Enigma

by Leslie Drennan

  It was nearly six when Bradley and Declan walked through my front door. I had a hard time even making eye contact with them, even though they both gave me a hug as soon as they came in. I felt such overwhelming guilt and embarrassment for the recent events that they had to save me. It was difficult to start a conversation with them. I knew I had to break the ice somehow; after all, these two had become more like brothers to me, so I had to think of something!

  “So how was work?” I asked, trying to sound more cheerful than I felt.

  “Same old stuff, different day. You know how it goes,” Bradley answered.

  “No new interesting recipes yet?” I asked. Declan shook his head.

  “Let’s just get this out on the table,” Bradley started. “You’re like our little sister because Avan is one of our brothers. We don’t want to lose you, and when you go against the better judgment in a situation, it is dangerous.”

  “Not only that, Mattie, when you left you told us you would let us know if you felt the least bit threatened. We showed up after Avan’s ring started glowing. We followed the signal yours gave off like a magnetic force and found you taking the worst beating any of us had ever seen with our own eyes. That is a big deal considering we have dealt a few out ourselves to people who deserved it,” Declan said with a tone that made me feel like a little girl being scolded by her older brother for running out into the street when a car was coming.

  “I know, and I can’t say I’m sorry enough. I know I screwed up, okay? Please forgive me. I just want things to be normal again,” I pleaded with my best puppy face.

  “We forgive you, Mattie, but you need to realize what the repercussions of this could have been! What’s worse is that you know what they want and yet you walk around like you aren’t in danger,” Bradley said, looking at the fireplace as Alex and Trev came in the front door, joining our conversation.

  “To put it bluntly, Mattie, they want you for breeding purposes only. They only want to keep you alive enough to give birth. All they see you as is a tool, the way a dog breeder looks at the female dogs that produce the litters that bring in money for them. All you are to them is an incubator!” Trev stated.

  “The worst thing about being their incubator is that Ian and who knows who else would abuse you repeatedly forever to create their new league of dark angels, Mattie. I don’t know if you really see how long forever is. We use words like infinity, eternally, and all kinds of others, but until you have been around for a couple of hundred years and feel how slow time can be there is no way you can comprehend it. My point is, forever is a long time to be abused and bred over and over,” Alex added.

  “You’re right. I don’t know what forever feels like, but what I do know firsthand is that after experiencing what I did and feeling the hurt it left me with because of what it did to all of you, that is something I never want to feel again. I cannot change what has already happened; all I can do is prevent it from ever happening again in the future, and I think I know how to do that now. I know it starts with listening to all of you instead of trusting my faulty human instincts that want to believe everyone is innately good. Being raised as a human and sheltered away from the fact that any of this even existed had a large effect on my reasoning. I don’t mean to mess things up; I just don’t know how to stop,” I told them softly.

  “You just have to trust what we say. I know you feel like Allen’s disappearance was your fault, but it wasn’t. He played a part in all of this just as the rest of us do. Protecting you is an honor, not a job. Allen was handpicked by your dad to keep you safe and work undercover to stay informed of what the other side was doing. Without Allen, things would have gone downhill a long time ago. He has given everything he knows, to do what your dad asked him to, and he did it because he cares, not because he had to. You have to trust that we are going to find him as soon as we can. Time to you is different due to not knowing how long eternity really is. I know it seems like we have just put Allen on the back burner, but we have not. He will let us know where he is and what to do when the timing is right. This is not a detective show; you can’t just go chasing leads. As you saw, it only complicated things. Just trust us,” Bradley said as he hugged me.

  Immersed in the conversation, I never noticed that Dorian had come in and leaned up against the wall. Looking up to see his face, I could see anger written across his face as the tears in his eyes threatened to escape if he blinked too many times. It was the same look Avan had on his face the first morning he saw me when I woke up after the ordeal as he had to come pick me up off the floor, finding that I had no muscle strength to hold me up yet. It looked like he was more upset with me than the other four, who had been proving their point repetitiously to engrain it in my mind that I could be gone forever if I gave Damron’s crew the chance to get me alone again.

  “The bottom line is this, Matalyn: your parents may not be here anymore, but you still have a family that cares about you, and you couldn’t ignore the fact more if you tried. It is true what they have been trying to tell you—Avan’s our brother. Therefore, you have become family too. We take care of our family no matter what kind of situation they are in. The problem is that you don’t see it the same way, and it’s kind of insulting. You can’t realize that the people who love you are the ones you choose to hurt the worst with your thoughtless actions. If anyone in this room could die, they would do it for you without a second thought crossing their mind, but you want to run off and be a superhero, trying to take down the world when you, the super angel, is the one who is the most danger. Wake up, Matalyn. Stop thinking this is all going to go away, because it isn’t going to,” Dorian said hastily, wiping his eyes, which caused a tear to roll down my cheek.

  “Dorian, that’s enough. She knows she should have listened to us. She also knows she is loved and has a family who would do anything for her. There’s no need to rub a mistake in her face.” Avan’s voice echoed from the back of the hallway as he entered the apartment.

  “Good job, Avan. Make excuses so we can keep cleaning up messes! You aren’t the only one affected by all this, and you pretend everything is fine! I’m not just gonna do the group hug thing and get over it as if nothing happened! Everything as we know it could have been changed if we hadn’t gotten there right when we did! She could have been taken and tortured for all eternity! Am I the only one who sees this?” Dorian hissed at Avan as he stormed down the hallway, slamming the door behind him.

  “Who peed in his Wheaties?” Trev asked lightly in attempts to add comic relief.

  “You know Dorian, Mr. Drama King. It must be time for his period again!” Declan shot back with a laugh.

  “Yeah, he does PMS really badly! Mattie, do have any Midol?” Alex joined in.

  “We might need the entire bottle, and some tampons if you have any,” Trev taunted.

  “Don’t forget sweet and salty foods. Dude! Maybe he’s pregnant. Most pregnant women get moody, right? Maybe we should put together a care basket with some chocolate, pretzels, Kotex, tampons, Midol, a box of tissues, a chick flick, and a pregnancy test and leave it in his car,” Bradley added as he fell over laughing on the couch.

  “Okay, women are not that bad! Geez, you guys make it sound like we turn into grotesque, monstrous, bawl bags that sit around getting fat on junk food and crying to the movies on the Women’s Network all day for one week out of every month! And if you must know, I can’t be of any service. I don’t have to deal with any of that junk because I am an angel, remember?” I retorted.

  “TMI, Mattie! Did you have to go there?” Alex pretended to gag.

  “Hey, you guys started this conversation!” I said, hitting Alex with a pillow from the couch.

  “All right, enough of that! Is everybody cool here?” asked Avan. Trev, Declan, Alex, and Bradley nodded their heads.

  “But if you ever do anything like that again, I swear I will find a way to kill you!” Alex stated as he grabbed my ankle and pulled me in the floor.

  “Yeah, immorta
lity is a privilege, not a right. We’ve been at this game a lot longer than you, little sister!” Trev said, tackling me in the floor.

  With that, the other four jumped on the dog pile in my living room floor. They proceeded to tickle me until I agreed to their terms when it came to alerting them the second I felt something could be wrong.

  Peeling ourselves from the floor, we all decided sushi sounded great. Splitting up into two cars, we headed to a place downtown to stuff our faces. I could not resist some awesome California rolls and spicy tuna! We all ordered different things and ended up eating from each other’s plates the entire time, so it was almost like ordering one of everything on the menu. Dorian had not joined us, and in the back of my mind, I could not help but to worry about him. Alex and Bradley kept telling me this was normal behavior for Dorian to be all worked up about things, but I wasn’t sure.

  The next day came and went with no sign of Dorian. Avan told me he had been at work but left as soon as his shift ended. I had never had anyone be this mad at me in my life! I could not be the reason that Dorian stopped being a part of our family. I had to make things right with him, but how could I do that when he would not even look at me? It was killing me inside. I missed him at dinner last night and I missed knowing that he was all right now. I missed knowing that he cared. What hurt the most was admitting that everything he had said yesterday was nothing but the truth.

  Dorian had hit the nail on the head; I had always looked at them as best friends and Avan’s family, but never as my own. I had seen the world as a lonely place where I walked alone until I’d met Avan. Then I had seen it only as he and I, leaving everyone else in the shadows, even though they were as much a part of my life as Avan was. I had been walking around with my eyes closed, and as roughly and daggered as it had come out of Dorian’s mouth, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

  The next morning I scribbled a note that requested he meet me at the bookstore across town at 3:00 p.m. I had no idea what I was going to do for the better half of the morning, but considering the bookstore was located along the strip mall, I figured I had plenty of boutiques, stores, and restaurants to choose from for entertainment and lunch. I also had an excess amount of money in my account, and I was itching to spend some.

  I had lunch at a little café that served mostly soups, salads, and sandwiches. I sat next to the window, watching the rain for what felt like hours when the waiter finally got my attention.

  “Would you like a refill on your tea, ma’am?” the handsome, young waiter asked with an endearing smile.

  “No thank you, I’m good. I’m just gonna relax for a few minutes before braving the storm.”

  “Any coffee or dessert for you today? We have turtle brownies, raspberry cheesecake, carrot cake, and red velvet cupcakes.”

  “I’m stuffed! Thank you, though.”

  “Can I get some of these dishes out of your way? I’m not rushing you. You can stay as long as you want.”

  “Sure, I’m done.”

  “I’m Nathan. Sorry to be so forward, but you are beautiful,” he said, blushing.

  “Thank you, Nathan. You are sweet! This rain probably has me looking like a hot mess!”

  “Nah, I don’t think you could look any better if you tried,” he said, smiling down at me then glancing at my hand.

  “Well, thank you again.”

  “Yeah, I guess a girl like you would already be taken, huh? Oh well, ya can’t blame a guy for trying! Have a great day!” Nathan said as he picked up my plate, nodding at my ring.

  “You too.” I giggled.

  Looking down at my cell phone, I noticed it was ten til’ three. The bookstore was just across the street, and I had no idea if Dorian would be there or not. I told Avan my plan this morning, and he thought it was a good idea for me to try to reach out to Dorian in order to get things back to normal. He seemed to think if I met him alone and let him vent that Dorian would get over everything and let it go. I just hoped he was right.

  I almost dreaded this meeting even though I was the one who had requested it. In my heart I knew it needed to take place; Dorian’s problem was with me. I had caused this. I was the reckless, idiotic, selfish moron who came really close to ruining everything because I didn’t listen and didn’t take into account that these individuals cared for me and loved me, accepting me into their family. It was now that I realized a family was not something that you were required to share DNA with; you simply had to share love. I had never gotten that until now.

  Stepping up onto the curb, I felt his presence, the unmistakable vibe that only Dorian sent out. I was not sure of his exact location, but I knew he was close, so close that I knew I would probably bump right into him if I did not watch where I was going. The rain had lightened up to a steady drizzle, and due to the clouds, it looked as though it should be about seven o’clock instead of three. This made the meeting feel more like a bad dream rather than a chance to make things right again. I hadn’t even noticed him standing under the awning and leaning next to the window when he said my name.

  “Mattie,” Dorian called, catching my attention as I was about to enter the bookstore.

  “There you are. I have to tell you, I really wasn’t sure you’d show.”

  “I considered skipping out, but I couldn’t make myself.”

  “Well, I’m glad you came. Do you want to talk inside?”

  “Nah, too many people in there trying to avoid the rain. I kind of like it myself,” Dorian commented looking up at the clouds.

  “Okay well, I know you’re mad at me, and I want to know what I need to do in order to fix this, Dorian. I hate you being upset with me. Last night we all went to eat, and it was like there was just this empty hole without you there. You’re part of us, and families don’t split like this.”

  “That’s just it, Mattie, you still don’t get it, do you?” Dorian replied through his clenched teeth.

  “I do get it, Dorian! I got it loud and clear! That’s why I wanted to talk to you alone! Everything you said night before last was true, okay? You are right about everything. I don’t think before I act. I am constantly putting people in dangerous situations. You do always have to follow behind me, cleaning up my messes. I didn’t realize I was part of this family that you guys had put together. I’m a selfish, stupid little angel that was raised as an overprotected human princess by my nemesis parents who happened to fall in love and created me by accident! I freaking get it, Dorian!” I screamed as tears fell from my eyes.

  The rain began to fall harder, beating the ground in sheets as I could not control my tears. I did not know what to do, but I did not want to give up! Without thinking, I turned to run away across the street into the parking lot when I felt something hard fly into me, causing me to crash into the pavement.

  Raindrops hit my face, letting me know I lay face upon the ground opening my eyes. Wiping my face, I looked around to see Dorian standing in front of me holding out his hand. His green eyes glowed as the rain ran from his chin. His wet auburn hair was a mess and he was drenched from head to toe.

  “Do you want help up or not?” he asked, signaling me to take his hand.

  “Thanks for saving me again. You could have just let them hit me. I can’t die ya know. Maybe it would have made you hate me a little less to see the spoiled little sister suffer a little.”

  With that comment, he placed his hands on my cheeks and his eyes softened from the aggravated glare they had kept for the past few days.

  “That’s the problem, Matalyn Holland. I don’t see you as my sister!” he said. My heart felt cold and empty at his words.

  “But I thought that everyone said because Avan is your brother that I was like your—”

  “Maybe to everyone else, but not to me, Mattie.”

  “But why? What does this mean? So you can’t be a part of all of us anymore. Is that what you’re saying? I don’t get it! Dumb it down for me, Dorian. Tell me what I’ve done to cause this!” I shouted through the rain that was
coming down so hard that I could barely see Dorian, who stood right in front of me. I only knew he was still there by the touch of his hands on my face. I continued to cry uncontrollably.

  “You haven’t done anything Mattie. I’m still a part of this family and I will do my part, but you need to know that I will never look at you like a sister, okay? You and I will never have the same relationship that you have with Declan, Trev, Alex, or Bradley. I just can’t be what they can be for you,” Dorian explained.

  “Just give me one good reason that you can’t accept me as a sister like they have.”

  “One reason?”

  “One reason, a valid reason is all I ask. If you can give me that, I will accept your moody personality and never pressure you about it again,” I pleaded.

  “I will never be able to accept you as a sister because I am in love with you, Mattie!” Dorian shouted through the rain as I felt his lips meet mine.

  The kiss lasted what felt like an eternity, and I could tell he truly was in love with me, but he knew it was wrong in every way. I knew it was wrong too, but for some reason I could not make myself pull away from him. I loved Avan more than anything, and I was bound to him through an Angel’s Promise that I could never break. Why did I feel so strongly for Dorian right now?

  When he pulled away, both of us were speechless, trying to catch our breath. I could not fathom that I had just shared a very intimate and passionate kiss with anyone other than Avan, but as I stared at Dorian, I knew it was not a daydream. I had to make myself process this and try to figure out how to handle the situation without causing any more damage than already existed.