The Euclidian: Alien Hitman

by Jay Cannon

  “It is not practical for you to visit my ship. And you do not have to go light years away to be part of an adventure. You can have your own adventure right here, like taking me to the fights tomorrow.”

  “I’m sure that will be a great adventure for you.” Malcolm laughed. “But I want one of my own.”

  “Stick around me long enough, and you will have one,” said Adar, shoving playfully on Malcolm’s shoulder.

  “So how old are you and how long before you had your first space adventure?” Malcolm asked, all wide-eyed.

  “It’s hard to express my age in your terms. If 365 days is a year, then I’m about 59 years old. I was 51 when I left my planet in a spaceship and headed for Euclidia where I live now.”

  “Wow, you look great for 59. Why did you take so long to leave?” Malcolm asked, admiring Adar’s great shape.

  “I stay active, eat right, and Euclidia has amazing medical treatments,” Adar explained. “Before the Euclidian arrived, our planet didn’t have a means of space travel. I was around 49 when they first visited our planet. Why don’t we go for a walk, and you can tell me about your planet.” Adar rose from the couch.

  “Sure, let’s go,” Malcolm said, eager to continue hanging out with Adar. “You have to show me some more fight moves though.”

  “No problem. I’m sure we will find someone to practice on.” Adar punched his fists together.

  ***

  Daloi, Dholi, and Tatan walked into Seamus’ office carrying a duffle bag full of money. Daloi wrestled the big bag onto his desk.

  “Ronny told the truth about his gambling efforts in the Bahamas,” Daloi reported, taking a seat in front of Seamus’ desk. “He and Giorgio had amassed quite an operation with people, machines and a thriving numbers racket. The casino he is building is quite impressive as well. I felt you would be happier if we left everything intact, providing you with an additional revenue stream and an expanded empire.”

  “Daloi, I appreciate the way your crew took care of Ronny’s betrayal,” said Seamus. “Here is a token of my appreciation.”

  He handed her a large envelope full of hundred dollar bills.

  “Thanks, Seamus. We enjoyed taking care of that little issue for you. We’re just hoping we can do more for you,” said Daloi, handing the envelope off to Dholi and Tatan to look through.

  Seamus thought for a bit and then offered them a challenge. “There is some craziness happening over near the West Loop that you could look into. There’s rumors of some teenager at a school there who took over an area from one of my gangs, and got them talking some superstitious nonsense about how stepping into his territory causes them to pass out or be disintegrated into a cloud of ash. I want that unrest put to rest, so my profits from that area can start flowing again.”

  Daloi, Dholi, and Tatan looked at each other, collectively suspecting that the Euclidian might be responsible for the odd occurrences.

  But why would the Euclidian help these Earthlings and risk being detected? “Don’t worry, Seamus,” said Daloi, a look of unease crossing her face. “We’ll look into the issue first thing tomorrow and get the money flowing again.”

  “Speak to a guy named Philly. You can find him at the Checkers at 115th and Halstead. He should have a video of the kid and the school hours so you’ll know when to look for him. I don’t need you to interrogate the kid. Just kill him.”

  “No problem, Seamus. Let’s go, guys,” said Daloi, getting up to leave.

  “It sounds like someone could be helping that kid. Someone from the Euclidian ship,” whispered Dholi.

  “I know,” said Daloi. “We need to be careful and decisive. We don’t want to expose ourselves here. If things get out of hand, be prepared to ditch this place and find another city to hang out in.”

  “Aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves?” asked Tatan, who for once wasn’t worried about getting caught. “It could be something completely innocent. Either way, I’m not going to let it disrupt my plans to go to the MMA fights tonight,” he said, tugging on the lapels of his coat. “They probably aren’t as good as the ones on Beakar, but I hear they are entertaining.”

  “Fine. Just stay alert and try not to stand out.” Daloi was worried that Tatan would risk going out in public when a Euclidian might be walking around looking for them.

  “It would be great if you monitored me with the personal transporter in case something comes up. I don’t know why we didn’t get three of them,” Tatan mused.

  “Sneaking a transport device off of that closely guarded ship is hard to do. Goron said they monitor the inventory closely. At least we retrieved weapons before we left. Go enjoy yourself. We’ll be sure to monitor you with the personal transporter. Right now, let’s go find that Philly person.”

  ***

  Strolling into Checkers, the three Cheoili found all the TV screens fascinating. “It’s odd that these humans love their visual entertainment so much that they can’t eat without surrounding themselves with it,” observed Daloi.

  “I’d rather be the entertainment than watch it on some stupid screen,” said Dholi.

  “I know you would.” Tatan smiled at his sister and grabbed her arm.

  “Can I help you?” The restaurant’s hostess approached the trio.

  “Yes, we’re here to see Philly,” said Daloi.

  “Oh, certainly. He’s the gentleman in the white three-piece suit in the corner booth,” she said, pointing their way.

  “Thanks. He’s expecting us,” the alien replied.

  “Come on, I’ll walk you over. Would you like menus or a drink?”

  “No, we just came for a quick conversation, and then we’ll be on our way.” Daloi smiled at the friendly human.

  “Philly, I’m Daloi,” she said when they reached his booth. “This is Dholi and Tatan. Seamus said you had problems with some kid casting spells on your people.”

  “Hey, whassup Daloi? Yeah, there’s a kid at the school named Malcolm, who appears to be casting some sort of voodoo spell on anyone who gets near him. I’m not sure if it’s voodoo, magic or some high-tech gear he’s using, but something is affecting my people. Check this out,” he said, pulling up a video on his iPhone. “I didn’t catch the whole thing, but you can see the kid pointing at this one guy and he falls over. Later, these guys decide to shoot the kid and boom, they’re vaporized,” he said, mimicking an explosion with his hands.

  “That’s pretty scary,” said Tatan, making a gulping sound.

  “Calm down, Tatan,” said Daloi, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Philly, I think we have what we need. Tomorrow, when the school lets out, I need you to have some of your people attack the kids. No weapons, though. Just rough them up. We’ll be there to neutralize Malcolm and his so-called voodoo.”

  “The school’s closed on Sunday. I can have everything ready by 3:00 on Monday,” Philly proposed.

  “That works for me,” Daloi said, nodding her head before retracing her steps to leave with Tatan and Dholi.

  ***

  “Did you get a good look at that video?” Daloi asked her siblings when they reached the sidewalk outside Checkers. “Based on what we learned from the training program on the Andrea, they don’t have that type of technology on this planet. So that had to be caused by someone from the ship.”

  “So what do we do?” asked Tatan.

  “We’re going to set a trap for those fuckers and kill them if we can. Otherwise, we’ll have to find another city to call home.”

  ***

  Adar walked into the UIC Forum Saturday night, feeling the anticipation of a fan attending his first Super Bowl game. The large, covered arena had bright lights across its huge dome. A giant four-sided jumbotron hovered over the central space. Odors hit Adar’s nose that caught his interest.

  “What is that they’re eating?” he asked, pointing to a couple eating white morsels from a bucket.

  “That’s popcorn,” said Malcolm, surprised by the question. “You never heard of popcorn?”


  “I know what it is. Heated corn kernels. I just never saw or smelled it before.” Adar looked on with bewilderment. “It can’t be very filling. What is that thing that woman is eating?” Adar pointed to a woman shoving food in her mouth.

  “That’s a hot dog,” Malcolm said, chuckling. “It’s in a hot dog bun and looks like she has catsup and mustard on it.”

  “I know what those things are. A hot dog is also known as a wiener, made from pork or beef, but no dog. Catsup is made from tomatoes, no cat. And mustard is made from a mustard plant,” Adar said, with a note of sarcasm. “Odd terminology. A hot dog goes in a hot dog bun. But if you place a hamburger in it, one does not call it a hamburger bun, does one?” Adar asked, looking solemnly at Malcolm for an answer.

  “No, and I can’t explain why they name food the way they do. You learned about food without ever seeing it?” Malcolm asked, puzzled.

  “I learned vocabulary and pictures, which is not enough to understand the texture, smells and variations one might run into.”

  “Your English is so good. It’s odd you don’t know what anything is.” Malcolm gave Adar a questioning look, to which the alien responded by frowning.

  “Let’s just find our seats,” Adar suggested, moving toward the seating area. The two grabbed seats and watched the first match.

  “What did you think?” asked Malcolm, excited about seeing his first MMA match in person.

  “I found it interesting. I’ll be right back,” Adar said, standing and walking down the long set of stairs near where they were sitting.

  “Where did you go, Adar?” asked Malcolm when his new friend returned. The tattooed crazies around him made the teen nervous. He tried to be brave like Adar, but he wasn’t there yet.

  “I signed up for the open-fighting session, which happens at the end of the regular matches,” said Adar. “Watching these men fight makes me want to fight, too. You should spend more time learning to fight. It will help you be the hero you want to become one day.”

  “I’m not ready for that yet, but I will pay close attention to what you do in the ring. I’m worried about you going down there. Don’t you think it will be risky to get into the ring with other fighters? Someone might realize that you’re not from around here. Even if they let you fight with your glasses on, they won’t stay on long. And you can’t take your devices with you.”

  “Ugh! I will take that risk. I will need you to hold my UCD and electronic shield while I am in the ring. Monitor the UCD screen and let me know if you get a flashing message with a map pinpointing a location. It will be one of the escapees I am looking for,” Adar explained, handing over his devices.

  “You might want to take it easy on your opponent while you’re in the ring. They’re not used to people with your strength on our planet,” suggested Malcolm.

  “I’ll consider it, but I won’t promise you anything. I tend to get carried away when I’m fighting.”

  “Look on the jumbotron,” pointed Malcolm, bouncing in his seat. “It’s Jennifer Hudson and Common. They’re both famous singers from Chicago, but I’ve never seen them before in person.”

  “I don’t understand,” Adar said, confused by Malcolm’s statement. “Are you saying Jennifer Hudson has something in common with someone?”

  “No, she’s sitting next to Common. Maybe they’re dating,” Malcolm said, laughing at Adar’s inability to understand.

  “Common what? Common person, common singer? I don’t understand,” Adar said, shaking his head in frustration.

  “The man sitting next to Jennifer Hudson is named ‘Common’. Well, his nickname is Common. I don’t know his real name.” Malcolm tried hard to explain himself to Adar.

  “Why would someone want to be called ‘Common’? Why not ‘Special’ or ‘Unique’?”

  “Adar, I thought that was you,” said Yolanda, walking over to where Adar and Malcolm were sitting. “Is that your son? I can take him down to meet them if you like. I went to school with Jennifer.”

  “I know you! You’re Yolanda Yates, the fighter,” Malcolm yelled, jumping up from his seat. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew her?” Malcolm demanded, punching Adar’s arm. “Please, can I go meet Jennifer Hudson and Common?”

  “See, your son wants to go meet them,” Yolanda interjected, before Adar could respond. “Sorry about being a bit bitchy the other night. After being attacked by gangbangers, I wasn’t happy about being in bed with one.”

  “You slept with Yolanda Yates?” Malcolm shouted, eyeing Adar with awe and incredulity. The noise he made drew the attention of the spectators around him.

  “Sit and calm down, Malcolm. You too, Yolanda,” ordered Adar. “So saving you from three attackers doesn’t make me a hero, but sleeping with a famous fighter does? That is just dumb. Yolanda, this is not my son. He is a kid I found in an alley. Malcolm, I met Yolanda briefly the other night. I didn’t know she was a famous fighter, as if that matters.”

  “You found this kid in an alley and now you are hanging out with him. You are strange,” Yolanda said, raising her eyebrows at Adar.

  “It’s not like that,” said Malcolm. “He’s like my uncle. He’s teaching me to fight. Can I go meet them before the next fight starts?”

  “You two go. You are drawing too much attention to me,” Adar said, shooing them away.

  Malcolm and Yolanda hurried off in the direction of Jennifer’s and Common’s seats. A few minutes later, Malcolm returned, overjoyed with his experience. “Yolanda says she wants to see you again,” he reported, laughing.

  “Just sit down and enjoy the matches. I don’t want you telling people about me.” Adar grabbed Malcolm’s arm and pulled him into his seat. I can’t believe she wants to see me again after the way our evening ended. Maybe I will go by and see Yolanda after the fights tonight. Adar liked that idea a lot.

  The two watched the evening’s scheduled matches with great interest. Malcolm felt excitement, fear and pride all stirring in his gut, as he tried to absorb every aspect of the experience of attending an MMA match in person. While he enjoyed watching from a distance, Malcolm couldn’t imagine going toe-to-toe with a fighter in the ring. As the evening drew to a close, Malcolm slipped away and soon returned with a gift for Adar.

  “Here, Adar, this will help you in the ring,” said Malcolm, handing him a pair of tinted fighting goggles.

  “This gift is unnecessary,” said Adar.

  “You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’.” Malcolm smiled at his new friend. “It’s the least I could do, considering what you have done for me.”

  Adar just grunted.

  “All those looking to participate in the open fight night come down ringside, now,” said the arena announcer.

  “I’m going down. Remember to monitor the screen for me while I’m in the ring,” Adar reminded Malcolm.

  “Sure. You remember not to kill anyone in the ring,” the boy countered, smiling.

  ***

  Tatan left Mike O’Leary’s condo, while Daloi and Dholi prepared for another romp with Mike.

  “Dholi, expand the personal transporter and place it on the dresser, so we can watch it in case Tatan gets into trouble,” Daloi instructed.

  “How are you expanding the screen like that?” asked Mike.

  “Don’t worry about that, Mike. It’s a prototype screen we picked up from a friend of ours,” Daloi explained hastily.

  “Look, it’s just a boring image of Tatan, watching a boring couple of guys beating up on each other,” said Dholi. “Mike, take your clothes off. We’re going to do something that’s a lot more exciting than what Tatan is watching and definitely more intense.”

  ***

  “Tonight, we have an extraordinary opportunity,” said the announcer, standing in the center of the ring at the MMA arena. “This tiny gladiator will take on all comers and will give $1,000 to anyone who can put him on the ground.” An eruption of jeers and shouts came from the contestants and the crowd, not believing what they just heard.
Adar stood in the middle of the ring swinging his fists in the air, impatiently.

  One by one, fighters entered the ring only to be quickly taken out by Adar. His speed and strength quickly overwhelmed each challenger. He fought two at a time, and then three at a time. At this point, his opponents appeared to get the better of him. Two held him against the side of the ring while a third pounded on his abdomen.

  “Are you two seeing this?” Tatan said out loud to himself, hoping Daloi and Dholi kept their promise to watch over him. However, engrossed in pleasuring Mike, they didn’t notice.

  “Adar, one of them is here!” shouted Malcolm, running down to the ring. Adar just gave him a sideways glance then focused on taking out his opponents. He threw the one on his left arm across the ring, knocking him out against the chain-link wall. He swung the one on his right arm around in a circle, using him to subdue the person pounding on him, and then smashed the remaining person into the ground.

  The referee declared Adar the winner before he rushed out to meet with Malcolm. “Give me the device! One of the Cheoili has definitely been here. Let’s go by the exits before everyone leaves.” They circled the walkway around the arena, until Adar detected something.

  “Here’s the DNA trail again. I can even smell that disgusting scent they have,” Adar said, crinkling his nose.

  “What scent?” asked Malcolm.

  “It’s like flowers.”

  “Why is that disgusting?”

  “Just follow me. There are too many people here.” Adar left the arena and headed to where he detected Cheoili DNA. “I’m losing the scent. I’m not picking up anything on this side of the street. Let’s cross to the other side.”

  “Shouldn’t we be able to recognize the person?” Malcolm asked.

  “No. Remember, the Cheoili can change their looks.”

  “You mean they’re shapeshifters?” Malcolm queried, trying to understand what to look for.

  “No, nothing like that. More like chameleons. They can’t change their shape or size, or add limbs, but they can look like Earthlings. I’m picking up the DNA again. The person is in front of us. I want you to cross over and watch the crowd as I run by. Let me know if you see anyone reacting to what I’m saying.”