Please Do Not Feed the Weirdo

by R. L. Stine

  “I want to apologize,” he said.

  “Apologize?” I asked.

  He nodded. The wind tossed his hair around. “I’m Manny Ferber. I own this carnival. We had a problem with the tunnel, and I know you were kind of trapped in there.”

  “Kind of,” I repeated. I still felt shaky and strange.

  “I hope you weren’t frightened,” Ferber said.

  “No way,” I said. “It was fun.”

  Karla squinted at me. She mouthed the word liar.

  Ferber brushed his hair back again. “Well, this isn’t my night. The generator broke on the inflatable bouncing castle. The thing collapsed on a bunch of kids.” He shook his head. “They weren’t hurt. But I don’t like for kids to be frightened at my carnival.”

  “Well, we’re okay,” Karla said. She was looking over Ferber’s shoulder, searching for Mom and Dad, I guess.

  “Here. Take these,” Ferber said. He pushed a couple of long candy bars into our hands. “A little gift to make up for the trouble in the tunnel. Enjoy, okay?”

  “Wow. Thanks,” I said. I gazed at the candy, a giant-sized Choco-Caramel Nutty NutNut bar, one of my favorites.

  Ferber gave us a salute, then turned and trotted away.

  Karla raised her candy bar. “It’s huge. This will last a week.”

  “Not with me,” I said.

  We started to head back to the path that led to the front of the tunnel. “Mom and Dad must be worried,” I said. “They know we would never spend this much time in the Tunnel of Fear.”

  “We can explain,” Karla said. She said something else, but I didn’t hear her.

  I was staring at a large wire cage off to the side. It was tall and wide, like a zoo cage. The shadow of the building fell over it, but I could see something was inside the cage.

  “Why is that cage way back here where no one can see it?” I asked.

  Karla was a few steps behind me. She hurried to catch up. “Strange,” she murmured.

  We strode closer. It was definitely an animal cage, with thick metal bars on all sides. Karla and I stopped in front of a large white sign hung on the front of the cage. Heavy black letters spelled out the words:

  PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE WEIRDO

  I stared at the sign for a moment. Then I gazed between the bars, and I saw a boy in the cage, a boy about our age. He was sitting in the middle of the cage floor, hunched on a wooden crate.

  He had light brown hair and brown eyes. I couldn’t see the rest of his face because he had his head propped up between his hands, his face half-buried. He leaned forward on the crate, not moving a muscle.

  “Is he alive?” I whispered.

  Karla squinted through the bars. “Another mannequin, I think.”

  No. He moved.

  Karla and I stepped closer to the bars.

  The boy lowered his hands to his sides and climbed off the crate. He walked over to us and raised his large, sad brown eyes.

  “Please …” he said in a tiny voice. “Can you help me?”

  “Wh-what’s wrong?” I stammered. “Why are you in there?”

  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It’s kind of a long story,” he said. He had dozens of freckles on his cheeks. A burst of wind ruffled his light brown hair.

  “Are you locked in?” Karla asked.

  The boy nodded. “Yeah. Locked in. It’s ridiculous.”

  I glimpsed the sign again. PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE WEIRDO. What did it mean?

  “I’m Robby Ferber,” he said. “My dad owns this carnival.”

  “We just met him,” Karla said. “See, we were stuck in the Tunnel of Fear and—”

  “My dad locked me in here,” Robby interrupted. “He thinks it’s funny to put me in this cage with that sign.” He sighed. “Big joke, huh?”

  “A totally mean joke,” I muttered.

  Robby nodded. “Yeah. Well, he has a twisted sense of humor. He’s totally unfair. He doesn’t even pay me.”

  “Pay you?” I said.

  “No. He’s so cheap. He doesn’t like to pay for his carnival attractions.” Robby wrapped his hands around the cage bars in front of him. “I have to sit here all day like a monkey. And people walk by and stare at me.”

  He brushed back his hair. “I’m so bored. And mainly, I’m starving.”

  I suddenly realized he was staring at the big chocolate bar in my hand. I’d been so interested in his story, I forgot I was holding it.

  “My dad … he doesn’t let me eat anything until after the carnival closes,” Robby said. “He’s so strict. I … I just sit here bored out of my mind and people laugh at me because of the dumb sign.”

  He lowered his eyes. I thought he might start to cry.

  “Do you want my candy bar?” Karla asked, raising the Nutty NutNut bar toward the cage.

  I grabbed her arm. “Karla, wait.” I pulled her back. I had a frightening thought. “Maybe we should listen to the sign. What if it’s a real warning?” I said in a loud whisper.

  “It’s not a real warning,” Robby said, shaking his head. “Trust me. It’s my dad’s stupid joke.” He reached a hand through the bars. “Please … You don’t have to give me your whole candy bar. Just a few bites.”

  Karla and I hesitated. We stood with the big candy bars gripped in our hands.

  “Please …” Robby repeated to Karla. “It will really help get me through the next few hours until my dad lets me out.” He rubbed his belly. “Did you hear that? It’s growling like crazy.”

  Karla leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “What do you think? Should I give it to him?”

  I nodded. I glanced back at Robby. He seemed so sad and lonely. “Sure. Why not?”

  Karla tore the top of the wrapper off. Then she broke off a piece of the candy and handed it to Robby through the bars.

  He held it between his fingers. “Thank you,” he said. “You’re very generous.”

  “By the way,” Karla said. “I’m Karla, and he’s Jordan.”

  Robby nodded. Then he slid the chunk of candy into his mouth and began to chew it slowly. As he chewed, a smile spread over his face, the first smile we had seen from him.

  He chewed a long time, then swallowed it, still smiling. “That was great,” he said. “Thank you again. I told you that sign is just a joke.” He licked his lips. “Do you think I could have just one more piece?”

  “No problem,” Karla said. She broke off another chunk and handed it to him.

  He slid the candy into his mouth and began to chew.

  “Hey!” I heard a voice shout behind us. “Hey, you kids!”

  I turned and saw Robby’s father, Mr. Ferber, running toward us. His long hair flew behind him, and he was wildly waving one hand in front of him. “You kids—did you feed him something?”

  “Whoa!” Karla cried out as Robby grabbed the candy bar from her hand. He shoved the whole thing in his mouth, wrapper and all. He uttered a loud gulp as he swallowed it.

  “Stop! Oh no! Oh NO!” Ferber shouted.

  Robby’s dark eyes bulged. He grabbed the cage bars with both hands. And then he opened his mouth wide, and a deafening noise rumbled from deep in his belly.

  “URRRRRRRRRRRRP!”

  The burp was so violent and disgusting, I staggered back, pulling Karla with me.

  And we both watched in shock as Robby began to vomit. An ocean wave of bright orange vomit that shot up like a fountain. The vomit splashed loudly on the pavement in front of us and puddled around our shoes.

  “No … Oh nooo …” I moaned. I dropped my candy bar as Robby began to transform. I grabbed on to Karla and we both backed up to the wall of the tunnel building.

  Holding on to each other, we watched Robby change. Watched bright green fur sprout on his face and grow long … longer. The green fur quickly covered him as he grew … rising straight up … until he was at least eight feet tall.

  His fur-covered paws slammed against the cage bars. He spotted my candy bar on the ground. Wit
h a deep growl, he bent and reached his green, furry arm through the bars.

  He snatched the candy bar and jammed it into his mouth. I saw two rows of jagged yellow teeth as he chewed it noisily. The candy bar slid down his throat. He leaned forward and snapped his pointed teeth angrily at Karla and me. Snapped his teeth as if preparing to attack.

  Then the creature tossed back his head and let out another stomach-churning “URRRRRRRRP” from deep inside him.

  He leaped up and, climbing the bars to the top, punched a hole in the cage roof with his huge fist. In seconds, he had hoisted himself out of the cage.

  “No—please!” I cried.

  He stared down at us from the top of the cage, growling, snarling at us in a rage. Then he spun around, jumped off the cage, landed hard on all fours—and raced away, growling, roaring at the top of his lungs.

  “Stop him! Stop him!” Ferber chased after the creature, shaking his fists in the air. Suddenly, he turned back and narrowed his eyes at Karla and me. “What have you done?” he cried. “What have you done? Now we are DOOMED.”

  I heard screams throughout the park. The hard thuds of people running. A loud crash followed by more shrill screams.

  I turned to Karla. “We have to find Mom and Dad. Make sure they’re okay.”

  We took off, heading toward the screams. I saw people in a total panic, running in all directions. Another crash rang out. More screams.

  We were nearly to the front of the Tunnel of Fear when Ferber came racing back to us. Beads of sweat glistened on his broad forehead. His eyes were wild.

  “He got away! What am I going to do? What am I going to do?” he screamed, throwing his hands in the air.

  We wanted to find Mom and Dad, but he blocked our path. “Couldn’t you read the sign?” he demanded. “He’s a dangerous monster. We were waiting for the government agents to pick him up.”

  “S-sorry,” I stammered. “We didn’t know—”

  “He totally fooled us,” Karla said.

  Ferber swept his long hair out of his eyes. “Yes, he’s good at that. Now he’ll be impossible to catch.”

  “Why won’t the police be able to track him down?” Karla asked.

  “Because he’s like a chameleon,” Ferber said. “He can change. He can make himself look like anyone.”

  The screams had died down. An eerie silence fell over the park. Robby had escaped, and it was all our fault.

  I heard sirens in the distance. Someone must have called the police. Too late.

  All our fault. All our fault.

  “If he was so dangerous, why did you keep him in that cage?” Karla demanded.

  Ferber shook his head. “I—I had him locked up inside. But he escaped this morning. I finally chased him into this cage. I thought I could leave him there until the federal agents came.”

  He sighed. “It … was a big mistake.”

  The police sirens grew louder. I could see red and blue flashing lights from the front of the park.

  Ferber tossed up his hands again in a helpless gesture. Then, without another word, he ran to meet the police.

  I turned and saw Mom and Dad hurrying toward us. “Are you okay?” they both shouted at once.

  They wrapped us in hugs. “We were so worried,” Mom said, her voice trembling. “We didn’t know where you were.”

  “People were yelling and screaming and running for their lives,” Dad said. “We didn’t know why. We were in a total panic.”

  I didn’t want to upset them. I didn’t want to tell them that Karla and I were the ones who let a terrifying creature loose.

  “We came out the back of the tunnel, and we couldn’t find you,” I said. “Can we go?” I asked.

  Mom and Dad didn’t argue about it. “The park is almost empty,” Mom said. “Everyone was desperate to get away.”

  Dad shook his head. “I’ve never seen so many crying kids. They were all just terrified.”

  “What could have happened to scare everyone?” Mom asked.

  Karla and I didn’t answer.

  “I guess we’ll hear about it on the news,” Dad said.

  The four of us started to walk toward the exit. I saw four or five black-and-white police cars parked right on the carnival grounds. Dark-uniformed officers had spread out and were moving in twos through the booths and rides.

  They were searching slowly and carefully. But I didn’t think they’d find Robby. He was probably miles away already.

  Karla moved close and whispered in my ear. “Don’t you want to tell Mom and Dad what really happened?”

  I shook my head. “Not now. I don’t want to think about it. Let’s just get away from here.”

  “How was the Tunnel of Fear?” Dad asked as we pushed through the turnstiles at the exit. “Jordan, were you brave in there?”

  “It totally sucked,” I said. “It all broke down, and we were stuck in the dark. And no one came to help us.”

  “That’s why we were gone for so long,” Karla said.

  Mom tsk-tsked. “Talk about a bad day. This was crazy! A total horror show.”

  You don’t know the half of it, I thought.

  I pictured Robby roaring through the woods. Ripping trees out of the ground. Grabbing birds and squirrels and shoving them into his mouth.

  I climbed into the backseat of the car beside Karla. What was that sour smell? It took me a while to realize it was the stink of Robby’s vomit on my shoes. I slid the car window open and took deep breaths.

  “Jordan, are you okay?” Mom asked from the front seat. “You look very pale.”

  “I’m fine,” I lied. “Just a little carsick, I guess.”

  “Carsick?” Dad cried. “Jordan, we’re still in the parking lot!”

  Okay. Okay. That was lame. Best I could do at the moment.

  Dad backed the car out of the parking space. I saw a long line of cars heading to the exit. People were desperate to get away. Two kids were rubbing their eyes and crying in the backseat of the car ahead of us.

  The moon was shining behind the trees, and the sky had turned gray. We all got quiet. Dad turned on his favorite Motown music, and he and Mom sang along with it the rest of the way home.

  Was I happy to get home? Three guesses.

  Mom and Dad headed to the kitchen. “You kids didn’t eat much at the carnival,” Mom said. “Your father and I are going grocery shopping. Want to come?”

  “Not me,” I said quickly.

  “Okay, I’ll come,” Karla said. “If I can buy Double Stuf Oreos.” She has a thing about Double Stuf Oreos. I told her I read online that they don’t really have double the cream filling. But Karla doesn’t care.

  I started down the hall to my room.

  “Back in a flash,” Dad called. I heard the kitchen door slam behind them.

  My room is at the end of the hall, past a bathroom and Karla’s room. My door was closed. I didn’t remember closing it.

  I turned the knob, pushed the door open—and gasped. “What are you doing here?” I cried.

  Robby sat in my desk chair, the glow of my laptop screen on his face. His boy face. He stood up as I took a step into the room. “Hi,” he said. He had a strange, shy smile on his face. Like he was embarrassed.

  I stayed in the doorway. I didn’t want to get too close.

  “How … How did you get here?” I stammered.

  He shrugged. “I followed you home.” The shy smile remained on his face. “I like your room, Jordan.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I was terrified, yes. But I was also curious.

  I mean, there he was, a human-looking, brown-haired boy with freckles on his cheeks. He wore the same flannel shirt and straight-legged jeans as when he was in the cage.

  Outside my bedroom window, a cloud drifted across the moon. The window was open, and a chilly breeze blew into the room. I shivered. And crossed my arms in front of me.

  “You have to go,” I said. “You can’t stay here. You’re a monster.”

  “No, I’m
not,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not a monster. I’m just a kid with a small problem.”

  Was that a joke?

  I had a sudden urge to call out to Mom and Dad for help. But then I remembered they had gone grocery shopping. I was alone. Alone in the house with a monster.

  He climbed off my desk chair and took a few steps toward me.

  A warning chill shot down my back. My muscles stiffened. I prepared to run.

  “Don’t look so frightened,” he said softly. “I won’t hurt you.”

  “No. I—” I didn’t know what to say. I just kept thinking, How can I get rid of him?

  “I came to apologize,” he said. “For tricking you and your sister.”

  I swallowed. “Apologize?”

  He nodded. “I’m really sorry for vomiting all over you. And for scaring you. That was terrible.”

  I nodded. “It was kind of surprising.”

  He shuffled his feet. His head was lowered. “I don’t know what came over me, Jordan. I really don’t. That’s why I came to apologize.”

  “Okay,” I said. He was acting so normal, shy and quiet. He really seemed sincere. “Do you … uh … plan to go back to the carnival?”

  He squinted hard at me. “Go back? I don’t think so.”

  “Well …” I hesitated. I didn’t want to get him angry. “What do you plan to do?”

  He shrugged. “Hard to say. I’ve got to think about it. You know. Make a plan.”

  He took another step toward me. I backed into the doorway, ready to run down the hall.

  “Ferber isn’t really your father, is he?” I said.

  He didn’t answer. Just kept squinting at me. A wave of brown hair fell over his face, but he made no attempt to push it back.

  The silence in the air suddenly felt heavy. Menacing.

  Finally, he spoke. “I’m really hungry,” he said. He rubbed the front of his flannel shirt. “My stomach feels … empty. You know that feeling?”

  “Sure,” I said. “But I can’t—”

  “You know that feeling when you’re so hungry, your stomach actually hurts?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Maybe you could bring me some food, Jordan.” His eyes became big and pleading. He rubbed his stomach again.