by Rayne Hall
Better still, put your characters to work at something plot-relevant, preferably with time running out. Perhaps they are repairing the wrecked boat to get off the prison island before their guards discover their absence. Maybe they build a hut to shelter them against the imminent monsoon, or try to get the party decorations up before the first guests arrive. Mix action and dialogue, and the 'talking heads' problem is gone.
'White space' refers to scenes which don't seem to have a clear location and could be taking place anywhere. "But this scene has a real setting," many novice writers protest. "I've described it in detail at the beginning of the scene."
That's exactly the problem. Inexperienced writers dump a lot of location description at the beginning of the scene, and then don't mention the setting again.
Here are two suggested solutions:
1. Take that chunk of setting description, split it into several small parts, and sprinkle those throughout the scene.
2. Create dialogue beats in which the characters interact with their environment, perhaps touching an item of furniture.
Mary tapped her talons on the desk. "Get to the point."
"So it's true. Tell me more." Mary dropped into the dark leather chair. The upholstery squealed under her weight.
Mary glanced at the ornate grandfather clock. "We have about ten minutes."
ASSIGNMENT
Revise a draft scene which suffers from 'talking heads' and/or 'white space'.
Or
Write a new dialogue scene for your novel. Place it in an unusual location and give your characters an important task to carry out while they talk.
11 HOW DO MEN AND WOMEN TALK DIFFERENTLY?
In real life, we can easily tell men's voices from women's, and you want to achieve the same in your fiction. Unfortunately, the main difference—most male voices are deeper—doesn't work in prose. So how can you make men sound different from women?
In this section, I'll show you some techniques. Please bear in mind that they don't apply to every man and every woman in every context and society. Only you can decide which suggestion is right for your characters and your story.
1. Women talk more than men.
On average, women communicate more often, and use more words than their male counterparts. Many scientific studies have been devoted to this, counting and comparing the number of words. Apparently, the difference is due to specific proteins in the brain. Unfortunately, the studies don't agree about results. While one study claims women speak 20,000 words per day compared with men's 7,000, another cites 18,000: 2,000. Yet others find that the ratio depends on the context, and in certain situations men actually talk more.
What does this mean for your fiction? You may want to give your female characters a more generous word allowance than the men. The precise ratio doesn't matter, and the difference doesn't have to be huge—perhaps two or three words every time they speak.
Of course, your characters may differ from the average population anyway. The heroine of your novel may be laconic while her boyfriend chatters all the time.
2. Women mention their emotions more often.
It's unclear whether this is due to biological differences in the brain, to evolutionary gender differentiation, to social conditioning or to all three, but on average, men talk about feelings less often than women.
This doesn't mean that men are hiding or suppressing their emotions. They simply prefer to express them through body language or action rather than words. In conversation, they see no reason why they should emphasise emotions if it's clear how they feel.
It doesn't mean that women are indiscriminately displaying emotions either. To them, frankness about feelings is a way to avoid misunderstandings and to build trust.
Let's look at a typical male versus female talk.
After a visit to the cinema, this is what a woman may say to her best friend, "I'm so disappointed. The film was crap."
A man talking to his buddy says, "The film was crap."
The message is the same, and the companions get the meaning. The women's version is a little longer, and her emotion is emphasised. The man's comment is brief, and it's clear what he feels but the emotion is not spelled out.
3. Men use dialogue to identify their place in the pecking order.
When two men meet for the first time, they'll seek and give clues about who ranks above whom. In the modern world, they often do this by casually mentioning their job title, or by asking the other guy, "What do you do?"
The exchange is amicable, and seldom fraught with rivalry and tension. Men don't normally begrudge another man's status, they simply feel more comfortable knowing. This feature is probably hardwired into the male brain.
When two male characters in your fiction meet for the first time, include some kind of 'rank comparison' at the beginning of the conversation. It doesn't have to be much, just a few words.
If your story has two male characters who are rivals for the same award, job or woman, you can take this 'pecking order' habit further. Their dialogue will simmer with tension as each emphasises his own higher rank or tries to lower the other man's place in the hierarchy.
For more about this, see Chapter 24.
4. Men use more posture, women more facial expressions.
This is another surprising difference, apparently hardwired into the human psyche. Women can read facial expressions better, can recognise a far greater number of them, and use them a lot more.
Where the average man can tell whether a face looks happy or unhappy, a woman sees nuances.
Men, however, are aware of postures. They notice when someone shifts their posture and know what it means. Men can communicate with other men through posture alone—especially messages about their place in the pecking order and arguments over who is the dominant male in the room—while the women don't even notice that an exchange is going on.
How can you use this in your fiction? For dialogue between men, use posture beats, and for conversations between women, facial expressions.
John squared his shoulders. "What did you say?"
Mary's brows drew together. "What did you say?"
5. Women get to the point more slowly.
When men want to get a message across or to ask a favour, they'll ask directly:
"May I borrow your lawn mower?"
Women tend to approach the subject more slowly, circling around it and providing background information before they get to the point.
"May I ask you a favour? My mother-in-law is coming tomorrow, and we'll have tea in the garden. I haven't cut the grass for ages, because my lawn mower is broken. Could I possibly borrow yours?"
I have no idea whether this difference stems from brain proteins or is purely social conditioning, but I've observed it in cultures across the world.
6. Men don't compliment other men on their appearance.
While women habitually comment on other women's looks, hairstyles and apparel – as a matter of courtesy and interest – men rarely do this with other men. If a man praises another man's shirt, that would make the compliment's recipient feel uncomfortable. It can also be seen as a gay thing.
However, men compliment women on their looks often and easily. Women occasionally compliment men on their clothes choice or a new hairstyle.
7. Social and cultural norms
Depending on where your characters grew up and where they live now, they will have acquired additional male or female patterns which show in dialogue.
For example, in some regions women aren't supposed to let foul language pass their lips, but men use swearwords liberally. In some countries, it's considered rude for a man to contradict a woman, while in others, females won't contribute to discussions until all men have expressed their opinions.
Where I live in southeast England, men often address one another as 'mate' in informal situations. ("Hey, mate, give me that knife. Cheers, mate.") Women don't do that.
Consider the society depicted in your novel. What are
the expectations of male and female behaviour? Find ways to reflect them in your dialogue.
If you're a woman, go to a place where you can eavesdrop on men (such as a diner where builders go for breakfast) and observe their speech patterns. If you're a man, do the same in a place where women often meet, such as a tea shop. Best keep a notebook and pen at hand, so you can jot down your observations.
For stories set in other cultures, you may need to ask a native to point out differences in the way women and men talk.
ASSIGNMENT
Take a dialogue scene you've drafted, if possible one where a man and a woman talk. Tweak it a little to make the male character sound more typically male or woman more female. Do this in a way that suits the individual characters and fits the story.
12 HOW TO MAKE CHARACTERS APPEAR INTELLIGENT
Readers like to read about characters who are clever, smart, cunning or wise. Dialogue is great for this.
Here are some handy tricks to make readers perceive a character as intelligent.
HOW INTELLIGENT CHARACTERS TALK
Please note that this is about fiction, and doesn't necessarily reflect how real life people behave.
1. The intelligent character's speech is focussed, tight and to the point, without filler words.
2. She asks a lot of questions. This shows an enquiring mind and perceptiveness.
3. She probably doesn't use profanity because she doesn't need swearwords to prop up her arguments, although there may be exceptions. (See Chapter 19.)
4. She understands the other person's perspective.
5. In an argument (see Chapter 25) she keeps her cool, even when the other person gets nasty, interrupts her or resorts to swearing.
6. Her dialogue often has zingers. (See Chapter 5.)
HOW EDUCATED PEOPLE TALK
Intelligent people often—though by no means always—are better educated than others. You can reflect this in their individual voices.
1. The educated person has a richer vocabulary. Give her a wider range of words than the other characters.
2. She'll use slightly longer words. For example, when other characters use only words with one or two syllables, she uses words with one, two, three or four. But don't overdo the use of long words, or the reader will think she's conceited.
3. Her sentences are more complex. When she talks, the sentences may be a little longer and complex, with subordinate clauses. But don't make the sentences too complicated, or her speech will sound unnatural.
4. If she's the snobbish type who likes to show off her superior education, sprinkle some phrases in Latin or a foreign language into her dialogue. She may also quote Shakespeare, Aristotle and Machiavelli at every opportunity.
5. The highly-educated snob may gain pleasure from correcting other people's errors.
ASSIGNMENT
Does your work in progress have a character who is more intelligent or more educated than the others?
Tweak this character's dialogue to get this across. A few small word changes are probably enough.
13 DIALOGUE FOR MULTIPLE CHARACTERS
When several people talk, it gets confusing for the reader. You, the author, are responsible for clarity. This requires careful orchestrating.
Here are some tips. While they are not rules, I recommend that you follow them as far as is practical.
1. Use as few characters as possible.
Can you eliminate some people? If they're not needed for the scene, don't invite them.
Even if they are in the room, they don't necessarily take part in the conversation, as long as you give them a reason for their silence. The teenage daughter may sulk and refuse to talk, the nerdy guy is so engrossed in his gadget that he rarely even looks up, and the uncle is snoring in his armchair by the fireplace.
2. All characters are familiar to the reader.
Introduce all the participants earlier in the book. If your reader knows who they are, she can follow them more easily.
3. Let characters join or leave halfway through.
Not everyone needs to be present every time. Maybe John arrives late to the session, after the others have already exchanged their views, and perhaps Mary walks out in a huff before the meeting is over. You can also send a character out of the room to make a phone call or to fetch more drinks.
4. Don't share the whole conversation.
Give the reader only excerpts, the bits which are important to the story. The rest is background noise and can be ignored.
If you're telling the story from the perspective of a Point of View character, share only the parts this character is involved in.
5. Focus on two people at a time.
Try to break the group dialogue into smaller chunks, each with just two people talking. This way, it's like a series of mini dialogues. John talks first with Mary, then with Abdul, and later he continues his chat with Mary.
5. Use names.
In group conversations, you need to use names more often than you normally would, to help the reader keep track of who says what. This means more beats and more tags. The characters may also address one another by name more often, for example, "That's interesting, John. And what do you think, Mary?"
6. Mix male and female characters.
When several people are present, it's difficult for the reader to keep track of who 'he said' refers to. It's easier if some characters are male and some female than if everyone is a 'he'.
7. Use speech patterns.
If you have established that certain characters talk in certain ways, emphasise those patterns more than usual. This helps the reader recognise the voices. For example, one character may talk in short clipped sentences, another may gush superlatives, while a third frequently exclaims, "By Jupiter!"
For a refresher about this technique, see Chapter 6.
SAMPLE DIALOGUE FROM STORM DANCER
In this scene, Dahoud is the new ruler of Koskara. His rule has been imposed on the locals who resent it. He has made the controversial decision to staff his government with natives. Now he needs to persuade them to swear loyalty to his overlord.
Ten people are present, but only five of them talk – the characters the reader has already met in previous scenes. Their personalities and agendas come through in every word, although you probably won't pick up the subtleties since you're not familiar with these people yet. Another important speaking character will arrive later in the scene.
As soon as Dahoud invited the councillors to swear loyalty, arms crossed over chests.
“We're Koskarans,” Wurran said. “We won't pledge obedience to the Quislaki Queen and her Consort.”
Dahoud had expected the refusal. “Will you--”
“But you absolutely must!” Esha hit her stylus on the tablet. “You can't be a member of our council until you do.”
“I'll take the oath, Dahoud,” Keera said. “You can count on me.”
“Some folks will swear any oath.” Wurran's nose crinkled as if at a bad smell. “Some folks are so ambitious, they serve abusers. Some folks desert in a crisis to throw their lot in with the enemy.”
Keera remained unflustered, not a single muscle twitched in her face. “In war, brave people take up arms and fight. Clever people infiltrate the enemy. Cowards do nothing and just wait until it's over.”
The reddening of Wurran's cheeks revealed that the arrow had hit. “It takes a thousand years for a lizard to grow into a snake,” he hissed. “And only one year for a disloyal person to grow into a traitor.”
Wurran's sole known act of courage had been the refusal to trade with the Black Besieger. Did he carry the shame of cowardice? But Dahoud would not encourage rancour in his council. He sent Keera a warning glance, which she answered with a shrug.
“I don't want your oaths to Quislak,” Dahoud said. “What counts is your loyalty to Koskara. Are you prepared to swear that oath?”
They remained silent. Then their heads turned to Mansour, waiting for his command.
“We will,” Mansour said. “Will you?”
ASSIGNMENT
Either try your hand at writing a scene with three or more characters, applying as many of the above techniques as the plot allows.
Or revise a scene you've already written, and aim to make it easier for the reader to follow.
14 WHEN AND HOW TO USE BODY LANGUAGE
Body language is a fantastic tool for fiction authors, and I suggest you use it a lot. Body language achieves several functions in just a few words: