The Euclidian: Alien Hitman

by Jay Cannon

  “Get down,” came shouts from the crowd, but the two refused to move. Slugs from the gun shots merely fell at Malcolm and Lauren’s feet. As the car continued down the street an invisible force smashed the back window of the car window and the attackers could be heard screaming loudly as the car slowed and rolled to a stop against the curb several meters from the teens.

  “Oh, my God! There’s nothing in that car but a pile of bloody flesh,” screamed a woman, who looked in the car window as she scampered by.

  ***

  Shortly after the shooting ended, the Chicago Police arrived to investigate.

  “Captain, you are not going to believe what I’m looking at here,” said a patrol officer, speaking into his radio mouthpiece. “It looks like a giant blender went off in the car. There’s blood and body parts all over the place. I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat for a week. The witnesses I’ve been able to interview are telling the most fantastical stories. I don’t know if we will ever know what really transpired here.”

  Lauren and Malcolm walked toward home, after giving a statement to the police. They left out the part about putting people to sleep.

  “Lauren, I’m not sure what happened here today. One thing’s for certain though, we won’t have trouble getting to school anymore,” said Malcolm, giving her a fist bump.

  “You are so right, Malcolm. Gimme five!” she exclaimed, high-fiving her friend before he pulled her close for a hug.

  ***

  Mike and the three Cheoili ambled around Millennium Park enjoying the various activities and trying the variety of food they ran across. The Cheoili did what they could to learn about life on Earth during their stroll, asking Mike many questions, while taking care not to reveal anything about their origins.

  “Mike, we didn’t bring a lot of cash with us, and we’re running low,” said Daloi. “Is there anywhere we could convert coins like this to dollars?”

  “What is this, gold?” Mike asked, flipping one over in his hand.

  “Yes,” said Daloi, wondering if telling him was a mistake.

  “It’s certainly a big one. This coin alone must be worth over $5,000.”

  “Is that a lot?” she asked, projecting wide-eyed innocence.

  “You obviously didn’t get off the farm much. You can’t buy a nice car with it, but it’s a lot to be carrying around on you. There are people who would kill you if they knew you had this coin,” Mike informed her.

  Good thing they don’t know we have lots of these coins. “So you think we can convert them to cash?” Daloi persisted.

  “Sure. There’s a place a few blocks from the condo I’m renting. It has some French name,” said Mike, scratching his head in an attempt to remember the name.

  “Let’s go by there on the way to your place. We could use some cash to buy some booze and food for this evening’s festivities,” Daloi suggested.

  “So should I be excited or afraid?” asked Mike, smiling broadly.

  “You should be afraid, very afraid.” Daloi grinned up at him, showing her teeth. “We are going to do things to you that will make you wish you had a bodyguard to get us off of you.”

  Mike clapped his hands together loudly as he laughed. “I cannot wait to see what you have planned.”

  ***

  After walking Lauren home, Malcolm ran to Adar’s place.

  “Adar, are you there?” he yelled, banging on his door. Adar opened the door, and Malcolm wrapped the little alien in a bear hug. “It was you, wasn’t it? You saved us.”

  “I killed some bad guys. That is all,” replied Adar, disinterestedly. “Now stop embracing me.”

  “Thanks for doing that,” Malcolm replied, hugging Adar again.

  “You don’t need to thank me. I did what I did because I don’t like cowards, especially when they are attacking someone I care about. It is like they are attacking me, and I won’t tolerate that. Why are there so many violent people walking around?” asked Adar, hoping to gain additional insight into Earth culture.

  “It’s not like this everywhere,” Malcolm started. “Areas where there are fewer jobs can make people feel desperate enough to commit crimes. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel was supposed to fix things when he took office, but crime in the city is just as bad as ever,” Malcolm said, thinking of friends from his neighborhood who had been shot recently.

  “On the Euclidian home planet, it is rare for anyone to ever get shot. When it does happen, it tends to be a visiting alien carrying illegal weapons that causes the shooting.” Adar made a face as if he remembered a personal incident.

  “When are you going to tell me how you are able to do what you did to those gangbangers?” Malcolm asked, sitting up in his seat eyeing the alien intently.

  “It would be safer for you not to know,” replied Adar, turning away from Malcolm and walking into the house.

  “I’ve never felt safer in all my life than since I met you. I’m usually afraid going to school, afraid going home, and afraid to go to sleep at night. Now I have real confidence. I won’t let those people bully me anymore.”

  “You should never be afraid. It is better to die than to live in fear. What is wrong with your eyes?” Adar asked, stopping to stare at Malcolm’s face.

  “It’s nothing. I’m crying, but it’s because I’m just so happy that I got to know you,” the teen replied.

  “That is sickening. I need you to give me more info on how to find people new to this planet. If a person just arrived in this city, how would that person survive?”

  “Well, the person could get a job, use public services, or become a criminal,” Malcolm theorized.

  “Getting a regular job is not practical for them. What is public services?”

  “There are places in the city where you can get free food and a place to stay, but you have to sleep with a bunch of smelly strangers.”

  “They wouldn’t do that. How does one become a criminal and survive here.”

  “You can steal things, sell drugs, become a prostitute, and if you are good enough you can have your own gang that does it for you. It’s like those people who harass us on the way to school and the guy that used to live here,” Malcolm said sadly.

  “I don’t see them being on the street, but they might finagle their way into a place like this.”

  “Tell me more about who you’re looking for and maybe I can help you find them.”

  Adar turned his head for a moment, as if lost in thought. “Okay, but I need you to keep this to yourself.”

  “I will,” said Malcolm, sitting on the edge of an ottoman and listening intently as Adar began his story.

  “I work in the security department on a spaceship that is many light years from here.”

  “Why do you look so normal? Except for your eyes of course.”

  “There are people on the ship that specialize in helping us to adapt to new environments. They modified my face pigment, they gave me nostril filters to wear, and they refashioned my pointed head to look like your fauxhawk hairstyle. They couldn’t do anything about my eyes though.”

  “How’d you learn English and how to get around?”

  “The same way you did, I studied. I’m just better at it,” Adar said proudly. “We are given logistics on every place to which we are being dispatched before we transport down. I read maps, understand commerce, and know how to operate all sorts of vehicles. Those things are similar on all planets.”

  “Will I ever get to go with you to see what life is like on other planets?” Malcolm asked, his eyes widening.

  “Probably not. While visiting other planets might sound thrilling, being alone in a sea of aliens can wear on you. Three aliens from the planet Alpha killed a lot of people and got away with a bunch of loot, including gold coins that look like this one. ” Adar showed a coin to Malcolm. “They escaped from our ship and came here.”

  “You said they look like humans, so how will you recognize them?”

  “By their smell or their blood, and I have sens
ors that can detect their DNA,” Adar said, pulling one from his coat pocket.

  “It would take forever to sniff and cut everyone in this town,” said Malcolm, shaking his head in disbelief.

  “I understand that. There are other things I can do. I’ll start off by investigating some gang leaders, which would be a way for them to get some money and find a place to stay. Maybe that will give me some clues. Where do gangs usually hang out?”

  “I would guess places where there’s crime. The south side has the most crime. I would suggest going over closer to State Street.”

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can find,” said Adar, walking out the door and leaving Malcolm alone in the house.

  Chapter 4

  The Cheoili Settle In

  Back at Mike’s rented condo, he and the three Cheoili were getting better acquainted. Mike lay on top of Daloi, Tatan lay on top of Mike, and Dholi stood at the foot of the bed and whipped Mike’s feet with a belt.

  “Oh my god, stop, I can’t take anymore,” gasped Mike, totally exhausted. “Where’s a bodyguard when I need one?” They all laughed, remembering Daloi’s earlier witticism.

  Dholi used some cucumber towelettes to cool Mike down and wipe the sweat and bodily fluids from his skin.

  “Does that feel better?” cooed Dholi.

  “You bet it does,” said Mike, basking in the extra attention. “Where did you learn to do that?”

  “We used to do a little rolling in the hay back on the farm in Iowa. Not much to do on the farm at night, especially in winter. Election season is always fun, though.”

  Dholi enjoyed spinning stories, one of her great talents. Not as extraordinary as her ability to seduce others, regardless of gender. Unlike their sister, Dholi and Tatan had a hard time learning the culture and language on Alpha. Finding a decent job had taken them even longer. They finally settled on being spa technicians. The enzymes secreted by their touch helped people relax, and their talents as masseurs kept them flush with clientele. Clients found their talents to be literally orgasmic, though the pay was still lousy.

  The three Cheoili played off of each other’s talents: Dholi, the amorous one; Daloi, the ambitious one; and Tatan, the cautious one. This worked to help keep them safe. After struggling through numerous low-paying jobs, Daloi decided that a life of crime provided the best means of making money and stuck with it.

  “You could be professional prostitutes with your talents,” squealed Mike.

  “What does that really mean?” asked Tatan. “I know what the words mean, but what do they really do and how do they make money at it? What does one even look like?”

  “If you want to see a few in person, there’s a little action at State and Illinois. You need to walk west on Madison Street, starting at Michigan Avenue, if you want to see where they mainly hang out. Why don’t we just go by there and have a look for ourselves?”

  The three nodded, and Mike headed into the bathroom to shower. The four of them left the condo a short time later and grabbed a cab to West Madison Street, where they planned to take a stroll in the evening air. Tatan stepped from the vehicle first, only to be greeted by a woman of the night.

  “Hey, sugar, looking for some company?” asked the woman, stepping out of the shadows and sliding her hand down Tatan’s arm.

  “I have company,” Tatan stammered, surprised by the scantily clad brunette who seemed to appear out of nowhere. Though he had participated in escapades with Daloi and Dholi, the Cheoili male was a bit shy on his own. He found humans mysterious and feared engaging one without his sisters at his side. What are their mannerisms? Do they bite? Do they exchange strange bodily fluids that might make me sick? Tatan, though eager to learn about this new species, preferred to move at his own pace.

  “I’ll bet your friends won’t do what I’m willing to do for you,” said the curvy female, rubbing Tatan’s chest and scratching at his nipple. “I’ll even let them watch.”

  “Tatan, I see you already found someone to keep you company,” said Mike, chuckling.

  “I’m happy to make it a party,” the lady said with a smile. “My friends would be delighted to join us and make it one big party if you like. What do you think?” she leaned forward and exposed her breasts under her loose-fitting top. Three other women in heavy makeup and tight, skimpy clothing approached and posed seductively around her.

  “We’re just out for a stroll,” said Mike. “Though I must admit, I find your offer quite titillating.”

  “Come on, Mike,” ordered Daloi, pulling him away. Dholi grabbed his other arm. “Why do you need them when you have us?”

  “How much do they charge for their company?” asked Dholi, fascinated by the exotic-looking women.

  “Depends on what you want them to do, how many are involved, and how long you want them to stay. It can cost a hundred dollars for a simple hand job or several thousand to have the four of them spend the night and do all sorts of strange things to you.”

  “If it’s so lucrative, why aren’t there lots of people out here doing it?” asked Dholi, looking around.

  “The biggest reason is because it’s illegal. Performing sex acts for strangers can be a brutal profession. You never know how a client is going to treat you. Plus, the pimp keeps most of the money. It’s not easy for the pimp either. He has to keep his women safe and happy, pay off law enforcement, and possibly split his profits with a mob boss, just to do business out here in public.”

  “Who does the mob boss report to?” Daloi asked, eager to learn the mechanics of crime on Earth.

  “Normally, no one. Major cities usually have a group of mob bosses that split the city up into territories. They typically cooperate with each other to avoid turf wars that might scare away clientele and draw the attention of the police.”

  “So we should become mob bosses,” said Daloi.

  “Easier said than done,” said Mike, wondering how serious Daloi might be.

  “Okay, but I find the idea interesting,” she persisted.

  “I’m going to head back, you three,” said Mike, angling his thumb in the direction of his condo.

  “Okay, you mind if we don’t join you? We want to stay out and play for a while,” said Daloi, her eyes full of mischief.

  “Sure, but you need to be careful. It can get dangerous out here,” Mike warned.

  “We can be pretty dangerous, ourselves.” Daloi grinned and cast a sly glance at her siblings.

  Mike ordered an Uber on his phone and headed home.

  “Why don’t we find a mob boss to hang out with until we learn the system, and then take over his territory?” suggested Daloi. “If we have to stay in this hell-hole of a planet, we might as well enjoy ourselves.”

  “Why don’t we just find a rich guy and live off of him?” countered Tatan.”

  “Because I like to run things,” Daloi snapped. “We’ll stay at Mike’s place for now, but let’s find out who the main mob boss is around here and get an introduction.”

  ***

  Adar took Malcolm’s advice and headed to Chicago’s south side, looking for evidence of the Cheoili.

  Here I am on the south side, but where’s the crime? Doesn’t look like a place the Cheoili would hang out. I hear they’re too prissy for this type of area. What’s that over there? Looks like a street fight. Maybe I can join in.

  Adar saw four men attacking a woman in a grassy area behind a high school. As he approached them, one of the attackers knocked the woman to the ground while the other three lunged at her.

  “Why would you take on four people you obviously can’t beat?” Adar asked the woman lying on the ground.

  “They attacked me, asshole,” the woman retorted.

  “You can have her when we’re done, buddy,” said one of the attackers. “She’s one of those cage fighters who thinks she’s too good for us.”

  “I am too good for you. You’re broke and illiterate, and you smell like an ashtray. Quick, give him a math problem and watch him stutter for five mi
nutes,” the woman declared.

  “See what I mean?” The talkative assailant grabbed the woman’s wrist and slapped her. “She doesn’t know when to shut the hell up.”

  “Do you want me to help you, lady?” asked Adar.

  “Yes, please give this guy a breath mint.”

  “Bitch, I’m going to knock you out and you’re going to wake up with my baby inside you,” the thug warned, his voice a throaty growl.

  “If I do, I’ll dig it out with a spoon.” The man pulled his arm back to punch the woman in the face, but Adar grabbed him before he could let fly and pulled him away.

  “What the hell’s your problem, buddy?!” the man asked angrily, sizing up Adar as being easy to crush.

  “How far do you think it is to that trash receptacle?” Adar asked the guy conversationally.

  “You mean the dumpster? Are you stupid?” he replied.

  “I told you math problems make his head hurt,” the woman interjected, laughing.

  Adar leaned forward, grabbed the man by his crotch and tossed him into the air. The assailant landed on the edge of the dumpster, loudly cracking his neck and falling to the ground.

  “Damn it, I missed,” cursed Adar. “I’ll try to do better with the three of you,” he added, turning to the other men.

  The three remaining attackers had been watching the action, dumbstruck.

  “The hell you will,” said one of them, before Adar grabbed him by the crotch and tossed him towards the dumpster.

  Adar made quick work of two attackers, planting them in the nearby dumpster like gangly shrubs, while the woman punched the remaining one into oblivion. Adar snatched him up and then flung him towards the dumpster, just missing getting both of his legs inside.

  “I need to practice that more. By the way, I did not need your help. I enjoy fighting,” Adar said, looking back at the woman as he walked away.

  “Phenomenal work,” gushed the woman, stopping Adar with a hand on his shoulder. “How are you able to throw a person that far?” she asked.