How to Be Better at Almost Everything

by Pat Flynn

  As mentioned earlier, I started working out because I hated the way I looked and I hated that everybody was better than me at everything I wanted to be better than them at. I hated being picked on, pushed around, and picked last for pretty much everything. I didn’t feel fondly about any of these things at the time, but I remember them fondly now. They led me into that chrysanthemum, remember? They changed me from a fat and disheveled teenage derelict with a fairly significant dandruff problem to somebody with something to show for myself—in this case, a yellow belt.

  As I started to lose weight, I started to gain confidence. What happens when you gain confidence? Your discipline improves. When you gain confidence, you gain discipline—a different discipline, a discipline that comes from being excited about what you can do, not what you’re trying to run away from. The whole thing eventually flips over on itself, like a pancake. And now one side is beautifully firm and brown because you’ve been cooking it. It’s no longer clumpy and amorphous.

  All of us must start with a belief that we can, in fact, do something about ourselves and that it’s never too late to start. No matter how ragged you feel, no matter how run-down, you’re never past the point of rescue, unless you’re, say, ninety-three, maybe?—then we might want to consider other options. But so long as you’re not ninety-three—and maybe even if you’re ninety-two—it’s never too late to turn the operation around and become the person you’ve wanted to be.

  I’ll give you an example. I have a much older friend who was really overweight his entire life—more than fifty years. And in just these last two years he’s lost one hundred pounds and his attitude and outlook and everything is just so cool to see. He has confidence now. He’s out doing things. He’s pursuing goals, learning skills, starting a health business, even. And when I asked why he was able to succeed this time, after starting and stopping so many times before, he said it was because he finally gave himself permission to succeed. He said every time he tried to lose weight before, he always doubted that he could do it. He never really believed. Now, I didn’t get a chance to conduct a full and proper psychoanalysis on him, but if I had to guess, I’d think it was that he finally realized he was worth investing in. He also had something of a religious experience. So that helped. Give yourself permission to believe. It should also be mentioned, of course, that he trained with me. I do seem to have a knack for getting people to lose weight; I’m like the fat-person whisperer. (I can say that because I used to be more than just hefty myself, but don’t you say that. It might come off a little insensitive.)

  Finally, how do you get started? The question answers itself. Get started.

  And get started on something that interests you, because discipline isn’t a skill you develop in isolation. It’s a skill you develop through integration, through the practice of something specific, like karate. You don’t sit down and “do” discipline, because what would that look like? It would look like you were just sitting there, and unless that sitting involves meditating, you’re not actually practicing discipline. You’d have to be doing something to be practicing discipline, right? So you sit down and write or strum the guitar or get up and exercise, and that is practicing discipline. The secret is to start with whatever rouses the emotions, whatever infuses you with passion.

  There are other things we can do as well, like, for example, following an exercise program. Here’s an idea: make the first act you do every day an act of discipline. This can be a workout or a meditation or a cold shower. In fact, I think it should be a workout and a meditation. Because why not both? So let’s put that into the schedule. Let’s say that at the start of the day we do a little exercise and then spend a little time focused on our breathing. We’ll start with the sweaty stuff and then become super silent. It won’t take long. Say, a ten- to fifteen-minute workout, followed by a ten- to fifteen-minute meditation. We’re talking thirty minutes max.

  I remember when I used to spend the night at my grandparents’ house, I’d come downstairs in the morning to find my grandfather working out. He did a simple routine, but he did it every morning with no exceptions or complaints. He’d start with some push-ups and then he’d use hand weights and finish on the ground and stretch like a frog. It wasn’t the most laborious workout I’ve ever seen, but then again it didn’t have to be. He was very active otherwise, so this was just the start of his day, a way to get himself going.

  Small acts of discipline undertaken every day do magical and fantastic things to our unconscious mind. Having the discipline to do the work kick-starts the creative process. A writer friend of mine said good ideas are rewarded to those with a disciplined mind; it’s not something you just happen into. He said if you want to invoke the muse, you have to show that you are worthy of handling what she gives you, and the only way to do that is to show up every day and to be on time. He said it’s like waiting outside a Zen monastery. You’re going to be tested. And likely you’ll think you’ll never get in. But eventually, if you keep showing up, those doors will open, even if only to slide you a piece of bread. The good ideas will come. I promise—at least, he promises.

  This means that you need to get better at showing up for whatever you want to get better at. That’s discipline, and we practice it by starting something and finishing what we start. Because next to starting, finishing is the hardest thing, maybe even harder than starting itself. The only thing that isn’t hard to finish is sex. So in one sense I’m just super at finishing, but in another I’m still working on it like anybody. Because you get started and you get so far along and then you quit, because—well, you know—life is hard. That’s why we need discipline. It’s about the only thing that can get us through.

  Exercise can help. We can torture ourselves physically to acquire grit—that always works. Certainly it does in the military. We can do exercises that are just plain excruciating and see if we can go ten seconds longer (or ten pounds heavier) than we think, every time, or every other time, or what have you. Front squats, hollow holds, pretty much any of these will do the trick. Whatever hurts. Whatever you hate doing, go with that.

  As we move into the other sections—that is, the other metaskills—you will find particular ways of practicing discipline. Note that your initial discipline must come by pursuing what’s important. All the other metaskills can follow. And they will follow as you become interested in them—you should become interested in them because they’re fun skills to have and, like, super useful.

  Here is one quick and very important part of developing discipline: track and monitor everything. Write down what you eat, what workouts you’re doing, all your income and expenses. If you’re playing guitar, record your practice sessions; if you’re practicing a martial art, then get yourself on videotape. What gets measured gets managed, as they say. And you know what? “They” are right. Tracking builds not only awareness but accountability. It also illuminates progress. It gives you something to celebrate.

  So one last word about discipline before we move on. Let’s talk about moderation—you know, that whole idea of just dipping your toe in, starting slow, and so on. Well, I’ve got to go ahead and say I think the concept is mostly, if not entirely, worthless. The disciplined person is one of extremes, often even a person obsessed. When it’s time to go, we go all the way: Short-Term Specialization, remember. Now, none of that means we’ve gotta be perfect or can never enjoy a little something sweet after we’ve eaten our protein and vegetables. It just means that when we commit, we don’t commit 70 percent. We commit 100 percent, even if we can only give 70 percent sometimes. It’s the intention that counts. This is different from the Rule of 80 Percent we learned earlier, just to clarify.

  This is why, when I’m talking fitness or business and people ask how long it will take to reach their goal, I give them an estimate of about double the time I honestly expect. This is sort of my assessment device. Because if you care about something—if you’ve found that boiling-hot cauldron of passion—then spending double the amount of time
on developing that something should be no big deal, right?

  If you ask me how long it will take to become happy and successful and totally fulfilled, and I reply, “Until you’re ninety-three,” would you still be interested? Would you still engage in everything we’re about to do?

  The good news? I’m convinced anybody can achieve freedom and happiness—that anybody can become a successful generalist and a sufficiently disciplined person—with about an hour or two of practice a day. My only request is that you should be willing to give eight. (I’ve provided some brief guidelines for developing each skill discussed in this chapter, to give you a kick start.)

  * * *

  DAILY DISCIPLINE CHECKLIST

  * * *

  Establish a regular bedtime. Get at least seven to eight hours of sleep. (Preferably, wake up before 5 AM and go to bed before 10 PM.)

  Exercise at least thirty minutes a day.

  Meditate/pray at least ten minutes a day.

  Eat protein at every meal.

  Take a cold shower or a shower with a cold finish (i.e., use cold water for the last two minutes).

  Walk ten thousand steps a day.

  Each day, do without something you “need” (hint: phone, TV, etc.).

  Make your bed.

  Do the most difficult/important thing of the day first.

  Keep a gratitude journal.

  Recommended Additional Reading

  Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual (Jocko Willink).

  * * *

  FOCUS

  If there’s anything I’ve noticed about life, it’s that most of us probably think too much and that most of the thinking we do isn’t superabundantly helpful. In fact, it would seem that most of our thoughts are jealous, clingy, eerily narcissistic, or otherwise focused on things that aren’t that important, like what we would say if we ever got the chance to meet Richard Nixon, whether we missed the boat on getting orthodontia, or whatever.

  Thinking is a skill—and one we’ll soon get into—but not thinking is also a skill, and that’s called “focus.” Others might refer to this as meditation, but meditation is more of a technique used to develop the skill.

  Focus can be used to make ourselves smart and to stop from going insane. It’s a powerful skill and one that is left curiously undeveloped in most people. With focus, we can concentrate on what matters and not give into our concupiscible appetites as much. We can say no to sin. Father Arul would be proud. (Father Arul is a priest friend of mind. Short guy, mostly bald, Indian. Maybe you know him?) Because with focus we can sit our butts in the seat and not get up for anything. Focus is the skill that lets us do the work once we’ve got the discipline to show.

  Here’s the biggest differences between winners and losers in life: The winners know how to keep their butts situated when it’s time to write or get their butts in the gym when it’s time to train. The losers procrastinate. They get distracted. They stop before the job is done. And that’s it. Now, part of that is discipline; the other part is focus.

  Because, here’s the thing (and I don’t know how else to put this): there are enemies out there trying to do everything they can to stop us from succeeding, demonic forces (I’m convinced) that delight in our undoing and that we absolutely must battle against if we want to survive. Sound serious? Well, it’s true. Author Steven Pressfield calls this universal negative force “resistance.” And maybe I’m a bit old-school, but I just think of this bastard as the Devil. Now, we can see that most public school systems have gotten away from offering instruction on demonology, and personally I find that just a little irresponsible. Because I very much believe the Devil is out there, buzzing around with his big, leathery wings, or, occasionally, walking on his buttocks like Red Guy from I Am Weasel, doing everything he can to either scam, torment, or destroy us. And he’ll use whatever he can to do it, too, though mostly he’ll work through secondary means, using such sly instruments as complacency, self-doubt, and, as we know, the DMV. These are just a few among his beloved pets. Also, the dishwasher repair guy. But the most amazing trick the Devil has ever pulled is getting us to believe that he doesn’t exist. That one, you can bring to the bank.

  I really think so much of success is engaging in some level of spiritual warfare. Butt Mind—the universe—Hades—resistance—Satan—whatever this ongoing, negative opposition is and however you want to envision it—is a real thing and is constantly attempting to thwart our efforts to make something of ourselves. It throws every distraction and assignment on our plate at once. It’s the reason there’s never a good time to start a diet plan, write a book, or pick up a musical instrument, and it’s the reason there never will be.

  Our job is to do whatever we can to piss the Devil off and let him know that we’re simply not going to stand for this abuse. That no matter the amount of smelly garbage he tries to pile in front of us, we’re going to remain focused. We’re going to stay on the job, and we’re going to finish what we start.

  It’s not only the goings-on of life that get us distracted. It’s our thinking, as well. Most of us have next to no control over the thoughts that flit through our head. We’re possessed by them. Probably we feel we could benefit from an exorcism, at times. And perhaps some of us could (a little exorcism now and then never hurt), but the good news is that most of us just need to learn to focus through the techniques of meditation and/or prayer.

  Because it usually goes something like this: You decide you want to do something—let’s take writing for example. Say you’re excited—really excited—because you just read a book that motivated your socks off and now you’re going to practice the skill and you’re going to write a novel. You know, I just think that’s swell. You haul your bony, little butt up to the attic, sit down, and turn on your computer. You open a Word document, crack your knuckles, and realize you forgot your cup of coffee. Darn. So you schlep downstairs into the kitchen and brew something nice for yourself, not once noticing how the Devil has already scored a point against you. Now you’re back in the attic, ready to write. And then, a social media notification. Oh joy, somebody commented on the thread you started in the dog lovers group your sister added you to—how nice. So you take a peek to see what they said, imagining it to be pleasant and interesting, and not intending to start a conversation because you’ve got work to do. You click on the person’s profile only to discover that their entire timeline is just one, long, quivering, insane rant against everything you stand for politically and religiously, and, well, that just about does it. You blast them with everything you’ve got, barraging them from completely out of left field, and then slam your computer shut. All right, now that that’s done, time for business. There’s only one problem: you can’t get that reptilian idiot out of your head. The excitement you had, the jollity over the project, has all turned to rage, and you can’t stop thinking about all the things you wish you had said to that person and their dumb little dog: you could have, for example, illuminated them with the minorly helpful fact that the only reason they exist is to serve as one hilarious and pathetic example of what not to look like, and so it’s no wonder they own a corgi. You’re just so enraged; this isn’t how your morning was supposed to go; this isn’t how you wanted to write. And then, the doorbell. Well, look who decided to show—if it isn’t our old friend, the dishwasher repair guy. And on and on it goes, your day bombarded and beleaguered by all these distractions and disappointments and doubt. Oh, you think this is coincidence, do you? OK. Sure.

  That’s where focus comes in. It’s pretty much the only weapon we have. To be able to stay on target. To sit and stay seated or run and keep running. And this, believe me, is a skill. It’s not something any of us have. It’s something we develop. Here’s how.

  First, we sit. Cross-legged, tall kneeling, on a rocking chair—look, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t lie in savasana like at the end of some heathenish yoga ritual. Father Arul would be very upset. Plus, why run the risk of becoming possessed by a throng of demons? It’s no
t like we don’t already have enough to worry about. Second, we do something to center ourselves. Here we could focus on breathing or reciting a mantra or prayer. For people who are particularly prone to overthinking (yes, hello), I recommend speaking aloud. It gives you something a little more solid to hold on to. The whole mindful breathing thing is a bit much starting out. It’s too easy to get distracted. But if it works for you, great. Or you could start with some sort of guided meditation—that can be helpful.

  * * *

  FOCUS AND MEDITATION

  * * *

  Upon Waking

  Engage in ten minutes of mindfulness mediation and/or prayer.

  During the Day

  Do “trigger” meditations:

  •Doorway mantras/prayers: Every time you walk through a doorway, recite a mantra or say a prayer, returning to the present moment.

  •Two-minute car meditation: Every time you’re about to leave the car (or at least twice per day), take two minutes to practice mindfulness meditation.