Enigma

by Leslie Drennan

  If I were to analyze mine and Lena’s entire relationship, I had to say that she never realized she was anything more than her daddy’s little, entitled princess. I had always been under the impression that she was special for some reason, making me special too. In reality, I could now see that since the day I had met Lena she had been blind to her entire past the same way I had. It was as if she lived in a fairytale world with no knowledge that nothing was real. From the way she bragged about all of the things she had and everything she got to do, to the way she always stuck me with her date’s friends when we went out rather than actually setting up a double date with a guy I was interested in, she was always the one in the dark.

  It seemed the more time I spent with Avan the more in tune we became with one another. I could sense when he was stressed, I could feel when he smiled, I could hear exactly what he was thinking, I could see in his mind as though our vision was connected somehow, and I could even tune into conversations he was having with others just by focusing on him. Surprisingly, he now had the ability to do the same things with me. These days we knew without a doubt that our minds were open territory with little to no privacy when it came to one another, and we welcomed it. Our connection was so deep and intimate that it no longer felt like an invasion but rather a safety measure.

  I knew each time he sensed I was driving anywhere near the places I used to go with Lena. When I drove by her house alone I made him incredibly uncomfortable. I could feel his breathing become shallow and his thoughts race while he devised plan after plan of what he would do in the event that something unplanned should occur. Each time I would try to mentally console him, with little to no success whatsoever. Confused as to why, thoughts of Allen were usually what prompted me to drive over to Lena’s. I needed to figure out what Damien was up to, and without talking to Lena, I had no idea how. I did not even care that Avan knew I was thinking of irrational ideas of how to gain ground in our war against the dark evil influences who had taken Allen.

  I gained a great amount of confidence since the day I had discovered what and who I was. Uncertain if it was because I felt empowered and somewhat entitled or if it was because I knew I really did possess the power fight against the spread of evil in any way that only I could to protect those I cared about the over-the-top ideas of bringing the most hated and feared trash that ever walked the planet took over most of my daily thought processes noted by Avan having a direct line tapping into all of this information he kept Bradley, Trev, Dorian, Alex, and Declan in the loop to some degree. Counting on the fact that if at any moment I ran into a bad situation these first responders were ready to take out whatever anyone threw in their direction.

  I also knew that each of them was represented by a charm that dangled from my bracelet. They were the ones Avan had given me as one of my gifts on my birthday. All I had to do was take the charm representing them in my grasp and focus on my situation and they would come to help me as soon as they could. Even if all I needed to do was simply give them a message or convey some information of some sort, they would hear me immediately and respond if they needed to. The awesome thing about it was that it didn’t matter how far away I was from the other angels I needed to get in touch with, it always worked perfectly without fail.

  I still wasn’t sure how it worked, considering the hearing other angels’ thoughts was only possible when you were in the same vicinity under most conditions, and if they didn’t want a thought to be known, they could ask you to leave it alone. The way the bracelet worked was very unique; it was like a direct connection that couldn’t be interrupted. I was glad about that because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could sit and wait in silence to hear someone break their cover and brag about how they caught one of the good guys who was protecting the special hybrid angel! I was becoming a liability and a danger to everyone around. I would not sit and do nothing while everyone else was hunted down.

  The worst part of it all was even though I knew I was born to overcome evil with abilities no other angel could imagine, I was still in a human body affected by humanistic desires, feelings, emotions, and afflictions until I could obtain my wings. Dark thoughts often entered my mind regarding guilt over Allen’s disappearance and grew into overwhelming bouts of depression. They weighed down every element of my personality into a dark cloud in my mind until I was not much more than a shell. I knew this did not just affect me and pull me down; it pulled Avan down right along with me.

  What was even worse about that was how Avan was a heavenly angel, which meant he was not familiar with dark feelings that had this effect, so as pure as he was, his defense against it weakened due to his bond with me. Thankfully, the dark feelings did not consume him to the extent that they consumed me. I felt awful, watching him try to empathize as he did everything in his power to try and make the situation better for me.

  Nearing the point to where it was almost painful to force a smile, laughter had been unheard of for a while and optimism was a word I wished I did not know the meaning of. I felt empty and alone, just as I had felt when my parents died. I knew I had Avan and that he would never go anywhere, but I had succumbed to the negativity and pessimism that my mind played on, which told me no one would be dead or in a terrible, potentially fatal situation if it were not for my existence. At one point I had even considered that if there were a way to die, it would be in the best interest of everyone I had ever met, as each of them could be jaded just by being in any kind of affiliation with me. I suppose this was just one of the things you had to deal with as an immortal.

  By the time I had a breakthrough, I had stopped going to Spirits completely. I had not even thought about how I had just suddenly quit my lunches with Lorenzo and refused to charge my cell phone in weeks. Considering angels had their own way of communication, it defeated the idea of a cell phone anyway, but I had kept it for so many years it was more of a habitual thing to carry it. I was not sure how long it had been since I had gone almost antisocial, but when I woke up this morning, it was as if all of that had just melted away as I had slept.

  When Avan brought me breakfast, just as he had done for as long as I could remember, he looked at me as if he were looking at me for the first time. I knew this was a side of me that he had not seen in a long time, but I never expected it would throw him off guard this much. I knew from the look on his face that I would have to have some kind of an explanation of my odd behavior over the past month or so. I also knew I needed to explain why it had vanished into thin air without any rhyme or reason. As I analyzed it, the only thing that came to mind was that today, for the first time, I had woken up with the feeling of hope for Allen.

  I could not be sure if the message was being sent to my heart from another angel, from heaven, or maybe even from Allen, but I knew with every part of my heart and soul that Allen was still okay. I could not make myself form the words to tell Avan what I was feeling verbally, so I just brought him into my own thoughts as I let the tears and a large sigh of relief take the weight from my shoulders.

  Understanding from feeling my thoughts, he dropped the sack he had been holding from the little donut shop down the street and embraced me in a hug that I never wanted to end. It had been weeks since I had let him come anywhere near me; now in his arms I realized how much I had truly missed the feeling of them being around me. The way he smelled so clean, pure, masculine, and like his favorite cologne all at the same time always had a way of sending my thoughts and emotions right over the top!

  Being this close to him made me relive every moment and thought of how I had felt every time he had walked past me before we had ever officially met. I remembered how my heart always skipped a beat and how I would inhale slowly and deeply, making a mental note of every curve of his face and every fleck of color in his eyes. Yes, this is what I had missed the most over my time of solitude. I missed him. I knew now what it would be like to be without him after being with him every day. Even though he had been there, I had not, and that was a feeling I never wished
to feel again. I would not allow anything to come in the way of being able to be this close to Avan ever again.

  Returning to Spirits, I fell back into the swing of things as I took orders, had lunch with Lorenzo, and other daily things around the coffee shop. It was a busy Friday, which was excellent in helping my state of mind, but what I loved most about it was how everyone went about business as usual rather than focusing on my breakdown. Lorenzo made one of the most amazing lunches I had ever tasted, and no one asked if I was better or insinuated that I had become a nutcase. Instead, everyone just said how great it was to see me and left it completely alone.

  Judging the way that I had to overcome the feelings I had been afflicted by for so long had really given me the mother of all wake-up calls. I now realized the darkness Natasha and my father had referred to that I must overcome would start as being as small as a feeling and I had no idea just how large it could become. If I was unable to depend on my own strength in order to overcome pessimism and darkness within my own mind, how could I ever expect to overcome anything? I must rise above the circumstances surrounding me that had pulled me into the dark, desolate place of loneliness that I came out of by chance alone.

  I knew that I would have to get serious about protecting myself and gaining strength to battle whatever evil would be coming for me. It was evident that whatever it would turn out to be, it would be more powerful than I ever expected. I could never give into anything that was from the other side. My eyes opened to the fact that even though I had been born to overcome evil, it was still a choice.

  Until now, I knew stories about what I was and how I needed to be careful not to fall into darkness. Now seeing firsthand how deeply it affected me, had I been in the wrong situation, the dark angels could have overtaken me with ease. They had nearly accomplished precisely what they had set out to while I wilted like a flower without water during a drought!

  CHAPTER 17

  Saturday, the day everyone looked forward to, the day I always tried to avoid was here again. It had been a while since my ordeal with the tendrils of darkness. Now everything was completely back to normal, if you could look past Allen still not being here. I was getting used to the fact that if he needed one of us, he could and would let us know. Angels were definitely strange creatures. Even though I knew I fell into that category as well, I still felt a little awkward claiming the title being a wingless human.

  It kind of felt as if I was the new kid on a team of smart students at an academic decathlon accepted to compete nationally. The other kids know you are smart or the teacher would never have let you on the team, but with every question asked all eyes are on you just to make sure you know what you are doing. Then, when you do your thing, everyone stares in amazement. Sometimes it was also like being in a new school and trying out for cheerleading.

  The others prayed that you can tumble so they wouldn’t look lame on the field or at competition. I would just be glad when everyone got over the whole idea of my existence, period. I always felt like they were waiting for a magic show or some kind of song and dance. It was not any of my fellow angels around me all the time, but it was the others who lived at Angel Towers who had not gotten to know me.

  Avan had been practicing with the group after work more than usual this week for their Saturday night routine, so I had not been able to spend much time with him. I was not sure why, but he had prohibited me from entering his thoughts except for very basic ones over the last week. I knew something was up since the only time he did that was when he was planning something for me. I had no idea what it was, but recalling my birthday, which he all but moved the sun and moon for, I knew it had to be something he was putting a great deal of effort into. I just hoped it would not be something too outrageous.

  As I turned the dryer on to finish the load of laundry I had just washed, I heard the front door close, announcing Avan’s arrival.

  “How is the most beautiful angel ever created?” he asked, walking around the corner into the hall with something behind his back.

  “Well, I don’t know about all that, but this angel is doing awesome today! What is it that you’re hiding there?” I asked, attempting to see what was in his hand but failing due the basket of clean clothes in my hands between us.

  “I brought you a little something. I was on my way to see you and saw something that reminded me of you.”

  “Oh really? Was it a hobo dressed in sweatpants, unshowered, with its hair in a bun?” I asked as I laughed.

  “No ma’am, it was something beautiful, hard to come by, and unique,” he answered as he pulled a dozen lavender roses from behind his back.

  Dropping the laundry basket, I could not resist the urge to run into his arms and sink into one of his hugs. Once I brought myself back to reality, I took the beautiful lavender roses and placed the vase on the table next to my bed. I had no idea what I had ever done to be so special that anyone would have created an angel as wonderful as Avan specifically for me. I could not be any more thankful for anything as I was for him. He was the one who held all my broken pieces together and slowly mended them for me at my own pace. Where I was now in comparison to where I was last year was ten thousand times better than I had been before Avan had come into my life. He was the rock I could count on to be steady, no matter how strong of a storm I faced.

  “So, I have a request,” Avan said, giving me that partial grin that made me melt as he ran his hand through his dark, voluminous, shiny hair and pushed it away from his face.

  “Oh, okay, I get it. There’s a catch to getting roses, huh?”

  “No, I brought you roses because you are the most unique, gorgeous, and the most important thing in the world to me! The request would just be an added bonus. I will treat you special through all eternity just because you are you.”

  “Oh yeah?” How in the world could I possibly say no to anything he requested after hearing that? Especially knowing it was true.

  “Yeah, a bonus I would really enjoy and will ensure you will too,” He said with something in his voice that made me so curious to find out what it was he wanted me to do that I could not stand it.

  “Okay, you win! What is it that you want me to do?”

  “I want you to come to Spirits tonight for the show. Please?” he asked with his best puppy dogface that I could not resist if I tried.

  “I guess I could do that for you, since you are kinda cute when you make that face, but only because you begged,” I said as I gave him a smile and a wink.

  “Really? That was easy! Maybe I should beg more often!” He laughed as he gloated.

  “Um no, don’t even try it! What should I wear to this shindig so I don’t completely embarrass you?” I laughed.

  “Okay, just to clarify, you could never embarrass me regardless of what you ever choose to wear!”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  “No really. You could come just as you are now and I would still be more that proud that you are mine! Surprise me. You are gorgeous no matter what! In the meantime, I’m gonna head to Spirits and help get things set up, okay?”

  With that the conversation ended as he kissed me on the forehead and winked before leaving.

  Being an angel, I really should monitor some of the thoughts that went through my mind but considering that I was a mix of my good angel mom, bad angel dad, and somehow being trapped inside of a human body, I still had quite a few human thoughts. At this particular time, I could not stop myself from thinking how good those jeans fit Avan and how amazing that tight white t-shirt he wore looked as I could see the muscle definition just underneath.

  The more shocking thing was how I knew Avan heard all my little humanistic, questionable thoughts, and though he was one of the good guys that under most conditions was pure and innocent, he actually liked my little thought processes about him and shared some reciprocal thoughts from time to time as well. We had never actually discussed things, but I figured eventually we would get around to it. As long as I was in a human body witho
ut wings to remind me of my angel blood in my veins, I was not completely sure I could keep myself on a leash forever with him, and I knew he felt the same way.

  Considering I had never been to any of the Saturday performances, I was clueless as what to wear. Showing up overdressed would make me feel stupid, but I certainly did not want to show up underdressed either. Since it was a public event, I knew I was going to stand out no matter what. Among the non-angelic humans of those in my age range, my reputation, known for being the one girl who was good enough for Avan Rork, was like being famous. Most of the girls who came into Spirits on a regular basis gave me envious looks as they drooled over him.

  It did not faze me one bit, considering I knew I had nothing to be jealous of as he never paid attention to any of them, but it was clear they never got the hint. These days I found it humorous to kid Avan when any of them stared. I could not help always joking around, asking him which one he was going to take out on the next Friday night! Every time he would just shake his head, laughing, as he told me to be nice. Either way, I did not want to call any more attention to myself than I would already get for simply being me.

  After taking a shower and doing my hair and makeup, I lingered in front of the closet, weighing my outfit options before going with a white button-up shirt with three-quarter sleeves, a short, pleated, blue, plaid skirt, tall boots, and Avan’s leather jacket. It was a cutesy schoolgirl look that said dressy-casual yet young and fun. I topped it off with my charm bracelet, earrings, necklace, and of course my ring that I never took off my left hand.