Falling Hard (Colorado High Country #3)

by Pamela Clare

  He was here.

  “Jesse home,” chirped Daisy.

  Oh, Ellie could get used to that—if Jesse would give her a chance.

  He came into the playroom and sat beside her, taking over so she could slip into the shower. The hot water felt heavenly, washing away the stress of the past two days. She shaved her legs, then got out and slipped into her nightgown and bathrobe, not bothering with makeup.

  She found Jesse sitting next to Daisy’s little bed and patting her back. She watched while he soothed her daughter to sleep, her heart overflowing for him. She’d hoped to get the chance tonight to tell him how she felt about him, but maybe it was too soon. Maybe he needed time to deal with all that had happened before she put any additional emotional weight on his shoulders.

  A few minutes later, they tiptoed out of Daisy’s room together.

  Jesse took Ellie’s hand. “She said she was scared.”

  Ellie twined her fingers with his. “My poor baby girl. She doesn’t have the words to tell us what she’s been through. Some part of her must know that something terrible happened.”

  Did she know Jesse had saved her?

  “Come.” Ellie led Jesse into her bedroom and began to undress him.

  “Is there something you want?” he teased.

  “You.”

  He helped her, pulling his T-shirt over his head, pushing down the jeans she’d unbuttoned and tossing them aside, shedding his boxer briefs.

  She pulled off her nightgown, and for a moment they stood there, his gaze moving over her and hers over him. She planted her palm in the center of his chest and gave him a push. “Lie down, and let me take care of everything.”

  His cock was hard before his head hit the pillow.

  She straddled his hips, splaying her hands across his chest, taking in the feel of his torso. “You’re so beautiful.”

  She bent down, kissed a flat brown nipple, then explored him with her hands and mouth. Every inch of him was precious to her, everything about him a miracle, from the softness of his skin to the hardness of his muscles to the springy curls on his chest. His warmth enfolded her, his heartbeat matching the thrum behind her breast, his scent like a drug to her.

  She took his cock in hand, licked him, swirled her tongue around the engorged head, then began to devour him.

  His hands slid into her hair. “Ellie, you’re too good at this. You shouldn’t…”

  Whatever she shouldn’t do was lost in a gasp as she sheathed him with her mouth and hand, moving them in tandem along his length. She kept up the rhythm until his balls started to draw tight, then stopped and reached for a condom.

  His gaze was hard now, erotic tension making his jaw clench.

  “Seeing all those horses today made me want to ride, too.” She straddled him once more, rolled the condom onto his erection, and guided him into her.

  She savored the feel of him—so hard and thick. Then she began to move, riding him, taking him into her again and again.

  “God, yeah.” He held his hips still, let her determine the pace.

  But he wasn’t passive—not Jesse. He reached up, took her breasts in his hands, and had his way with them, his fingers teasing and torturing her nipples, his touch making them pucker and sending frissons of pleasure straight to her belly.

  “You … feel … so … fucking … good.” Needing release, she reached down to stroke her clit.

  He moaned. “Mmm, yes, honey, make yourself come.”

  He was thrusting now, beyond the point of holding still, his cock driving into her, carrying her toward that bright edge.

  “Jesse!” Climax washed through her in a surge of bliss, his thrusts drawing out her pleasure until she lay weak and panting against his chest.

  He kissed her hair, his fingers stroking her spine, his cock still inside her—and still rock hard.

  Without warning, he moved out from beneath her and pinned her on her belly, his thighs straddling her hips, his cock penetrating her from behind. He supported his weight with one arm, reaching around her with the other to cradle her throat in one big hand. He forced her head back, compelling her to arch her back until she was supporting herself on her elbows, her hips still flat on the bed. It was a position of strength, of complete dominance—and it made her horny all over again.

  He kissed her cheek, her temple, nibbled her ear. “I didn’t start this, honey, but I’m sure as hell going to finish it.”

  He moved in and out of her with slow, smooth strokes, the angle of penetration making his cock glide over that sensitive spot inside her.

  She closed her eyes, savored every deep thrust, arousal building in her again until she was moaning every time he drove into her. “Fuck me, Jesse. Fuck me!”

  She came with a cry, the sweet shock of it singing through her, his body trembling as he claimed his own climax inside her.

  Jesse held Ellie in his arms, her head resting against his chest. She was as limp as a rag doll, her breathing deep and even. He’d never been in a sexual relationship that had lasted this long, and what amazed him about it—what blew his mind—was that the sex kept getting better. As impossible as it seemed, it was true.

  Maybe that’s because the sex had stopped being about fucking. It was about her, how he felt about her. It was about showing her he loved her.

  Because you sure aren’t good at telling her with words.

  He wasn’t. He didn’t know how to say what he needed to say. He’d never been in love before. He’d never opened himself like that before to anyone. Hell, he was less afraid of running through enfilading AK fire than throwing his heart on the ground at someone’s feet. But Ellie wasn’t just someone.

  Her fingers toyed with his chest hair. “Please stay with me tonight.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  She propped herself up on an elbow. “What do you want?”

  It’s now or never, buddy.

  “I saw you with the twins the day I came to view the cabin. You were out back on a blanket. The kids were tiny then—they couldn’t even sit up. My realtor told me you were a Gold Star wife, that your husband had died in Iraq. It wasn’t a coincidence that we didn’t meet until that night at Food Mart. I avoided you. I didn’t want to hear what had happened to your husband. I didn’t want to witness your grief. I had my own emotional shit to deal with. I kept my distance.”

  Was that really what you wanted to tell her, man?

  Rather than the look of disgust Jesse had expected, she smiled. “You might have closed yourself off to knowing me personally, but you were still a good neighbor. You shoveled my walk. You put my trash on the curb when I forgot. You even mowed my lawn on weekends when I was at work.”

  He stared at her. “You knew I was the one?”

  She shook her head. “I had no idea—until I saw you shoveling my walk the night Daniel and I were sick. It didn’t take long for me to put the pieces together.”

  He reached up, tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “The point I’m trying to make is that I could have reached out, but I didn’t.”

  “That was self-preservation. You’d come to Colorado to get the war out of your head. Why would you want to connect with a woman whose husband had been killed in that same war?”

  Jesse sat up, cupped her face in his hand, steeled himself. “I love you, Ellie.”

  There. He’d done it. He’d said it. The world hadn’t imploded, but now he lay, naked and shivering, at her feet.

  “What?” She stared at him through startled green eyes. “You ... you love me?”

  “God, yes, I love you. I’ve been fighting it, trying to ignore it. But I can’t stay away from you. I’ve tried.”

  She ran a hand down the length of his arm. “You’re trembling.”

  Shit.

  “Feeling this way—it scares the hell out of me.”

  “What scares you?”

  Wasn’t it obvious?

  “I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid and hurt you or one of the ki
ds. I don’t want to be the man you trusted who disappointed you.”

  “You’re not like the man who raised you, Jesse. Sorry, but I can’t call him your father—not after how he treated you and your mom.”

  “How can you be sure that I—?”

  She pressed her fingers to his lips. “I’m sure.”

  “It’s not just that. I’m a mess. You know that. Since you’ve known me, I’ve had recurring nightmares, a meltdown, and a full-on flashback. How can you be sure that there isn’t more shit hiding in my head?”

  “How can you be sure I won’t get hit by a car tomorrow?” She took his hand, squeezed. “The only thing we can depend on is each other. We’ll deal with whatever happens. I’m not afraid of what’s inside your head.”

  He took comfort from her confidence. “There was a moment yesterday when I couldn’t find my way back to the hole in the ice and I was sure neither Daisy nor I would make it. My lungs were ready to burst. I was seconds away from blacking out or going into cardiac arrest. I thought of you, of how much I wanted to get both of us back to you. I swear that’s the only thing that kept me conscious and moving at the end.”

  “Oh, Jesse.” She kissed him. “I can’t imagine how it must have been for you down there. Hearing that, just thinking about it...”

  She shuddered.

  “I didn’t say that to upset you. I wanted you to know what you do to me. You are a miracle, Ellie. You’ve pulled me back from the brink in more ways than you know. I’ve never been happier in my life. I love you, Ellie. I love Daniel and Daisy, too. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll try to do right by you and the kids.”

  “I thought you didn’t want a complicated relationship—especially not one involving children. What changed your mind?”

  He looked into her eyes, tried to explain. “When I’m with you, all the bullshit falls away, and the answers to all the questions become simple.”

  She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes now. “I never thought I could love anyone the way I loved Dan. When he died, a part of me died, too.”

  “I don’t expect you to stop loving him. I don’t expect you to forget him. He’s the father of your children.”

  She sniffed, laughed. “God, you’re sweet, but can you let me finish?”

  He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “Okay.”

  “I was angry when I found out you knew Dan. It seemed strange that I should end up having sex with a soldier whose life Dan had saved when Dan had been killed.”

  Yeah, there was that.

  “But now I think Dan saved your life so that you could save Daisy—and me. You brought me back to life, Jesse. I love you.”

  Two months later

  Ellie stood in the doorway to her bedroom, a cup of coffee in her hand. She had asked her mother to keep the kids this morning so that she could get ready for their birthday party tonight—and because she wanted to sort through everything in her closet. It was time to say goodbye to the past.

  “Is Jesse moving in with you?” her mother had asked.

  “Mom, he’s been living with me for two months, but everything he owns is still at his house.” Ellie was tired of Jesse having to trudge uphill just to grab a clean T-shirt or his gear. “I need to move forward.”

  “Do you need me to bring anything to the birthday party tonight?”

  Today, Daniel and Daisy were three years old.

  “Nope. I’ve got the cake and the drinks. Claire is picking up decorations. Just bring yourselves.”

  Ellie started with her bedroom closet, taking down the boxes that held Dan’s clothes and personal things. She’d kept them in plastic bags, so Dan’s scent was still there. She inhaled, the familiar smell stirring memories and grief.

  “I miss you, Dan. But I’m keeping my promise. I’m moving on.”

  In tears, she sorted through one box after the other, separating the handful of things she wanted to save for the kids, like his dress uniform and dog tags, from the things she would take to the thrift store. But the tears soon passed, and she found herself smiling and even laughing at the good memories.

  There was the shark T-shirt he’d bought on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Here was that ugly sweater he’d gotten from an old aunt that Ellie had always teased him about. A dozen pairs of jeans. She would donate those.

  Other things she decided to keep. His high school yearbook. A certificate for making Honor Roll his senior year. A box of seashells he’d collected as a child.

  She went through her things, too, culling clothes she hadn’t worn for a while. When she finished with her closet, she moved on to her dresser, hoping to make room in a couple of drawers for Jesse. The lingerie she’d worn for Dan went in the thrift store pile, along with old T-shirts and the skinny jeans from high school that she’d always dreamed she’d one day wear again.

  “Not going to happen,” she told herself, holding them up to her waist.

  She packed the keepsakes carefully away in a single box, which she stuck on a shelf in Daniel’s closet, then carried everything else out to her car. Fifteen minutes later, she was home again, that weight off her shoulders.

  She walked back into her bedroom, looked around at the walls. She couldn’t just take the photos of Dan down and shove them in a box. She wasn’t trying to erase him from her life. She was just trying to put things in perspective.

  On a sudden inspiration, she went to the garage, found her hammer and some hooks for hanging pictures. Then she rounded up all of the photos of Dan that sat around the house and divided them up. She went to work first in Daniel’s room and then in Daisy’s, creating an arrangement of photos on their walls.

  Dan was their father. It was right that they should grow up knowing what he looked like, seeing his face every day.

  She left the portrait of him on her dresser, setting the flag from his funeral and the shadow box with his medals and patches next to it. He was gone, but she would always honor him. He’d been her first love, her husband. He was the father of her children. And he’d been an incredible pilot.

  There was one more thing.

  She took off her wedding ring, kissed it, and tucked it into her jewelry box, her throat growing tight. “I love you, Dan, but I have to let you go.”

  And that was it.

  She stepped back, looked at her bare bedroom walls. They wouldn’t be bare for long. She and Jesse would cover them with new memories.

  But for now, she had a birthday cake to bake.

  Jesse had an important errand to run and got home from work a little later than usual. He parked in the driveway and walked through the front door to find Daniel in full meltdown because no one could find his blankie.

  Daisy sat beside him, in tears over her brother’s distress.

  Ellie was on her hands and knees, looking under the sofa. “I can’t find it anywhere. I know I brought it back from my parents’ house.”

  “Could it be in the car?”

  Her eyes went wide. “I bet that’s where it is.”

  She started toward the coat closet, but Jesse held up a hand. He was still in his parka and boots. “I’ll go check.”

  He found it half in and half out of the vehicle. It had probably gotten caught when Ellie had shut the door, and no one had noticed. He went back inside, blue blanket in hand. “Here you go, little man.”

  Daniel’s eyes went wide, anguish disappearing from his face. He reached with both hands, hugging his blanket to his chest.

  Daisy smiled, too. “You founded it.”

  The twins were learning more words every day.

  “Yep. I founded it.” He took off his parka and hung it in the coat closet, then stepped out of his boots.

  Ellie walked over to him, wrapped her arms around him. “The past half hour here has been nothing but wailing over that blanket.”

  “Maybe we should search for a duplicate somewhere to keep on hand in case of emergencies.”

  Ellie looked up at him. “What a great idea.”

&
nbsp; “What smells good?”

  “It’s a recipe for chicken parmesan I found online. It should be ready in about ten minutes.” Ellie walked toward the kitchen. “How was your day?”

  He told her about the calls he’d taken on the slopes, some part of him marveling at how much he loved his new life. It didn’t matter what happened out there in the world because, at the end of the day, he came home to Ellie and the kids.

  They ate dinner together, then Jesse did dishes while Ellie got the kids cleaned up and dressed in their birthday doodads—a pink party dress for Daisy and a little shirt, vest, and bowtie for Daniel.

  When the dishes were done, Jesse hiked up the hill, took a hot shower and shaved. He dressed in an actual shirt—not a T-shirt—and a pair of jeans without holes. It was a special night after all.

  By the time he got back to Ellie’s place almost an hour later, Claire and Cedar were hanging puffy decorations and streamers from the ceiling and tying helium balloons in every color to the chairs.

  “Hey, Jesse.” Claire gave him a hug. “What do you think?”

  He glanced around. “It looks like a party.”

  Ellie had set the table with photos of the twins as newborns in the center.

  Jesse picked them up one at a time. “I can’t believe they were ever this small.”

  But Ellie was busy. “Can you reach the crystal cake dish? It’s too high for me. Watch out. It’s heavy.”

  “Sure.” He reached over her head and lifted it down with one hand.

  “Show-off,” she said.

  But it earned him a kiss.

  He checked his watch, starting to feel impatient.

  What was keeping them?

  The doorbell rang, and Ellie’s parents stepped inside, arms full of brightly wrapped gifts. Daisy and Daniel ran to greet them.

  “It’s my birfday,” Daisy told them.

  “It my birfday, too,” Daniel said.

  The doorbell rang again.

  Finally.

  Claire answered the door, then walked back to the kitchen carrying the bouquet. “Oh, Ellie. Look at this. These are for you.”