Love Is a Battlefield

by Annalisa Daughety

  “You look like you could stand some fresh air.” Owen stepped to the office door. “since it’s nearly five, why don’t you go with Mason to get the cemetery flag?”

  She rose slowly and put her hat atop her head. “Sure.” Lowering the cemetery flag was one of her favorite things. At the end of the day, the cemetery was deserted and peaceful, and going through the ritual of lowering and folding the flag always felt like the perfect cap to the day. But not today. Instead of calming her, the cemetery filled her with sorrow.

  “Are you okay?” Mason asked her as they set off toward the cemetery gates.

  She managed a weak smile. “Just a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

  “Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Well, usually when I have a lot on my mind, it helps me to talk to Matthew.” He shrugged. “Sometimes just saying it all out loud helps me to figure it out. Maybe you should tell someone your troubles.”

  Such a good kid. She’d grown quite fond of him. His brother, too, but Mason’s sweet shyness had stolen a piece of her heart. She smiled. “That’s a great idea, Mason.” The irony was, the person she’d gotten used to telling her troubles to was the person who’d caused her troubles this time.

  “Since this is your last day here, why don’t you do the honors?” she asked.

  Mason solemnly undid the ropes and slowly began to lower the flag.

  One lone man stopped his perusal of the headstones and stood at attention. Kristy noticed a single tear trickling down his lined face. Based on his age, she guessed he was a Vietnam vet.

  They silently folded the flag until it was a small triangle.

  “Afternoon, sir,” Kristy said to the visitor, who still stood at attention.

  The man wiped his eyes and nodded at her.

  “Thanks for taking care to fold it correctly. That flag is a beautiful sight, even flying over a sea of headstones.”

  Kristy smiled at him, ashamed of herself for begrudging the task. Just goes to show that you never know who might be watching, whom you might be able to touch.

  Mason tucked the flag underneath his arm, and they headed back to the visitor center. Finally, the day that seemed to drag on forever crept to an end. As soon as the second hand on the big clock over the front desk ticked five o’clock, Kristy said her goodbyes to the twins, grabbed her hat and purse, and began the short walk home.

  “Have a good weekend!” Owen called to her as the door closed behind her.

  A good weekend wasn’t likely on her agenda. She wondered again, as she’d done a million times since the day started, what Ace was doing.

  ***

  Ace checked his watch again. Kristy was home by now. He considered calling to see how her day had gone but thought better of it. She’d acted so oddly last night at the picnic. He was beginning to think maybe he’d imagined the spark between them. Had he been a fool to confess his love for her so soon?

  He maneuvered his blue extended cab Chevy around a slower car and hit the cruise button. He’d be back to Shiloh soon. He was nearing the Lexington exit. Sure enough, there was the sign for Shiloh. He breathed a sigh of relief. Even after just one day in the city, he couldn’t wait to get back to the peaceful town. And after the tedious meeting he’d had with Diana, he was more than ready to relax. Things had gone well, but there were challenges still to be dealt with before he felt free to share the details. He’d be glad when he could let it all out in the open—and especially let Kristy in on the secret he’d been carrying around all summer. But would she be supportive? Only time would tell.

  CHAPTER 53

  Kristy paced back and forth across her living room. Despite the small space, she felt like she was walking miles. Ace was on his way over. He’d called from his house and asked if he could stop by. Said it was time for them to talk about the other night. He hadn’t mentioned much about his day, though.

  The ringing bell brought Sam running, and Kristy threw open the door. His blue button-down shirt and khakis were dressier than she was used to seeing. Had he actually dressed up to meet his lunch date?

  “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

  “Oh. Sorry.” she opened the storm door, and he stepped inside. He immediately pulled her into his arms for a close hug.

  She stiffened, willing herself not to get lost in his embrace. He inhaled deeply as he released her. “You smell nice.”

  “Thanks.” she hated the feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. She’d almost trusted him with her heart. And as it turned out, he didn’t deserve it after all.

  He followed her over to the couch and sat down, Sam immediately jumping in his lap.

  “So how was Nashville?”

  “Crowded.” He stretched his legs out in front of him. “Living here, it’s easy to forget what it feels like to be stuck in traffic.” He absently stroked Sam on the head. “I did have a delicious lunch, though. A place called the Green Hills Grille. You ever been there?”

  She tried to read the expression on his face. Is this where she should confess that she’d overheard about his lunch plans? no, she decided, it all hinged on whether he would tell the truth, unprompted by her. “I don’t think so.” she forced a laugh. “You’re braver than I am. I hate eating out by myself.” Her gaze zeroed in on his eyes. There it was. Guilt. Her heart quickened. She’d been fooling herself to think he was a trustworthy kind of guy.

  “I don’t know about brave. I was just a hungry man.” He stopped scratching Sam, and the dog immediately jumped down and scampered off. “But I did what I went there to do. I got a new laptop. I’m a Mac guy now. We’ll see if that makes me as cool as those commercials let on.” He chuckled. “Anything happen at the park today?”

  She could feel her heart in her throat now. She wanted to cry. To scream. To go back in time and refuse to let herself get close to him. How could he lie to her so easily? if his lunch date had been innocent, he would’ve told her about it. But the fact that he’d chosen to let her think he’d dined alone ... well, that pretty much said it all. “Nothing much. Pretty typical Saturday.”

  He reached over and grabbed her hand. She was torn between tearing it out of his grasp and enjoying the last contact she would have with him. She knew what had to be done.

  “Kristy. I told you the other night how I feel about you. It’s the complete truth. I love you.” He reached over and brushed a strand of blond hair from her forehead, letting his hand caress her face. “I need to know how you feel. You’ve left me hanging here far too long.”

  She jerked away from his touch and saw the confusion reflected on his face. “Look, Ace.” Just breathe. No tears. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. She shook her head. “There’s just no way this can work.” she saw his jaw tense. “For one thing, we’re completely different. And for another, who knows where I’m going to end up? The downside to you having my job, besides the fact that you’ve ruined the program I worked so hard to build, is that my position is over in two weeks. Two weeks. So while you can sit here, secure in your career, I can’t. I’m job hunting right now, and if there is one thing I know I don’t want, it’s a long-distance relationship.” she shifted uncomfortably.

  “You never know. Something might open up. And you and I both know you don’t want to leave this area.” He wasn’t grasping what she was trying to tell him.

  “No, I don’t. But I’m not going to have a choice.” she was shivering now. Any warmth she’d once felt from being near him had gone ice cold.

  “But what about us? I love you. And I’m pretty sure you’re starting to feel the same way about me.”

  “No. You’re a nice guy. I’m flattered that you think you love me. But, Ace, come on. You’re in love with the idea of love. Not me. You think life can turn out like a movie or a fairy tale. It can’t. Your idea of forever ... it doesn’t exist. At least not for me.”

  The sadness she felt flood through her body was reflected in his face. She doubted he would’ve flinched more if she had actually hit him. And as angry as she felt at the
entire situation, there was no satisfaction in knowing she’d caused him pain. No matter that he was a liar and possibly a cheater. He was still decent as far as men seemed to go. But she wasn’t going to risk her heart again. No more.

  “Kristy, please. Consider what you’re saying. I’ve seen the love in your eyes, even when you tried to hide it. Think about the time we’ve spent together. How can you just walk away?” His pleading cut to her heart. But he wasn’t being completely honest with her. That was a deal breaker for her. Even if he was twice the man Mark had been.

  She shook her head. “After everything I’ve been through, I just can’t do it.” she stood up and resumed her pacing from before. “Besides, you’re always going to be pining away for Caroline.” she could see her words hit him square in the face.

  “Wait a minute. That’s not fair. I’m not pining for her. Yes, she was an important relationship in my life, and yes, it has been hard moving forward. But we were never more than friends. What I have with you is totally different. And the fact that you’d even bring it up is really low.” He rose from the couch and stepped in front of her, grabbing her by the arms. “What is wrong with you? I know things have been tough lately, with your friend losing her husband, and now you facing your time here being over. But don’t make me the bad guy. I’m not responsible for those things.”

  “Well, in a way, you kind of are.” she knew she was bordering on being unreasonable but couldn’t stop herself. “I mean, obviously not about Ainsley’s situation, but you are the reason I don’t have a job come Labor Day.”

  “Would you listen to yourself? I’m not the reason for that. Blame yourself for not making good decisions. Blame Mark for leaving you high and dry at the altar. But don’t put that on me. When I took that position, I had no idea there was someone who felt ownership over it. You quit. And I think it’s time for you to finally deal with it.”

  Sam cowered underneath the coffee table, looking up at them with wide eyes.

  “It’s okay, little buddy.” Kristy bent down to pat the dog on the head. She glowered up at Ace. “I am dealing with it. I deal with it daily, okay? When I see you sitting there with your feet propped up in my office, it is a constant reminder of my bad decisions.”

  He raked his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just want you to think about what you’re throwing away. This thing between us has real potential. But it’s like you can’t even see it because your view of things is so clouded over.”

  Kristy patted her hand over her heart. “See this? it is barely pieced together. Hanging by a million threads. I can’t ... no, I won’t ... risk getting broken again. It isn’t worth it. Not now and not ever.”

  He stared at her for a long minute. “Aren’t you afraid that someday you’ll regret this? That you’ll look back on this moment and wonder what might’ve been if you’d been able to trust me with your heart?”

  She sighed. “See? That’s just it. I can’t trust you with my heart. I don’t trust you at all. And that isn’t going to change. I’m sorry.”

  “No. I’m sorry. Sorry that you have so little faith in me,” he said softly. “But you’ve said enough. I may love you, but I do have some pride. I’m not going to beg. You won’t have to worry about me again.” He reached down and gave Sam a scratch under the chin. “Good-bye.” And without another word, he walked out, closing the door behind him.

  Kristy sank to the floor, the tears already beginning to flow.

  CHAPTER 54

  Two days off and a sick day thrown in for good measure later, Kristy could finally go more than a few minutes without crying. She knew she had to face the world again. But for three days, she’d hidden. She and Sam went to stay with her mom. One look at Kristy’s pale face and Nancy had put her straight to bed, never questioning whether the sickness was physical or emotional. Thank goodness for Grandma’s famous chicken soup recipe.

  “Morning,” she called to Owen as she came through the back door.

  He stuck his head out of his office, his brow furrowed. “Hank just called. Asked me to have you come straight to his office.”

  “What’s it about?” she didn’t want another ambush in Hank’s office.

  “That’s between you and the chief.” Owen shook his head.

  “Fine. I’ll be back in a minute.” Kristy marched up the stairs. She had a feeling she knew what her meeting was about. It was time for her to decide if she wanted to try to transfer to another park or leave the service completely. She couldn’t bear the thought of being at another park. So it was time to hang up her ranger hat and look for another career.

  “Kristy. Have a seat.” Hank riffled through a stack of papers strewn across his desk until he found the one he was looking for.

  She settled herself across from him, ready to seal her fate. In just one short week, she would no longer be a park ranger. Surely she’d find some other career that made her as happy. Right?

  “I guess you already know what this is about,” Hank started. “It’s unfortunate that we have to lose a good ranger to get a good ranger back, but as they say, them’s the breaks.” He passed a form across the desk to her. “If you’ll sign at the bottom, you will officially be reinstated to your old position.”

  Kristy froze. Her old position? What was he talking about? “Um, I’m not sure what you mean. What’s going on?” All the papers on Hank’s desk seemed to swim in front of her, and she tried to focus on his weathered face.

  Hank’s eyes grew almost as wide as his bifocal lenses. “I thought you knew. Ranger Kennedy is gone. Took all his vacation in one lump and headed up north somewhere.” He leaned back in his chair. “You really didn’t know? I thought you two had gotten close this summer, but guess I was wrong.”

  Kristy felt like she’d been doused in ice water. Ace was gone? Without telling her? she struggled to make words. “Oh. Well. Of course. Yes, I definitely want my old position.” she shook her head. “I just didn’t realize he’d be leaving so soon.” A poor attempt at trying to save face, but it was the best she could come up with. She silently signed the paperwork and rose to her feet.

  “Feel free to move your things into the yellow office.” Hank snickered.

  Kristy barely managed a smile. “Sure.” she forced her legs to carry her down the stairs.

  “Guess you heard the news, huh, kid?” Owen asked kindly. “Ace came by to see me before he headed out. Said it was going to be a shock to you, but he knew you’d be happy to have your job again.” Owen shrugged. “He also said something about how you’d be glad to be rid of him, but I told him he was crazy.” He looked at her white face. “I was right, wasn’t I?”

  “What? Oh. I guess things just work out the way they’re supposed to. Things are finally back to normal again.” The reality of her situation was taking some time to sink in. Her job, her office, her life. All back to the way it used to be. Except that Ace was gone. And somehow that canceled out any bit of happiness she might’ve felt.

  ***

  It took every bit of self-restraint he possessed to keep from turning his truck around. But Ace knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Sure, he could beg her to change her mind about things. And there was a chance she would relent. But he wanted her to love him without having to be convinced or prodded.

  Besides, he was pretty sure the anger she’d released on him the other night had very little to do with him. Whether it was about Mark, Brad’s death, or something else, he wasn’t sure. But he did know enough to realize there were some things she was going to have to work out on her own. His being there was only going to make it worse.

  He’d stopped by the visitor center on his way out, comforted by the knowledge that it was her day off.

  “Are you sure, man?” Owen had asked. “Seems a shame for you to skip out of town like this. With a little notice, we could’ve at least had you a going-away party.”

  “Sometimes you just have to move on.” Ace had shrugged. “The offer to teach history back in Illi
nois wasn’t going to be on the table for long. It just worked out that way.”

  The truth of the matter was, he’d really had to pull some strings to make it happen. If it hadn’t been for all the research he’d done this summer, he probably wouldn’t have gotten the offer. Plus, it helped that he knew the department chair pretty well.

  And while he was hopeful about the future, and hopeful that someday he’d see Kristy again, he knew it would be better for her if he just faded away. Now if his feelings for her would just fade away. But he had a feeling those would be sticking around for a long time.

  CHAPTER 55

  “You have a visitor at the desk. Says it’s urgent.” Owen poked his head into Kristy’s office.

  She looked up from a draft of the new Junior Ranger booklet she was proofing. “Who is it?” she wasn’t expecting anyone.

  An uncomfortable look crossed Owen’s ruddy face. “I really don’t want to get in the middle of it. But since we’re light on visitors today, maybe you should get out of here and talk to him. Take your time.” Owen exited, closing the door behind him. Ace. It must be Ace. Finally. Kristy breathed deeply. After nearly a month, he’d come back for her.

  She glanced in the mirror behind the door. Her looks needed a little help. It had been so long since they’d last seen each other, she didn’t want to face him looking all unkempt. The way her green trousers hung on her frame surprised her. Had she lost weight and not noticed? but ever since Ace went away, she hadn’t had much of an appetite. Not even Hagy’s tempted her much anymore.

  She grabbed her purse in search of a brush. There was no way to get the ridge out of her hair from the day’s ponytail, but she needed to do something. She brushed out her hair and redid the hairstyle. There. Not winning any awards, but at least it looked smoother. A little powder and lipstick, and she was ready to see him. At least her physical appearance was ready. But her insides were in knots.