Death Made Me Do It

by Sarah WaterRaven

  I could choke him with his optimism, but I relied on it too. Without Salem this last month, I’d have been an even bigger pile of misery.

  We crossed the street together and turned when another gust of angry winter wind hit us. I shivered and swore—and before I knew what was going on, Salem was putting his coat around me.

  I mumbled and fumbled, confused, not realizing what he was doing. I paused a moment and finally put my arms through the sleeves, wearing it properly. For some reason, I blushed and felt awkward about it.

  Salem smiled down at me and I nodded before continuing on.

  “School is not going well?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure how much of a priority school is anymore. I can make my music, pick up gigs at night, and work a day job if I want to. School’s not going to give me a career. There’s so much I can learn on my own now. Though with you and Cheetoh working, and the mysterious money Mom brings in, I really could just focus on what I want to create, rather than worrying about this statistics crap.”

  “And that would make you happy?”

  I hesitated and then realized that I didn’t care about hiding the truth. “I’m not sure anything will make me happy. I don’t think I get to be happy.”

  Salem was quiet for a time. Our boots crunched on salt and ice as we made our way down the street. He finally replied, “I am not sure if happiness is a constant or just pieces that we hold on to whenever we get the chance. Perhaps it’s holding on to the small everyday things that adds up and makes one happier—or maybe it’s just taking the time to enjoy a moment when it comes, so that when things are hard, we can find it again when we need it.”

  I laughed, not intending to make fun of him, but because I couldn’t help myself. Maybe I wasn’t ready to process the truth of what he’d said.

  I patted him on the back. “Deep thoughts today, Salem. If we’re looking for a happy moment though, I think I better make those veggie pizza bites when we get home. I’m starving and they’re all I can think about—Hey, do you see that dog?”

  Salem looked up and attempted to follow my gaze.

  Just down the street, waiting beside an alley, a black dog sat in the snow, leashless and alone.

  “It’s freezing out. Do you see an owner anywhere?” I asked, searching the sidewalks.

  A couple vehicles passed, but we were the only pedestrians crazy enough to be walking in this weather.

  “No, I don’t, and I don’t see a dog?” He did his best, but I could tell he couldn’t see it.

  I looked back and sure enough, it was gone. I panicked and trotted across the street.

  Salem was right behind me as we came up to the alley.

  It was empty. Snowdrifts dusted brick as the wind blew, emphasizing the cold. The poor dog must have run off. I could only hope that wherever it was, it was safe. It wasn’t uncommon for stray dogs to freeze to death this time of year, and I couldn’t help but worry.

  I took one last sad look down the alley, before giving up and heading home.

  My thoughts drifted back to the black dog as I pulled out my pizza bites from the oven.

  As if reading my mind, Salem said, “I could go back out and look for it?”

  Was I that hopeful?

  “Naw, it’s probably long gone by now.”

  I guess not.

  I dumped the pizza bites onto a plate for myself and sat on the couch. Salem joined me. Sadly, he couldn’t partake in the goodness that was my pizza bites. Poor guy could only taste and enjoy human food twice a year, but for whatever reason, he still considered meal time social and hung out with me.

  On the couch, I proceeded to lay my feet across him and gobble down my dinner as we watched Claymation reindeer movies.

  “Why does he hide his nose?” Salem asked with sincerity.

  I swallowed before responding, “I guess it’s not unlike why we hide. People—and apparently reindeer—fear what’s different.”

  “Rudolph doesn’t eat other reindeer though,” Salem replied.

  “Hah!” I almost choked on my pizza bite.

  “I guess you are more like the abominable snow monster then.” I poked him. He barely defended himself and smiled.

  “Hey, where’s Cheetoh?” I asked before shoving more food down my gullet.

  Salem scratched behind his neck.

  I watched him, finding the behavior curious.

  “I think she took an extra shift tonight,” he finally answered.

  I eyed him suspiciously, but moved on to eat a few more pizza bites while I watched the movie.

  “We’re like an island of misfit toys too,” I told him. “I miss Cheetoh. I wish she wasn’t working so much. I usually watch these movies with her.”

  I surprised myself as I said it. Sometimes I felt like Darren had done something to me, like he’d opened me up, and now all I did was talk about and reflect on my feelings.

  Salem, in his kindness, bore the brunt of it, and I was grateful, but the mess of feelings inside me often made me feel isolated and alone.

  THE GRIM

  I fell out of bed and scrambled to find my jeans. Pulling a pant leg up, I fumbled and hit a bookshelf, swearing. Rat spirits scrambled as I grabbed my backpack and a pair of socks I found lying on the floor.

  Once I was out in the hallway, I ducked into the washroom, but not before Salem shouted, “Breakfast!”

  After splashing some water on my face, I rushed to the kitchen and found a bowl of granola waiting for me.

  I immediately shoved spoonfuls into my mouth, relieved to find it was the coconut chocolate one. Cheetoh had made some questionable grocery choices last week when she’d brought home something with raisins in it. She’d also made a salad for me, which had been sitting untouched in the fridge for the last two days.

  “Hey, where’s Cheetoh?” I asked Salem between bites.

  The draugr was putting his jacket on in the hallway. “Perhaps she is sleeping or went to work early?”

  I immediately stopped eating. My spoon clattered against my bowl as I set it on the countertop.

  I was down the hallway and throwing Cheetoh’s door open before Salem could blink.

  Her bed was made and visibly unslept in.

  I scanned her room, my eyes roaming over her various Lego shelves and color-coded building drawers. Her room was spotless, despite the clutter.

  I stepped out and crossed my arms, staring at Salem. “Where is she?”

  Salem was like a deer in headlights. “I honestly don’t know. I assumed she was here or at work early.”

  “The waitstaff don’t go in this early,” I replied, feeling my power start to buzz around me, like static electricity.

  Rat spirits moved along the walls and ceiling, sensing my unintentional summoning.

  I began to raise my hand, ready to grip Salem with my power, but stopped myself.

  What the hell was Cheetoh up to? A CSIS agent was in town—and why was Salem tiptoeing around the subject?

  “I honestly do not know where she is,” he told me. I don’t know why, but I believed him, despite knowing that he wasn’t telling me everything.

  “Call off work. We’re going looking for her,” I told him. Part of it was a challenge to see if he’d give up more information, and the other part was me wanting to skip class.

  The draugr agreed reluctantly and got out his phone to call work.

  It was cold enough to make me miss the desolate wasteland that was my mother’s hell dimension. I was contemplating a visit for a change of weather.

  As we turned off our street, I asked Salem, “Where did you last see her?”

  I could see Salem considering his answer before he spoke. “At work.”

  I shook my head. “We obviously can’t start there because you just called off. Where else does she like to hang out?”

  I couldn’t believe I didn’t know, but she was usually at work and then home. She had been for years. We were always together. Even when I wanted to blast her into
the afterlife, we’d always been together. What was going on?

  My initial reaction had been anger, largely based on Salem’s hesitant behavior, but now my stomach twisted with a little bit of fear. What if something had happened to her?

  “We could try the Hopscotch,” I suggested as we came close to Riverview Park. “Hey! There’s that dog again!”

  What were the chances?

  A black streak ran into Riverview Park and I jumped and pointed, slipping.

  Salem’s arms came around me, steadying me, and I looked up.

  His gaze held mine. His eyes were a warm café in autumn, with rustic browns and tans and hints of blue...

  I suddenly hated him and moved away.

  I walked at first and then found myself jogging to the park after the dog.

  “Do you see it?” I shouted at him, only to discover he was beside me, running effortlessly while I panted.

  “I do not! What does it look like?” he asked, his head turning frantically in all different directions.

  The dog was heading for the bridge that led to the mountains, as plain as day. She was some kind of black lab and her fur was a stark contrast against the snow. How was he missing her?

  I stopped.

  “Spectral hound,” I whispered.

  Salem adjusted his tuque and looked around. “What?”

  “It’s a grim. It has to be. You can’t see it, I can. It must be—my grim.”

  “Grim like things look grim? Like we’re in trouble or...”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. It could be warning me that there’s danger, it could be trying to protect me from something, or it could be letting me know that my death is just around the corner.”

  I didn’t think it was possible, but Salem’s face paled. “You’re a demigod though. Surely...”

  “I could die, we don’t know. Anything’s possible,” I said a little too coldly. I added, “A grim is a type of spectral hound. They’re grouped with hounds of the hunt and hellhounds, etcetera. The only thing any of them really have in common is that they’re dog spirits though. Other than that, they’re all very different. Grims are dogs that die protecting someone. They aren’t ghosts exactly. They somehow become spirits. There are a lot of theories on it, but no one really knows how it happens. I’ve never seen one before—the only way we will find out what it’s trying to tell us is by following it.”

  “But what if we’re following it to your death?” Salem asked.

  I bit my lip. “Then...let’s go kick my death’s ass.”

  Salem stared over at the other side of the river, his concern visible. But he knew better than to try to tell me what to do.

  PRISON POCKET DIMENSION

  We crossed the Star River, following the dog, but we lost it. There were no paw prints in the snow and no sign of black fur in the winter forest.

  The trees provided decent cover from the wind, and for that I was thankful. I don’t know how Gobo survived out here all year. I wondered how he faired since the wendigo attack but would have to visit him another time. I’d put apples on the grocery list to take out to him as soon as I could.

  “We’ve lost it,” Salem observed. “Maybe we should...”

  “What?” I asked and then sneezed.

  In the blink of a sneezy eye, I was somewhere else.

  I was no longer standing by Salem in the mountains of British Columbia. I was somewhere different.

  Was that music playing?

  A bright sun shone above, and I was suddenly aware of how hot it was. I quickly took off my jacket and tied it around my waist.

  I was beside a house, and if I wasn’t mistaken, several feet in front of me was a palm tree.

  I couldn’t help myself and walked up to it. It felt real, from the scaly, bark-covered trunk to the warmth it emitted from the summer sun.

  I was looking out over what appeared to be a valley of suburban houses.

  What sweet hell was this?

  Mom? I thought—or prayed, depending on how you looked at it, but I didn’t get a reply.

  I leaned against the palm tree and tapped my foot.

  Salem hadn’t crossed over, so I’d have to see if I could leave and then pull him in with me.

  I reluctantly pulled my coat back on and walked back the way I came.

  There was no transition—I was just suddenly back in the woods in Canada.

  “Where did you go?” Salem said frantically, running up.

  I assumed he had been searching for me in a panic. The thought was amusing.

  “I don’t know, but let’s see if I can show you.” I took his hand and held it as I stepped back the way I came.

  This time, we both stood dumbfounded in the hot suburban dimension.

  It had to be another dimension—or at least, a pocket dimension. Is this where the grim had intended on leading me?

  “Did the grim lead us here?” Salem asked, echoing my thoughts.

  “Could be—or it could be a really messed up happy accident. I mean, I’m about to go back to the house and get my swimsuit and sunscreen,” I replied, and I was really considering it. Fuck everything else right now. We could just walk into this dimension and take a vacation today.

  It bothered me I couldn’t reach my mother though.

  Salem looked visibly disturbed and not nearly as happy as I was. Deep down, I knew this wasn’t right, but damn was it tempting to just put problem solving aside and enjoy the heat for a bit.

  “I see someone.” Salem pointed.

  I followed his gaze and sure enough, there was a woman walking in a tank top and shorts. She was wearing a visor and concentrating on her power walking.

  I took my coat off and wrapped it around my waist again. “Well, let’s go over and talk to her.”

  As we approached, she stopped and waved. “Oh, hello! Are you new?”

  I hardly knew what to say. Salem glanced my way and then said, “Yes. We just arrived.”

  “My goodness, you must be so confused and scared. You poor things.” She patted Salem on the arm and then slid her arm through his. She led him away, so I followed. She smiled back at me and nodded, confirming I was to come too. “Well, I’ve never introduced anyone to the community before, but let’s just give it a whirl, shall we? My name is Cheryl, and I’ve been here since the ’90s. I don’t know what decade it is out there now, but no matter. This is the afterlife and all, and I am happy to be here in our little slice of heaven!”

  This was the afterlife, huh?

  She was dead.

  I knew it. I mean, I had a feeling. Her clothes looked outdated and so did several houses and vehicles. But there was just a feeling to a ghost, whether they were in my dimension or another, and Cheryl definitely felt dead to me.

  It was interesting to note that she could touch Salem, though. Whatever this place was, it seemed to allow her to behave as if she were alive.

  For a moment, a sick feeling passed through me as I wondered if Darren could have come here. I imagined what it would have been like; sunny days, where we’d explore and laugh. Where we could touch and be together...but I squashed that thought. I’d done the right thing in letting him go—at least, that’s what I told myself.

  “These houses on the outskirts aren’t lived in—not yet, anyway. Most of us like to be by the heart of the community. Lots of activities. We’ve got lawn bowling tournaments and badminton on Sundays with a great neighborhood barbecue. That’s always a good time—and many people like having roommates. It gets lonely on your own, but maybe you two are together? My goodness, you didn’t die together in some tragic car accident, did you?”

  “We’re not together,” I replied.

  Salem stared at the pavement as we walked and I felt bad about what I’d said, but why would that hurt him?

  “It doesn’t matter anyway,” Cheryl chirped happily. “We’re here now and it’s over. All the pain and tragedy of our past lives are gone. We’re finally at peace.”

  I tried not to laugh at thi
s woman’s blatant delusion, but looking around, I could see why she thought she was in paradise.

  We were circling into the lower valley, and the deeper we went into the neighborhood, the more ghosts we saw. They were all dressed differently, I assumed according to whatever decade they had died in, and they were either sunbathing, barbecuing, chatting with neighbors, or playing games.

  I heard kids laughing and the splash of a pool somewhere.

  We eventually made it to the downtown area, where there was a literal soda shop and music coming from a community center. Through an enormous set of windows, I could see a class in session, with couples dancing.

  “We’re moving,” I said, forgetting that we were supposed to be dead.

  “Well, of course you are! There’s no going back, silly! But isn’t this place just the best? You couldn’t ask for more. Everyone’s happy here! We’ve all found a place to be our true selves and belong, and none of us miss what we’ve left behind. You are part of this community now. God’s watching over you and we are too. Welcome to Sunnyvale!” Cheryl jumped for joy as she said it. Her arms spread wide as she spun around to share in heaven’s glory.

  Holy shit, I thought. Salem and I would really rain on her parade when we figured out why all these dead people were trapped here.

  “Why, Cheryl, are those two newbies I see with you there?” a man with a baby blue sweater tied around his shoulders asked. As he approached, I instinctively took a step back.

  New ghosts must have been common enough, as only a few people stopped to glance our way and then continued on with their day. The dancers were still in motion and people were in and out of the soda shop.

  “Oh, Bob! You would be the first to spot them! You can’t resist, can you?” Cheryl giggled.

  “Well, you know Kevin and I love to entertain, and I bet these two need a sit-down. Why don’t you bring them over to our place? I’ll get the grill fired up and have Kevin set the table!”

  He was speed-walking down the street before I could refuse.

  I gave Salem a concerned look.

  “Uh, we can’t stay long. We would like to explore the neighborhood and talk about what’s happened. We haven’t had a chance to process our death. It’s so recent. It just happened—” he explained.