Guarded Hearts

by L. A. Corvill

  “Huh? I mean, yes, I got your flyer from the table where all the drinks were,” she says, shaking her head like she is coming out of a daze. God, I hope she doesn’t vomit in my car.

  I don’t know whether to feel embarrassed or relieved that he’s taking me home. I stare out the window, playing back tonight’s events, especially what happened in Brett’s room.

  “So if you’re not drunk then why the call?” he asks accusingly.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t have anyone else to ask. Mandy misplaced my car keys and everyone else is either enjoying the party or drunk,” I tell him as I glance back out of the car window.

  I glance back at him from the corner of my eye; I can feel his eyes on me as we drive towards my house. I notice his arms are lean and cut, with those big manly hands and the way he shifts the gears makes him even sexier. Hmm, I wonder what those hands can do. I quickly begin to run my eyes up his arm and notice the tattoos which make me want to stare, but I don’t. I force myself to look away. My heart is suddenly racing and I have a sudden need to feel him, to touch him. I clench my fist to resist the urge. I don’t even know this guy, but oh, how I’d love to know him.

  Too busy with my thoughts, I don’t even notice I’m home. I slowly reach to open the car door, wanting him to stop me, but he doesn’t. I lean down into the car to say, “Thank you,” in a low sultry voice, though not meaning to.

  “Laters,” he says, sounding a little irritated.

  I shut the car door and start walking towards the walkway to the front door when I hear him say harshly, “Olivia, next time you feel the need to get back at your boyfriend by leaving the party with another guy, don’t use the DD service. We save lives, not damsels in distress.”

  A little shocked at his boldness, I’m not sure how to respond. The only thing I can manage to get out of my mouth as I stand there is, “Sorry.” I’m feeling hurt although I don’t know why. Walking in the house feeling alone and defeated, the house is eerily quiet, so I head upstairs.

  Monday. How I wish I didn’t have to go to class. I really didn’t want to see Nix. I feel embarrassed after he called me out on Saturday regarding using the DD service. I just needed to get out of the party, fast. Brett was upset and I didn’t want to stay for his tantrum. Thank God he is out of the picture, because after I told him no last night he got a little rough, and I just walked away, breaking things off. Which we really didn’t have a relationship, so I don’t know why he was blowing up my phone all Sunday, saying sorry and sending me flowers. Asshole.

  “Mandy, let’s skip class today,” I tell her as I see her walking around the room, getting ready to head to school.

  “Sorry, Princess, but we have to go,” she tells me as she is shrugging into her jeans. I really want to hide, but I can’t. I need to make sure I don’t miss anything. Midterms are just weeks away and I need to make sure my grade point average doesn’t change.

  So I get up to shower, put on a black off the shoulder sweater and skinny jeans and my Uggs, and wrap my hair in a messy bun. I know I am going to get shit from Kylie, but I am hoping to run out of the house before she sees me. She can get a ride from someone else today.

  “You’re leaving the house looking like that, oh great one?” Mandy smirks. “You know the evil step ford wife is going to get up in your face about it.”

  “Well, hurry so she won’t know,” I say rushing out the door. La Llorona has nothing on Kylie.

  We are walking towards Pacific Hall to class when I feel an arm wrap around my waist, and I instantly stiffen. Brett.

  “Can you please remove your arm from me before I break it off?” I tell him venomously. I am not letting him touch me anymore.

  “Hey, chill out, Olivia. I just want to talk to you,” he says, removing his arm from me. I know he thinks I’m not a threat, but l grew up with my mother beating me every day, and even though I never hit back, I learned some moves.

  “Look, I have to get to class. We can talk later,” I inform him, knowing full well that was not going to happen. I have no intention of listening to him or pretending that everything is fine. This is the excuse I need to use to free myself from him and not get any shit from the girls back at the house.

  “Please, babe, just two minutes,” he begs. Yes, begs.

  “Hey, Livi, I’ll wait for you in class,” Mandy says, walking away. Traitor. She knows I don’t want to be alone with Brett. We were just talking about it on the ride over.

  “Okay, you have two minutes, and I’m not your babe anymore as I told you on Saturday.”

  “Did you get my texts and flowers that I sent on Sunday? I’m sorry, I should’ve respected you telling me no, but I was super horny. You looked fucking hot in that dress and your cherry red lips were begging me to kiss them. It just got me worked up.”

  “So now it’s my fault because of how I looked?” I huff. Freaking unbelievable, typical fucking male blaming the girl for their shortcomings. Now I remember why I stayed away from them back home. I try to walk around him to get to class, but he side steps me and gets in front of me again. Seriously, I am so fucking pissed off.

  “Look, Olivia, it’s not like we haven’t fucked before. So stop making it seem like I was going to rape you. I just wanted to fuck my girlfriend,” he says, sounding ill-tempered.

  “First, asshole, I was never your girlfriend, so stop pretending we were a couple. And secondly, we have never fucked, pendejo, so stay away from me,” I yell up to him. I see that it doesn’t dawn on him about what I just said. Again I start to move away from him, but he just keeps blocking my way.

  “Okay, made love, whatever you want to call it. I just wanted some action. The party was off the hook and I had the most fucking hot girl there. So yeah, I might have come off a little strong, but we are a couple even if you don’t want to see it like that. I know how independent you girls want to seem like you are.”

  “No, Brett, you are not getting it. We have never had sex, fucked or made love. You were always too drunk to perform. So yeah, keep away from me, and if I wanted to sleep with you I would have, but I don’t,” I state. I see the awareness about what I am saying flash through his eyes as he finally understands. I couldn’t have him go on thinking that he nailed me. Pendejo.

  “WHAT THE FUCK? Are you saying we have never have sex, Olivia?” he asks, grabbing my arms and pulling me closer to his face. I feel his hands tightening. Okay, maybe I should’ve told him with an audience since I underestimated him somewhat about him hurting me.

  “Brett, let me go, you are hurting me,” I say breathlessly. I look over his shoulder to see if anyone is looking or would come to my aid, but I don’t see anyone who would intervene on my behalf. Typical.

  “But I was there every morning after, holding you in my arms, and we were both undressed and you wearing my shirt and shit. You are lying,” he continues like he didn’t hear me. Still trying to understand that he, the player, got played.

  “You saw what I wanted you to see and I’m not going to tell you again. Let me go!” I yell at him. I am not going to show any weakness to him or anyone. I have been weak for far too long already.

  “You will regret lying to me, Olivia, if you are,” he says, squeezing my arms tighter. Having dealt with bruising all my life I know that he was going to mark me come tomorrow.

  “Brett, look, I need to get to class and I’m so over this conversation, so let me go and just forget about this, whatever this was.” I am really trying to play it cool. I am trying to wiggle out of his grasp, when I feel this unexplained sensation spreading through my body. Fucking great, I’m going to get humiliated again.

  “Hey, I think I heard her say to let her go, man,” Nix says, annoyed. I don’t need him to help me, so he can keep on walking for all I care. Why is he annoyed anyway? I am the one waking up with bruises tomorrow.

  “This is none of your business, man. This is between my girlfriend and me, so go smoke a joint or something,” Brett responds angrily. I really need to defuse this conve
rsation before I have to break up a fight.

  “It’s ex- girlfriend, Brett. Look, we can continue having this conversation later,” I say. “You know how I hate to be late for class.” How many more times am I going to have to repeat myself?

  “Whatever, Olivia, but this is not over,” he says, letting me go abruptly. I stumble back into a hard, warm chest, his arm going around me to keep me from falling. I feel my whole body tense with the contact. Brett walks away, but not before giving Nix a long, evil stare. I see him head in the opposite direction, away from class. Good, I don’t have to see him if I don’t want to until Wednesday’s class. Again I am let go abruptly, but I manage to keep my balance, even if my knees feel like jelly.

  “See what happens when you date jerks?” Nix says with steel in his voice. I am dreading turning around, but I am not a coward anymore. So I do, and I almost swoon. Why does he have to be panty-wetting gorgeous? Who knew they made guys like this, and if they did they should come with a warning that states, ‘Might cause heart attack, and in some cases you might spontaneously combust.’ He has brown eyes surround by thick, full lashes and brown hair that you just want to run your hand through. His lips are beautiful, and I want to bite him, hard. Okay, Olivia, stop before you make a fool of yourself.

  “Whatever, but thanks for helping even though I had it under control,” I say with a smile and looking through my lashes up at him. Trying to flirt a bit, but not being able to since I have never flirted in my life.

  “It didn’t look that way to me, but hey, whatever, right?” He smiles back as he starts walking towards class. Seriously, a dimple on his right cheek? I think my heart just stopped. My heart is supposed to be guarded from this kind of thing.

  “Hey, Nix, wait!” I yell, trying to catch up to him before he walks into class.

  “What?” he asks, walking slower so I can catch up to him.

  “You were right, I was a little frightened. He hasn’t done that before, and thankfully you came in time,” I admit. “That’s why I broke things off on Saturday. I was not using you to make him jealous, I just wanted to leave the party as soon as I could and I ran outside before I even looked for Mandy or one of the sisters. So you have saved me twice and I just want to thank you for that,” I explain in rush. I don’t know why I tell him the truth; it’s not like we’re friends or like he would care, but I don’t want him to think I am ungrateful.

  “You’re welcome, Livi,” he says. I am little surprised that he uses my nickname, since we are not friends. “Now, since you are single, you could have coffee with me tomorrow,” he says, and again I am surprised that he would want to spend time with me.

  “Sure, if you are not afraid of my ex,” I say with a laugh.

  “No, I have jerks for breakfast some mornings,” he brags with a cute half smile, and I think he is flirting. We walk into class together, smiling at each other. Mandy gives me a-what-the-hell-happened-look. I give her a I’ll-tell-you-later look. Yeah, us girls can have a whole conversation with only our eyes.

  What surprises me is that Nix sits next to me in Brett’s vacant chair. I feel butterflies all over my body. This year just might be better than last. Oh, I bet it will.

  Walking into Blends Coffee Haus, I quickly scan the dimly lit coffee shop. It doesn’t take me long to spot him sitting at a table for two. I make my way towards him, but before I make it to the table he glances up at me, which literally takes my breath away. I keep telling myself to focus on staying upright and not stumble, all the while keeping my eyes on him and giving him a smile.

  "Hey,” he greets me, looking up at me through his lashes.

  “Hi,” I reply back, my voice low. I'm nervous, but I'm not going to let it show, and I sit down opposite him.

  “What can I get you?” he asks.

  “A regular coffee, thanks.” Before he stands to place the order I slowly brush my fingers across his knuckles and immediately I feel my heart beating faster. I need to know what I have been feeling is real and not imagined. He doesn’t move away and I know he feels it too. We gaze into each other's eyes, and once again my world tips on its axis. I quickly look down, not wanting him to see how nervous I am, so I continue to say, “with a shot of espresso.”

  “Okay, what else for you?” he questions, winking at me.

  “That's all,” I say. I can’t manage saying anything else with these butterflies in my stomach. Looking at him as he leaves the table and places the order, I feel like such a dumbass. My nerves are going through the roof, and will even more so with the espresso added to the coffee. I just didn't know what else to say. I hope I don't ruin it.

  Watching him from a distance, I can overhear the barista asking him if he is sure he wants a shot of espresso in the coffee, since the Blends coffee is pretty strong. “Yeah, I'm sure,” he says leaning against the counter. The coffee shop is a dimly lit space, but as he stands there waiting for the order, I notice his long lean body, broad shoulders, and muscular back. I wonder to myself if he works out, since he has a body like that, when the screeching sounds of the chair breaks my thoughts. I look at him and smile as he sits.

  “Hmmm, smells good.” I say, closing my eyes. It's beginning to get cold outside, and my lack of sleep has anything smelling of coffee awaking my senses.

  “So you like coffee?” he asks.

  “Let me put it this way; I need it to function. If I don't have my morning dose I might not be able to put one foot in front of the other,” I say, trying to sound cool and collected while trying my hardest not to burn myself with the coffee. He laughs at my comment.

  “Yeah, college can be intense and demanding, especially around this time of year,” he says as he looks at me with those damn beautiful eyes of his. I notice he keeps fidgeting with his sleeve. I have no clue why. I‘ve seen his tattoos before. Well, I've glanced at them. Maybe he thinks I might not like them. Whatever the case I hope he didn't catch me staring that night as that would be embarrassing. Maybe I make him uncomfortable. Oh no, the last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable.

  “I know, midterms are always intense. What about you, feeling the stress of college life?” I take a tiny sip from my coffee, looking at him over the rim of my cup.

  “What can I say, it's college.” I sense his demeanor change.

  “I know, nothing but partying and studying. My sisters always-”

  “Olivia, I didn't ask you here so that we can discuss drinking and partying. I asked you here in hopes we can get to know each other, but never mind. You do live up to your reputation. I'm sorry, it's my mistake,” he stands up, and before I can manage to get a word out, he's gone. I don’t know if anyone around me overheard our conversation. I don't even know where it all went wrong. I sit here stunned and I'm not even sure what just happened. I slowly take my last sip of coffee. I smile at the girl sitting across from me, grab my purse, and walk out.

  As soon as the cool air hits my face I feel the coolness on my cheeks and notice tears streaming down. I quickly get in my car, turn on the engine, and drive to collect my thoughts. I think back to our conversation, and it replays in my head. I try to figure out what I must have said to make him so upset. I can honestly say I don't even know what I could’ve said that set him off. I'm hurt. My reputation? Okay, I know I have been pretending to be certain way, but if he would get to know me he would know that isn't the real me. Wait. Do I want him to know the real me?

  Leaving the coffee shop, I can still feel my blood boiling. I can't believe I just walked out. Her words just set me off, people thinking about partying and drinking. Man, there is more to life. What I wouldn't give for Sky to be here now, to be able to experience the here and now.

  Damn, she's beautiful. But fuck, she's not what I need. I need to get my mind off her. Heading into my apartment, I throw the keys down and walk into the spare bedroom that is now a mini studio. I walk and stand behind the table thinking about how different it could've been. This was supposed to be Sky's room. I put on my headphones, turn on my comp
uter, turntables and mixer, and begin to do some beat mixing. Music helps me forget about her for a moment. It helps ease the pain of his loss. It helps me pass the time a little faster and by the time I realize it, it's past midnight.

  Heading to Club Po!son, I put my music on and drive. Arriving at the club, I take a moment before heading inside. I throw my head back in my seat, close my eyes, and feel the beat of the music throughout my body. Suddenly thoughts of Olivia invade my mind. Damn it! I feel so caught up, yet lost. Turning off the ignition, I grab my stuff and head inside the club.

  Walking in I see Mandy at a distance, and as she turns around she sees me and begins to make her way towards me. It's dim and I can't read her face. It's Friday night and the club is going to be busy, and I'm not in the mood to take shit from her. I don't stop so she can catch up. I keep walking to my table to set up, and when I look up and see her in front of me she gives me a smile.

  “Hey, Mandy, what's up?” I say, keeping myself busy by setting up and knowing she probably already talked to Olivia.

  “Hi, Nix. I just want to know how you're doing,” she says, sounding concerned.

  “I'm fine, thanks.” I make eye contact, letting her know that I know why she's asking.

  “Nix, I talked to Olivia, and she told me you just walked out on her. She isn't even sure why, but did something happen?” she asks accusingly.

  “Look, Mandy, I’m gonna be honest with you. I'm just not into her. I mean, she's beautiful, but not my type,” I tell her as I look for my playlist on my laptop and making our conversation seem unimportant.

  “Okay, so you just walk out, very gentlemanly like of you. Maybe you're not her type,” she says sarcastically.

  I look over at her as I give a side nod in agreement and bump my fist against her shoulder. I'm not in the mood to give her an explanation, so all I say is, “Maybe.”