A stream of bubbles blew out of her nostrils as she reached up to claw at them again. Despite every slash of her fingernails, her captor would not release her. Somewhere in the back of her mind a little voice was whispering that she was too late, and somewhere, deep down inside, she knew it too. She'd known it for two minutes or so but it just then came crashing down onto her- she'd failed. Her best friend was dead.
Slowly she just went limp. She stopped flailing as the black dots returned with a vengeance. Her head swam and she knew it was time to give up. She slowly swam up, utterly defeated- broken. Her first breaths were short and shallow, sounding more like she was choking than breathing. Her somber feelings quickly were replaced by a burning fury, one she couldn't contain.
"You bastard!" she screamed as her rage suddenly consumed her. If she hadn't been held back, she could have saved Marena. Now there wasn't a single chance, but was there ever? She didn't want to think about the answer. She simply refused to accept her best friend was dead. Someone who spent thirteen years by her side couldn't just be stripped away like that. There wasn't a chance to say goodbye. She couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible.
Shay latched her hands around the rim of the canoe and yanked backwards, sending Carson tumbling into the water and the canoe tipping on her side. He hit the water with a smack, going under and coming right back up again. He looked at her, utter shock etched into his features. Despite his expression she didn't relent, swimming right over to him and grasping his shoulders in her hands, shaking him hard.
"You, there is nobody to blame but you! If you hadn't grabbed my hair I could have gone down there and saved her!" she wailed, shaking him profusely. Carson was staring at her with his mouth agape, utterly dumbfounded.
"Shay, you know if I had let you go back down you would have drowned too," he replied as calmly as he possibly could. He tried to reach out to rest his hand on her shoulder but she swatted it away bitterly, lip curled in disdain.
"Don't you dare touch me, you bastard." She snarled. Carson cringed at her words, the look of hurt in his dark brown eyes making her pause for a moment. She needed someone to take out all those emotions that had suddenly be pent up inside her- unfortunately the first person she interacted with was Carson.
Inside she knew her boyfriend was right. Chances were she would have drowned right along with Marena. She wouldn't have come back up until she had her with her. It just didn't seem to make sense. It didn't register her best friend was dead. She knew she was yet her mind couldn't seem to grasp it. She'd let a life slip just inches away from her fingers, a life she held so dear. It wasn't fair.
"Shay, please, you know it too. This group would be damaged beyond function if both you and Marena died… hell; I'd be damaged beyond function if I lost you. I wanted to save her to, believe me, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do. She's in a better place now." He murmured, swimming over and pulling her tightly into his chest.
She just shook her head back and forth repeatedly, almost as if it would make a difference in Marena's fate. Her bottom lip began to quiver. It didn't take a genius to know what was coming. She didn't want to cry in front of the others, but was there even a point in holding back? The only good Carson's words were doing was helping her wrap her head around the fact that Marena really was dead, and she was absolutely powerless. Nobody could fight with death and win.
At first it was just a few stray tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and falling down her cheeks. It didn't take long for it to snowball into a raw scream, sounding more animal than human. She heard nothing but her own scream, oblivious to the rest of the world. She couldn't even feel the beating of Carson's heart anymore or his warm hand on her back.
After that she was sobbing, body shaking with the force of her cries. It was difficult to remember the last time she'd cried in such a manner, it was possible she never had. She wasn't concerned with rummaging through her past to find one because most of her past included Marena. Thirteen years couldn't be forgotten.
Marena's dead, she's dead and it's my fault. I could have held my breath for a few seconds longer and grabbed her hand. I could have just tried to reach out a little further. Maybe I should have been the one to die. I should have been the one to die. Even if somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this was something that couldn't be controlled she couldn't help but search for someone to blame. To her, there was nobody to blame but herself.
As she continued to sob the others watched on from their respective canoes, each looking as stunned as the next. Kyleigh's hands were over her mouth, big blue eyes round as eggs. Tears glistened the edges of her eyes. Katrina, Owen and Axel each looked as stunned as the other. Even Laylia looked a little disturbed. She didn't even care that they were all witnessing her break and shatter at the seams. How they viewed her wasn't important anymore. She didn't want respect and friendship from them anymore. She didn't want anything but her best friend back.
She continued sobbing profusely into his shoulder, refusing to let him go. Carson turned his head and gestured for Axel to help him get his girlfriend back in the canoe. Axel sighed and rowed over, avoiding looking at Shay. He and Carson locked eyed and he nodded subtly, lips pursed in a thin line.
Axel hooked his hands under her arms while Carson put his hands on her waist and they both hoisted her up and into the canoe. She stopped crying for a moment to turn around and look him in the eyes.
"It's my fault." She whispered blankly. Carson lowered his eyes. He didn't respond.
Once she was back in her seat she tucked her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, staring forward with an absent expression. It would be better to just shut everyone out for a while. Not even Carson could comfort her this time.
The heat of the sun's rays dried her off quickly. Time seemed to drag on, her aching in her limbs only increasing the longer she stayed in that position. It could have been thirty minutes, an hour, maybe even more.
She'd since decided she wasn't going to move for the remainder of the float trip. It would be better if she refused to acknowledge the existence of everyone- that way they would be shielded from the risk of an outburst. She was done with crying as well. Her throat was dry, itchy and raw and her eyes were in not much of a better state.
"Shay, are you alright?" Carson asked her, the genuine concern plaguing his voice taunting her to turn around and spill all her emotions to him. Instead she didn't respond. No shaking of the head, no verbal response, nothing. She remained as still and silent as a statue.
In the final stretch of the float trip she moved just a little, only enough to trace her fingertips over the water, distilling the surface. The coldness of the water chilled her fingertips yet she didn't shy away. Marena's final resting place was somewhere enveloped in the coldness- she had no right to withdraw from just a little cold. Then again, eventually she'll be as cold as the water. She shook those thoughts away, malicious little snips that threatened to make her break down all over again.
The thought that disturbed Shay most, however, was that somewhere, resting on the bottom was the body of her best friend, lost forever to the depths of the Niangua River. She wasn't even sixteen.
Chapter 32
The day was beginning to wane away, the sun starting to sink into the horizon. It had been around two hours since Marena died and a word had still not been uttered from Shay's mouth. After an hour Carson had seen no further point in trying to console her and gave up. She truthfully couldn't blame him either.
The river was coming to a bend, small rapids licking the surface. Several canoes were beached on the shore, their former occupants drinking in the shallows. We could have been having fun too she thought resentfully, a sudden spite blooming inside her.
"Hey, is there a rock up there?" Carson asked as he stuck his oar into the swift current, steering the canoe in a different direction. She didn't acknowledge his question. "Please, is there a rock up there? Shay, answer me!"
Next thing she knew the front
of the canoe struck something. The boat jolted, bouncing her in her seat. It lurched to one side, threatening to dunk both its inhabitants into the water. For the first time in two hours she opened her mouth to release a squeal of surprise. Instincts kicked in and she threw her body weight to the opposite side, hoping to level out of the canoe.
Unfortunately her attempt didn't go as planned. She used too much force- instead of leveling out the canoe it teetered towards the left side, flipping them both out. She screamed as she went face first into the water, going under with a smack. Bubbles escaped her open mouth before the water forced its way in, rushing through her nostrils, into her mouth and down through her throat, causing her to gag.
She began to swim upwards right as her body smacked her log. Any air she had left was instantly smacked out of her body, senses becoming drowned with pain. This is it. I'm going to drown too.
No. I can't just surrender like this. I have to keep fighting. Pushing through the pain she began to swim upwards, lungs beginning to beg for air. An idea quickly rushed through her mind- she could just give up, go out in the same way Marena did and join her on the other side. It was calling to her, beckoning for her to give in and let the river claim her. Just let go, a darker part of her mind seemed to be whispering. You can escape it all now.
No! She shook away the thoughts, beginning to move again. I can't give in so easily, we can't afford another loss, especially another big one. If I die all our leadership dies with me. The deputy and the leader, both claimed by water. Even with Marena gone, there's still so much left to fight for. I'm not giving in.
The current flipped her over. She opened her eyes, feeling the sting of the cold as she did. The blurry, dark outline of another log was coming closer as the river sent her tumbling towards another direct impact. Her entire body tensed as she braced herself, extending her arms in hopes to snag onto a branch and keep her from getting swept further downstream.
The current kept her barreling towards the log. At the last moment she kicked to the side and grabbed ahold of a branch. Her feet found the bottom and she dug them down into the rocks, effectively stopping her float. Once she was sure the river couldn't win she battled the current and dragged her body on top on the log, breaching the surface.
Her first breaths were sudden gasps as she was desperately trying to refill her lungs. She lay there breathing raggedly for a few moments, allowing the air to slip back into her body. I can't believe I almost gave in. The idea she almost surrendered and let herself slip away was disturbing in the most acute way- she was fully conscious of the scattered pieces she'd be leaving behind yet almost did it anyways. Grief was a wicked force.
She was several yards away from the bend in the river where they'd tipped. Carson was up to his waist in water, chasing after his oar that was rushing downstream. Axel and Kyleigh had tipped as well and were busy dumping water out of their canoe. Katrina, Laylia and Owen had rowed ashore, watching with amusement as the others struggled. Nobody seemed to notice her absence.
Shay inhaled raggedly, wet hair clinging to her face as she clung on for dear life. Her body as aching and tired- she wasn't sure she'd have enough energy to battle the current for much longer. The river got a lot deeper a few feet behind her. If she got swept under again she doubted she'd be able to keep herself above water. Her arms felt heavy as lead and her back throbbed.
"Need a hand? You guys tipped over pretty bad."
She looked up to see a girl standing before her, hand extended. Her hair was long and dark brown, nearing black, while her skin was pale as someone who'd seen winter for months. She stood with a timid composure, shoulders low and head dropped. Her soft blue eyes were looking her over. She diverted her gaze down quickly, hoping the girl failed to notice the rings around her pupils.
"It's not that deep," she replied coldly. If she touches me she'll ultimately die. I can't willingly take her hand. What we did at Hooters was a one time thing. "I'll be fine."
"Oh come on, too much pride? You look pretty beat up." She insisted. Pride and the fact that if you touch me I'll kill you. Shay shook her head, trying to ignore the pain in her back. "Seriously, you're bleeding." She looked down to discover she was scraped and bleeding lightly in several places on her arms and torso. She could only assume her back was the same.
Realizing the girl wasn't going to be giving in she sighed and stuck out her hand. If she hadn't recognized her by now chances were she never would, thus meaning she'd never give up. The girl took her hand, skin cold.
The girl pulled backwards but she hardly moved. It didn't surprise her as this girl didn't look like she had much strength to her- she was very skinny and small, probably no more than five foot four. She put her other hand on the log and heaved forwards, accidentally sending herself headfirst towards the water again.
"Sorry about that," the girl squeaked as she pulled her hand away.
"I got it from here," she hissed, slowly bringing herself to her feet in the shallows. Once she was standing up again her theory was proved correct- the girl was significantly shorter than she. She pursed her lips, pondering if she should thank her or not. She might get cut off by a burst of coughing. "Oh and um, thanks…"
"It's Alexandria." She responded with a small, half-hearted smile.
"Thanks, Alexandria," she replied softly, avoiding making eye contact.
"And you are?" Alexandria asked with her head cocked to one side. She was looking at her, sweeping her eyes up and down as if trying to make a mental assessment of her. She kept her eyes downcast, praying she couldn't see her them.
"Claire," she lied, using the first name that came to mind. She wasn't totally lying- she just hadn't given Alexandria her first name. "And if you don't mind I should probably get back to my boyfriend. He wants to get back to the campsite soon."
For a few moments the dark-haired girl did not respond. She turned her back to her and began to make her way through the shallows, not stopping when she heard Alexandria's coughing finally begin. A small twinge of regret bloomed inside of her and she dropped her chin, biting her lip. She helped a stranger and what does she get in return? Death.
She dragged her feet through the shallows, turning over pebbles on the bottom with her bare feet. With every movement a fresh dose of pain shot down from her right hip, one of several areas damaged by the log. The skin was bruised and bloodied, swelling at the slightest. Even touching it made her wince. She looked truly as battered as she felt.
A cold hand on her shoulder startled her. She jumped slightly, attempting to dislodge the hand. She twisted, muscles tensed, bracing to tackle a possible adversary. Standing behind her was no enemy- it was Alexandria, only she didn't look as timid as before.
Instead of the blue-gray shade she expected to see, Alexandria's eye color had not changed, but something in her eyes had. It took a few seconds for it to process she was staring into the eyes of a new Carrier.
"Your name isn't Claire," she spat coldly. "You're Shay Claire." She snarled as she stuffed her finger in her face, nostrils flaring. "And now I'm sick, all because of you."
She felt her stomach lurch as Alexandria snarled at her. She knew she'd figure it out immediately when she started coughing yet hadn't expected her to confront her. Maybe she'd gotten the wrong impression.
"Well, I wasn't lying, Claire's my last na-" she was cut off by the dark-haired girl delivering a well-aimed blow to her face.
She teetered sideways, hand flying to her jaw. For someone who hadn't shown much strength earlier it was a hard hit. She wiped away a dribble of spit from her lip, eyes locked on Alexandria in a death glare.
Without thinking she lunged at her, momentarily forgetting her wounds. She collided into the smaller girl, knocking her backwards and off her feet. They both went tumbling backwards, Alexandria taking most of the impact as she went under. She struggled beneath her but she pinned her arms down, sitting on her stomach.
"The hell was that for?" She sneered, a drop of blood falling on the other girl's
cheekbone.
"Why do you think I did it? Because of you I'm going to die, who wouldn't want to punch you in the face?"
"You're a Carrier!"
A look of shock clouded her features. She wrinkled her eyebrows, all fury evaporating for a moment, quickly becoming replaced by fear.
"How do I know you aren't lying?"
"Because I'm one, and being a Carrier is nothing to lie about." She said sternly, gripping the smaller girl's shoulders harder. Alexandria's expressions of fear returned to anger immediately.
"I am not one of you! You're murderers!"
Angrily she stuffed Alexandria's head underwater. The small girl struggled beneath her, face contorted in an effort to keep the water out of her nose. Blinded by rage she was forgetting the awful manner in how Marena perished, and her wish for no one to ever have to suffer through that. She was forgetting that wish, instead stuffing a pissed off girl underwater. If she let her temper take control of her, Alexandria would suffer the same fate- only it would be one hundred percent preventable.
She yanked her head above water; fingers weaved in between tresses of dark hair. The girl opened her mouth and sucked in air with a gasp.
"Say you're a Carrier!"
"Never!" Alexandria cried back, head stuffed back underwater in the midst of a breath. She was about to yank her head up for a second time when strong hands took hold of her and began to drag her away.
She thrashed against them as they dragged her a few feet backwards, rage still bubbling far over her limit. Once they stopped she whipped around to find Carson and Axel, both looking rather wet and angry.
"The hell was that for?" She spat, shooting both of them furious glares.
"You were going to kill her!" Carson shot back, returning the spiteful glare.
Carriers Page 25