Death Made Me Do It

by Sarah WaterRaven

  He sipped the hot chocolate and gasped.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, sitting up.

  Shit. Did I somehow poison him?

  I started to move toward him when he said, “It’s delicious.”

  “It’s delicious?” I studied him, unbelieving.

  “I...I haven’t tried human food since Álfablót—or, Halloween. I didn’t think I could eat or drink human food... How is this possible?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’ve wondered for some time whether you are really a draugr or something else, but I’ve never come across anything like you before. You change shape—which I’ve seen some draugr do to a degree, but not to the extent that you do, and now you’re drinking hot chocolate. Most undead species can’t enjoy or digest human food anymore, save for Cheetoh.”

  Salem looked down at his mug and smirked. He sipped it again. “This is very good. I wonder what else I can enjoy.”

  I sat back and sipped my drink thoughtfully. “I’ve got some books downstairs, some dark old tomes that my mother gave me a couple years ago. I’ll dig through them to see if I can find anything. I’ve always relied on my natural talent. When I was younger, my mother forbade me from practicing and as I grew older, I resented my magick. I never thought I’d take an interest in it.”

  “And now you do?” Salem asked, putting his mug down. A collection of blond hair fell out of place and I almost raised a hand to tuck it behind his ear, but I stopped myself.

  I turned away, uncomfortable with the sincerity I found in his hazel eyes. “Uh...” I cleared my throat. “I don’t know. Ever since we took down those necromancers, the wendigo, this pocket dimension appearing...it just seems like this is what I’m supposed to be doing.”

  I felt Salem’s eyes trail away. “Because it seems like you’re being forced to or because you want to?”

  “I...I want to.” It finally hit me. I was enjoying the role I had been playing, bringing peace to the dead and balance back to the cycles of life and death. “But with Kiara dead and the likelihood of us being under continued surveillance and investigation, I was thinking we should move. That we should leave Silverbrook.”

  Salem picked his mug back up, unable to hide his pleasure at drinking something so delicious and human again. Once he’d had a few sips, he replied, “I think that is wise. If what you truly want is to protect the living and the dead, then you can do that anywhere. There will always be those in need and Cheetoh and I can support you in that. I can help you fight off wendigos and lesser dead, yes, but I can also help put a roof over our heads while you find your way.”

  I flushed and fidgeted. Gods. What the hell was wrong with me?

  I stood up, chugged my hot chocolate, and said, “Okay. Not making any major decision tonight, but I’m off to bed. Good night.”

  Salem sat back and tucked in to enjoy more of his drink, unaware that I was fleeing from internal awkwardness.

  I put my cup in the sink and shook my head as I went into my bedroom. None of what I was feeling made any sense.

  UNDEAD NIGHTMARES

  Old stone walls covered in ivy and gardens bursting with greenery told me I wasn’t in Silverbrook anymore. I was somewhere far away.

  I walked through the garden, idly taking in the beauty of the flowers and lush foliage. As I came around a shrub that reminded me of a nautilus, I found an adolescent girl with long brown hair playing by a fountain. Like the rest of the garden, it was covered in vines and weathered by time.

  I approached casually, not wishing to startle her. Seeing me, the girl beamed with excitement. Without hesitation, she ran over and took my hand, leading me to the fountain.

  “Shhh,” she said, her wild hair falling into her eyes. “Watch this, but don’t tell my mother. She will be upset if she finds out.”

  Before I could ask her what she meant, she raised her hands and giggled. As she did, water from the fountain rose and floated into the air. It immediately took shape and I oddly recognized it.

  “Hippocampus,” I whispered.

  It reared and then swam forward in the air with a powerful thrust of its tail. It twirled and then dove back into the fountain, disappearing.

  The girl turned to me and asked, “Would you like to meet my puppy?”

  I wanted to reply, but the words would not come out, and then I felt a pull to the far end of the garden, where I saw an archway. Beneath it, a black dog stepped into view.

  I suddenly found my voice and said, “The grim.”

  My words echoed and all went dark. The garden and girl faded, and before I understood what was happening, I found myself in a familiar hallway. Black blood was splattered on the walls, and to my right, fresh blood dripped onto the floor. I wrapped my arms around myself and stepped forward.

  A door sat open to my left. Inside, horned beetles moved on a wriggling carcass. I turned away.

  I’d been able to shut off a part of me when that amateur necromancer had been consumed by Cheetoh’s swarm, but here in my subconscious I couldn’t hide from it. What I’d seen and been a part of the night we fought a group of necromancers in the basement of Silverbrook General had obviously festered in my mind, despite my best attempts to forget it.

  I unwillingly continued down the corridor, the dream forcing me forward.

  The next room I passed was full of Restless Dead. They stood together, positioned like mindless puppets, periodically flinching or shuffling in unnatural ways. I moved away quickly. Without Cheetoh and Salem, I felt naked and nervous, remembering how the dead had overtaken me. I didn’t want to be here.

  And as I came upon another doorway, a dark figure leaned over a body, the sounds of chewing unmistakable. I suppressed a gag as I passed Salem eating. I tried not to think about it on any regular day, but truthfully, I’d never forget it. I know we both wished I would, but I couldn’t.

  The dream shifted and I found myself in Soma’s ritual room. I remembered it all too clearly and hated myself for it.

  Given the setting, I wasn’t surprised to find Soma squatting like a toad in my subconscious. He was hunched over the hospital bed he’d tied me to, only I wasn’t there this time. It was someone else.

  Soma peered back at me and grinned under the eyeless bovine skull he wore. “Did you think you got us all?”

  A chill crept down my spine as my eyes lowered to take in the figure strapped to the bed. Soma stepped aside and revealed... Darren. He looked at me pleadingly, but the light in his eyes was fading. I gripped my stomach in horror, seeing his rib cage pried open. Soma laughed and held something bloody in his hands.

  I screamed.

  I woke up screaming. A thousand glittering eyes greeted me in the darkness of my room. I stared, heaving, not registering that it was my mischief of rats, summoned by my fear.

  I cried out from a tightness in my heart.

  It hurt. It hurt so much.

  I began rocking.

  My door burst open, the handle hitting the wall and cracking against it. Salem’s large silhouette stood in the doorway, his body tense. “Cecile?”

  “I...” I tried to speak, but I sobbed instead.

  Strong, cool arms surrounded me. His hair was wet, presumably from a shower. It dripped onto my pink head, but I didn’t care. I turned into his strength, and for the first time since I fell to my knees in the mountains, I let the tears flow.

  I ugly-cried all my pain into Salem’s arms until I eventually fell back asleep.

  I had to peel my eyelids open. Crying myself to sleep had sealed them shut.

  I stirred slowly, aware only of how cozy and warm I felt, till everything came into focus and I realized Salem was asleep beside me. His heavy arm laid across my chest and tucked me into my blankets.

  I watched him quietly for some time. I was mad that he was there and yet relieved at the same time. I found him attractive and I hated it... The way the sunlight had snaked its way in and lit up his hair and skin, like some kind of rifter... In that moment he was almost human, r
ather than that creature I’d seen kill and dine on human flesh in my nightmare.

  I shuddered and pulled away. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t.

  As I moved his arm off and sat up, I became very aware of his nudity. Salem was naked. Very naked.

  A towel was crumpled beneath him and just as I got to the edge of the bed, he turned over and exposed his pelvis to the sky.

  I stopped breathing.

  I was looking at a very real, very alive-looking...part of his manhood.

  I slapped my hand over my mouth and scooted off the bed.

  In shock, I reached for the door handle and fumbled, unable to take my eyes off of it, off of him. Everything, and I mean everything was out and it was all something to be admired—some other time, by someone else, probably someone else... I mean, not me. I mean, it shouldn’t be me.

  I left.

  After splashing copious amounts of water on my face, I made breakfast. And just as I started to feel normal again, a black figure moved outside.

  I paused midbite on my bagel and gazed at the dark brown eyes of the grim. It sat in front of a snowbank, a few feet from the river, and didn’t take its eyes off of me.

  Tanner materialized on the windowsill in front of me and I sighed.

  I finished chewing and swallowed. “It’s trying to tell me something, isn’t it?”

  Tanner looked up at me, his dark eyes somehow confirming my suspicions. We couldn’t communicate like two humans could, but we understood one another.

  “Is it...is it protecting me or just giving me a heads-up on my untimely death?” I joked, despite my very real concern.

  Tanner appeared to shrug and then turned to gaze back at the grim.

  Somehow, I would have to ask it what it wanted.

  EVEN DEATH CAN’T STOP FINALS

  Finals were approaching and I couldn’t stop them. Cheetoh still wasn’t talking to me, and I could barely look Salem in the eye. It was the loneliest I had felt since I lost Darren.

  “Cecile?” Ishita adjusted her glasses.

  “Yes,” I found myself agreeing to something.

  “So, I think with the extra credit work and a passing grade on your final, you’ll be in good shape to pass my class.”

  I gave her a brief smile.

  Ishita leaned back in her chair and regarded me. “I can tell by your reaction this is the best news you’ve received all year.”

  I shuffled awkwardly. “N-no. It’s great. I’m glad I’ll pass. I’m—”

  “Have you given any thought to what we discussed before? You know, what you want to do?” She reached for a yellow-and-pink water bottle and took a sip.

  I absently looked at her bookshelf as I answered, “I feel as though I’m being pulled in a certain direction and as difficult as that path is, it fills me with pride and accomplishment—more so than anything else I’ve done. I think I’ve had a revelation, but I need to give serious thought to how I will approach this new life. In the meantime, I wanted to finish this semester.”

  Ishita smiled. “Well, as long as it’s not drugs, I can support it.”

  She laughed and I joined her.

  “It’s nothing like that,” I reassured her—or was it? Was magick a drug?

  She smiled. “I know, Cecile. I know I don’t have to worry about you. I mean, here you are, trying for a class I know you don’t care about. Life takes time and we don’t always figure out what we want right away, and that’s okay. It’s part of the journey. It’s life and it’s exciting, either way.”

  I immediately thought of the magick academy. My mother had tried to remain her distant-goddess self, but she had eventually expressed her concerns regarding wizards.

  I remembered her warnings from my childhood. I knew we needed to save those ghosts from the possibly wizard-created dimension, but I couldn’t shake the desire to go and know and experience for myself. A small part of me even had hope that maybe everything I’d heard about wizards wasn’t true—or not entirely true. Could it be there were just a few bad apples?

  Realizing I was taking up Ishita’s time, I stood up and shoved my paperwork in my bag.

  She joined me and extended her hand. I shook it.

  “You’ll figure things out, Cecile. You’re too smart not to, and I’m here if you need anything else.”

  “Thank you,” I replied and headed out. I wanted to say more to her, to thank her and tell her that her support meant more than she knew, but I didn’t.

  I was on my way to meet Salem when I wondered whether I could hide being a necromancer at a wizarding school. Could they tell somehow, or was it just illegal to use my ability? Would my fellow magick users out me to the government? What if necromancy was my only magickal talent?

  I was about to turn the corner that would take me to our meetup point when I stopped.

  Sudden images of Salem’s muscular body and the way the sun hit his hair and lips plagued me.

  My stomach flipped.

  Was I feeling faint?

  I turned around and walked the long way home, and I did my best to think about anything other than that undead man.

  UNDEAD GIRLFRIEND

  I didn’t know if Salem had beaten me home or if he was still waiting for me, but I figured if I ran to my room and pretended to be asleep, I could avoid him.

  Despite my rush, I stepped into the kitchen to grab the admittance letter and read it over again. To my dismay, there was a knock at the door.

  Salem had a key and the door wasn’t locked, so it couldn’t be him. As I entered the front hallway, I prayed to my mother that it wasn’t another government official come to hunt us down.

  I opened the door and stared stupidly at the woman I caught Cheetoh with in the café the other day. I’m pretty sure my mouth hung open.

  “Hey there. I’m Jaxa. You must be Cheetoh’s roommate?” She held out her hand.

  I continued to stare.

  My mind only registered, Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  Jaxa, for reasons beyond me, took this as an invitation to step inside.

  Someone else was behind the steering wheel as my body moved aside to allow her in.

  “Oh! I just love all the ponies and kawaii stuff! My daughter is super into that right now. My son is still eating mud, but what can you do,” she commented.

  She then turned and smiled at me. “Is Cheetoh home or at work? I haven’t seen her at work, and she hasn’t answered my texts, so I thought I’d try here. We... I mean, is she seeing someone else—or do you know if I did something wrong? I know this is horribly awkward.” Jaxa paused and blushed, but continued anyway. “I just—we were getting along so well. The kids and I... We miss her.”

  The kids. My stance hardened and I stood tall.

  How dare Cheetoh bring children into this. How dare she endanger this woman and her family, because she was too selfish to put her own needs and desires aside, and how dare she put our family in danger.

  I could feel the static in the air as my blood boiled and my energy raised. I was trying to keep myself from overcooking—I didn’t want to accidentally summon something—but I was failing. My mischief stirred in my mind and in the walls.

  “I...” Calm down, Cecile. Calm down.

  I pictured Alice and tried to press the flashbacks back down into the deep recesses of my mind. I thought of the bus driver, of my neighbor...and I saw again the dried up husks of their bodies, the hellhounds gnawing on their dead flesh and whining as they showed me their finds—I was a child. I was a fucking child.

  I had to choke down images of Jaxa and her children screaming in terror and dying... I shuddered.

  “I don’t think Cheetoh is home at the moment,” I told her through gritted teeth.

  The universe seemed to work against me as I heard footsteps and a bag drop. I turned around and saw Salem standing in the doorway, a look of surprise on his face.

  “Oh, hey! You work at the restaurant, don’t you? You live here too. I didn’t know that.” Jaxa approached Salem with a wa
rm smile. “Have you seen or heard from Cheetoh? I’m not sure whether to be heartbroken or worried...”

  Her voice seemed to shake, but not as much as my fists when I realized that Salem knew who she was and hadn’t told me.

  He must have felt a pulse from my anger, because he flinched before replying, “Uh, yes. I live here as well. I have not seen Cheetoh in several days. I cannot say...” But before he could finish, Cheetoh’s door flew open.

  Bring it, I thought, ready to give her a piece of my mind. Who cared if she stayed in her room. I was going to kill her.

  I could see anger riddling her face and body posture until she saw Jaxa.

  Cheetoh’s shoulders slumped and her anger drained away. “What are you doing here?”

  “Cheetoh! Oh my goddess! Thank goodness you are okay! Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered my texts or calls?” Jaxa went to reach for her but stopped.

  Cheetoh had never looked so forlorn, not in all the time I’d known her. She had three looks: resting bitch face, angry, and the rare smile or laugh. What was I witnessing here?

  “Jaxa.” Cheetoh’s face changed to a hard resolve and she lifted her chin. “I thought I made clear. I no long wish to see you.”

  “What?” Jaxa blanched. “But Cheetoh... Where is this coming from? Did I do something? Did one of the kids say something to you? I—I don’t understand.”

  Cheetoh’s eyes were cold as she said, “Get out, Jaxa. It’s over.”

  Jaxa gasped and tears surged forward. “But Cheetoh...”

  “I said get out.” Cheetoh turned and headed for her bedroom.

  I watched, my heart twisting, as Jaxa cried. She walked slowly out of our house.

  Salem stepped aside, equally stunned.

  I shook my head. There was no other way this could end. Even if Cheetoh never needed to absorb another life again, she would bring the undead and our problems right onto Jaxa’s doorstep.