His Pleasures and Pain (Book II) (Allen Trilogy 2)

by Chevelle Allen

  By the time he graduated, he had fully embraced his dominance and its taboo nature. He understood those whose sex lives were rooted in traditional roles and activities couldn’t begin to grasp the levels of intimacy achieved in his world. All they saw were their own perceptions of depravity and violence. They could never understand the theatricality of the scenes playing out in his bedroom or the dungeons he frequented to hone his skills.

  He never flaunted or boasted about the women he played with and he was confident they’d keep his world private. The reason was simple: his partners knew all too well the unequal risk women took revealing their sexual tastes—especially this. Nonetheless, his partners gave themselves to him in every sense of the word. He was able to establish and maintain trust with them and in return they explored with him. Little by little, he introduced elements of his play to the few women he met outside the club scene. To his utter astonishment, his options were far more varied than he realized. At first he thought his behavior was more acceptable because he was in New York, but he soon learned like all things, there were degrees of engagement. At the root of any sexual encounter was his overwhelming desire to get into a woman’s mind elevating her appetite for what could follow with her body.

  His natural penchant for getting women to express their desires served him well. Regardless of who she was, he spent a lot of time talking with his partners whether a one-night stand or longer-term companion. In and outside the clubs, he explored virtually everything from binding, suspension, sensory depravation, humiliation and pain. He knew exactly where he could successfully strike and how best to ensure the emotional wellbeing of his partners during exchanges. Some of the women longed to do more, others fell to the wayside unable to reconcile their tastes. In the midst of it all, he was slowly learning which triggers could get him off as well.

  When he met Janine, he was perfectly comfortable with the stealth nature of his sexual interests. Finding women to fuck and exercise his dominance was fairly easy in D.C. too, especially when he tapped into Mistress Spectra’s network in the area. But his growing affection for Janine presented an interesting dilemma. He chose to pace himself a little longer with her because unlike all the others, she was different. He had fallen in love with her.

  As the workday came to a close, Michael had one more appointment before picking up Janine at her hotel. He had to drive out to Bailey’s Crossroads, which given the time of day, could take him well over forty-five minutes. When he arrived at the house, she was waiting for him in the front yard tending to her flower garden.

  “Hello,” he said as he walked up the sidewalk.

  “You’re on time, Mr. Josey. Punctuality is very important to me as you well know,” she said as she brushed the mulch from her gloves and removed them to shake his hand.

  This was the first time in a long time he had seen Mistress Spectra in anything other than latex and heels. Yet ironically she seemed far more intimidating in her capris, tunic, clogs and gardening hat. When she called him expressing her need for an attorney, he was flattered but also deeply concerned. She had successfully run her establishment for years without notice or any legal troubles by all accounts. She prided herself on being very selective about those she allowed membership. She used background check services religiously to ensure each member was protected on every possible front.

  “How can I help you?” he asked.

  “As I shared on the phone, I have a little problem I don’t want to turn into a bigger one. Let’s go inside to talk.” She opened the front door and walked inside. “May I offer you something? Water? Juice?” she asked.

  “No thank you,” he said.

  “Please have a seat and let’s get down to business.”

  “You explained during your call one of your members has gotten into some trouble?”

  “He’s more than a member, dear. He’s a Congressman who apparently is going through a nasty divorce. His wife wants to publically out him because he was reckless. Curious thing really. That being said, she wants to subpoena my records to prove he was unfaithful to her.”

  “Was he?” Michael asked scrutinizing her as carefully as she was doing to him.

  She leaned forward and said, “As you well know, I know how to keep secrets. However, he certainly played in my establishment. Whether or not he had penile intercourse with his Dom I won’t answer that—nor should I have to. Your job is to make sure I don’t have to, Mr. Josey. Furthermore, I have no interest in showing up in divorce court. My own divorce was more than enough.”

  Prior to opening her club, she was a counselor working with troubled teens. She lived a fairly normal life: a twenty-plus year marriage with four children. But unbeknownst to her husband, she was also Mistress Spectra for at least half of that time. When she finally revealed her alter ego, her ex-husband virtually destroyed her. She lost her job, her home and for years, her relationships with her now adult children. She once told Michael she also learned much more in the crisis. She found the decades of lies left her far more damaged. With nothing else to lose, she embraced the freedom of being “out” and professionalized her kink. In time, scholars came to her as an authority on BDSM. The ten-year-old club was a testament of her will, success, and ability to live with no regret.

  But this situation was a much bigger problem than Spectra realized. Depending on how he handled it, it could mean the end of the club. Public exposure would be devastating to a place founded on securing member anonymity. He presumed most of its members were not “out” and the outcome could expose them all—himself included. While he wasn’t ashamed of that part of his life, he keenly understood how others would view it if they knew.

  “This really isn’t my area of expertise. I don’t deal with family law at all,” he told her.

  “But we both know this isn’t a family law issue for me. The Congressman and his wife have lawyers handling that for them. I need to you to keep me out of it,” she retorted.

  “You’ve got to know other attorneys that can help you with this. Why me?”

  “I’ve known you for years. I trust you. You know what’s at risk, but you won’t let your own fear over this get in your way. Or am I mistaken about that?”

  While he had some trepidation about it all, none of his feelings came close to fear. “So far, all you’ve received is a phone call threatening a subpoena, right?”

  “That is correct.”

  “I’ll reach out to both counselors and see what I can find out. You do realize even if a subpoena isn’t issued, her side could still leak it to the press,” he said.

  “Precisely. Keep my establishment out of it.”

  “I’ll do what I can. I won’t make you any promises until I dig into this a little more.”

  She reached into her gardening smock pocket and pulled out a check. “Here’s fifty thousand dollars. I assume this will be enough for your services and to keep you on retainer.”

  “For now. I’ll get back to you soon with an update.”

  “Thank you, M.” She stood up and led him back to the front door. “I appreciate you driving out here to meet with me. I know that’s not your normal practice.”

  “Consider it a personal favor, Mistress,” he said as he headed out the door making his way back to his car.

  The brevity of their meeting gave him plenty of time to get to back to the city especially since he was driving against rush hour traffic. He placed a few calls to colleagues who specialized in divorce law in the District. He had Ricardo track down a firm in the Congressman’s home state. As he looked at the dash, it was after seven. He was only ten minutes from the hotel. He called Janine to let her know he was on his way.

  During the balance of the drive back to the city, his mind began racing. Not wanting to dwell on everything that could go wrong, instead he strategized how best to proceed. But the truth was for the first time in a long time, he couldn’t think clearly. He was a bit distracted with his emotions all over the place. It was unnerving. He knew he had to steady hims
elf and push his trepidations aside otherwise things would become unwieldy.

  When he arrived at the hotel, Janine was standing outside near the roundabout waiting for him as he pulled up. He got out of the car, opened the door for her and said, “Hi, Beautiful!” kissing her cheek.

  “Hi, Handsome,” she said smiling.

  As tired and hungry as he was, just seeing her energized and refocused him. He was ready for whatever the night offered.

  CHAPTER 17

  Dinner was relaxed as they dined on sumptuous Moroccan cuisine including a starter course of hummus, Baba Gannoush, Tabouleh and grape-leaves. They sipped on mint tea before transitioning to cocktails. Their conversation was light and whimsical. When their main course of couscous with lamb and vegetables arrived, they both complained of being full from the generous starters but they looked forward to eating it nonetheless.

  “God, this looks delicious,” she said before continuing, “We might need to walk around the block a few times to work this off!”

  “I’m sure I can think of other things we can do to burn a few calories,” he replied as he locked his eyes on hers.

  “Oh really?” she replied with piqued interest showing all over her face. “And what do you propose?”

  “We both know that’s not quite how this works,” he replied devilishly.

  “Well, I’m a little rusty these days,“ she said as she took a sip of her cocktail with her mischievous grin growing wider.

  “Is that so? You didn’t seem rusty at all last night,” he said as he leaned back against the plush pillows.

  She chuckled a little and for a moment seemed a little flustered by his comment. She dropped her eyes from him and said, “I haven’t done that in a very long time.”

  He leaned his head to the side and being genuinely perplexed asked, “You haven’t had sex?”

  “No, that’s not…I mean I haven’t…played.” She now seemed a bit embarrassed as she took a longer sip of her drink.

  On one level, he was taken aback by her honesty on the matter. He was also a little surprised by her response. “How long has it been for you?”

  She let out a deep sigh whispering, “Ten years,” before meeting his eyes again. He understood exactly what she was confessing.

  “Why?” He genuinely wanted to understand why she hadn’t allowed that part of herself expression for so many years.

  Her eyes reflected the array of emotions and thoughts racing through her mind as she searched for words. “I guess I never found anyone I trusted enough.”

  He could tell this was becoming very uncomfortable for her so he took her hand in his and kissed it before asking, “Not even with him?”

  She withdrew her hand and sharply said, “I don’t want to talk about him with you.”

  “He was your husband. Are you telling me you married a man you couldn’t be yourself with?”

  “I made a mistake and ended it, okay?” She was retreating fast and he knew he had pushed an emotional boundary she wasn’t prepared to cross.

  In all their time together he rarely if ever pushed her that way. He was comfortable challenging her, but pushing her was something entirely different. He knew she had a habit of emotionally distancing herself when he did it. It was her defense mechanism and while he didn’t fully understand its genesis, he tried to respect it nonetheless. Whether intended or not, her answer revealed she must have tried to introduce play and things had not gone well with her ex.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that,” he said contritely, “it’s none of my business.”

  “No, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I’m sorry,” she said with a sadness that seemed to sweep over her. “Vincent was a mistake wrapped up in a fresh start I thought I needed.”

  The server brought another round of drinks to their table providing a much-needed break in the conversation. It allowed them both to regroup and focus their thoughts. Although the food looked delicious, they both just picked at it, taking small bites and saying very little.

  Finally she said, “The play…that part of me comes alive only when I’m with you. I don’t know why. It just does. Vincent could never touch that part of me…or anyone else for that matter. Okay?”

  He was deeply touched by what she shared because he knew how hard it was for her. As a result, he was somewhat hesitant to query her further. “Why haven’t you told me that before?”

  “Why would I? The last time I saw you, we were at Kelly’s wedding. Things didn’t exactly pan out.”

  He leaned forward and said, “You stopped returning my calls.”

  “Because you were still with her. What was I supposed to do?”

  “Janine…” The conversation had taken another serious turn and he was now the one uneasy.

  “It took everything I had in me to keep walking down that aisle when I saw her standing next to you in the pew. After everything we said …what we did. I felt like a fool and sick to my fucking stomach.”

  He exhaled and said, “When I left your room to get dressed for the wedding, I didn’t expect her to be in our room. She told me the night before she was leaving. Obviously she didn’t.”

  “How do you think I felt?”

  “You knew it was over with her the minute I came back to your room that night.”

  “Really? Because it didn’t look like anything had changed. I saw the two of you together—before and after our…mess.”

  Janine’s emotions were raw as were his. An evening of a relaxing dinner had quickly devolved into a tangle so complex he didn’t see how they could overcome it. But he also knew this exchange needed to happen if there was going to be any hope of rekindling the fullness of their relationship.

  “You knew how much I loved you.”

  “And I knew you loved her too or you would’ve never allowed her to join you at the wedding or the reception. I felt so ashamed and guilty knowing I caused another woman pain. Do you get that?”

  He dropped his head and ran his fingers across his brow searching for words that seemed inadequate. “I initiated all of it. I cheated. I hurt her. If I loved her as much as you—nothing would’ve happened between us.”

  “She was clearly important to you. I owed you time to fix it. You tried to save it. That’s why I stopped calling.”

  “It was fucked the minute I saw you. I tried to save it because you stopped returning my calls. It was an insane thing to do to her, and me for that matter. The truth is no other woman has ever meant as much to me as you.”

  He squeezed her hand now resting on the table gripping her napkin. He searched her face trying to fathom what she was thinking…what she was feeling. He knew she was emotionally exposed and very vulnerable. It manifest in every part of her body. But the fact was, he was vulnerable too. He loved her desperately even though years and distance had kept them apart.

  The quiet between them was broken when she unexpectedly said, “I love you too, but it never seems to be enough, does it? Our play was always an expression of all we were. What we lost.”

  “No Baby. It’s a part of all we are. Why is that so hard for you to accept?” He gave her a moment to consider what he said. He recognized their conversation didn’t need to be continued in the restaurant. “Do you want to go?”

  She nodded and he motioned for the server to get the check. The server looked at their nearly full plates and asked, “You didn’t like your meal, sir?”

  “No, it was fine. We just…we filled up more than we thought on the starters. I’ll take the check please. There’s no need to box any of this,” he said.

  They made their way back to the hotel with very few words exchanged between them. They simply held each other’s hand and occasionally stroked each other’s faces. When he pulled into the hotel turnabout, he got out to open the door for her but the valet beat him to it. He walked over to her and embraced her tightly.

  “Good night.”

  She drew back looking puzzled and asked, “You’re not coming up wit
h me?”

  “Do you want me to?” The valet stepped back from what was clearly an intimate moment between them.

  “I need you to,” she said with such longing that there was no way he could deny her.

  He turned to the valet and said, “Please park the car in the garage.”

  “Yes sir!”

  Michael clutched her hand and drew it to his lips as they made their way through the lobby to the elevators. Once in her room, she went straight to the bathroom. He took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair. He sat on the edge of the bed until she re-emerged. When she stepped out, she walked over and sat next to him on the bed resting her head on his shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I will be, “ she answered.

  “Tell me what you need,” he said softly.

  The truth was, he knew exactly what she needed. If he knew nothing else about her, he understood an element of her being was a painfully insecure person. Janine was someone who not only had difficulty expressing what she needed emotionally but also believing love would never abandon her. From the first time he told her he loved her, he understood she needed to believe someone would love her completely. She needed to know love would never try to change her but embrace all her nuances, wonderful strengths, beautiful mind and contradictions.

  She needed to understand love would always be there to lift her up and protect her from a harsh world. He also keenly understood his love had to give her freedom to explore every inch of that same world. She needed to trust her heart when it told her all the love she hoped for and needed was in him. She needed to know he would be all that and more—or die trying. He loved her that much. But her doubts manifested in peculiar ways; the most recurrent was her tendency to flee from him. As much as it saddened him, he knew mere words would never suffice. Janine would have to come to this realization on her own. He prayed she would— even though he learned to live his life without her.