“Sounds good,” I said as I walked towards the large window and looked down at the street below before I turned to have a better look at my new office. “I can’t wait to get started.”
“I must say, I was surprised to get your call last week,” Michael said as he watched me while I looked around the room. “I mean I was delighted to hear you’d changed your mind, but I really didn’t think I would be hearing from you again.”
“I had a change of circumstances back home,” I said, turning to look at him once more. “And I knew I really couldn’t pass up this opportunity. Working for the Washington News is something I really wanted to do.”
“Well, we’re really happy to have you on the team,” Michael said, giving me another smile. “We have your first shoot scheduled for later today. So, you can take the morning to settle in, get yourself acquainted with the office and where everything is.”
“Sounds great,” I said, smiling once more.
“I’ll leave you to settle in,” Michael said as he looked around the office one more. “Oh, I almost forgot, IT have left your new laptop on the desk, and I know we talked about some new camera equipment. If you can give me a list by the end of the day, I will get it sorted for you as soon as possible.”
“I will get it to you ASAP,” I replied, giving him a grateful smile.
“Okay,” he said as he walked towards the door. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Thank you, Michael,” I said, before he vanished out through the office door.
I held my breath for a moment, making sure he was really gone. Once I was sure the coast was clear, I lay my head back on the chair, closed my eyes and released a long, tired sigh.
This was not where I imagine I would be this time two weeks ago. This is not how I saw my life working out.
It was nine days since Savannah walked out of my apartment, and out of my life. Nine days since I saw her beautiful face. Nine days since I last heard her voice other than the brief message on her answering machine.
I had no clue how I had gotten it so badly wrong, but I had. Maybe the right thing for everyone would be to let it go, but I loved her. I loved her so much, I could barely think straight.
After I left Sylvie’s on the Friday after the party, I headed straight back to Savannah’s apartment, but she was not there. Having no clue where else I could go to look for her, I headed to Joe’s. She was due to sing that night, so I thought maybe then I could get a chance to talk to her. But when I got there, Joe told me that Savannah had cancelled her gig for that night.
I was due to work that night in the bar, but I was so distracted, after just an hour, I’d broken more glasses than I had served drinks in, so Joe told me to call it a night.
When I left the bar, I drove straight back to Savannah’s apartment, but I wasn’t surprised to see it still cloaked in darkness. I headed back to my apartment feeling worse than I had probably ever felt in my entire life.
I spent the next few days calling her and texting her, but she refused to talk to me. Jolie wasn’t very happy with me either. When I dropped by to tell her that I’d taken the job at the newspaper, she stomped to her room and refused to talk to me too, but after a day or two, she came around. She even came by my apartment and helped me pack up my things once again.
“Have you spoken to Savannah?” She asked as she helped me pack away the things in the kitchen.
“Nope,” I replied, not really wanting to talk about Savannah, not even with Jolie.
“So, you didn’t tell her that your moving?” Jolie said, never one to be put off easy.
“I didn’t,” I replied, still not taking the bait to get drawn into this conversation.
“So, you’re just going to leave without talking to her?” She pushed, as she set down the dishes she was packing. “Why?”
“Because, Jo,” I said, finally having enough of the conversation. “Savannah doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve tried, but she isn’t interested.”
“But…” Jolie continued to argue, but I stopped her mid-sentence.
“There is no buts, Jolie!” I said, a little sharper than I had meant to. “She isn’t interested. It doesn’t matter how I feel, or what you think I should do. Savannah has made it clear that she is done, and now it’s time for me to respect that.”
She stared at me for a moment, before she returned to her packing. I knew she wanted to say more, but I was grateful she didn’t. This whole mess was already hard enough.
When I said goodbye to Sylvie and Jolie, my heart almost broke in two. Seeing my kid sister standing there on the sidewalk, with tears streaming down her face, was not easy to take.
I promised I would come to visit the weekend, and that I would call her every night. Then she hugged me one more time, before I climbed into the car and drove away.
Now sitting there in the office, I wished I’d never decided to leave. Everything about this was a mistake, but it was too late to do anything about it now.
I looked down at the new laptop on my desk. I opened it up, hoping that making myself busy would somehow keep my mind off Savannah and the mess that was my life.
It took me about an hour to set it up, but finally it was ready.
I stared at it for a moment, wondering what I should do next. For some reason, I opened google search, then without even thinking, I typed my father’s name into the search bar. I stared at it for the longest time.
In the fourteen years that my father had been gone, I’d thought about looking for him so many times, but I’d never actually tried. But now, as I sat there staring at his name on the computer screen, I wondered if it would be as easy as simply typing his name into a search engine.
Taking a deep breath, I pressed down on the enter button before I had time to change my mind.
And there he was. The first name in the search engine.
I could hardly breath as I stared at his name printed right across the screen. Suddenly I felt like the nine-year-old boy who was sitting at his bedroom window, waiting for his father to come home once again.
My heart hammered at I stared at the laptop, wondering if I should just close it down, or open the link and read more. In my heart, I knew there wasn’t really a choice for me to make.
I clicked on the link and began to read through the article that had been written about him. It said that Simon Reynolds was the CEO of a small, but successful investment company, which had just gone public. It talked about all the charity work he’d done, and how he was on several boards for the arts and entertainment around the city. A keen photographer in his spare time, he was not married and was living right there in Pomeroy. It didn’t mention anything about him having children, and while I was relieved there didn’t seem to be any more kids in his life, it stung that Jolie, nor I didn’t get mentioned either.
When I read the article again, something clicked inside me.
He was right here in Pomeroy. Just ninety minutes from me and Jolie all this time. I’m not sure if this made me feel sad or angry.
I clicked on his photo, opening it up bigger, and stared at it for the longest time. He looked almost exactly like I remembered, just a little bit greyer and a few extra lines on his face.
I thought of Savannah. I wished I could call her and tell her that I found him. I wished I could ask her if I should reach out to him and try to get the answers to the questions I had deep inside me.
Instinctively I picked up my phone and brought up her number. Pulling it up, I hit dial and waited for her to answer. But just like every other time, it just went directly to voicemail.
“Hi, you’ve reached Savannah,” her message now committed to my memory. “You know what to do.”
The phone beeped and I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, I just looked at the phone, before I hit the call end button. I sighed as I set the phone back down on the desk, returning my focus to my laptop.
Suddenly I couldn’t even look at my father, there on the screen. I reached up and close
d down the laptop without switching it off.
I pushed up from my desk and walked to the large window once more. Staring down at the street below, I fought the overwhelming feeling of grief I had inside my chest.
You can’t fall apart! I chanted to myself over and over in my head. You can’t fall apart!
I sat in the darkness of my car, and stared up at the beautiful two-story house, with perfectly manicured lawns and asked myself what the hell was I doing there?
It was two days since I discovered that my father was living in Pomeroy, and almost twenty-four hours since I found his actual address.
When I left the office for the evening, I had no intention of coming to his home. Still, there I was, sitting in my car outside his perfect little home, on the perfect little street, where he was living his perfect little life.
I knew that going there was beyond insane, but I had so many questions. Questions that only he could answer.
“You’ve lost your damn mind,” I sighed, as once more I pulled out my phone and brought up Savannah’s number. Holding my finger over the call button, I wonder if this would be the time, she answered my call, but deep in my heart I knew she wouldn’t.
So, I closed the phone. The possibility of getting rejected twice in one night would have been too hard for my heart to deal with. For tonight, I was just going to deal with my father. I would call Savannah again the next day.
I slipped my phone into my pocket and switched off the engine. Reaching for the handle, I pushed the door open and climbed out before I had time to change my mind.
I knew in my heart, as I walked up the pathway toward the front door, that I needed to do this for Jolie as much as for myself.
By the time I reached the door, my heart was pounding so fast in my chest, I felt like it was trying to break free. I closed my eyes and took a deep, calming breath, before I reached up and pressed down on the doorbell.
Too late to turn back now! I thought to myself.
I didn’t have long to wait, the sound of someone rushing towards the door, then the latch being pulled back came from inside. Finally, it opened, and a pretty young woman was standing before me, greeting me with a broad smile.
“Hi…” I said, suddenly panicking. The article said he wasn’t married, so a woman answering the door was the last thing I was expecting. “I’m sorry… I think maybe I have the wrong house. I was looking for Simon Reynolds…”
“Then you have the right house,” she replied with a smile. “Simon is in his study.”
“Oh, right,” I said, my mouth suddenly completely dry, as nerves took hold of me.
“Do you wish to speak to him?” She asked, giving me a curious look. “Can I have your name please?”
“Uh…um,” I hesitated, because I knew the moment, I said my name out loud, I couldn’t take it back. “My name is Seth, uh… Seth Reynolds.”
“Seth!” She exclaimed as recognition filled her face. “Oh my, God. My name is Jenna. I’m your father’s assistant. Please, come in. I will let your father know you’re here.”
I was stunned that she knew who I was, and even more thrown that she seemed genuinely happy to see me. I took a deep breath and took a step into the hallway.
“Your dad will be so happy that you’re here,” she gushed as she closed the door behind me. “He’s been waiting for this day for as long as I have known him.”
She looked at me, giving me a warm smile.
“If you’d follow me to the living room,” she said, leading me through the large doorway to a beautifully decorated room. I walked towards the sofa but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what could only be described as a huge photo gallery, each framed photo, a picture of me, Jolie, or photos of us both.
I walked closer to the photographs and looked at each one individually.
“I’ll go get your dad,” Jenna said from behind me, before she turned and hurried out of the room, leaving me standing there alone.
As I stood there, staring at all these photographs, I felt like I was in a dream, and any moment I would wake up and discover that none of it was real. But I didn’t wake up.
As I study the photographs carefully, I wasn’t sure, but some of them looked like they were taken after he’d left.
Then I spotted one photograph of me, Jolie and my dad, taken the last time he took us to the beach sitting on the fireplace. I picked it up for a closer look and smiled as I remember how much fun we had that day.
“That’s my favourite picture too,” a familiar voice said from behind me. I set the photo down and turned around to face the hero from my childhood, the man who broke my heart, and the one person I had dreams of finding since I was nine years old.
“I remember the day it was taken,” I replied, trying my hardest to keep myself as composed as I could, despite the fact that my heart was pounding in my chest.
“I remember it too,” he smiled, as his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “How have you been?”
“Me?” I said, feeling the emotions I was trying to keep in check, bubble to the surface. “You know… life has been fun. Well, as fun as it can be when your dad walks out and leaves you with an alcoholic narcissist, who thought being a good mother was making sure her boyfriend’s tattoos are at least spelled right.”
“I guess I deserved that,” Simon sighed, looking like he was struggling with his emotions almost as much as I was. “How is Jolie?”
“She is amazing” I replied, smiling as I thought of my sister. “She is really smart and stronger than she even knows she is.”
“She was always so full of spirit,” Simon smiled, still looking unsure if he was saying the right thing or not.
“She’s been through a lot,” I said, my tone almost accusatory. “But how would you know that?”
“Seth, I know you’re angry with me,” he said taking a tentative step towards me. “And, I guess that you have every right to be angry.”
“You guess,” I said, knowing I was about to fall apart, and the last thing I wanted was to fall apart in front of him. Suddenly all the questions I had, all the answer I needed didn’t seem important anymore. I came and saw him, but now I just wanted to leave. “Look, maybe coming here was a bad idea. I should just leave.”
I walked towards the door, wishing I had just kept driving when I reached his house earlier.
“Seth,” Simon called after me, stopping me just as I reached the door to the hallway. “I know I have no right to ask, but if you could let me explain.”
“What’s to explain, Dad?” I asked as I spun around to face him. “I was there. I know what happened. You left me and you left Jolie, and you never looked back…”
“Is that what you really believe?” Simon asked, looking like his heart was breaking. “Because that’s not what happened. I wanted to take you both with me. I begged and I pleaded with your mother, but she refused to even let me see you. She told me that Jolie wasn’t even mine, but I knew she was lying. She is my daughter.”
“Then why did you leave us?” I asked still feeling angry at this man for walking out of my life. “Why didn’t you even come to see us again?”
“I tried,” he said surprising me. “But every time I went to the house, your mother refused to let me see you. I went to court, trying to get custody of you both, but she got someone to lie. They said they had seen me hitting your mother and hitting you. The court believed them. It gave me supervised visits, but when the day came, you didn’t show up. Your mother said you refused to come, and Jolie was very upset about leaving you. I wrote you so many letters, sent so many cards, but they were all returned to sender. Finally, I got the letter from you saying that you and Jolie were happy, and that you didn’t need me in your life…”
“I never sent you a letter,” I said, stunned by what he’d said.
“I realised that a few years later,” he replied, giving me a sad smile. “But by then, it had been so long, I was too afraid to go look for you. I thought you would hate me for leaving, for not b
eing there. So, I focused on my business. I made a good life for myself, because I hoped one day you would come looking for me, and maybe you would be proud of the person I’d become.”
“So,” I said, as suddenly tears pooled in my eyes. “All this time, you thought I hated you?”
“Seth,” he said as he took a step closer to me. “I know you have every reason in the world to be angry at me. Christ, there isn’t a day that went by I’m not angry at myself. But I need you to know, I never left you. At least not how you think I did. And I never stopped loving you.”
“I never hated you,” I whispered as the years of longing for my father came pouring out of my body with a sob. I hurried to him and threw my arms around his neck, hugging him so tightly, I thought I might never let go. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Son,” Simon whispered. “I never stopped.
I just held him tighter. Finally, I had found my hero once more.
Chapter 24
Savannah
“Are you sure that this is the right thing to do?” Andy asked as he looked around my apartment. “I think maybe if you just talked to Seth…”
“I’ve nothing to say to him,” I replied, giving Andy the same answer I’d given him for the last two weeks. “My mind is made up. There is nothing left for me here in Pullman. Starting somewhere fresh is the right thing to do.”
“Sav,” Andy sighed, giving me a pleading look. “You know that’s not true. You have me and Gillian, and the rest of the guys from the band. And you could have Seth…”
“Seth left,” I said, my heart aching as I thought about Seth once more. “And that’s what I’m going to do too.”
When Andy told me that Seth had quit his job at the bar, and that he was moving out of Pullman, my already broken heart shattered into a million pieces.
I missed him more than I ever imagined it was possible to miss another human being. And the worst part was, I knew I had lost him purely from my own stupid stubbornness.
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