tells me, pointing at it where it lays discarded next to the door. After she’s grabbed it and we lock up, I take her to my truck. “Um—my car is—”

  “You won’t be needing it.”

  “Is that so?”

  “You have the weekend off and you’re staying at my house. I plan on being wherever you are.”

  “Wow. I get sex and my own personal chauffeur? How’d I get to be so lucky?” she jokes as I lift her into the passenger seat.

  “Your boyfriend loves you, that’s all.” It isn’t until she whips her head around to look at me that I realize what I’ve said. For so long, I’ve been the guy who’s not her boyfriend and she’s been the girl who’s not my lover—now, everything has changed. I know we don’t need to talk about it, what we just got done doing pretty much sums up our new relationship status. Even still, I can tell I’ve surprised her.

  “Trevor?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Kiss me.”

  “With pleasure.”