She makes a stink face. “Eew.”
“I know.” I grin at her.
“You should get my car fixed.”
“Will do,” I agree and kiss her as guests walk by to the party. “Let’s blow this joint and go to Vegas.” I kiss her neck. I want to marry her and make love to her tonight. I want her to be mine so I never have to spend another night away from her. We can adopt Dexter and she can stay with me until we go to New York.
“We’re playing and having a good time, remember? You’re going to be gone for at least six months. You probably won’t even call me. And you’ll meet someone else. I mean, I can’t go six months without sex. Can you?” she looks at my eyes, lost.
“I don’t know. Right now I can’t go three days without trying to figure out a way to see you. But I’ll be back for breaks. And you can come visit me.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“Will you try to wait for me?”
She frowns. “It’s not like I’m going to forget you and jump on someone.”
Now I don’t want to leave. “This sucks.”
“I know.”
“We should go in and drink away our sorrows.”
“And in celebration of selling our painting.”
“Our painting?” I grin.
“I was the naked girl in it.” She grins back.
“I guess it can be your painting too, then.” I kiss her again. “I can buy you a new car.”
“You can put a down payment on a house.”
“I could,” I agree, in shock. “I can’t believe two people thought my pieces were good enough to buy. Am I that good?”
“I have no idea.”
I shake my head, smiling. “Way to go.”
“Hey, are you guys coming in or what?” Thomas yells out at us. “I told you to let me know when you got here.”
We walk up to where he is and shake more hands. Thomas leans close and whispers to me to make sure I lock up when we leave and makes his way to some other guests.
Nikki is staring at me. “What was that, Psycho?”
“Would you like to spend the night with me?” What if she says no? What if she gets scared and runs?
She smiles. “Sounds nice.”
Thank God.
“Let’s go.” I take her hand and pull her through the crowd. I grab a bottle of wine and a tray of food and head to the staircase leading to the loft and the locked door. I open it and we enter, turning on the lights. It’s a light, white room. White everything, and everything plush. There’s a living area and through another door, joined by a fireplace, is a white and light blue bedroom.
I light a fire and turn out the lights, coming to her in the firelight, pushing my fingers into her hair as I kiss her, deep and hungry. I’m thrilled because she’s just as hungry, touching me with greedy fingers. I pull at her clothes until they come off and she’s standing in front of the bed and me with her beautiful soft body, making my body ache being out here outside of her warmth. I push her back and bury my mouth in her warmth as her fingers tangle and pull at my hair.
I open my eyes much later in the night, half asleep and disoriented. I turn my head and see her sweet, sleeping face right next to mine, my arm around her, pressed against her breasts. She looks peaceful and soft. Her boots and socks and undies are all over the floor in the firelight, along with my pants and shoes and sweater. I want to wake her and make love to her but I don’t because I’m so glad she’s relaxed and sleeping and not worrying.
My hand moves to touch the soft skin of her breast and I kiss her soft skin, feeling her sleeping body awaken at my touch. She moves in her sleep, pushing against me and I close my eyes, every bit of me on edge and in pain with need.
“Having trouble sleeping?” she asks, soft with sleep.
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.” She touches me, electricity running from my balls to my toes. “Come here.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Ares
“You should call in sick today,” I whisper to her, holding her naked body against mine, kissing her neck and her ear.
“Should I?” It’s dark and stormy outside. We’ve been listening to the thunder and watching lightning. The fire has burned to nothing.
“Yes.” I look out the window. “Can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything.” A soft smile curves her lips.
“I love you,” I tell her, looking at her, and I mean it from the deepest parts of my heart.
“Do you?” She looks up at me. I think she wants so badly to believe it’s true.
“Yes. I feel a piece of myself I’ve never felt before and I think it’s for you.”
She kisses my lips.
“I wish we could stay here forever, you know? Have time stop completely.” I nuzzle her, nipping at her sensitive skin.
“You’d get bored of me after a while. There’s only so much you can do in a white room with a fire place.” She looks at me with satisfied affection.
I ponder the white room theory.
“Are you thinking about it?” She smiles.
“Mmhm.”
She laughs. “You’re so mushy when you’re all sexed up. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to look at you the same.”
I pull her over to me, hugging and kissing her. I work my way to her boobs as she closes her eyes. I love the feel of her in my mouth.
“If you don’t stop I’ll never leave this bed and I’ll die of hunger,” she whispers, breathless.
“You’d rather eat than make love to me?”
She pulls away. “At this point, it’s difficult but my tummy is grumbling.” She gets on top of me, watching me admire her body, and now stands. “And I need a shower,” she says, walking on her tippy toes to grab her clothes and head to the bathroom to pee and get dressed.
I move to the edge of the bed.
This sucks.
Marc was right. I was stupid to start something before leaving. It makes it too hard to leave. I can’t get enough of her. I want to quit and do nothing but sleep with her.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be getting dressed so we can get food.” She runs her wet hands through her long hair, scrunching and fixing it.
This is painful.
She frowns and comes over. She pulls my head to her belly, which is right where I want to be. She pets my hair and looks out the window.
“Come with me,” I whisper.
She pulls away, angry. “Stop.” She sits on the edge of the bed pulling on her socks and boots, tension in her shoulders and her jaw clenched. She stands and puts her sweater on and locates her purse, waiting for me.
I take her to breakfast and we talk about superficial things. But I’m mad. I’m mad she’s going to be here and she said she can’t go without sex and I’m going to be worried some guy is going to move in on me. I’m hurt she won’t consider coming with me.
As she finishes her coffee she tells me she has to go to the bathroom and then we can leave. I look at her butt as she walks away, still wanting her, even as I sit here mad.
I turn to the window, reliving last night. It’s stormy outside and it looks like me.
She comes back and kneels beside me in the booth. She looks where I’m looking and touches me, running her fingers through my hair. My eyes close. It feels better than anything but I want more. I want her to be mine.
“What do you see?” she asks. It’s like she loves me but she’s not willing to do anything about it.
“The gathering storm.” I pull my wallet out and drop cash for a tip. I look at her. “You need to get up now so I can get out.”
She looks at me, uncomprehending. Now she gets it and stands.
“Thank you.”
I hold the passenger door open for her and she gets in and unlocks my door for me. I sit and look out the windshield. “Now what?”
“You take me home so I can take a shower and change and see what my mom is doing. Then I’m going over to your house. Your mom told me to co
me over to talk about the whole Dexter situation.”
I’ll see her soon at my parents’ house and maybe by then she’ll know I do love her and I want her. “Yeah. She wants you to stay for dinner. She’s making macaroni and cheese.” I’m so pissed and I can’t even pinpoint why.
She stares at me. “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” she asks, insecure and overcompensating with her own pissyness.
I shake my head. “No. I want you and you won’t let me in.” This sucks.
“You should go home and take a shower and go to bed.”
She’s irritated which irritates me.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“You’re making me feel like shit and I don’t know why.”
I look at her. “I don’t want you to feel like that. I don’t know what to do.” I start the car and drive home. I stop in front of her house. “I’ll be over around three or four to pick you up and I’ll call a tow truck for your car.”
She looks at her house, dreading going back home. “Don’t bother.”
“I said I would and I’m a man of my word so I’m going to call a fucking tow truck for your car. I know you’re having a tough time.” I know I’m being a total dick but it keeps coming out.
Chapter Twenty-three
Nikki
Wow. “No worse than any other time and I’ve made it then without your help or your patronage, so fuck off. And we never made any bargains, it was just a ride.” I don’t need to let him treat me like shit because I’m scared of being alone. I’m Annika, Nikki for short, not Persephone, not my mother. I have lived this long and I know who I am.
I exit the car, slamming the door, and walk the path to my house. His car squeals away while I’m unlocking the door.
My mother is fucking someone in her bedroom and it makes me feel nauseous. I want to run away but I have nowhere to go. I continue to my room and close and lock my door, putting my vanity chair under the doorknob. I take off my clothes and get into my robe.
But I smell him on me.
I don’t want to ruin it by taking a shower.
Did I ruin it? Is it over? Was that the last bit of happiness I get?
I lay my head on my pillow and weep.
✽✽✽
“Annika, there’s someone here for you!”
I blink myself awake, hoping it was a dream, Ares and I are blissfully unaware of each other. Or I’m wrapped in his arms in that white room and I could stay there forever and food will be delivered and I could drink Dr. Pepper and eat donuts and syrniki and nachos all day and not get horribly fat. Or my mother is not calling me and there’s no one here for me and I can go back to sleep.
“Annika!”
I scowl, pulling on a t-shirt and sweats and trudging out to the front door, past my mother. It must not be anyone good-looking or she’d be on him like flies on shit.
I open the door and see a big ugly guy. I stare at him.
“I’m here to pick up a car. Are you Nikki?”
I nod, not quite understanding.
“Can you sign here?”
“Wait, you’re picking up my car? Where are you taking it?” I frown with heart stopping fear that the only thing I have left is being taken away from me.
“Says here an Ares Willewah-Clearwater called to get your car picked up and dropped off at Michelson’s Auto Shop.”
Oh. Ares. The painting.
I glare, struggling between stubbornness and survivalism.
I sign and give him the clipboard back. “Do you need my keys?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I give him my keys and tell him thank you, closing the door. I take a deep breath and let it out.
My mom is curled on the sofa, writing with her guitar in her lap looking like she could be human. “I’m taking a shower. I’m going to dinner at Persephone’s house. Do you need anything?”
She shakes her head, not bothering to look up. “No. I won’t be home either. I have a date. The guy at the coffee shop.”
I glare at her and storm off to the bathroom to take my stupid shower.
Chapter Twenty-four
Ares
My eyes are closed but I’m awake and trying to barely breathe, sprawled out on my bed. I just got finished going through my stuff, packing up some of my paintings and getting rid of things to make it easier to leave in a few weeks. We’re not really a big holiday family so the time will just fly by like nothing.
I’m listening to music with the volume low, high but not high enough to not be suffering. My parents are in my doorway looking at me. I sense them but don’t have the will to let them know I’m awake.
“Remember how he would sleep when he was a chunky little four-year-old?” Marc whispers.
“Yes. He was so heavy. I couldn’t move him.” She sighs. “He’s never going to come back, is he? He’s spending all his time away from home already. Doesn’t he know how much I want him to stay home so I can memorize his face? And he’s off with this mystery person, staying the night. It’s like I’m losing my little boy all over the place. I don’t know what to do.” She pauses. “And Persephone,” she says. “Look at our little boy.”
“You’ve raised them well. You’ve taught them to be independent and know what they want and now is their time to fly like little arrows you’ve shot into the world. And they’ll hit their mark. He’ll be okay. He’s not going to like the city. He’ll come back. Maybe not home to us, but he’ll come back.”
“You talk like you had no part in raising them when I could not have done it without you. Whenever I’ve been a mess you’ve come to my rescue.”
“I’d rather say it was all you so when they get screwed up no one can blame me.”
I can hear the smile in her voice. “I know that’s not true.”
“Have you talked to your husband about Persephone?”
“No. He’ll tell me to send her to him. I don’t want to lose her too. I love them so much.”
I open my eyes and stare at them in my doorway, asking them what the hell they’re doing with my expression.
“Just watching you sleep like a baby,” Marc says.
I scowl and turn back over, covering my head with my pillow.
“Nikki called and said she’s walking so don’t worry about having to pick her up,” my mom says.
Whatever.
I have a painting in my head I have to get out so I might as well work.
Maybe.
Or I should smoke another bowl and lie in bed and listen to music and not do anything at all.
Whose idea was it to have great sex and make love and it mean nothing? It wasn’t my idea.
“What are you doing?”
I look at Persephone in my doorway and shake my head.
“Scoot over.”
I scoot over and she lies next to me. I hope she doesn’t start talking because I don’t want to hear another girl talk ever in my life.
“What’s wrong with you? You look like you just broke up with your girlfriend.”
Can you break up with someone who doesn’t want to be your girlfriend?
“You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?”
I shake my head. What went wrong? It’s like I realized it was ending and I couldn’t shake that sense of doom so I fucked it all up.
“Just having a moody artist day?”
If that’s what she wants to call it.
“What am I going to do while you’re gone?”
Who knows? I don’t know what I’m going to do.
“I think Jimmy’s cheating on me. What do you think? Do you think he’s fucking some skag on the side?” she asks, staring at the ceiling.
I hit him once because I physically saw him cheating on her with some skag, and instead of dumping the asshole she didn’t talk to me for a month.
“It’s like I can’t get over him, you know?” She lets out a breath. “You’re a good brother. I’m glad I have you.” She pats my arm and holds my hand. “What about Robert? Do you think he’s a
good guy?”
I frown, touched she thinks I’m a good judge of character. I think of last night and how he was at the diner to see Nikki and there was flirtation on both sides; and he touched her. “I don’t know.”
“He expects a lot of me. I usually want to fight and he doesn’t. He wants to go out and talk and I don’t.”
“He’s not the only guy out there. He was at the diner when I went to take Nikki home last night. They were talking about her working for him and they were flirty. He came there to see her.”
She waves it off. “They’re flirty people. Look at their jobs, you know? She is a great dancer. I don’t know why she doesn’t take his offer. She’s only working at the fabric store to get discounts on fabric. She’s dumb. It’s not like she has a boyfriend holding her back. Or like she has morals.” She shakes her head.
I look at my sister. I don’t know whether the insight she gave was more on her or Nikki but it’s blowing my mind.
“It’s nice having Dexter around, huh? Doesn’t it make you wish we weren’t the only ones? Like, Mom and Marc are so happy and not paying as much attention to me. And he’s kinda cool for a little kid. He asked me about being an Indian this morning. I told him to ask you the Indian questions since you’re so proud.”
I roll my eyes.
“It’s funny how you and dad hate each other but you are both super into the Indian thing.”
He’s super Indian in the sense that he does ceremonial things and powwows and he doesn’t cut his hair, but there are things he’s forgotten. But I don’t want to talk about my dad. “I sold two paintings last night. Don’t tell mom and Marc.”
She raises her eyebrows. “That’s awesome. Why the secrecy?”
“I didn’t want them to go to the show, or see the paintings.”
She looks at me, demanding explanation.
“One was a nude.” I stare at the ceiling, sadness washing over me. I want Nikki to want me the way I want her. If she told me to go anywhere with her I would. If she asked me to stay I would. If she asked me anything I would tell her. I would bare my soul to her if she asked.
“What’s the big deal? You’ve been drawing and painting naked ladies all your life.”
Chasing Stars Page 11