Tears sprung in my eyes. Luke licked them away, his rough tongue like sandpaper against my skin.
“Last night…it was the first time since Ben. And it was amazing. I really like you, Luke, but it’s hard for me being here, in the forest, without him. My mother has retreated back into herself, the way she did after Dad died. I’m having to hold everything together for her and I’m struggling. When you were talking about wilderness survival, it just got a little too much for me. I felt guilty, and I took that out on you. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.”
Luke nuzzled into my neck, his smell calming me. I squeezed him tighter, his powerful body reassuring me, easing away my pain.
“Wow,” I laughed, as tears rolled over my cheeks. “I never thought I’d say this, but it’s so much easier talking to a wolf than another human. It’s nice for once to know someone was listening to me.”
Luke’s long tongue slobbered across my whole face, leaving a trail of sticky saliva across my cheek and neck. I laughed and pushed his snout away.
“Luke…I…I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.” The memory of that wolf’s cruel eyes tugged at me. I rested my chin against his shoulder, reassured by the muscles rippling beneath his fur. There was no way anyone could hurt me with Luke by my side.
Luke stood up again, breaking our embrace. He disappeared into the trees, his grey pelt gleaming under the pale moon. “Where are you going?” I called after him, not wanting to lose him. Luke turned back to me and barked once, as if to say, “What are you waiting for?” then kept trotting on into the darkness.
What was I waiting for? I glanced up into the trees, where the bare branches swayed in the wind. An owl hooted. Ben’s voice faded into the cold of the night.
I got to my feet and followed Luke. He circled around the outside of the camp, and a few minutes later, we came to a stop in the trees beside my tent. I scanned the rest of the camp, but couldn’t see any lights on or torches flickering in tents.
“I think we’re safe,” I said, holding open my tent flap. Luke darted inside and I zipped the tent up tight.
Last night we had folded our naked bodies together in Luke’s bed, limbs entwined and the scent of sex hanging thick in the air. Tonight, there would be none of that.
The trees rustled over my head, stray branches brushing against the canvas. Luke’s chest rose and fell. He was taking such a huge risk being here, not just that he might be discovered, but that he might frighten me away. In fact, the opposite was true. I was in awe of this tremendous gift he’d given me, the trust he’d placed in me by coming to me in his wolf form. Being so close to him like this, I felt so safe. I wanted to give him a gift in return.
“I want so badly to escape Loamshire,” I said, the words falling from my mouth before I even realised it. “I am the anywhere-but-here girl. I’ve had this intense loathing for the place ever since I was a teen. I got good marks and wore glasses and liked science fiction and anime and gaming, and the other kids…they were mean. I didn’t have many friends.
“The one thing that got me through high school and my dad’s death was knowing that by the time I got my A-levels, this town would be eating my dust. I applied for university as soon as the enrolment opened up. I had my scholarship essays all written. All my life I’ve wanted to explore ancient ruins and have adventures and finally it was going to happen.
“My mother has been in bad shape ever since Dad’s death. She was getting better, but when I got my acceptance to Cambridge, she got worse again. She didn’t leave her bed for days.” Tears stung the corners of my eyes. “I gave up my spot to stay here and look after her. I put all my dreams on hold and went to Loamshire University and tried to make the best of it. And then I met Ben, and he loved to have adventures, and he made friends easily, and he was just so in tune with the world. Being with him…I felt as though I were getting to live a bit of my own dream, you know?” I shook my head. “You probably don’t know. I’m sorry.
“Now, I’m finishing up my degree, but with Ben gone Mum is getting bad again. She can barely feed herself, and I don’t want to think what would happen if I left her in charge of paying the bills. She needs me so badly, and the worst thing is, I resent her. I hate myself for it, because she’s my mother, but I don’t understand why she can’t just get off the sofa and move on with her life. I did it. I’m still doing it. And it’s hard, but at least it’s not a cop-out. Just because Dad and Ben were robbed of their lives, does that mean I should be robbed of mine, as well?”
Luke tilted his head to the side, and he placed his heavy paw on top of my hand. I smiled, despite the tears.
“Time is ticking for me to accept postgraduate spots. I’ve been accepted to Yale, Auckland, and Cambridge. All of them are in exciting, far-off places that aren’t here, but when I think about telling my mum I’m leaving…I just can’t see it.” I sighed. “I’m going to be in Crookshollow forever, trapped here by the ghosts of the dead.”
Luke pressed his nose against my hand and whimpered. That was exactly how I felt when I thought about the stack of acceptance letters burning through my desk at home. His weight pressed against me, warm and reassuring, and my anxiety about the future faded. Calm washed over me. It would work itself out.
I had Luke now. With his strong body and sharp mind on my side, I knew that somehow or other, I would figure things out.
“Goodnight, Luke.” I kissed the soft fur on top his head. He butted my chin with his wet nose, then curled up beside me, a reassuring weight against my side. He rested his chin on his paws, his eyes wide open, training on the tent flap.
I settled back into the pillows, weariness overcoming me. It had been a long, weird day, and had ended with me running for my life. But with Luke here with me, I couldn’t even muster up an ounce of fear.
I was safe.
Luke stayed beside me the entire night, his body heat keeping me warmer than any thermal sleeping bag. At some point I woke up and rolled over, coming up against a warm wall of soft fur. I lay awake, watching his chest rise and fall as he breathed, in awe of the beautiful creature that trusted me so completely.
He’d said he was dangerous in his wolf form, but he was as gentle as a kitten. A giant kitten with razor sharp fangs and claws. I stroked him, my hand sinking into his soft fur. The bite mark he’d left on my neck burned with heat. I couldn’t wait until he returned to his human form so we could have another night together.
“Hey Luke,” I murmured into his fur. He nuzzled my hand as I reached for my phone to check the time. “It’s just on 6am. You should probably get out of here, or one of the others might see you leaving.”
He shook his head furiously, and planted a firm paw on my stomach.
I laughed. “I’d like you to stay, too. You have no idea how much. But if Frances sees me bunking off my archaeological duties to hang out with a wolf, we’re going to have even more problems on our hands.”
Luke shook his head again.
“I’ll be fine.” I promised, pushing his paw off and pulling off the shirt I slept in. I put my arms through my bra and did that up, then pulled my pink thermals over top. “This other wolf is hardly going to attack the site in broad daylight, especially now that he knows you’re nearby. And I promise I won’t go anywhere else without you. I know you won’t be far from me if I need you.”
Luke stared at me for several moments, then slowly nodded his head.
“Atta boy,” I rubbed behind his ears. Luke got to his feet and shook his body down. I admired the toned muscles of his legs, the beautiful shape of his jaw, the powerful slope of his back. Even in wolf form, he was a stunning creature.
I opened the flap, and a gust of cold air blasted my face. Luke stepped outside, his beautiful tail swooshing behind him. I watched as he darted off towards the bushes.
“Luke?” I shoved my head out into the frigid air. He turned his head, those wide green eyes swimming in my vision.
“Be careful.”
Luke nodded, and trot
ted away, his tail disappearing into the dark trees.
It was strange, but even though we hadn’t spoken a word to each other, and even though he was a wolf and so we couldn’t have sex again, last night had felt even more intimate than the previous one. I felt as though I were seeing a side of Luke he didn’t show many people. And I had been able to tell him things I couldn’t tell anyone else, things that had been stirring in my mind for a while now, about Mum and postgraduate study and my future. When I slept, I hadn’t dreamed of Ben, or Dad. When Luke was with me, I had peace.
I just wished he could stay here on site with me, in person. For all the bravado I’d put on for him, I was afraid of this new wolf and what he might do. I didn’t want to run into any more surprises. But I suspected we hadn’t seen the last of the new wolf.
12
Luke
Shit.
As I darted around the edge of the camp, behind the caravan where Frances was burning a pan of bacon, the new wolf’s scent trail crossed mine. It was fresh. He’d been here recently.
My mouth still tasted metallic, from the other wolf’s blood. I hadn’t been able to clean away the taste of it. My eyelids drooped as I sniffed out the edges of the trail. I hadn’t slept last night, too concerned with guarding Anna from intruders. He had been hiding upwind, where the rain and wind would have carried away his smell.
I wanted to stick to Anna like a bee to a fucking gorgeous flower, but she was right – she’d be relatively safe with all the other people on site. The BBC crew had stayed overnight, and he’d hardly attack with them around. Besides, by sticking around I was running the risk of attacking someone, or being seen. On the other hand, the wolf couldn’t have gone that far. I might never have the chance at such a fresh trail again. With one last, lingering look towards Anna’s tent, I bounded off into the trees.
I followed the wolf’s trail deep into the forest, but lost it about eight kilometres along the ridge. Not because the trail ran cold, but because the track was muddied by another scent trail…a distinctly wolfish trail. There was a third wolf in the area.
I should have gone outside and dealt to the first wolf last night, I cursed myself. Now I had two shifters to deal with, and from the way these trails met up, it looked as though they could be working together. The wolf who’d attacked me had come to this spot, and then followed along the new wolf’s trail, which was hours old.
Another wolf.
This thing was getting really dangerous. My father had told me there were other packs who wanted the caves and paintings to remain hidden. The alpha of the Bleddyn pack had wanted to marry my grandmother, but she’d chosen grandfather instead. If they knew the caves had been discovered and my grandmother’s paintings brought to light, they might come here to claim the territory they thought to be rightfully theirs.
And then there would be the wolves who wanted to act on behalf of shifters everywhere, in order to keep the true origin of the paintings a secret. It wouldn’t take much digging for an archaeologist or a reporter to uncover the local legends about the caves, and then werewolf stories would appear in every tabloid paper across the country. There were packs who would kill everyone involved to keep that from happening.
Dad, I wish you were here. I slumped down under a tree, feeling defeated. I licked my coat, grooming away some of the mud that had dried there. I don’t know what to do about all this. It’s too late now to destroy the paintings. How am I going to hold on to our ancestral home?
And there was another problem nagging at me. Anna. She lit my body and mind on fire in a way I hadn’t dared to hope for. After Dad died, I never dreamed I’d feel happiness again, but when I was with Anna, I felt stronger, more powerful, more in control. The grief didn’t sting my veins with quite the same intensity. And she understood. She’d been through it all before, twice. She knew better than anyone the pain of losing someone close to you, of how you saw them in everything and heard them in your sleep. Of how you walked through every encounter like a zombie, your mind far away in the world of the dead. Of how you got excited to see them or call them, only to be hit again with the force of the memory.
Anna told me last night about how badly she wanted to leave Crookshollow, to study and work in another country and have the life she’d wanted for so long. More than anything, I wanted her to have that life, because she deserved it. And even if she didn’t realise it, I could see the weight of her mother’s pain weighing her down, burning out her flame until there was nothing left.
She had to leave, and I had to be the one to convince her to leave. She was too kind to leave her mother on her own accord. But I couldn’t leave with her. Not with my family’s past on display for the world to see, and certainly not with other wolves sniffing around. This was my family legacy, my heritage. To me, being in this forest was like coming home. But to Anna, it was a prison. How could I be with her when we both wanted different things?
Grief gripped me. I would’ve talked to my father about Anna. He would have loved her. They could have stayed up for hours talking about books and archaeology together. He would’ve locked his own bright green eyes on mine, and when I’d finished laying out the issue, he’d give me a practical, no-bullshit plan for what I had to do.
But he wasn’t here. And without his plan, I was lost.
You have to make your own plan. I told myself.
Sighing, I got to my feet, and stepped onto the trail, following the path of my two wolven visitors deeper into the woods.
13
Anna
Frances had all but abandoned our neolithic cave floor. I was almost relieved. The thought of going back to tagging fox bones and stone adzes after everything that had happened filled me with dread. Instead, she and Ruth spent most of the day down in the caves, delicate brushes in their hands, clearing away dirt and dust on the paintings ready for the professional photographer from the university, who would be arriving tomorrow. The cave was narrow and wouldn’t accommodate more than two people at once, or at least that was how Ruth had gleefully explained it when she ordered me to remain behind in the camp.
Fine by me. Rainclouds rolled over the forest, sending down enough water to restart a biblical flood. Instead of sloshing around in the cold caves, I sat in the caravan, wrapped up in woollen jersey, scarf and gloves, reading Heinlein while sipping my third hot tea of the day.
It was my job to speak to the reporters from the Daily Post, who would be arriving sometime that morning. In the meantime, I was enjoying one of the rare periods of downtime on site.
At least, I was trying to enjoy it. I scanned the page before realising not only did I have no idea what I’d just read, but I’d actually been holding the book upside down. Luke’s face hovered in my vision. I glanced out the window to the forest. Was he out there somewhere? Was he all right? Had he met that other wolf, and worse yet, what would become of him when he did?
What was it like to date a guy who turned into a wolf and fled into the forest every single month? Was this my destiny, to lie awake at night and wonder if Luke was safe, had he been set upon by another pack, or shot by a hunter, or got his leg caught in a trap? Luke was so beautiful, it was easy to forget he was a wolf, one of the most feared creatures known to humankind.
Is that the life I wanted for myself – to be constantly fearing for Luke’s safety, to not know where he was at all times? I’d only just started to claw my way back to the world from the clutches of grief. If I lost Luke…that would undo me.
This is ridiculous. I tossed the book down on the table. You’re acting as though Luke is yours. He’s not. You’ve had one night together, and it was amazing. But now he’s running around as a wolf and you haven’t even discussed if you’re exclusive. For all you know he could be shagging his way through the forest right now...
Then why do I feel as though we were somehow bound together, that nothing that had happened was any kind of accident? I touched the spot on my neck where he’d bitten me. Clara’s words echoed in my mind. Were Luke an
d I fated to be together? The thought both terrified and excited me.
A sound outside the window startled me out of my thoughts. An enormous SUV skidded along the dirt track into the camp, mud splattering up the doors, smearing across the pristine paint job that had clearly never seen a dirt track in its life. A woman wearing a skin-tight pencil skirt and stiletto heels climbed down from the cab. She frowned as her heel sank into the muddy earth. I leaned out the caravan door and tossed her a pair of spare boots.
She shoved them on her stockinged feet and clomped angrily up the caravan steps, her coat over her face to ward off the driving rain.
“This suit is silk,” she snapped as she slumped down at the counter, scowling at me as though I controlled the downpour. Her voice buzzed in my head. It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. A sheepish looking man in a flannel shirt followed after her, carrying a large camera. The Daily Post. I should have guessed.
I made them both coffee while the woman – who introduced herself as Misty Sharpe – wrung water out of her skirt onto the caravan floor, set up her dictaphone, and bitched about the remoteness of our site. I learned she normally covered arts and lifestyle news, attending gallery openings and catwalk shows and theatre previews. Her life sounded glamorous and exciting.
Misty had been up in Crookshollow reviewing a Ryan Raynard art exhibition when she’d got the call to cover our story as soon as possible, before one of her competitors got the scoop. While I talked her through the discovery and some basic facts about cave paintings, her photographer snapped away in the background. I don’t know what interest he had in the card table covered with site notes or the pyramid of empty coffee cans on the filthy kitchen bench, but maybe he was going for some kind of artistic still-life thing.
Digging the Wolf: a paranormal romance (Werewolves of Crookshollow Book 1) Page 11