Graceful Scars

by Savannah Stewart

  “Does it really matter?!” She yelled back at me, jerking her arm from my hold.

  I sighed in defeat, dropping my arms to my sides. “Yes, it matters. It matters a whole helluva lot.” I took a step closer to her and smoothed a hand down her little shoulder. “Talk to me, Zoey! Don’t shut me out because you think I’m going to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

  Her eyes were full of tears. “I don’t want to go in that studio if I can’t dance.” She tried her best to hold back her tears, but a few escaped her eyelids and rolled down her rosy cheeks.

  “Honey,” I leaned down in front of her so that we were eye to eye, “I would never make you step foot anywhere unless you wanted to. All you have to do is tell me you aren’t ready, or you would rather not. It’s as simple as that.” I wiped the tears from under her eyes. “I’m sure Talon would feel the same way. He wouldn’t want you to be upset like you are right now.” She shook her head in agreement as I wrapped an arm around her so that we could walk back towards the studio where the car was parked.

  We got back in my vehicle without saying another word. Zoey had stopped crying, and I felt like I was a horrible person for not realizing that the horrible mood she had been in all morning was due to the fact that she was going to the dance studio when she couldn’t participate in the routines. I turned on my radio, hoping it would pull her out of her funk even though I was dreading the horrid sounds that were to come. As we came to a stop at a red light, the smile that spread widely across her face when some techno-sounding girl group started to sing had me grinning myself. When the chorus kicked in and the little bubbly girl beside me started belting out every word, my smile grew even bigger. That’s my Zoey!

  I decided to stop at the burger joint that we frequented often, knowing that operation ‘Make Zoey Happy’ wouldn’t be complete without a milkshake, and they were known for theirs. Zoey took a seat in the booth a couple spots back from the door as I ordered each of us a vanilla shake and a large order of fries to share. When I slid into the opposite side of the booth, she was staring out the window at a homeless man crouched beside a dumpster across the street from the restaurant.

  “Do you think we should take him something to eat?” Her tiny voice made my heart squeeze from all the sadness oozing from it.

  I wanted to say yes, I really did, but after what I had gone through that night and the way Chicago was known for murders, I didn’t want to give her the green light to do so in case something happened. That would be on me, and I couldn’t live with that. “I don’t think that’s a very safe idea,” I smiled sadly at her.

  “Why not?” Her eyebrows dipped low in the center with confusion.

  Gah…I wish Talon was here to back me up…

  “Not everyone is as nice as we are, Zoey. There are bad people out there, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” I slid her milkshake closer to her and placed the fries between us on the table.

  “But he looks hungry.”

  “I know he does, sweetheart. It’s just not safe for us to help him.” She seemed to understand, or at least that was what I was hoping. Zoey had a heart of gold, so pure and innocent; not every child’s like her.

  We finished our shakes and scarfed down the basket of fries in no time. I hadn’t let Talon know that we didn’t stay at the studio. He was busy helping Adalynn’s father remove some tree branches. It was his way of repaying him for giving us a ride to the hospital when Zoey had her accident. Much like his sister, Talon was one of a kind, a sweet and gentle man that would do anything for anybody. He had been dealt his own shitty hand in life and was doing a helluva good job at moving past it, unlike myself.

  The vibrations across the seat of the booth let me know that my phone was buzzing deep inside my purse. I dug around for what seemed like an eternity and located it just as it stopped ringing. Adalynn’s name decorated the screen. I knew she was going to be packed full of questions as to why we weren’t at the studio, and I didn’t really want to answer them in front of Zoey. She was in a better mood than earlier, and I didn’t want to ruin that.

  “You ready?” I asked Zoey.

  “Yeah, I have to use the bathroom, though.”

  “It’s fine, I’ll wait.”

  As soon as she was out of ear shot I called Adalynn back. “Where the hell are you?” She growled.

  “It’s nice to hear your voice, Adalynn,” I replied sarcastically.

  “Cut the crap, Teg.” Someone was highly upset.

  “I took Zoey for milkshakes. She had a break down about not being able to dance so I thought it would be better if we didn’t come to the studio today.”

  “Is she okay now?” Her tone lightened.

  “I think so.” I looked towards the bathroom to make sure Zoey didn’t sneak up and hear me talking about her. “I don’t know what to do with her. She’s never been this down and out about anything…It’s hard to handle, and I just want her to be happy again.”

  “When do the doctors think she will be able to dance again?”

  “Probably not for a couple more weeks, if then.” I glanced back at the bathroom door again wondering how long she was going to be in there. It had been long enough to use it and be back at the table. “Her arm isn’t healing as fast as they hoped; they don’t want to risk her falling and reinjuring it, possibly even worse than before.”

  “Poor thing.” Adalynn sighed.

  “I know…” Something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention so I turned to face the window to see what it was. “Adalynn…Let me call you back!” I pressed the end button, jumped up from the booth, and made a bee-line towards the homeless man beside the dumpster.

  “What are you doing?!” I yelled loudly as I hurried in front of oncoming traffic as they whaled on their horns. “Zoey!!!” She was bent down in front of the homeless man, handing him something. When I reached her, I pulled her up from the ground fast and positioned her behind me. The man seemed harmless as he sat there with a hand full of fries that Zoey had given him.

  “What?!” She shrieked from my quick movements.

  “Walk! Now!” I said angrily as I pointed towards my car.

  Without saying a word she turned and started walking. I grabbed her hand with mine as we crossed the street. I was furious! Absolutely pissed the hell off at Zoey for not listening to me about the homeless man. Did I know for sure that he might harm her? No. But did I know for sure that he wouldn’t harm her? No!

  I took a couple breaths as we reached the car and faced Zoey before I unlocked it. “What were you thinking?!” I tried to sound as calm as possible, but failed miserably.

  She flinched at my words. “He looked hungry.” Zoey diverted her eyes to the pavement beneath her feet and shivered from the cold.

  “Zoey...” I shook my head and hit the unlock button. It was too cold to hash this out outside of the car. “Get in the car so we can talk.” She followed my orders.

  Once I got the car started and the heat going I turned my body in the seat to face her better. “I know you wanted to help that man out but like I told you in the restaurant, it isn’t a good idea, especially without an adult.” She had her hands clasped together and resting in her lap. “Zoey, you have a heart of gold. I hope you understand I am not getting on you for that, I’m getting on you because you went behind my back and did something I told you not to do.”

  “I understand.” Her voice was barely audible.

  “Do you?” I wanted to make sure she actually understood why I was hounding her about it.

  “Yes!” She huffed out in annoyance.

  “Zoey, please understand I just want to keep you safe, and I can’t do that when you are going against my wishes.”

  “You’re not my mom!” She choked out. I hadn’t realized how upset Zoey had become. Crossing her arms over her chest she gazed out the window as I backed out of the parking space and headed towards her and Talon’s home.

  I was in shock from what she had come back at me with,
so shocked that I didn’t even respond. I mean, what do you say to that? She was right, I wasn’t her mother. The remainder of the car ride was done in complete silence; not even the radio was on. I felt like the little bit of happiness I had gotten out of her was blown to smithereens by her act of kindness to the homeless man.

  I couldn’t win for losing.

  Zoey was out of the car and speed walking to the entrance door of the apartment building before I had even turned the car off. I hate this. Completely and utterly hated the fact that she was closing me out. I didn’t want our relationship to be like that, not after the months of being so close, but I knew it would be hard to straddle that line of being a friend and being someone to watch out for her when need be, especially at her age. I tossed my purse up onto my shoulder and followed Zoey to their apartment. She was long gone by the time I made it into the building, and as I rounded the corner I saw Talon leaning against their front doorway looking perplexed. I shrugged and let out a long breath.

  “What’s going on?” He arched an eyebrow at me as he pushed off the door frame to give me room to enter.

  The sound of a door slamming shut caused me to flinch. “Zoey’s upset with me.” I dropped my purse on the kitchen island, letting my arms fall freely to my sides. I was beyond exhausted.

  “I take it the dance studio was a bad idea?” He walked over to me and placed his hands on my arms.

  “We didn’t even go.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning into his chest. Talon moved his arms from my arms, smoothing them across my back as he held me against him.

  I expected him to get upset that I hadn’t told him what we ended up doing today, but he didn’t. “How come?” He continued to run his hands up and down my back.

  “She had an episode in the car, jumped out and took off walking down the road from the studio. I got her back into the car…thought we had worked it out so we went to get milkshakes.” I sighed and he gave me a little squeeze. “There was a homeless man sitting across the street from the restaurant. We got to talking about him, and Zoey, being the kind hearted person she is, wanted to help him. I explained to her why that wouldn’t be a good idea; that everyone isn’t as nice as she is, or we are, and I honestly thought she understood what I was saying until she tricked me.” I stepped back from his embrace.

  “Tricked you?” His head jerked back slightly as he asked, looking very confused.

  “Yeah, tricked me.” I smiled sadly. “She went to the bathroom and the next thing I knew she was across the damn street giving the homeless man some of her fries that she had secretly put in her pocket instead of ate.”

  Talon’s raven eyes seemed to harden, “You’re kidding me?” His stance stiffened as he took a few steps back from me. “She ran across the street without your permission?!” His voice boomed through the open room.

  I shook my head yes, a little shaken by this side of Talon.

  “Zoey Gail Fisher!” He yelled as he made his way down the hallway towards her bedroom.

  I heard the door open before Talon reached it. I stepped into the living room so that I could see down the hallway as Zoey’s small frame stepped out of her bedroom with her arms crossed over her chest. “What!” She yelled back at him. I felt like an intruder, like I shouldn’t have been in the room while their argument took place. Talon was about to discipline Zoey because of me, and I didn’t want her to have to see my face while he did so.

  “Don’t raise your voice at me, Zoey.” He lowered his voice from yelling to a stern tone. “Why would you put Tegan in the situation you did earlier today?! Can you tell me that?!”

  Zoey’s bottom lip started to quiver as she shook her head back and forth. “I just wanted to give him something to eat.” She could no longer hold the tears at bay.

  I hated to see her cry, and I felt even more out of place than before so I stepped outside of their apartment, shutting the door quietly behind me. A small bench sat at the end of the hallway, just in front of a massive window, so I made my way over to it and took a seat. The sun was starting to set as I stared out the window and across the field behind the apartment building. The colors were beautiful: orange, blue, pink, and a faint yellow. I’d always loved to watch the sun set; it was like a breath of fresh air, a beautiful and inspiring picture that Mother Nature gave you to enjoy, no matter what kind of day you were having.

  My mind had been spiraling in so many directions lately that it felt nice to sit in silence and watch the beautiful sky fade through the dusk colors, even after the day I had been dealt. The sound of a door opening and then closing caught my attention, but I didn’t bother looking down the hall to see if it was Talon’s. I had a feeling it wasn’t. The battle he and Zoey had started on while I was in the room was most likely going to end up being a hellacious one. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I felt bad for telling him. Yes, it was the right thing to do, but I still felt like I had betrayed Zoey in a way.

  I sighed.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” An older woman’s voice came from over my shoulder.

  I turned on the bench to look at her. Her salt and pepper hair was cut short in a bob, and her ice blue eyes were sparkling as she stared out the window at the sunset. She lived a few doors down from Talon and Zoey. I had seen her on numerous occasions in passing, but had never spoken much more than a hello back and forth.

  “It’s the perfect view,” I replied.

  “Yes, it is.” She motioned towards the bench. “Mind if I sit down?”

  I scooted over, giving her half of the bench. “I don’t mind at all.” I smiled up at her.

  “I’m Julie.” She extended her frail hand for me to shake.

  “Nice to meet you Julie, I’m Tegan.”

  “Tegan. I like that.” Julie took a seat beside me. “You’re friends with the Fishers, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “That boy is such a gentleman. I’ve never seen someone around his age do the things he does for that little sister of his.” Julie crossed her ankles and smoothed her hands down the front of her long coat.

  “He is one of a kind.” I smiled widely. Talon was remarkable, not only to me, but to everyone that crossed his path. He was a diamond in a rough, one in a million. The type of person you wanted to hold on to when, if, you found them.

  “He reminds me a lot of my late husband, Oscar.” I felt my throat tighten with emotions. “Oscar had those same dark eyes, so dark they were almost black; nothing but love lived in those eyes of his.” She smiled and ran her hand across the heart pendant on the necklace she was wearing. “We had our ups and downs over the forty years we were married, but I sure wish he was still here to have more of those ups and downs with.”

  Julie’s love for her deceased husband, Oscar, was causing tears to fill my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of her at least, so I willed them to stay at bay. Thankfully they began to disappear as she changed the subject. “What brings you out here in the hallway, besides the beautiful view?” She moved her attention from the sunset to me.

  I sighed. I didn’t want to be honest and lay all of Talon and Zoey’s issues out there, so I took a moment to gather my thoughts before answering her. “I needed a little breather is all.”

  Julie placed a hand on my leg and patted it. “I can understand that.” Her smile made the creases of her eyes deepen.

  “Tegan.” Talon’s voice echoed through the hallway, bringing my attention towards his apartment door. When our eyes connected I felt a shiver roll down my body. He looked relieved to find me sitting on the bench.

  “Someone’s happy to see that you’re still here.” Julie spoke only loud enough for me to hear her as Talon reached where we were sitting. She patted my leg again and stood.

  “Hello, Mrs. Julie.” Talon helped her finish getting to her feet.

  “Thank you, sweet boy.” She patted his bicep and smiled. “Well, I’m off to the grocery store.”

  “Knock when you get back and I will come help
you bring them up and put them away.” Talon told her.

  She smiled.

  “There’s no need for that. This old girl needs her exercise.” She winked at me. “It was nice to meet you, Tegan.”

  “You too, Julie.” I stood from the bench and gave her a hug. I don’t know why, but I felt the need to hug her. So I did.

  She squeezed me as tightly as her thin arms would allow and whispered, “Don’t overthink things when it comes to Talon.” I felt my throat tighten again from the emotions that instantly rose up inside me at her words. How did she know that I was overthinking things? How did she even know that I had feelings for Talon?

  “Okay,” I whispered back as we stepped away from one another.

  “You two have a nice night.” Julie waved and headed down the hallway to the exit.

  Talon ran his hands through his messy hair before shoving them into the front pockets of the jeans he was wearing. He was rocking back and forth on his heels as he brought his attention from the exit back to me. I felt my heart drop when our eyes met. The depth of his onyx beauties were pulling me into them. I took a step closer to him as the corner of my lips tipped up into a small smile.

  “I thought you had left,” he nervously said.

  I shook my head no. “I didn’t want to intrude on family matters.” I looked away from his eyes to the grey tile floor.

  Talon extended his arms and ran his hands soothingly down my forearms. I had noticed he did that a lot when he tried to get the point across that he didn’t feel a certain way about the situation at hand. “Don’t ever feel that way, Tegan. I know we haven’t known each other very long but we consider you family. Zoey looks up to you, even though she’s being a major pain in the ass right now. She loves you…and so do I.”

  Instantly, my self-doubt began to fade. Talon had a way with words; he could make me feel at ease, loved, and safe more than anyone else. But my internal battle against whether or not where we were headed was a good idea continued to linger in the back of my mind. I knew Talon was a good man, I knew he would do any and everything to be there for me—hell, he knew my secret, but would I be able to move past that horrific night and allow Talon to fully have me?