Honeymoon for Three

by Alan Cook

  He was leafing through a Perry Mason mystery written by Erle Stanley Gardner when Mattie returned to the camper. She stepped inside and slid the door shut. Now they were alone together in close quarters. Alfred was sitting at the small table, with his back to the front of the camper. He felt vaguely uncomfortable. Mattie took off her jacket and sat on the backseat, facing him.

  She had changed her shirt. She was wearing a white blouse with two or three buttons unbuttoned at the top. Alfred could see a hint of cleavage in the V of the blouse. She had also combed her short hair, and something looked different about her face. He decided that she had put on lipstick. She didn’t look bad at all.

  “So what do you think?” Mattie asked, posing for him.

  “I like your hair.” He thought it was a lame compliment.

  “Thank you.”

  She seemed pleased. “These card games go on forever. Don won’t be back until the wee hours of the morning.”

  Why did she tell him that? Alfred felt more and more uncomfortable.

  “I’ll let you in on a secret about Don if you promise not to tell anyone.”

  Alfred wasn’t sure he wanted to hear a secret, but he mumbled, “Promise.”

  “Ever since he got wounded in the navy, he’s been impotent. That’s why we don’t have any kids.”

  Alfred felt his mouth drop open. Impotent? He couldn’t grasp the ramifications of that. They were husband and wife. Husbands and wives were supposed to do it.

  “I haven’t lost my drive,” Mattie continued. “Once in awhile I have a little dalliance, if you know what I mean.”

  Alfred was afraid he did.

  “You must be feeling bad about your wife leaving you. And being newlyweds, you were getting all that sex, and then it stopped. I was thinking that maybe I could help make it up to you.”

  If there were any question about Mattie’s meaning before, it was dispelled when she unbuttoned the rest of her blouse, revealing a lacy bra underneath. What intrigued Alfred was that he could just see her bellybutton peeking out from above her jeans. A nice innie bellybutton.

  “Do you like my boobies?”

  He wanted to say that he liked her bellybutton, but girls had reacted strangely to that remark in the past. He took the safe way out. “Yes.”

  “I may not be as young as your wife, but I bet my boobies are just as good. Take off your jacket and come over and meet them up close and personal. They’re friendly.”

  Alfred did what she asked, mechanically. He sat down beside her. She took hold of his hand and placed it on her breast. He had no reaction. He wanted to slide his hand down to her bellybutton, but did he dare?

  “Let’s put the bed down.”

  Things were getting out of control. They had to stand up to put the bed down, because the lower bunk when set up, extended over the backseat.

  “I don’t think we’d better.”

  “I won’t get pregnant, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  Mattie stood and pulled Alfred to his feet. She quickly and efficiently set up the bed. She climbed onto it and pulled him after her. He only resisted slightly. Then they were rolling around on the bed, kissing each other. This was quite pleasant, and gave Alfred the opportunity to do what he wanted to do.

  He reached his hand down and found her bellybutton. It was indeed a well-formed innie. He caressed it with his finger. Everybody had a good bellybutton, it seemed, but him. She must have interpreted his actions as a come-on. She loosened his belt and began to unzip his pants. He started to panic. He had to do something. How could he tell her he was a virgin? How could he tell her he was saving himself for Penny?

  He pulled away from her and slid off the bed, saying, “I can’t.”

  “What do you mean, you can’t? Is it because I’m older? You only go after that young pussy, is that it? Well, buster, I’m here to tell you that you aren’t exactly God’s gift to women. Maybe that’s why your wife ran off. Did you ever think of that? You better take what you can get, you understand me?”

  “It’s not that. I just can’t.” He was miserable and embarrassed. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

  Alfred grabbed his jacket, opened the sliding door, and stepped out into the night. He carefully closed the door behind him.

  He walked around the campground until he began to feel cold. He considered not going back, but he didn’t want to spend another night outdoors. He returned to the camper. No light showed inside. He opened the sliding door as quietly as he could. There was no sound from Mattie. He came in and closed the door. He climbed up onto the top bunk.

  Alfred was awakened by the noise Don made when he returned. He didn’t know what time it was.

  CHAPTER 23

  By the time Alfred awoke, Mattie was already outside the camper making breakfast in the morning sun. He caught a glimpse of her through a window. He carefully lowered his body from the top bunk and saw Don still sacked out. He put on his shoes and went outside as quietly as he could.

  He said good morning to Mattie and received a grunt in return. He had sort of expected that and just hoped she wouldn’t leave him stranded here. He figured he was probably safe. She couldn’t explain to Don why she was mad at him. She wore her camping clothes, including her “I survived the big one” sweatshirt. Gone were the white blouse and cleavage. He went to the restroom. By the time he returned, Don was sitting outside on the picnic bench, sipping coffee. Alfred suspected that Mattie had rousted him out of bed.

  He looked the worse for wear with his unshaven face and bags the size of airline carry-ons under his eyes. He must have drunk a lot of beer and played a lot of cards. There was no indication whether he had won or lost. Breakfast was an almost silent affair. Alfred wondered how Don would be able to drive in his condition.

  The answer was that Mattie drove. Don rode in the front seat beside her, relegating Alfred to the back. That was fine with him, just as long as they took him to Crescent City. He couldn’t hear everything they said to each other, but he gathered that they planned to drive straight through Oregon and get home tonight.

  He was positive that he was ahead of Penny and Gary. They would probably be passing through Crescent City sometime tomorrow. If he were going to intercept them, he needed a plan. The key part of any plan was having a car. He didn’t want to steal another car. That left too many tracks. He didn’t know how else to get a car. Maybe he would have to wait until he was back in L.A. Of course, he no longer had a car there, either. If he got his job back, he could at least buy a used car.

  Riding alone in the backseat without any responsibilities gave Alfred too long to think about his life. What he concluded was depressing. He was jobless, carless, and he didn’t know whether he even dared to go back to his apartment. Or try to get his job back. The police knew his address, because it was on the registration that had been in his car.

  What did he have to show for his sacrifices? Nothing. Rage began to build inside him. Rage against Gary who had thwarted his every move. Rage against Penny, because she let Gary control her. But it wasn’t all her fault. Gary had her mesmerized.

  Maybe he didn’t have to kill Penny. Maybe he and Penny could still have a life together. Alfred needed some hope in order to carry on. If he killed Penny, he had nothing and nothing to look forward to. He did have to get rid of Gary. This brought his mind back to the realization that he needed a plan. And he didn’t have one.

  He felt like a hamster on a wheel. His thoughts went in circles, leading nowhere. He might be going crazy. After a while, the motion of the camper lulled him. He found a pillow and lay down on the seat. The hum of the engine quieted his brain. He closed his eyes.

  ***

  Ironing before breakfast had not been part of Penny’s lifestyle when she was single. That it was now gave a good indication of the effect Gary had on her. She had even sewed a button on his shirt on their second date, for crying out loud, and fed him dinner when she could barely cook.

  After their breakfast in Idah
o Falls, they drove to Craters of the Moon National Monument. In addition to driving the loop road, they did some hiking. They climbed up and into a cinder cone and down into Dew Drop lava tunnel. This was too much like a cave for the claustrophobic Penny. It even had stalactites hanging from the ceiling. She was glad when they got out of there.

  They mailed wedding announcements home from Carey, Idaho, and stopped for lunch in a cafe in Shoshone, Idaho. They drove through Boise to Juntura, Oregon, for supper at a truck stop. Then on through several western cowboy towns before stopping for the night at a motel in Lakeview, Oregon. Exhausted and still sore from their horseback ride, they fell into bed.

  ***

  The house of Don and Mattie in Crescent City was a small, one-story affair, not far from the center of town, which appeared to be the Ben Franklin store. Alfred had taken his turn at the wheel, which kept him from thinking depressing thoughts, but by the time they arrived, Don was driving. He pulled into the driveway after dark and parked beside a pickup truck.

  They had eaten dinner in Grants Pass, Oregon. Alfred tried to pay for his meal, but Don brushed his money aside and paid with a wad of bills he took from his pocket. Evidently he had won at poker.

  Although they were all talking to each other by this time, nobody brought up the subject of what Alfred would do when they reached Crescent City. Would they dump him at the Greyhound bus station tonight? He decided that what will be will be and left his fate to the gods of chance.

  “Would you mind helping us unload a few things?” Don asked Alfred.

  That was a good sign. He would unload everything in the camper if they would let him sleep in the house tonight. That would give him all morning to figure out how to intercept Penny and Gary. He felt more optimistic now. Something would turn up. It always did. He was lucky that way.

  Unloading wasn’t a big deal. They unloaded the perishable food and dirty sheets and pillowcases, but not much else. The camping equipment and some of the food stayed in the camper.

  When they were finished, Mattie led him to a bedroom and said, “This is the spare room. You sleep here. We’ve only got one bathroom in this God-forsaken place, but when we’re finished with it, it’s all yours. I suggest you take a long, hot shower because those cold campground showers don’t cut it. I’m going to wash your clothes since you’ve only got one set, and I noticed that they’re starting to stink. You don’t want to offend the passengers on the bus. I’ll give you a bathrobe of Don’s to wear. I’ll have your clothes clean for you in the morning.”

  “That’s very nice of you.”

  “Don’t mention it. Don has to go to work tomorrow. I have off till Monday. I’ll drive you to the bus station or wherever you want to go.”

  Alfred had taken a quick shower at the Tetons, but the water had been cold and he hadn’t stayed under it long. While he was taking the first hot shower he had enjoyed in days, Alfred wondered whether Mattie was cleaning him up to have sex with him. If so, he would accommodate her. He was a man now, and men had responsibilities. It was time he stepped up to his. He went to sleep with a smile on his face.

  CHAPTER 24

  This must be some kind of a record, Gary thought as he looked at the Wittnauer watch his parents had given him at his college graduation. Six o’clock was probably the earliest they had risen on the whole trip, other than the morning they escaped from Alfred. They must be getting back into work mode. He didn’t want to do that quite yet. They still had three days to go on their honeymoon, including today, and he intended to enjoy them.

  They quickly packed the car and were on their way by six forty-five, intending to eat breakfast along the road, probably in Klamath Falls where they would cross the route they had taken heading north. Then on to the California coast. The prospect of returning to California gave him the keen feeling of anticipation one has when something exciting is about to happen.

  Penny must have sensed it too. She started singing, “California, here I come.” Gary joined in. What their voices lacked in quality they made up for in volume.

  ***

  There was nothing like sleeping in a real bed. Alfred stretched and yawned luxuriously as he awoke. The sun streamed in through the white lace curtains on the window. He glanced idly at the small clock on the bedside table. It was almost eight o’clock.

  Alfred jerked himself upright, instantly fully awake. He had things to do. He couldn’t sleep all day. He stood up on the hooked throw rug that covered a small section of the wooden floor that was painted green and glanced down at his stomach. He had slept in the nude. Why? That wasn’t like him. He fingered his bellybutton and looked around the sparsely furnished room for his clothes. They weren’t on the old wooden rocking chair or on the small dresser that had been painted and repainted many times. He spotted his shoes on the floor where he had carelessly thrown them. A bathrobe lay in a heap on the chair.

  That prompted his memory. Mattie had said she would wash his clothes. He grabbed the yellow bathrobe, shrugged his arms into the sleeves, and tied the belt around his waist. He opened the bedroom door and was about to step through the doorway when he saw his clothes lying in a neat pile on the floor outside the room. In addition, there was a Gillette razor and some shaving cream, a toothbrush, and toothpaste.

  He placed his clothes on the bed. Then, taking the razor and shaving cream, he walked down the short hallway to the bathroom. He heard noises coming from the direction of the kitchen. Don and Mattie must be up. He shaved for the first time in several days and combed his hair with a comb he found in the cabinet. Returning to the bedroom, he dressed quickly.

  An oval mirror hung on the wall over the dresser, in a gilt frame with a carved design that had once been fancy but now was chipped and cracked. He glanced at his reflection. He didn’t look bad, shaved and wearing clean clothes. If he had appealed to Mattie when he was dirty and bearded, he should appeal to her now.

  Alfred made his way to the kitchen. There was an odor to the house that he associated with the old houses of New England. It was probably mildew. He put a smile on his face, rounded the corner, and stepped into the kitchen. Mattie was sitting at the small table at the far end of the room, reading a newspaper, and sipping coffee. She was dressed in slacks and a long-sleeved shirt. Don was not in sight.

  Mattie looked up when he entered and said, “Well, Sleeping Beauty. I thought you were going to sack out all day.”

  “The bed was comfortable.”

  “Just about anything is more comfortable than the top bunk of the camper. You’re probably starving. Omelet okay?”

  “Sure. Where’s Don.”

  “Oh, he left for work hours ago. Sit down and have some coffee. Breakfast will be ready in five minutes.”

  Mattie rose from the table, and Alfred sat down.

  “I’ve checked the Greyhound schedule. There’s a bus at ten thirty, heading for Los Angeles. I can drive you to the station, although it isn’t far, and you could easily walk it. You don’t have any luggage to weigh you down.” She laughed.

  “Thank you.” Now was the time. Alfred swallowed some coffee. It felt hot going down his throat. “I owe you a big apology for what happened the other night. I-I’m really sorry.”

  Mattie stopped whisking the eggs and looked at him. “The other night? Oh that? I’ve already forgotten about it.”

  “I feel terrible about it.”

  “Don’t worry. I was too pushy. A lot of guys don’t like pushy dames. I owe you an apology for insulting you. I don’t know why your wife left you, but I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. You did need clean clothes, though. However, you smell as fresh as a changed and powdered baby now.”

  “It was partly my fault. If there’s anything I can do to make up for it…”

  She looked at him again. “Like what? Oh, you mean have sex now? I don’t cheat on Don at home. Couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

  “But in the camper—”

  “That’s different. The camper isn’t home. One reason we trave
l a lot is to relieve our itches. Both of us. You don’t think his problem bothers him? We have to get away from the burdens of home once in awhile before they get to be too heavy a load to carry.”

  Alfred was relieved that she was turning him down. “Does Don drive the camper to work?”

  “Naw, he drives the old pickup you saw in the driveway.”

  “So you drive the camper.”

  “I have another car. It’s in the garage. We reserve the camper for…camping.”

  Maybe what he was thinking about was feasible. “This sure is beautiful country you have here. I’ve never been to this part of California before.”

  “You should see the redwoods. The tallest tree in the world is close to here.”

  “I’d like to. My wife and I were planning to come through here on our way home. Of course, I don’t know which way she went since I haven’t heard from her.”

  He had made a show of pretending to try to phone his wife’s parents a couple of times in the last two days, saying that his wife might be in touch with them. When Don and Mattie asked him if he’d reached them, he said no.

  “She might be back in L.A. by now. Do you want to try and call her from here?”

  “No thanks,” Alfred said quickly. “I…I don’t want to try to talk to her over the phone. I’ll wait until I get back to L.A. and deal with her in person.”

  “You never told me your wife’s name.”

  “Uh…Penny. Her name is Penny.”

  “Nice name, Penny. Shiny new Penny. Or a bad Penny. Sorry, couldn’t resist. If there’s anything I can do to help you two get back together…”

  “Thanks. I’m afraid not.” She was transforming into mother mode. “What I was thinking, since I’m here, I might spend a couple of days sightseeing. See the redwoods and the coast and everything. If you’re not using the camper, maybe I could rent it from you. Of course, I’ll pay for the gas and everything. I’ll even get it washed and leave you with a full tank.”