“Tell his parents I’m sorry. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Oh my God, Nikki, you’re so irresponsible!” he says and hangs up.
I stare at my phone biting my cheeks, my stomach in knots and my ears pink with shame.
My vision blurs and my knees feel rubbery. I’m making so many mistakes.
Natalie pulls up before I pass out and I jump into her truck.
“You okay? You look stressed,” Natalie says.
“You don’t even know.” My stomach is queasy. I’m trying so hard to keep everything from falling apart when everything is crumbling. If I give up Ares then I have no joy. If I give up Dexter then I don’t deserve to be happy.
“Do you want to talk?”
“How much do you love me?” I ask.
She laughs. “Like I love my kids but better because I’m not confused by your sorrows.”
I tell her everything.
It’s freeing.
I don’t know why I waited so long.
“Well, what are you going to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I want to run away and hope things work themselves out.”
“It won’t work. Problems follow you.” She squeezes my hand. “You have to do something. I’ll talk to my husband and see what we can do. Dexter is no problem. We love having him around.”
“I don’t want to ask you to take him.”
“I’ve known you a long time, too, and I know you don’t want to. But sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to do.” She squeezes my hand again. “I want you to work on finding yourself a good job and taking care of yourself and getting in a good mind frame to be out on your own away from her. Maybe think about going to school? I know a textile designer who would love an intern who’s going to fashion school.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know.” She smiles sadly. “He can stay for the weekend. I’ll talk to Marcus. Come over for dinner Sunday?”
“Thank you so much, Natalie.” I hug her as we stop in Jacob’s driveway.
Jacob’s mother comes to the truck with Dexter and I get out, retrieving him.
“We were supposed to leave at six to go to my mother’s house,” she says, looking at my eyes, pissed. “I didn’t even want to have Dexter over because I knew we had to leave early but he told us his mother would kill him if he went home and you couldn’t take care of him because you were out having sex with your boyfriend, his words. He has been over here every weekend for months. I’m not a daycare service and I’m not being paid to be. This is the last time. I don’t know what’s going on at your house but you can’t bring it here. He doesn’t look like he’s had a bath in weeks. Who takes care of him?”
I can’t even formulate words. My head is spinning.
She narrows her eyes at Natalie and huffs off to her car where her family is waiting.
I get back in the truck and Natalie drives away.
I turn in my seat to look at Dexter. “Out having sex with my boyfriend? Are you serious? You don’t even know what that means.” I glare at him. “Do you have anything to say?”
He shrugs, sullen.
I turn around, teeth gritted and cheeks burning.
Natalie takes a breath. “Well, it looks like you wore out your welcome, Dexter.”
“Yeah. Well, it’s not my fault, I’m just a kid. Someone is supposed to take care of me.” He pouts.
“But you know,” Natalie starts, “I think your sister’s doing the best she can and the deal is you should be working together to take care of each other. You’re not supposed to say things to other people about your family when they’re doing their best. Your sister has to work hard to make sure you’re safe and happy but she’s in a tough spot right now.” She looks at him in the rearview. “Want to stay with me and Marc for a while, give your sister a little break?”
He nods, pouting.
“Okay. But you’ll have to be good. And you’ll have to do chores.”
“Like feed the animals?”
She grins. “Yes. Ares feeds the animals every morning before he goes running. Maybe you can go around with him so he can teach you how and you can take care of them after school.”
He perks up. “What do the ducks eat?”
“Everything.” She smiles.
I hand one of the little cakes to him and eat the other one. He looks at it. “I knew she was back. I hate these things,” he says and eats it.
Me too.
Chapter Twenty
Nikki
I keep watching the clock and my shift is taking forever. I walked to work. My feet are killing me.
Ares walks in. He’s supposed to be picking me up to take me home to change and go to his art show.
Robert walks in right behind him and they start talking. At least Robert is talking and Ares is quietly scowling.
This could be complicated.
I pour some coffee and give a kid a hot fudge sundae.
Ares is talking to Robert and he’s going to be meeting my mama very soon.
Maybe.
It’s like I can’t help but sabotage myself. She’ll tell him lies about me and he’ll believe it. She’ll flirt with him and he’ll fall for her.
But I feel like I have to introduce at least one person to at least one of my parents once in my life.
And I want him to tell me I’m not crazy. That she is a monster. I want to win.
But what if I lose?
Five more minutes.
I do a last round of seeing if everyone’s okay and come to clean and set up for the next shift. I get my tips and clock out, walking over to where Robert and Ares are having coffee. “Hey, it’s two of my favorite guys. What’s up?”
“Still need a ride home? My mom told me to get you,” he says in his voice he used with me pre-sexual relationship.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I put on a smile as Robert stands, hugging and kissing me. He smells like booze which is scary because he’s supposed to be sober. “What are you doing here?” I ask him. “Where have you been?”
“Checking on you. Seeing if you’ve changed your mind. Persephone is dodging my calls.”
“Changed my mind about what?”
“You know what,” he flirts. He takes my hand and caresses it with his thumb. “I’m opening a new club and trying to get good, steady, reliable girls. I know you’re all those things, Nikki.” He kisses my hand and the waitress gives me a knowing look as she drops off his slice of pie.
“I’ll think about it.” I force a smile, trying to free my hand.
He doesn’t let me go. “I can give you a ride home if you need it.”
“I’m good. Thanks though, Robert. Have a good night.”
He nods and finally lets go. He shakes Ares’ hand. “Good seeing you, Ares. Tell your sister I want to talk to her and to answer her phone.”
Ares nods and we walk out. I get in the passenger seat of his car. I look at him as he sits. His jaw clenched and his eyes hurt. I smile, nervous. “So that was odd.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “Really? Sounded like it happens a lot.” He smiles an edgy smile.
I shrug. “Just every once in a while. He’s supposed to be sober though so I don’t know what that was.”
“Hmm.”
“I have no interest in your sister’s goods, Ares.”
His shoulders relax a little and he lets a smile spread to the corners of his mouth. “Now what?”
I swallow hard. “Home…maybe. If you meet my mom, she’s going to tell you things that will make you think I’m crazy.” I take a breath, uneasy. “That’s why she’s never met you guys and why I brought clothes to change in the car.”
“I’ve never met anyone’s mom before. I want to try it.”
Oh God.
We drive to my house while I go over and over all the things she could say about me in my mind. I will be so sad if he looks at me any different after this.
She’s sitting in the living room window and strummin
g her guitar, muttering verses to old lullabies and I shiver. “I’m going out with a guy. I have to change. Will you answer the door when he knocks?”
“Who is it?”
“It doesn’t matter!” I head to my room to change and freshen up before Ares knocks. “He’s here for me.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Ares
She opens the door like a frail, dark version of Nikki. She looks into my face and eyes and smiles and I’m in love with the familiarity of it. Those are Nikki’s eyes. But Nikki’s eyes are always sad and unsure, hers aren’t.
“Is Nikki here?” I ask.
“Yes, sweet. She’s getting dressed. Would you like to come in and wait?” She opens the door a little more.
I look inside the house, following her in. It’s old and shabby and I don’t see anything of Nikki anywhere, just an old picture on the wall. She must have been three or four and her mom was holding her.
“My name is Mischa. You’re her little friend’s twin, yes?”
I nod.
She smiles a sad smile. “I had a twin once. His name was Nikko. He was the best person I have ever known.” She nods to herself. “He played guitar and I sang. That’s how we would make money to eat. We lived with our uncle but he was a bad man.” She shivers and refocuses on me with a brilliant smile. “But enough about me.” She sits and gestures to the space next to her on the sofa. “I don’t know how long she’ll take. She usually just meets her men while she’s out. They’re not the type to come in, if you know what I’m saying.” She looks at me through her eyelashes as I sit. She curls her feet under herself. “Are you an artist?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Yes. How did you know?”
“She has a thing for artists. And your hands are stained.” She picks up my hand and shows me the stains. “When I was younger I posed for an artist. I loved the look in his eyes when he drew my lines.” She looks me over. “Is it harder to draw Annika with all her curves over someone like me who has just the right amount?”
Wow. “I don’t know. I don’t really think when I draw. And I think Nikki is perfect.”
“Of course you do.” She picks up her old guitar. “I was in the middle of writing a song. Nikki used to sit and write with me. She used to come up with the silliest poems to go with my music. I would try to get her to sing them to music people but she had such a horrible stage presence. She was so shy and so worried people would laugh at her. She’s never had a lot of confidence.” She smiles with sadness, but this time it doesn’t reach her eyes.
I open my mouth as Nikki hurries through. Why did I ever think her mother was anything close to how gorgeous she is?
“Is that what you’re wearing? You don’t think this handsome man deserves more than that?”
She’s perfect.
She shrugs. “I think I look fine. Let’s go, Ares.” She walks to the door and I get up to follow her.
“Wait, little mouse, why don’t you put on that special dress of yours? Isn’t that what you’ve been saving it for? A special occasion?” she says, innocent with an edge of ice.
Nikki’s face goes pale and she turns to her, teeth clenched and eyes blazing. “You need to stop going through my things.”
“This is my house.”
She shakes her head. “I pay for it.”
Her mother says something in another language, her eyes narrowed. Nikki replies in the same, glaring, and pushes me out the door and across the lawn toward my car.
“You speak another language?” I ask her.
“Not well. Just from what she’s taught me. She used to not talk to me unless I spoke to her in Russian. Did she tell you what a whore I am?”
“Yep.” I smile. “So smooth, too. She tried to make me like her while she was saying terrible things about you. It was weird.”
Nikki gets in the car and puts on her seatbelt. She turns to look at me, staring into my eyes. “So you believe me? You don’t think I’m crazy?”
I kiss her fingers. “Why would I think you weren’t telling the truth? There’s something wrong with her. You can see it in her eyes.”
She looks away as I start the long drive to Seattle. “Thank you,” she says, so soft.
“I think you’re gorgeous. But the stuff on your lips has to go because I plan on kissing you.”
She laughs, pulling a tissue out of her bag and rubbing it away.
“My mom wanted me to tell you she has looked into it and it will take at minimum two months to get certified as foster parents, just in case. They already have the process started. Otherwise, as things are now, winning a custody suit to take him away from her is a longshot.”
Her eyebrows furrow. She bites the insides of her cheeks. “Do they want to take care of him?”
“When I left they were watching a nature show, all three of them in the den with big bowls of ice cream. They’ve always wanted to help.”
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “I guess you’ll have to be my big bowl of ice cream.”
I raise an eyebrow. I do have plans for tonight.
She looks out the window. “I shouldn’t have had you meet her.”
“Doesn’t she ever want you to get married and leave? What’s wrong with her?”
“No. That would be her worst nightmare.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I think whatever happened to her in Russia made her sick. But she won’t get help.” She looks me over, taking me and my gallery-look in.
I smile, sleazy. “You like what you see?”
She nods. “Spiffy.”
“That’s what I was going for. Spiffy,” I tease.
“So, give me the scoop. Anything I should or shouldn’t know as far as the art world goes?” She looks at her hair. She twists it into a bun thing, loose and low.
I tell her basic art show etiquette, about not calling the artwork “pretty” or “nice,” asking what it’s supposed to be, “And don’t say their art looks just like something some kid you know made. That’s the worst. Or that you love the colors.”
We get out and walk to the gallery. I shake hands with other artists I know and people I’ve met in the community. It’s crowded and I can’t see Thomas anywhere.
“Where are your paintings?” she asks.
“They should be over there. Wanna check in?”
She hangs onto my arm and we make our way to my paintings. This is the biggest gallery opening I’ve done. My stomach is on edge. All these people are here to see Thomas’ collection. He’s an amazing artist. These people are here to see his work and I’m anxious about what they’ll think of mine.
“You already have two interested buyers.” A lady with dark hair, and eyes, and suit, smiles at me like she knows who I am. “They’d like to meet you.” She beckons.
I get butterflies as I follow her, almost forgetting about Nikki.
My painting is breathtaking under the gallery lights. There are mistakes, and things I could have done better, but it’s beautiful anyway.
Nikki gasps and I grin.
“You’re the artist?”
He’s a well-dressed middle aged white guy. He has a friendly smile. I hold my hand out. “Ares. Nice to meet you.”
“Ares. That’s an interesting name for an American Indian.”
I narrow my eyes. “When my sister and I were born we were small and weak so my mom wanted to give us strong names. She was into mythology and not happy with our life on reservation. I have a tribal name as well, I just don’t use it on a daily basis.”
The guy grins. “I love this piece.” He looks back at the piece. It’s Nikki, obscure enough to not be completely recognizably her, naked in my sheer bed sheet and looking out the window at the rain and ducks. It’s hard for me to not be attached to it.
He asks me about my background and tells me what a fan he is.
“Ares, there’s someone else that would like to meet you.” The curator is back with a woman. “This is Norma Blackburn. She has a client that’s interested i
n your art.”
I shake Norma’s hand and she tells me that she’s purchased the second piece for her client and she’s heard about my artist grant. She gives me her card and tells me to contact her when I get to New York. She has a friend who needs a graphic designer for a project and he’s looking for Native American inspired work.
I’m so pumped. My vision is all over the place from shock.
Both my paintings sold. And the price points were not on the low end. They were big pieces and the showing is for four weeks.
“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to toss your cookies,” Nikki whispers, concerned.
My stomach flip-flops. I pull her close and the softness of her body fits against me perfectly. My lips touch her ear. I tell her how much money I just made. I pull back and watch her face change from amusement to wheel-turning, eyes-wide shock.
I kiss the top of her head. This is what I want. I want to make a living off my art while I can, as long as I can. It’s an amazing feeling. It’s validation.
“Hey! You’re here. I didn’t see you.” Thomas grips my shoulder.
I break away from Nikki and pull him into a hug. “My paintings sold. Holy shit,” I whisper. “Thank you so much, Thomas.”
He grins and claps me on the back. He turns to Nikki. “You must be Nikki.”
She smiles and lets him kiss her hand.
“I want you to meet some people.” Thomas introduces us to people and they all know my name and it’s very surreal. They ask me technical questions and ask about my influences. There are so many hands to shake that one person blends into the next. And all the while Nikki is standing next to me, reaching out to shake hands with her waitress smile when I introduce her. I’m glad she’s here. I’m glad she seems so comfortable in my world when I’m not even comfortable.
There’s an after party at Thomas’ loft and Nikki stops me and puts her arms around my neck before we go in, looking into my face and eyes, grinning. “Thank you for taking me. It was awesome.”
“Thank you for coming with me. I’m paying all your bills. It’s the least I can do for selling a nude of you to a rich guy who’s going to jack off to you in his study.”
Chasing Stars Page 10