Which probably explained how I was able to keep going after Ben died. Keeping busy was the only way I knew how to deal with the pain. The university suggested I take a semester off, but I dug my heels in and ended up with the top grades in the whole department. I’d kept on doing everything I had been doing before, while my mum faded back into the same private world.
Seeing her sprawled out on the sofa made my body burn with rage. I was the one who’d lost my partner this time, and yet, I wasn’t able to lie around and weep and mourn him. I had to hold myself in check to deal with her. And what did her pain achieve? What were her tears in aid of? Dad and Ben had been robbed of their lives, and Mum was wasting hers away. I didn’t want to do that.
After changing into some clean clothes, I made Mum some tea, did a load of my filthy, muddy laundry, and sent off the images to the university. I tried to ring Derek to ask him about werewolf myths, but he wasn’t picking up his phone. Lately, Derek had been weirdly obsessed with writing out his family history. He’d been working on the project since second year, and he had collected all kinds of titbits about his ancestors all the way back to the 1700s. Apparently, someone in his family was quite a famous witch hunter. As a mythology student, that was the kind of thing Derek loved. When he went away on his research trips he got so engrossed he was unreachable. I hoped he’d come up for air and return my message soon.
“I’m leaving now,” I told my mother, as I picked up my clothes from the dryer.
“OK.” She didn’t look up from the sofa.
“Please eat your pasty.”
“I will.” She made no move to grab the paper bag.
“I’ll probably be back again in a few days.” I lingered in the doorway, wanting to say so much more, but not sure where to start.
“Yes,” she said. “Can you pick up some takeaways for dinner?”
I sighed. “I won’t be home for dinner.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Oh.”
I hung on the door, letting the frigid wind blow inside, hoping she’d say something else. Goodbye, daughter. Enjoy the dig. I hope you have a great time. Did you discover anything wonderful? Did you meet any sexy werewolves? But she didn’t.
I pulled the door shut behind me, locking her inside. I debated calling Cynthia and telling her to come and sit with Mum, but thought better of it. Mum probably wouldn’t even answer the door.
Behind the wheel of the Mini, my mind whirred through everything I’d found out from Clara. This other wolf, he had to be there because of the caves. Were things going to get dangerous? As I neared the forest, my stomach flipped with nerves. I wasn’t sure what I would find when I got back, and I worried about Luke out there alone, not aware that there were other wolves in the territory.
When I finally reached the site and pulled up beside Frances’s battered jeep, I noticed two unfamiliar vans – white paint, with the BBC logo emblazoned on the side. Frances’s media campaign was already well underway. I dumped my bag in my tent. On my bed was a small square of paper. I unfolded it, and read a message scrawled across it in black ink.
Anna
I have to see you again. Meet me at the old oak at midnight. I promise you won’t be hurt.
Luke
My hand trembled as I stuffed the note into my pocket. Would I go? I didn’t have a choice. I needed to tell Luke what I’d seen. Even if he was in his wolf form, I hoped he’d be able to understand my words and be on his guard.
My chest tightened. If something happened to him…I didn’t want to think about it.
I can’t lose another person I love. I just can’t—
Love? The word pulled me up short. Why had I thought that? I didn’t love Luke. I couldn’t. I’d known Luke for all of three days, and for a large portion of that time he’d been downright rotten to me. I had a more deep and meaningful relationship with the guy who delivers our pizza.
I liked Luke, sure. He was damn hot, and thinking about him made butterflies flutter in my stomach. But not love. It couldn’t be love.
Then why are you planning to meet him again at midnight, despite the danger?
“Shut up, brain,” I said aloud, as I folded my clean clothes into my bag. Great, now I was talking to myself. I was sleeping with a werewolf and talking to myself. At this rate I’d be locked in an asylum by the end of the week.
With a film crew on site, I had to look at least halfway decent, especially if I wanted to upstage Ruth. I was already wearing a clean jumper and jeans, so I quickly ran a brush through my hair and dabbed on a little makeup, squinting into my tiny compact mirror as I jabbed at my eyes with an eyebrow pencil. No wonder Frances had messed hers up so badly. If anyone ever invented a camping makeup kit, they’d make a fortune.
I stalked over to the caves, arriving just as the film crew started rolling. They had set up giant shade sails in order to keep the rain off the equipment and the cave entrance. Frances was standing behind the director. She waved at me to be quiet. I slowed my walk, moving carefully so as not to stand on too many twigs or dead leaves, and came to stand alongside her.
Ruth stood in front of the cave, smiling her infuriatingly chipper smile as she described the rock formations and the geology of the area. She’d probably spent the entire morning fixing her hair and makeup: her short blonde bob was impeccably set, not a single hair out of place. Her eyes were done with a little wing, and a hint of pink highlighted her lips. She looked as though she belonged on a toothpaste commercial, instead of in the middle of an English forest in the driving rain.
Halfway through her spiel, the director called cut in order to reposition the cameras. Ruth checked her face in a compact mirror. My stomach seethed with jealousy. It should have been me out there, talking about the site.
“Why is Ruth in front of the camera?” I hissed to Frances.
“I thought she might like a chance to be involved.” she replied. “Ruth is so excited about this discovery. Cave paintings are her specialty, you know. Her master's dissertation was on the Lascaux caves.”
Cave paintings are her specialty, and yet she hasn’t figured out that those are less than a hundred years old, I thought but didn’t say.
The camera started rolling again. I watched Ruth gesturing to the rocks as she explained how the caves had formed from water running through the mountain ranges. Water ran down over the edge of the sail and dribbled down the back of my sweater, cold water sliding over my skin.
I’ve had it. I said to myself, as a large drip landed in the centre of my head. I’ve had it with being taken advantage of, with missing out on opportunities because I’m too nice to speak up. I’m sick of being so busy surviving the various tragedies of my life and looking after everyone else. It’s time I looked after me.
Somehow or other, without hurting Luke or endangering his claim on his rightful territory, I was going to expose the paintings as a sham. If I couldn’t get credit for discovering the greatest archaeological find in England’s history, then I damn well was going to get the credit for exposing it as a fraud.
10
Luke
I sped deep into the forest for as long as I dared, heading through an area that wasn’t frequented by hikers. My paws shook violently as I gripped the wheel. I cursed myself for going back and leaving that note for Anna. No one had seen me, but it had cost me precious time. I gritted my teeth as my wolf form pushed against my skin, begging to be fully unleashed. Grey hair bristled all over my body, and I’d had to kick my boots off as my feet melded into paws. It took all my concentration to keep the truck on the road. Sweat poured down my face, and my whole body raged with an itch that would only subside once I gave in fully to my wolven side.
Up ahead, the road ended in a small gravel clearing. A sign pointed out the local flora and fauna, and arrows showed the direction of the next hut. There were no paths here – hikers had to use a compass and map to find their way. The only people who came out here were conservation groups studying birds or squirrels or tree lizards, and this
was the wrong time of year for any of that.
I kicked the door open. It took me three tries to get my shaking paws to cooperate in unhooking my safety belt. I rolled out of the car, my skin crawling with agony.
You’re such an idiot.
I half-ran, half-hobbled into the trees, my chest heaving. I wanted to get as much distance between myself and the truck before the change. Once I’d transformed near a rest-stop in the Black Forest and shredded the tires on some poor German family’s Volkswagen. I needed the truck in one piece so I could get back to the site.
You should never have left Anna that note.
I didn’t have time for any more thought. The wolf won over. I crashed through the trees, my paws sliding across the icy earth. My shirt tore as my spine bent double. The itch consumed me. My blood boiled in my veins. I dropped to my knees, my fingers digging into the dirt as the change took hold of me.
I cried out as my skin tore away, my bones rearranging themselves, slipping from their disks and snapping in the opposite directions. More fur burst through my skin, like a thousand tiny needles piercing my flesh. My vision darkened, colours fading into dulled hues as objects in my periphery suddenly coming into sharp focus. I threw back my head, and howled.
I was wolf once more.
When one first changes into one’s wolf form, the first order of the day is always breakfast.
I caught the scent of a rabbit that had crossed in front of me, and followed it for a mile until I managed to track down the creature itself. One swift bite to the jugular, and I had satisfied the growling hunger in my stomach.
My thoughts muddied as instinct thrummed through my body. But unlike my previous shifts, if I focused on Anna, I found myself able to retain my independent, human thought. So I found myself a sheltered spot in the hollow of a rotting tree trunk, and thought of her.
Last night…it meant so much more to me than just sex. My body burned for her, the image of her face blazing across my vision. I could barely concentrate on the task I’d given myself. I’d barely given the film crew a cursory sniff before heading off into the forest.
Now that I was in my wolf form, I knew that I wouldn’t attack her. The idea of it turned my stomach. But still, asking her to meet me was a risk. She could be followed, and we could both be found out. But I needed Anna to see me for what I truly was, to understand that the wolf was part of me, in the same way whatever was bothering her this morning was part of her. If I scared her off, that was probably a good thing. If I didn’t, well, we’d deal with that together.
I ached for her. Anna was everything to me now, and I couldn’t bear even a single day without seeing her, even if it had to be as a wolf.
Anna was my mate, and nothing or no one was going to separate us.
11
Anna
I have to see you again. Meet me at the old oak at midnight. I promise you won’t be hurt.
Once again, I stood beside the rotting carcass of the fallen oak, freezing my extremities off, waiting for a wolf who was late. Once again, Ben swirled through my thoughts, his voice whistling through the trees and caressing my skin with frigid, dead fingers. Once again, I wondered if I should have myself committed, because I was clearly going nuts.
A twig snapped. I whirled around, scanning the treeline. My breath caught in my throat.
I shouldn’t be here. This is crazy.
I should be here. I told myself, annoyed that I was still looking back to the past. Ben was dead. He wasn’t coming back. Why shouldn’t I be falling for a werewolf?
“Luke?” I called out, rubbing my mittened hands together in a vain attempt to keep them from falling off. “Luke, is that you?”
Another twig broke. I focused on a knot of trees at the top of the ridge, around thirty metres from where I stood. A wolf stepped out from behind one of the trees, its grey coat shining in the moonlight, a line of reddish fur down its spine I didn’t remember from last time Luke changed. He was beautiful.
The wolf crouched in the dead leaves, paws facing me, mouth hanging open and pink tongue panting against its chin. It had its eyes almost closed, just two slits eyeing me up in an almost sinister way.
Even though I knew it was Luke, seeing a wolf so close still gave me an uneasy feeling. “Hey,” I gave a little wave, not really certain what I should do. Should I get closer? Did he even understand my words?
The wolf sat up, its back straight and front paws pressed together. It nodded its head slightly, acknowledging my presence.
“Um…so I’m really cold, and I’m not exactly sure why you asked me to come out here. I hope you’re keeping well.”
The wolf nodded its head.
“And you’ve been keeping out of trouble.”
Another nod.
“But you ate something small and furry, didn’t you?”
A sheepish nod this time. I wished he’d open his eyes.
I shifted weight to my other foot. This was weird. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. “So, um…I went to town today. Frances made me email off some photographs for the press release. While I was there, I went to this occult store on the high street, and the woman there…she makes pills for lycanthropes…that’s you, a lycanthrope. I learned that today. And yeah…she said another wolf is in the area. I actually walked past him – he’s got reddish hair, a bit like that colour along the spine of your pelt, actually…do you call it a pelt?”
Luke tilted his head to one side.
“So…I don’t think it’s a coincidence. He could be here because of the caves. You have to be careful—”
The wolf snapped its head up, baring its teeth. Its eyes bore into mine, the deep brown irises of a killer locking focus on its prey.
That’s not Luke.
My stomach plummeted to my knees. Shit.
The wolf pounced, galloping towards me on strong paws. Time seemed to slow. Its shoulder muscles rippled as it narrowed the space between us. My throat closed. Its jaws pulled back, revealing those rows of sharp teeth.
Run.
I willed my legs to move. I turned and raced back towards the camp. I seemed to move in slow motion, my legs dragging through the air as though I were trying to run through syrup. I thrust my hands out in front of me, plunging through the trees without a clue where I was heading. The torchlight swung wildly around me, lighting the forest like a fire. The wolf pounded behind me, panting as it closed in on me. In the distance, someone was screaming. It took me a few moments to realise that someone was me.
The wolf’s feet pounded against the dirt. Leaves crunched. It panted with anticipation. I could practically feel the heat of its breath against my cheek. Any moment now—
Something crashed through the undergrowth beside me. I screamed, and ducked left, grabbing a tree trunk to prevent myself from keeling over. Behind me, I heard a thump, and the wolf’s snarls turned into a whimper.
I dared a look over my shoulder. My attacker was on locked in a vicious battle against another wolf, this one with a grey pelt and glowing green eyes. The two rolled across the ground, jaws snapping and claws slicing.
Luke!
The second wolf – Luke – overpowered the first, pinning its shoulders to the ground, jaws snapping in its face. I choked back a scream, expecting him to tear the first wolf’s face off. Luke bent down, and took a bite out of the wolf’s shoulder. Blood gushed from the wound, and the wolf howled with pain and rage. Luke stepped back, growling, his teeth bared and tail twitching. The other wolf rolled to its feet, and raced off into the trees, disappearing into the night.
Luke stalked around me, growling into the forest, sniffing frantically over the ground. After doing three circuits around me, he sat down and looked up, his eyes wide as they met mine. He panted in a friendly way, his tongue hanging out over his teeth.
“Luke.” I sank to my knees, struggling to catch my breath. I held my hand to my chest, trying to calm my thundering heart.
He trotted towards me, head down, back stooped in an unthrea
tening way. I couldn’t believe I had mixed him up with the other wolf. Luke’s coat was pure grey, darker across his back, fading to an almost snowy while under his belly. He was smaller than the other wolf, but leaner, his sleek wolven body loping towards me with an even gait.
My heart pounded as he walked right up to me. His snout nuzzled my hand. My breath caught in my throat as I ran my mitten through his fur, sinking deep into the soft, silky strands. Luke licked my cheek, and I giggled.
“Thank you for saving me.” I wrapped my arms around his thick, muscled neck and buried my face in his fur. Luke placed a paw on my shoulder, and whimpered.
“I don’t know how much you can understand me.”
Luke inclined his head again.
“So you do understand? Nod for yes, shake for no.”
Luke nodded once.
“OK. That’s good.” I breathed deep. The wolf even smelled like Luke – that deep, primal scent that drove me over the edge. At the moment, it was the most beautiful smell in the world.
“Luke,” I whispered into his fur. “It’s been such an intense day for me. Listen, I’m so sorry for the way I reacted this morning. I know you know my dad died. He was killed in a factory accident. But what you don’t know is that five months ago my boyfriend was killed here in the forest. He’d gone hiking with a mate and they’d decided to do some bouldering across one of the rocky ravines further downstream. Ben slipped and fell into a crevice. His broke several bones and cracked his head. The friend couldn’t get him out and by the time he got back with help, Ben was dead.”
Digging the Wolf: a paranormal romance (Werewolves of Crookshollow Book 1) Page 10