by Becca Steele
I’d just reached the cut through to my house, where there was a footpath and cycle path running alongside a small stream, when I heard a car again. I pedalled harder, hoping with everything I had it wasn’t Carter and Xavier.
“Raine!” I heard my name called with a shout, and that spurred me on even faster. My muscles were burning and I couldn’t catch my breath, but I had to make it to the cut through, where the car wouldn’t be able to follow me.
“Stop!” I was suddenly in the grip of a large body, flailing around, fighting to get away. I screamed, and a hand immediately clamped over my mouth.
“Your girl’s got some fight in her.” I heard Xavier’s chuckle next to my ear.
“She’s not mine,” came the reply. Carter’s voice held a note of sadness, or maybe I’d just imagined it.
“You gonna stop struggling, Raine?” Xavier’s attention returned to me.
“No,” I hissed, and he sighed.
“Raine. I’m not leaving you here, so you may as well get in the car instead of wasting both of our time.”
“Fine.” A frustrated huff escaped me.
“Good girl,” he praised. “Wait there a minute. I’m gonna grab a blanket from the boot. Can’t have you dripping all over my seats.”
Of course not. “I’m fine. Home isn’t far from here.”
He looked down at me, his face shadowed by his hood.
“It’s my fault you got soaked.” He shrugged, opening the boot and grabbing a blanket, which he laid over the back seat. “Just get in the car, would you, before we’re both drenched?”
Deciding to cut my losses, I slid into the car without another word. The sudden warmth hit me, and I realised how cold I was, shivering, my teeth chattering.
“Fucking hell, Raine.” Carter’s voice sounded again. “Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“I-I d-didn’t ask for you to give me a lift,” I managed to get out through my chattering teeth, then turned my gaze away from him, staring at the rain driving against the window. Shrugging off my wet coat, I leaned back against the seat.
“Stubborn,” he said again. As I closed my eyes with a sigh, I heard the car doors slamming, and then the space next to me was filled with Carter’s larger-than-life presence. I inched further away from him, right up against the car door.
Xavier slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. “Your bike’s on the back.”
“Thanks,” I whispered tiredly as another cold shiver racked my body. Suddenly, I was being grabbed and tugged against a warm, strong chest, arms holding me tightly.
“Raine.” Carter’s voice was a soft caress. He stroked down my back, then brushed my wet hair out of my face, uncaring that I was dripping rainwater everywhere. “I’ve got you.” Placing a kiss on my head, he continued his soothing movements until I stopped shivering and gave in to the inevitable, letting my body relax against his, soaking up his warmth. Even though I knew I shouldn’t.
I kept my eyes closed for the entire duration of the car journey, taking this tiny, stolen moment where I could pretend that Carter was mine.
30
Everywhere I looked, she was there. No one else held my interest. In the halls at school, in my classes, every-fucking-where. She starred in my dreams, taunting me with thoughts of something I couldn’t have. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but her. Everything I did to push her out of my mind was a complete and utter failure. After I’d held Raine in my arms in Xavier’s car, I thought that maybe things would change, but I was wrong. True to her word, she’d stayed far away from me, acting like I didn’t exist. It was clear to me that she’d given up on any idea of us, and I knew it was my own fucking fault. Anastasia wouldn’t admit to anything, so the whole point of me staying away had been a failure, and I’d had to deal with Ana getting her hopes up again and then me letting her down. She could join the queue. I was letting everyone down. My head was fucked. My grades were slipping again, and the disappointment of my parents weighed heavily on me.
Everything fucking sucked. Kian and Xavier wouldn’t get off my back, telling me I was moping around like a fucking girl.
The truth? I missed Raine.
“You look like shit.” Kian threw his bag into the seat next to me.
“Thanks.”
He shrugged. “Just telling it like it is.”
We fell silent as our Business Studies class began, but I couldn’t help my mind wandering to Raine. As the teacher started up a PowerPoint presentation, I pulled out my phone, half hiding it under my textbook. Before I knew it, I’d navigated to my message thread with her, and I typed three words that I’d never written before. Not to anyone, not even my ex-girlfriend.
Me: I miss you
Five minutes later, I got a reply. Not the reply I was hoping for.
Raine: I’m not sneaking around with you
Me: Can’t we just keep it quiet for now? The pressure will be insane
Raine: No
I growled under my breath. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Me: Let me explain
Raine: You don’t have to explain anything. I know you think I’m not good enough for your group of friends and your precious image
Me: It’s not like that. I was talking about my parents and the fact you might become a target again. I saw how upset you were, baby
Raine: First. What do your parents have to do with it? Second. It’s MY decision about whether I become a target. Third. DON’T CALL ME BABY. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT
Kian glanced over at me, and I shielded my phone with my hand. “Do you mind, mate? I’m trying to have a private conversation.”
He smirked at me, then shrugged before pulling out his own phone. “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”
I returned my attention to Raine. Fuck, what was I supposed to say?
Me: Parents. I’m under a lot of pressure. They constantly compare me to you. ALL the fucking time
Raine: That makes no sense
Me: You have to be aware of this. I’ve told you before and I know you’ve seen it for yourself. In their eyes you’re perfect. Perfect grades. Can do nothing wrong. It’s all Raine this, Raine that, why can’t you be more like Rainey? E.g. Last night my dad was telling me how proud he was that you were up for a model student award yet when I get awards for football he dismisses them as frivolous. You should be fucking proud BTW. That’s just an example
Raine: I didn’t know the extent of it. I’m sorry. That’s not right. They’re your parents, they should support you
Me: Now you know. Another reason why you and me would never work
Raine: That makes no sense. And if we would never work why are you texting me now?
I put everything I was feeling into my reply.
Me: Don’t you see? If you were my girlfriend they’d have even more interest in you and your life. I’d be constantly compared to you, even more than I am now. At least now you’re just my neighbour and I know this shit has an expiry date because you’re not sticking around once school finishes and you leave for uni
Me: You want to run away. I get it. I’d run away too if I had a choice. If I hadn’t worked so fucking hard to get to where I was. If I wasn’t going on to Alstone College next year
Me: And the reason I’m texting you is because I fucking miss you
Raine: Would you run away with me?
Would I? For a minute, I allowed myself to think of a different future, where Raine and I were together. A future that wasn’t a possibility.
And that was the final nail in the coffin, right there. I could only offer her something temporary, where we’d sneak around and only have stolen moments. She deserved better than that. Better than me.
Raine: Since you’re taking forever to reply I’ll take that as a no. I’m moving away once the school year is up and you have all these issues surrounding me, so I think it’s best if we stay out of each other’s way. I’ll try to avoid coming over to your house with my aunt. There’s
plenty of excuses I could come up with.
Me: Fine. You’re right. I shouldn’t have texted you. I’m sorry. For how everything turned out
Raine: Me too. Goodbye Carter. Please don’t contact me again
Covered by my waterproof jacket, I jogged around the school building to head for the car park, when I stopped in my tracks. Raine was huddled on the steps, a bag clutched in her arms, sheltering from the rain and watching the road with anxiety all over her face.
I stood, not even noticing the rain as I watched her try calling someone, then hanging up with a resigned look on her face. She started down the steps, flinching as the rain hit her, then darted backwards under cover again. She was pulling off her coat. What the fuck? I watched as she covered the bag with her coat and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulders, then stepped out into the rain.
Fucking hell, Raine. Her school blazer wasn’t even waterproof. Did she want to catch hypothermia?
“Raine!” I shouted. She didn’t turn around.
I ran towards her, skidding across the wet tarmac as I reached her. Throwing my body in front of hers, I forced her to a stop.
“Go away.” Her voice was expressionless, and she didn’t even look at me, shivering in the rain, the water plastering her hair to her head.
“Raine. It’s fucking raining. Let me take you home.”
“No.” Her little chin set stubbornly. “We agreed we’d stay away from each other, remember?”
“Fuck, Raine.” I scrubbed my hand across my face. “What will it take for you to get in the car with me?”
“A personality transplant,” she muttered, then stepped around me, splashing through the puddles as she stormed off down the road.
I don’t think so.
I easily caught up with her, tugging on her backpack and spinning her around to face me. “Hold on.” That was the only warning I gave her before I scooped her up, bag and all, and began carrying her towards my truck.
“Stop manhandling me!” She couldn’t fight back since her arms were full with her huge backpack and her coat, so I ignored her ranting until we reached my truck. Putting her down, I held her in place with one hand while I juggled with my car keys, finally managing to press the button to unlock the boot.
“Why are you doing this? You’re just making things harder for us both.” She raised her eyes to mine, the rainwater glistening on her lashes. No make-up, she was fucking beautiful.
I didn’t have an answer, so I kissed her instead.
She shoved at my chest with her bag, refusing to kiss me back. I teased at her lips with soft licks and caresses, and finally, she gave in with a sigh. The feel of her lips against mine—fuck.
Raine was made for me.
The sound of a car horn, blasting long and loud, had her tearing her mouth away and ducking around my body. I could only watch as she made a run for a huge matte-black SUV, disappearing inside before I could even catch my breath.
I didn’t go straight home. I drove around aimlessly for a while, barely paying attention as the rain slowed and eventually stopped, the sun coming out from behind the clouds.
As I neared my house, I slowed my truck to a crawl and sucked in a breath as I rounded the corner onto Raine’s road. What the fuck? Cassius Drummond’s car was parked outside Raine’s house. Something that felt a lot like jealousy stabbed at my gut as I passed his SUV at a snail’s pace. There was no one inside, which meant Cassius was inside her house. Where he must’ve been since he picked her up from school.
How the fuck could I compete with Cassius Drummond?
Wait, why was I even thinking this? I didn’t want or need to compete with him. A relationship between me and Raine wasn’t going to happen. It didn’t matter who she was spending her time with.
Even as I told myself this, I knew it was a lie.
The notification lit up my screen, and I swiped so fast that my finger was a blur. Raine had posted a new picture. And yeah, I’d changed my settings so it would notify me whenever she posted.
The image loaded, and I gritted my teeth, rage boiling through me.
Now. Now I was really fucking jealous.
I swiped my car keys from my desk and ran for the garage.
31
“It’s surprisingly easy to talk to you.” I smiled up at Cassius as we walked along the seafront pier, gulls circling overhead, and he returned my smile with a wink. I wasn’t used to feeling so comfortable around people, yet with him, I did. I’d unloaded all my confused feelings on him, and he’d listened without judgement. I was still confused, but I felt lighter. And the one thing I knew for sure was that my feelings for Carter hadn’t gone away. Not even slightly. After he’d kissed me, I knew I’d just been lying to myself. The question was, what was I going to do about it? Should I even do anything about it?
Being around the Drummond siblings had made me realise that I didn’t want to live my life with regrets, so I was going to give Carter one last push. Hence the reason for me arranging to meet up with Cassius today. Not just to get a guy’s point of view on the whole situation, but to get his advice on what to do.
Cassius threw one of his chips in the air, out towards the sea, and laughed as gulls swooped for it, fighting for a piece. The winner made a break for it, hotly pursued by three others. I pointed out the large sign attached to the pier railings. “Did you notice the ‘do not feed the seagulls’ sign over there?”
He laughed again as he threw another chip. “I choose to interpret the sign as a guideline rather than a rule.”
Rolling my eyes, I punched him playfully, and he grinned. I watched as the gulls circled closer, eyeing his almost empty bag of chips. “It would serve you right if they took that bag out of your hand.”
“They wouldn’t dare.” He shoved the last couple of chips into his mouth, then wadded up the bag and threw it in one of the bins that were spaced out at regular intervals along the pier.
Tucking a strand of my windswept hair behind my ear, I turned to him. “Being serious for a minute, thanks for the advice.”
“Anytime, babe. I don’t know much about relationships, but I do know a lot about how men think. Since I am one and all.” We stopped at the end of the pier and stood at the railing, and he sighed. “Men are stubborn bastards. One of my best mates, Cade—he was really into a girl, but he couldn’t admit it to anyone. Not even to himself. Even though it was really fucking obvious. To me, at least.”
“What happened? I stared out to sea, towards Chaceley Rock and the old, abandoned lighthouse there. I could just about make out the small patches of snow that hadn’t been washed away by the earlier rain.
“I came up with a plan that involved making him jealous enough to snap. Two plans, actually. I kissed the girl he was into…twice. First time was at a party at our house, and he was being a complete dick and was all over another girl, even though it was clear he wanted Winter. That’s the name of the girl he liked. Second time, because he was still being a stubborn dickhead, I roped in our two other best mates, and two of us took turns kissing her, knowing he’d react.”
“That was the idea you came up with?” I eyed him sceptically. Suddenly I wasn’t so sure about taking his advice. “And that worked? It doesn’t really seem like a great plan to me. I don’t want to kiss anyone else.”
“I wasn’t suggesting you should do it. I was just making a point.” He gave me a grin that looked kind of devious, and I was suddenly nervous. “This situation was different. And okay, maybe I had my own reasons for doing what I did. But it wouldn’t hurt to show Carter what he’s missing, would it?”
“What are you suggesting?” I asked slowly.
“Give me your phone.” Hesitating for a moment, I stood there, just looking at him, and his gaze softened. “Trust me.” Releasing a heavy breath, I handed it to him. “Okay, turn around and lean back against the railings.” He put his arm around me, dipping down so his face was close to mine.
“You’re not going to kiss me, are you?”
; He laughed loudly. “Don’t sound so horrified. Do you know how many girls want to kiss me? Men, too, for that matter.”
“Oh, I’ve heard all about your popularity from Lena. Sounds like nothing’s changed since you were at school.” Finally relaxing, I laughed, too, and he gave me a huge grin as he snapped a photo.
“There. Post that. Natural smiles look better. I can always tell when people are faking, and we want him to think you’re moving on without him. Make him wonder if there’s anything going on between you and me.”
I stared at the photo. It did look pretty good. Our heads were close together, and Cassius had his arms slung casually around me as we looked at each other with huge smiles. The winter sun was setting behind us, giving the photo a soft orange glow, and our faces were shadowed, but you could easily see we were both smiling. Chaceley Rock was silhouetted on the horizon, just visible behind Cassius’ shoulder, and the sea sparkled where the rays touched it. The photo could mean everything or nothing—it was completely open to interpretation.
“This is a really nice photo.”
“I know. Post it, then I’ll post this at the same time, to prove I was there.” He snapped a selfie of his face with his own phone, an easy grin on his lips. I envied his casual, carefree attitude. Both he and Lena were so assured, so confident.
I posted the photo with the caption “sunset” and tagged Cassius, then turned my phone off so I wasn’t tempted to look at the notifications.
“Thanks for helping out.” We started walking back down the pier.
“That’s what friends are for. Anytime you need a favour, tell me.”
We reached the end of the pier, where Lena was waiting for us. Cassius gave her a quick hug, and she smiled at him. Even though she’d recently dyed her hair a pastel pink, there was no mistaking the fact that they were siblings. Both tall and gorgeous, with almost identical smiles, it was easy to see why they attracted attention whenever they were together. Lena turned to me, surprising me with a quick hug, too. “Everything okay, now?”