On the Friday after Jolie’s party, when I stormed out of Seth’s apartment, I was beyond fuming. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed, but more than that, I felt disappointed. Callie was supposed to be my best friend, but in the end our friendship had meant nothing to her.
But what had hurt me most was Seth covered for Jared. He’d known that Jared was up to something, but never once said a thing. I had felt so let down by Callie; but finding out Seth hadn’t told me the truth either, hurt me more than I ever thought possible.
When I left his apartment, I jumped into my car, heading straight for home. If I was honest, I didn’t even remember the drive home. My mind was working overtime and all I could think about was Seth’s face as I told him we were over.
When I reached my apartment, I turned off the engine, but I didn’t get out of the car. Instead, I sat there just staring into space, playing through what had happened at Seth’s place.
“FUCK!” I cried out suddenly as I hit the steering wheel. “FUCK! FUCK!”
I buried my face in my hands and let go of the tears I’d been struggling to hold back since I left Seth’s. I sobbed like I’d never sobbed before, my heart completely broken. My chest felt tight and I couldn’t catch my breath. My lungs felt like they were burning. I gasped, trying desperately to calm my breathing, but it was no use. I was coming apart completely.
That’s when I looked down and saw one of Jolie’s bangles. She must have left it in the car the day before. I stopped crying, focusing on the bangle and my breathing.
I knew then that I needed to go check on Jolie. Seth was probably spinning out of control right at that moment, and I was worried he would forget about her. I needed to know that she was okay.
I started up the car once more and pulled away from the curb. As I drove down the street, I glanced in my rear-view mirror, and my heart almost stopped when I spotted Seth’s car pulling in outside my apartment.
Part of me wanted to go back there and talk to him, but part of me, the part that was still hurt and angry, made me put my foot down and continue on to Sylvie’s house to make sure Jolie was okay.
When I reached Sylvie’s, I pulled in outside her house, and switched off the engine.
I wasn’t sure coming here was the best idea I’d ever had, but I loved Jolie. She reminded me of myself so much, and I knew I needed to keep my promise that I would always be there for her. So, I reached for the handle, pushing open the door, before I climbed out of the car.
When I reached the front door, I took a deep breath and reached up, pressing down on the doorbell. I didn’t have to wait long for the door to be opened, and I wasn’t that surprised to find Jolie standing before me.
“Sav!” She cried the moment she saw me standing there. Instantly, she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me so tightly, I could hardly breathe.
“Jolie, it’s okay,” I whispered as I held her tightly. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“Jared was here,” Jolie said, finally releasing me from her embrace. “He told us about Callie; and about you and Seth. Are you okay?”
“Jolie,” I said, having no clue what I should even say to her.
“Where is Seth?” She asked, giving me a hopeful look.
“We… we had a fight,” I said, knowing there was no point in lying to her now. “But that’s not why I’m here. I came to make sure you were okay.”
“Savannah,” Sylvie said suddenly from the doorway to the kitchen. “For heaven’s sake, Jolie, at least let the girl through the door.”
“I… I can’t stay,” I said, giving Sylvie a grateful smile. “I just wanted to make sure that Jolie was okay.”
“Nonsense,” Sylvie said as she walked towards me. “You look like you could do with a nice piece of cake, and someone to talk to.”
Instantly my eyes pooled with unshed tears, as I forced a smile on my face.
Sylvie led me into the kitchen, followed closely by Jolie.
Once inside, Sylvie make us all a coffee and cut each of us a slice of Jolie’s birthday cake. I looked up at Jolie and gave her a sad smile. I hated that her birthday had been ruined, and now she had no clue what to think about the mess that Jared, Callie, Seth, and me had created.
As we drank coffee, I told them about what had happened between Seth and Jared, then I told them that Seth and I had an argument, and that I didn’t think Seth and I were going to work out.
“But you and he could try again,” Jolie said, giving me a hopeful look. “I mean, you love him, and he loves you. And now it doesn’t have to be a secret…”
“Jolie,” I said as once more tears spilled down my face. “I wish I could give you the answer you want, but I don’t think that we can. Things are just so complicated.”
“But you love him,” she repeated, and I know that there was nothing I could say to make this girl understand.
“Yeah, I do,” I sighed, knowing that I could never lie to her. “But I just don’t know that we could ever work. I know you don’t understand, and part of me probably doesn’t understand either. But right now, I just need to take care of me. I need some time and space…”
“You’re leaving?” She asked, giving me a worried look.
“Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said as I reached out and took her hand. “But I meant what I said. I will always be here for you. I am always just a call away.”
A short while later, I said my goodbyes to Sylvie, and hugged a very tearful Jolie once more, before I turned and walked down to my car. Starting the engine, I glanced up at Jolie one last time before I drove away from the house, not really sure what my next move should be.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled in outside the only friend I had left in Pullman. The minute I climbed out of the car; Andy stepped out from beneath the hood of his car.
The moment he saw me, he gave me a sad smile as he wiped his hands. I tried so hard to keep it together, but each step I took towards him, tears filled my eyes more and more until finally, they spilled down my cheeks.
“I’ve got you,” Andy whispered as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tightly I could hardly breath.
When I told him and Gillian what happened, Gillian insisted that I stay with them for a few days. She said that now was not the time for being alone. I didn’t even argue with her. I was just so tired, I smiled and said thank you.
Over the next few days, I hid out in their spare room, refusing to see anyone.
Seth called over and over, but each time, I refused to talk to him. In the end, I just powered off the phone, hoping that some peace and quiet would give my heart a chance to heal.
About a week after I arrived at Andy’s, while I was just lying on the bed, lost in my thoughts once more, there was a soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Come in!” I called out as I sat up on the bed. Moments later, Andy opened the door, and stepped inside, looking nervous, or worried about something. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” he replied, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. I could tell from the look in his face he was uncertain if he should say whatever it was, he’d come to say. “I was just hoping… if maybe we could have a talk.”
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked, worried that perhaps I had overstayed my welcome. “Because I was thinking that maybe it was time…”
“God, no!” He exclaimed, giving me a reassuring smile. “If anything, having you here has been such a help. I worry about Gillian when I am not home. She is so close to having the baby, it’s nice to know she isn’t alone. No, that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
“Okay,” I said, giving him a worried look. “Then what’s wrong?”
“I stopped by the bar to talk to Joe,” Andy said as he sat down on the end of the bed. “He was asking about you; wondering if you were doing okay. He said that he hoped to see you back with the band this week, but I told him you might need a little more time.”
“Thanks, Andy,” I said, grateful to my friend for be
ing so understanding.
“Sav,” he said, suddenly the smile from his face fading a little. “Joe also told me that… Seth, he quit his job at the bar…”
He stared at me for a moment, like he didn’t know what to say next.
“What is it?” I asked, a feeling of dread settled in my stomach.
“Joe said that Seth was leaving Pullman,” Andy continued, his words piercing through my heart like a knife. “Apparently, he got a job at some newspaper in Pomeroy, and he is leaving today.”
“I see,” I said with a smile, but my voice cracked, revealing my true emotions. The pain in my chest almost consumed me and my heart broke into pieces. He was leaving. It really was all over now.
“Sav,” Andy said as he reached out for my hand. “Why don’t you go talk to him?”
“There’s nothing to say,” I replied, using every ounce of strength I had in me not to fall apart. “It’s over, Andy. Time to move on.”
I blew out a deep breath as I pushed up from the bed. I knew if I just sat there, then I wouldn’t be able to hold my emotions in check, and right now, falling apart was not an option.
“I think I will go for a walk,” I said, forcing a smile on my face, trying to hide just how heartbroken I was feeling. “I think some fresh air will do me some good.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Andy asked, as he too stood up from the bed.
“I’ll be okay by myself,” I replied swallowing hard, almost choking on the lump of grief, swelling in my throat.
I didn’t wait for him to reply, instead, I just grabbed my jacket on the end of my bed and headed for the door.
Once I was out of the house, I just walked. I didn’t have anywhere in particular in mind that I wanted to go, I just let my feet carry me. Still, thirty minutes later, I found myself standing outside Seth’s apartment building.
In my heart I knew coming here was probably the biggest mistake I’d ever made, but there I was, and now I was there, I couldn’t just walk away.
I slowly climbed the front steps and pulled open the front door to the building. Making my way up the stairs, I had no clue what I was even going to say to Seth, I just knew I couldn’t let him just leave without talking to him first.
I reached his apartment and stood for a moment, trying to calm my now racing heart. Finally, I softly knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
But no answer came.
I knocked again, just as the door across the hallway opened.
“Are you looking for the young man that moved in there a couple of weeks ago?” A middle-aged woman asked.
“Yeah,” I said, turning towards her, giving her a smile. “Do you know where he is?”
“He’s gone, Sweetie!” She replied, giving me a sad smile, almost like she knew what that reply meant to me. “He packed his things into his car early this morning. An older lady and a young girl came by and helped him. Then he left. It’s a shame, because he seemed like a nice man. Better than what lived there before him.”
“I see,” I said, feeling like every ounce of fight I had left inside me, was suddenly gone. Still, I forced a smile on my face. “Thank you.”
Without waiting for a response, I hurried back down the stairs and out onto the street. I walked as fast as I could along the street, my eyes fixed on the sidewalk as I made my way back to Andy’s house.
As I walked, my breathing was laboured, as tears burned my eyes, but still I refused to cry. Crying was not going to bring him back, or change how I was feeling inside, so I refused to give in to the tears.
By the time I had reached Andy’s place, I had made up my mind that I was going home that evening. At least there, I would have the time and space to figure out what my next move would be.
That was a week ago.
Now, as I stood there in the middle of my apartment, I knew I’d made the right decision to move on too. A fresh start was exactly what I needed. A place where there was no memories of Callie or Jared, but more importantly, no memories of Seth.
“I wish you would just take a little more time to think about this,” Andy said as he gave me a pleading look.
“I don’t need more time, Andy,” I replied, giving him a smile. “I’m okay with my decision. But I promise, I will keep in touch.”
“Is there nothing I can say to get you to change your mind?” He asked me, but the look on his face said he already knew my mind was already made up.
“No,” I replied, giving him a smile. “But I know I am going to be okay.”
“Okay,” he sighed as he walked towards the door. “I promised Gillian I wouldn’t be too long. She wants to have a bath, but she needs me to help her in and out.”
“Okay,” I replied, giving him a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for checking in on me.”
“You’re not heading off for another couple of days, right?” He asked as he opened the door.
“I will be leaving the day after tomorrow,” I assured him. “I’ll stop by before I go, I promise.”
“Okay,” he said, giving me one more smile before he headed out the door.
I stood there for a few moments after he left, the determined, happy demeanour I had moments before completely gone. The truth was, I didn’t really want to leave. I had come to think of Pullman as my home. I love my apartment, and my job at the school was something I loved, I was so looking forward to starting back there the following week.
But staying there was just too hard. Pullman was such a small place in some ways. I knew I would be bumping into Callie and Jared, and the baby once she’d had it. Just like I knew I would bump into Sylvie and Jolie too.
But for me the hardest part was, everything just reminded me of Seth. I would always be looking out for him, hoping to bump into him, but I knew that would never happen. He was gone, so the right thing was for me to leave too.
I closed my eyes and blew out a long breath. It would have been so easy right at that moment to allow myself to fall apart; to allow the tears I longed to cry to finally fall, but I refused to give in to them.
I picked up a box, deciding to do a little more packing, when there was a soft tap on the door.
I smiled, wondering what Andy could have forgotten.
“You would forget your head…” I began to say as I opened the door but stopped mid-sentence when I saw Jared standing there. “Jared!”
“Hey, Sav,” Jared said, giving me a sad smile.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, stunned that he would have the nerve to actually come to my door.
“I came to see if you were okay,” he replied, and I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “Mom and Jolie have been trying to call you for days. They came by a few times last week, but they said you weren’t here. Everyone is worried about you.”
“Well, as you can see,” I said as I reached for the door to close it. “I’m just fine, so you can tell Jolie and your mom that I’m okay. I will call by tomorrow to see them.”
He stared at me for a moment, then he looked past me, and spotted the boxes in my hallway.
“You’re leaving too!” He exclaimed. “Why?”
“No, offence, Jared,” I said, giving him an impatient sigh. “I really don’t think what I do is anything to do with you anymore.”
I went to close the door, but Jared put his hand up and stopped me.
“I know you hate me right now,” he said, giving me a pleading look. “And I know you have every right to. But you have people here who love you. Why are you pushing everyone away? Why are you so determined to live your life alone?”
“Well, look what happened the last time I trusted anyone,” I replied, as finally the tears I refused to give into, burned my eyes.
“I know I hurt you, but you need to stop punishing yourself,” he said, taking a step closer to me. “Seth loves you. I know that he does because he risked everything to be with you, but you’re just going to let him go?”
“But he left,” I whispered as tears trickled down my
face. “He didn’t even say goodbye.”
“That’s because he is an idiot,” Jared said, giving me a sad smile. “He thought he was doing the right thing, but he was wrong, and you leaving is the wrong thing too.”
“I can’t stay, Jared,” I said, looking up into his eyes, the anger I felt a moment before was replaced with sheer and utter sadness. “It’s just too hard.”
“If you really want to leave,” Jared sighed, smiling at me once more. “Then there is nothing I can say to make you change your mind. But if there is even a tiny part of you that still loves Seth, then you need to think about what you’re giving up. Savannah, you’ve been running away all your life. Maybe it’s time to stop.”
Jared smiled as he leaned down and kissed me softly on the cheek.
“Take care of yourself, Sav,” he whispered before he turned and headed back down the hallway.
Stepping back into my apartment, I closed the door. I paused for a moment before I went to find my purse where I had left my phone, powered off since last week.
Walking to the sofa, I sat down and switched on the phone. Instantly it began to ping with endless notifications of missed calls, text messages, and voice mails.
I took a deep breath and typed in the code to my voicemails.
Pressing play, I brought the phone to my ear, and instantly Seth’s voice came through the speaker.
“Hey, Savannah. It’s me…”
Chapter 25
Seth
I pulled the car to a stop outside Sylvie’s house, and turned off the engine. I knew the moment I told Jolie about our dad, she was going to have so many questions, and she would want to meet him. I just needed to be sure it was the right thing for her.
It was four days since I turned up at his home, and everything just seemed to happen so fast after that.
That night, after I had managed to compose myself enough to have a conversation with him, I finally got to ask him all the questions I had in my head since I was a little boy. Some questions were hard for him to take, and some answers were just as hard for me to hear.
The One Page 25