Death Made Me Do It

by Sarah WaterRaven

  The flavor explosion did not disappoint. I may love cereal, but I was a savory gal at heart. I could eat nachos every day—and often did. I just didn’t share that with Cheetoh.

  My mother sat back and continued to grin. “This is the work of a worthy adversary, my daughter—and more skilled than that demon fodder Soma.”

  As I considered what my mother was saying, Soma’s malicious grin flashed before my eyes. I reached for the nachos to smother it.

  “Oh, you don’t have to tell me,” I mumbled between bites and then stepped away. I had to stop or Cheetoh would have something to say about my peace offering.

  I was headed to join my mom and Salem at the table when the goddess appeared like a phantom beside me. “You’ll need to get past these creatures and find the anchor. Once you do that, I’ll be able to enter and destroy them.” She then proceeded to pull a section of nachos from the tray, dropping toppings and cheese on the floor as she did. I hadn’t even put on the lettuce or tomatoes yet. We were terrible.

  As she ate, I glowered. “You don’t think I can take them?”

  “If you could have, you would have.” Her eyes flashed with a playful challenge.

  I ignored her comment, knowing that would upset her the most, and then I slapped her hand away from my peace offering.

  Hoping I had successfully discouraged her, I proceeded to dress the rest of the nachos with the leftover toppings.

  Raven padded her way into the kitchen and sniffed my tray. “You wish,” I told her, but I was happy to see she’d come out from hiding.

  My mother looked down at the dog and tilted her head, studying the spirit. “I see your death omen has moved in with you.”

  I shrugged. “It turns out she’s my protector. If it weren’t for her, I’m not sure we would have made it out of the pocket dimension in one piece.”

  “It’s a shame you cannot speak to animals,” she observed.

  I glanced over at Salem. He sat quietly at the table, his eyes on the kitchen tiles. When his gaze drifted up to mine, I quickly opened a cabinet and grabbed a few plates. “I don’t seem to have the same...intuitive understanding with the grim that I do with Tanner and the mischief, but she came to our rescue and led us to the pocket dimension. She also influences my dreams somehow. I think she’s looking for someone she left behind, but it’s all kind of fuzzy—it’s a work in progress. Anyway, without the ability to talk to her directly, she seems to understand me, so there’s got to be some kind of connection between us.”

  My mother’s eyes glowed thoughtfully. “Or she’s just that intelligent.”

  I placed two plates on the table without looking at Salem and hoped my mother would get the message it was time for her to leave.

  As I went back to the oven, however, she said, “You will need to either speak to the grim’s rifter or find the place where the grim died and perform the Flash of Life ritual to recover her memories.”

  Flash of Life. The ritual was a hit or miss. If the ghost or spirit was still earthbound and not suffering a block, as Darren had been, I could theoretically view their memories like a sped-up movie reel. It was complicated and intense and not something I would consider lightly. I would not only see her life, I’d feel it.

  I had never performed the ritual before. I knew it was in one of those books in the basement I kept neglecting, and with good reason. It was an intimate and unstable ritual.

  If it didn’t work, I could upset the grim and cause her to spiral into a dark spirit—or I could get lost in the loop of her life and become stuck in a vegetative state in a long-term care facility.

  The more I thought about it, the crazier I felt my mother was for suggesting it, but it wasn’t like I could summon Raven’s rifter and ask them. According to what Gobo had said earlier, her rifter was a prisoner in Sunnyvale.

  “I asked Gobo to speak with the grim earlier. She can’t remember how she died or where she came from, but she remembers her rifter getting pulled out of the veil and getting separated. I have good reason to suspect it’s her rifter that’s trapped in Sunnyvale.”

  My mother’s red eyes passed over the black dog. “One has to have immense skill and stupidity to mess with pandimensional forces.”

  A door closed, and I realized Cheetoh had come out of her room. “Okay. Get out of here, I need to talk to Cheetoh.” I motioned for my mother to leave.

  “As cordial as ever, my daughter. I will check in with you in a few days.” Her eyes glowed in amusement as she faded.

  I realized too late that I was now alone with Salem. Before I knew it, his hand was on mine. I tensed as he pulled me against his chest and embraced me.

  Sensing my unease, he let go and regarded me with quiet concern.

  I turned away, saying, “I’ve got to talk to Cheetoh. You should get ready for work.”

  I burned with shame as I walked away.

  What was wrong with me?

  Cheetoh had returned to her room, so I knocked on her door.

  Salem walked silently past me, and I realized he hadn’t spoken the entire time he’d been in the kitchen. I watched him close the door to his bedroom, feeling something I couldn’t describe. I would ask myself, What am I doing? But I didn’t have the answer.

  I knocked again on Cheetoh’s door, and not surprisingly, she didn’t answer.

  I rethought my approach and went back to the kitchen to retrieve my peace offering. While I put a plate together, I heard Salem’s heavy steps through the hallway. He grabbed his things and headed out. When the door closed, I flinched, and then stood alone in a painful silence.

  I was hurting us. I knew it, but I didn’t know how to stop.

  I resigned myself to the misery I was creating and stepped into the living room, when I noticed Cheetoh standing by the couch.

  “Nachos?” I asked, sounding more nervous than I felt.

  Cheetoh appeared calm, which was admittedly unsettling.

  She wordlessly took the plate from me and sat on the couch.

  I grabbed my own plate and returned to the living room. I cautiously took a seat at the opposite end of the sofa and began eating.

  We sat in an awkward silence, listening to the sound of my chewing, before Cheetoh said, “I did not mean to let it get this far.”

  I swallowed and listened.

  Cheetoh stared off into the black nothingness of the TV screen. “I love her.”

  I put my plate down. I no longer felt like eating. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Is not your fault.” She finally ate a couple of nachos, and then continued, “You put fresh tomatoes on.”

  I smiled. “That’s so you know how serious I am.”

  She smiled, but it quickly faded. “We are leaving now?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, when I finish school or maybe even before then. We can’t stay here. Not anymore. Not with dead CSIS agents and now with...your situation.” I tried to put it delicately, but I knew it hurt her either way. I thought about how I had felt for Darren—how I still felt—and I wondered if I would be half as strong as Cheetoh was. We both knew that I could force her to stay away from Jaxa, but Cheetoh was choosing to do the right thing. She could have fought me more than she had and thrown the nachos in my face, but she didn’t.

  “I wish it was different. I wish I could give you and Salem more.” And that was the truth. I couldn’t bring either of them back to life, but I could keep them safe and offer them something other than living in graveyards. As long as they remained undead, this was the only existence I could give them.

  DEATH AND LATTES

  My teeth chattered, but I was oddly content as I made my way down an icy Main Street with my grim in tow.

  Cheetoh and I had found momentary peace, and I was on my way to the HopScotch with a very happy dog. She panted out of habit and periodically bounded in front of me to investigate a tree or post, as if each one was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

  It was difficult to be in a bad mood around a dog. I had never h
ad one before, but the way Raven existed in a state of pure happiness was inspiring. She had died, been torn from her rifter and whatever afterlife she might have had, and gone head-to-head with chimeras—and yet there she was, thrilled to be walking down a freezing, dirty street.

  A living dog stopped to sniff her, but none of the humans we passed seemed to notice her. I noted that Salem and Kiara could see Raven when she shifted into a grim battle monster, but otherwise she kept herself hidden from everyone but me.

  My thoughts turned again to the untouched library of books sitting in my basement. There had to be some literature on why certain ghosts became spirits and how they differed from the run-of-the-mill haunters.

  I would start reading those books once we moved. It’s time to commit, I told myself.

  As we rounded a corner, I adjusted my backpack. My plan was to get a latte and work on my finals paper for women’s lit, but chances were I’d people-watch and then play a dragon-hatching game on my phone. I was very close to getting a special nursery dragon to help hatch my eggs. Big things were coming my way if I procrastinated hard enough.

  Once Raven and I were inside, I quickly got my latte and sat in a cozy chair by the window. Raven stepped up onto the windowsill and began watching passersby outside.

  Despite my desire to join her, I grabbed my pen and paper. I wanted to put the rough ideas down first and then type the rest up at home.

  In truth, I had come to the HopScotch to get space from Salem. Even though he was at work, the house distracted me with memories of him. Memories of his bare, muscular chest, of mounting his powerful form and riding him till I couldn’t take it any longer...or of his strength and fierceness as he pressed me against the wall... Goddess, the things he did to my body—and I wanted more.

  My pen fell from my hand as I saw Darren’s beautiful face fade in the vibrant rays of a rising sun. The single dimple on his cheek, the copper flecks in his amber eyes...

  I clapped my hand over my mouth and held in a sob. I missed his optimism. I missed his jokes and his laugh... I missed the way he looked at me and how he’d brought more life into our home in his death than there had ever been in the years we’d lived there. Why had I slept with Salem? What was wrong with me?

  And the worst part was, I couldn’t talk to him about it. I didn’t know how. He was kind and loyal and always there when I needed him. But since Darren left, Salem had held my broken pieces together.

  Cheetoh had gotten distant, and I felt so alone...but Salem made sure I ate, that I got to class on time, and he walked me home and checked in on me. There was a hollow cavern, dark and bottomless, where my heart should have been. I wanted him...but...what if my heart had faded into a distant sunrise? What if I had nothing to give anymore?

  I sighed.

  I’d have to talk to Salem at some point; I just didn’t know when or how—and I didn’t want my mother to find out, if she didn’t know already. Sometimes having a mother who could be invisible, even to me, was truly disturbing.

  I shook my head, unwilling to follow that thought further.

  I put my pen to paper and began writing.

  I’d managed to get a decent couple of paragraphs in before a familiar voice broke my concentration.

  I looked up and gawked.

  My thoughts derailed and transitioned into a series of swears and unrecognizable sounds. In a panic, I stared hard at Raven, who chose to remain oblivious to my cry for help.

  Jaxa was standing in front of me.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I can see that you’re busy,” she told me as she sat down in the vacant seat across from me. “I apologize for the way I left the other day. I just couldn’t believe what was happening. It all seemed so sudden. Cheetoh and I—well, I thought we were in love. I introduced her to my children, she’d been sleeping over, and we’d begun planning our life together... I simply couldn’t grasp why she would have a change of heart like that.” She paused and tucked some loose hair behind her ear. “I told myself not to come over here, and I know this is awkward and pathetic, but I— Is something going on between you and Cheetoh, or is there someone else?”

  I was a pillar of stone where I sat, unable to move or breathe. I had had more human interaction this year, alive and undead, than I’d ever had in my life. In relationships and broken hearts in particular, I had no experience. What did this woman expect me to do? To say?

  Would any answer I gave her give her the closure she was looking for? Could I summon my mother and have her deal with this instead?

  I considered the icy stare and cold words my mother would likely inflict on Jaxa to drive her away, and as I looked at the glossy tears threatening to fall from her eyes, I decided it had to be me.

  “Cheetoh’s moving, Jaxa. She’s taken a job in Toronto and we’ve all decided to go with her. We want out of this small town. Cheetoh’s tired of being a server. She’s got a real chance and new life waiting for her there. I know she cares about you, but she wouldn’t ask you to uproot your life and your kids’ lives. I imagine your ex lives somewhere in town and moving would cause problems? Custody issues, etcetera?”

  She looked down, so I assumed I’d guessed right and continued, “I’m sorry it all went down like this. My advice? Let her go. She’s made up her mind and I suspect wants to leave no room for doubt.”

  Jaxa stared at the floor.

  I felt like shit, but I needed to hit the final nail in the coffin. “We’re leaving this weekend.”

  Were we? Were we leaving this weekend? Had I made my decision?

  We had three days. I needed to pack.

  Jaxa shook her head. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t she tell me? This all seems...wrong.”

  Her voiced dropped, as if she was speaking more to herself than me.

  I uncharacteristically leaned in and put my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jaxa. I don’t know why these things happen, but take care of yourself, and I wish you the best. I’ve got to go.”

  I collected my things and tried not to trip in my hurry.

  “I don’t accept this. I know Cheetoh loves me,” she said, looking up at me as I passed. Doubt and confusion riddled her kind face, but I could see the seeds of what I was planting taking root.

  “I wish things were different.” I meant it; I just couldn’t change what was. If Cheetoh hadn’t been cursed to live eternally undead, they wouldn’t have met, anyway.

  Raven was up and running after me as I made my way out of the diner. I paused one last time to check on Jaxa, hoping she would be okay. I hardly knew her, but seeing her stare sullenly at the checkered floor saddened me. I silently wished her well and continued out the door.

  Well, I’d said it, hadn’t I?

  We were leaving, and before we left, I was going to blow that pocket dimension sky-high.

  No more delaying. It was time to give Kiara and the rest of Sunnyvale true peace. I had done enough poking around and now was the time to bring the battle-ax.

  Empowered by my new resolve, I threw the door to the house open and stomped in—I was trying to knock the snow off my boots before I tracked it all through the living room.

  “I’m home! Cheetoh? Salem? Could you join me in the living room, please?” I shouted, waiting for Raven to come inside before I shut the door.

  I dusted snow off my jacket and hung it up.

  Salem was the first to come out. He was wearing his work clothes and an unreadable expression. I swallowed, looking at his handsome face. Even when he scowled, I wanted him, so I turned away.

  Cheetoh followed him and we all stood in the living room looking everywhere except at each other. It hadn’t occurred to me how awkward this was going to be.

  “So, um, a couple of things... I’d like to go back to the pocket dimension and take it down. I’m done waiting. We know those chimeras are there, and my vote is that you two distract them while I slap whoever is responsible for this crap with divine justice.”

  I stood tall, proud of my p
lan.

  “Yeah, okay,” Cheetoh agreed.

  Even though she was agreeing with me, she’d somehow taken the wind out of my sails. Where was the excitement?

  “Salem?” I asked, though my eyes flicked away when his gaze met mine.

  “Of course,” he replied.

  I nodded. Their answers would have to do. “Good. I’ve got the rest of the day free, let’s go tear down that soul prison.”

  UNTIL DEATH DO US PART

  I wasn’t dressed warm enough. The pocket dimension was as hot as a tropical island and I hadn’t wanted to lug around a winter coat and hat, but now I was paying for it. I’d assumed I’d be able to hold out in my lightweight black jacket, but I was wrong. So wrong.

  I attempted to hide my chattering teeth, but I couldn’t stop shuffling and rubbing my arms.

  Salem stepped up beside me, and I risked a glance his way.

  He held up his coat in a wordless gesture.

  I hesitated and then took it, but I immediately regretted it. Salem took it as a sign that I was ready to talk.

  “Have I upset you?” he asked.

  I stumbled over a fallen branch as I looked to see where Cheetoh was before I answered him. Salem reached out to steady me, but I waved him off. Despite my bumble, I spotted Cheetoh. The mummy kept pace behind us, her eyes following the river as she walked. I knew mummies didn’t have super hearing like vampires and werewolves, but if we had this conversation now, it was possible she could hear it regardless.

  “Not now, Salem,” I said, a little colder than I’d intended.

  “Not now,” he repeated. “Will it be ever?”

  He knew me too well.

  “I don’t know, but right now, we have a job to do, and whatever happens, I hope we will always be friends.” I risked another glance to see how he’d taken what I said.

  His gaze lowered, but he continued to walk beside me.

  Raven phased into reality and sprinted in front of us with her tongue hanging out of her mouth.

  Seeing her care-free nature, I decided it would have been much better if my goddess-given talent had been transforming into a dog. It really would have.