The Euclidian: Alien Hitman

by Jay Cannon

  He ran at Sammy and took a swing at his chest. Sammy slipped the blow and punched Adar in the chest, sending him rolling across the floor.

  Sammy grabbed Adar’s ankle and started slinging him against nearby walls, dazing him. He used one of his large hands to pin Adar to a wall by his throat as his feet dangled off the ground, taking away his leverage. Adar swung at him with his right fist, to no avail. Sammy grabbed his wrist and prevented him from making contact. Adar tried swinging his left fist, but Sammy easily deflected it with his elbow. A trained wrestler, Sammy knew how to immobilize his opponent. Adar kicked and squirmed, but could not loosen Sammy’s grip. He could feel himself blacking out. I can’t believe I’m dying at the hands of a human.

  Without warning, Sammy loosened his grip on Adar’s throat and fell to his knees. Adar rubbed his throat, happy to be free from certain death. He looked on as the woman he met earlier flipped Sammy onto his back.

  “You should have taken the deal Sammy,” said Toni, kneeling on Sammy’s chest. “Now you have to lay there on your back taking your last breath as you watch me take your life,” she said, as she stabbed her knife into him several times. Sammy made a weak attempt to push Toni away. Toni used one hand to brush away his attempts, while using the other one to twist her knife in his side. “Poor baby,” she whispered into his face as she puckered her lips.

  Toni finally looked up to see Adar looking down at her, astonishment plain on his face.

  “I hope you don’t mind me stepping in. It looked like you could use some assistance. I guess you owe me your life now.”

  “One could say that,” replied Adar, rubbing his neck, still confused at what just happened.

  “So you wouldn’t mind killing someone for me,” said Toni, smiling and wiping her knife off on Sammy’s clothes as she stood up.

  “I guess I owe you that much,” said Adar, wanting to ask Toni a couple of questions.

  “Good. I want you to kill Harry. And none of that hand-to-hand combat bullshit. I just want him dead.” Her face hardened with focused hatred.

  “Why do you want him dead?”

  “I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Toni,” she said, holding out her hand.

  “Adar,” he returned, smirking. “You certainly lived up to your reputation. I have one condition.”

  “What’s that?” asked Toni, lighting a cigarette.

  “You make Ahmed one of your lieutenants.”

  “I don’t know him, but if you vouch for him, I’ll give him a try,” Toni said, tilting her head to the side.

  “What about the bodies?” asked Adar, pointing around the small space at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Don’t worry about them. I have a cleaning crew that will take care of this mess.” As Adar walked away, he heard Toni speaking into her phone. “Johnny, cleanup on aisles five and six. You’re going to need some help with this one.”

  ***

  Adar went back to Harry’s and made short work of killing the mob boss and all his men.

  “Adar, what the hell did you do that for?” asked Ahmed, having just finalized a deal with Harry and still sitting across from him.

  Adar turned towards Ahmed, anger distorting his features.

  “Wait, don’t kill me! I wasn’t fond of Harry, either,” Ahmed interjected.

  “I am not going to kill you. I got you a new job. You are going to be one of Toni’s lieutenants,” Adar replied, his face resuming its customary blandness.

  “How did you pull that off? You didn’t kill her?” asked a shocked Ahmed.

  “It is a long story. It suffices to say that she is cunning and ruthless, just like Harry warned,” said Adar, turning at a sound behind him.

  “Did I hear my praises being sung?” said Toni, walking up to Adar and Ahmed with two large men at her side. Visibly anxious at her sudden appearance in the room, Ahmed placed his hand on his gun and cast a steady gaze her way. “Stay calm,” Toni said, raising a hand towards Ahmed. “I believe we’re all friends here. I take it that you are Ahmed.”

  “Yes, I am,” said Ahmed, taking his hand off of his gun and walking over to greet her.

  “Am I going to have to worry about your loyalty to me or your ability to help me consolidate my territory?” Toni challenged, storm clouds moving in her sky blue eyes.

  “Not at all, Toni,” Ahmed replied, shaking his head vigorously and pursing his lips.

  “Adar, I have to ask. What’s with the bulky dark glasses all the time? You look like some old guy after cataract surgery,” Toni said, shooting him a look of slight disgust.

  “My eyes are sensitive to the light, but I assure you I can see quite well, Toni. You might want to fix that tag on the back of your Armani dress. Seems it was made in China,” Adar retorted with a mocking smile.

  Toni gave Adar a look, half annoyed, half curious. “Check my tag,” she demanded, turning her back to the muscular man closest to her.

  “It says Armani, made in China,” the man replied, snickering.

  “And tuck it in you idiot!” Toni ordered, glaring at Adar. “I guess you do have decent eyesight,” she acknowledged.

  Prowling to the other end of Harry’s office, Toni looked out the window as she punched a number into her phone. “Johnny, when you finish with my place, get your people and come over to Harry’s. I have some trash here that needs to be disposed of. Bring a moving van, too. I want to get rid of his dated furniture.”

  “Toni, we’re going to go out and celebrate a bit while you do your thing,” said Ahmed.

  “Fine, but don’t you two get too drunk. I want you here when I address the family in the morning. Nine o’clock sharp!” Toni pointed a long finger at them, a stern pout wrinkling her bow-shaped lips.

  “We’ll be here. Adar, let’s bounce. I need to check in on my family and then we can go to a bar that I think you’ll like.”

  “Okay, but I need to take it easy on the alcohol,” Adar said, forcing a half frown.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be there to get you home safe. Ciao, Toni,” Ahmed said, looking back at her.

  “Ciao, Ahmed.”

  Chapter 14

  Aundria

  Ahmed and Adar walked towards the Whiskey Tavern, Ahmed’s favorite drinking hole. It was located in the heart of Chinatown, just south of Little Italy. Adar could smell various aromas wafting from the Asian kitchens, which he didn’t care much for unless they accompanied the strong smell of raw beef.

  They took Bayard Street to get to the tavern, which led them by Columbus Park. Here, the more pleasant scents of grass, insects, birds and other vegetation assailed him. He found he didn’t enjoy the smell of unbathed humans and their garbage so much.

  A park with no water is such a waste, Adar thought, before turning away and heading to the tavern with Ahmed.

  The Whiskey Tavern was housed in a five-story brick building in the middle of the block on Baxter Street. The two entered the tavern and paused to look around. To their right, a formal dining room had tables laid with white linen and stainless cutlery. On the left, a wide bar took up half the space. A row of barstools with vinyl-covered cushions stood in front of the bar and a scattering of cocktail tables surrounded by comfy easy chairs and low-backed couches filled the rest of room. Wooden beams covered the rustic, aging ceiling.

  “I don’t smell steak,” Adar complained, holding his nose in the air. “I smell hamburger, but it’s not the same.”

  “How can you tell all of that with your nose?” Ahmed asked, frowning at Adar. “We’re not here for the food anyway. We’re here for the drinks and the ambiance.”

  “Ambiance. Is that French for bad taste?” Adar let out a chortle.

  “Are you actually making a joke?” Ahmed laughed, while Adar shrugged. “Let’s take a seat at the bar and get this party started.”

  The Tavern, a dark, quiet bar frequented by locals, drew Ahmed like a magnet. Patrons often went there for quiet conversations away from the crowds and bustle of more trendy establishments. Ahm
ed also liked hanging out with the staff.

  “Hey, Steve,” Ahmed greeted the bartender, who stood a few feet down from him behind the bar. “A couple of scotches neat and two IPAs for me and my friend.”

  “Coming right up, Ahmed.” The bartender smiled, eyeing the pair as he vigorously polished a glass with a soft white cloth. “Haven’t seen you around lately.”

  “Been busy trying to make money.” Ahmed returned his smile.

  “I’m glad you decided to spend it at my place. Here you go, gentlemen.” Steve, placed their drinks in front of them on the heavily varnished bar top.

  “Adar, here’s to our new adventure,” said Ahmed, raising his shot glass in a toast.

  Adar watched Ahmed drink the liquid down and did the same. I hope I won’t regret this later, he thought. This bar seems calm enough. I should be able to get in and out without any trouble. I do like the sting of this Earth alcohol.

  Ahmed took a swig of his beer and built up some courage to ask Adar about himself. “Adar, since I sort of live with you, and we’re going to be working more closely together, I thought you could tell me more about who you are.”

  “I came from a planet many light years from here. I’m hunting down a couple of criminals that escaped from our planet and are hiding out on Earth. It’s the two women I asked you about earlier. They are hard to find, but I believe they are in New York.”

  “Wow, that’s deep. So you wear those glasses to cover up your freaky alien eyes?” Ahmed ventured, hesitantly.

  “Something like that,” Adar said, briefly taking off his wrap-around shades so Ahmed could have a quick look.

  “Whoa, that’s different,” blurted Ahmed, spitting his mouthful of beer on his clothes. “Sorry about that, I’m just not used to seeing aliens every day,” he said, trying to brush the splatter from his clothes with a couple of cocktail napkins.

  “You have seen me every day for a week now.” Adar took another swig of his beer, hoping it would quell his urge to abandon Ahmed.

  “You’ve never taken your glasses off around me before,” Ahmed said, trying to regain his composure. “What do you do when you are not trying to kill people?”

  “I participate in arena fighting to stay in shape,” replied Adar. I also exercise, learn about new weapons and train security personnel. After work, I grab a drink with the few friends I know. On occasion, I’ll visit other planets”

  “So what’s it like on other planets?” Ahmed asked, eager to hear his answer.

  “A lot like here, just better technology. There are good and bad places and people all over the galaxy.” Having seen life on many planets, Adar had a jaded view of intelligent life.

  “Give me an example,” Ahmed urged, putting down his glass and gazing intently at the alien.

  “Take this bar, for example. I could sit at a table in the corner, order whatever I wanted from my device here,” Adar said, holding his UCD up for Ahmed to see. “The order would arrive on my table right away and the establishment would be paid from my account. If I want to show you something on my UCD, I can just grab the corners and pull on it to make it as large as I want. If I place it edge-wise on the bar, legs automatically will appear to keep it stable.”

  “Oh my goodness, I’ve got to have one of those,” Ahmed exclaimed, slapping Adar on the shoulder, causing him to flinch.

  Meanwhile, a woman attempted to walk behind them. “Nice ass,” said a guy seated farther down at the bar, slapping the woman’s bottom.

  The waitress grimaced. Most days working in this bar to earn money for school is a decent gig, she thought, and scowled at the drunk. Like most servers in bars, she had found that dealing with patrons who drank too much and acted obnoxiously came with the territory. But some days, it could be a real drag.

  Aundria turned and walked back to confront the man. “If you’re going to get that personal, we should at least get to know each other. I’m Aundria,” she said, extending her hand to the grabby customer.

  “I’m Bob, and I’d love to get to know you better,” the drunk said, shaking Aundria’s hand and looking deeply into her eyes.

  “I’m glad to hear that, Bob,” said Aundria, squeezing his hand and pulling him down from the barstool and onto his knees.

  “What are you doing? That hurts.” Bob grimaced at the pain.

  “That’s my Kung Fu grip. And here’s my nuclear knee,” Aundria snapped, bringing her knee up into the man’s stomach, releasing his hand and letting him crash to the floor, where he lay gasping.

  “Let me know if you’d like to know more about me,” she whispered loudly, leaning over him. “I have a little trick I learned that’ll make your balls pop. I’ll bet you’d like that one.”

  “I’ll pass.” The man groaned.

  “I thought so.” She sighed, eyeing the crumpled figure with distaste as she walked off. Why do these assholes think that waitresses are part-time whores? Aundria worked at the Tavern in the evening and pursued her MBA during the day. Formerly an Ironman competitor, she had even made it past the first stage of the American Ninja Warrior competition.

  A redhead of medium height with a muscular build, she had curves that men loved to ogle. Aundria, on the other hand, loved competitive sports, but had to give them up to pursue her education so she could engage in activities that brought in money instead of leaching it all away. Nowadays, the drunk men she served in bars were her only competitors.

  Adar smiled at Aundria as she walked by. “You like her, don’t you?” said Ahmed, nudging the alien with his arm.

  “I like people who are willing to fight to gain the respect of others. Earth women have given me a different view of females.” Adar turned to watch Aundria walk off. I wonder if she is a cage fighter. I wonder if Yolanda would be interested in coming here on holiday. Earth women are starting to look more attractive to me, thought Adar as the alcohol began to make his mind drift.

  “I wouldn’t call what she did fighting,” said the man who had accosted Aundria, as he picked himself up off the floor and returned to his barstool.

  “I wouldn’t call what you did brave or appropriate,” replied Adar.

  “If you were bigger I would punch you in the face,” Bob said, pointing at Adar.

  “If you were a man, I would punch you in yours,” Adar said, hopping from his barstool.

  “Adar, we don’t want to start a fight in here,” warned Ahmed.

  Adar, however, had already grabbed Bob by the shirt and dragged him off his barstool. The drunk stood over Adar, who was rocking on his feet unsteadily. Bob body-slammed Adar and started punching him in the face.

  “Enough, you two!” shouted Aundria, bringing her elbow down hard on Bob’s back. Bob groaned and collapsed on top of Adar. Aundria grabbed Bob by the ear and tossed him out of the bar. “You okay, buddy?” she said, helping Adar up off the floor.

  “I’m not hurt. I just can’t handle this Earthling alcohol.” Adar stumbled as he attempted to balance himself on his two legs.

  “So you prefer alcohol from other planets?” Aundria arched one eyebrow as the corners of her mouth lifted in amusement.

  “I have beaten creatures twice his size from planets across the galaxy. He just caught me at a bad moment,” Adar said, swinging one arm wildly in the air.

  “I’m sure he did. Maybe you should lay off the sauce. I would hate for you to be late for an intergalactic meeting in the morning.” Aundria laughed, her lips curving in wry good humor.

  “Good idea. Don’t bother getting up, Ahmed,” Adar said sarcastically, as he struggled to climb back onto his barstool.

  “I thought you had him. I’ve never seen you get beaten like that.” Ahmed’s brows rose in query.

  “There is something about the liquor here that leaves me incapacitated. I am going to head back. You stay and enjoy yourself.” Adar patted Ahmed on the shoulder and slowly climbed off of the barstool again and headed for the door.

  “Okay, I’ll see you at home.” Ahmed shook his head, surprise
d to see his strange new friend in such a state.

  Adar, meanwhile, left the Tavern, feeling a little bewildered that humans had taken him out twice. What’s next, a woman beats me up? I need to finish this mission and get back to normal society. Maybe I’ll give Yolanda a call when I get back to the house. “What the—” An SUV roared out of an alley and struck Adar, sending him flying through the air to land on the sidewalk on the other side of the street.

  “Don’t start fights you can’t finish, you little bitch,” yelled Bob, as he sped away in the bulky, dark vehicle.

  “Hey, buddy, are you okay?” asked Aundria, running from the tavern and up to where Adar lay on the sidewalk.

  “Yes, I am fine, just annoyed that I keep getting blindsided here.” Adar held his head, which was still spinning from the alcohol. He concentrated for a few seconds, checking to ensure that no part of his body was injured, internally or externally.

  “I saw him coming at you from the bar. I just couldn’t get outside in time to warn you. Let me call an ambulance,” suggested Aundria, pulling out a small cell phone from her back pocket.

  “No, that is not a good idea. I just need to get home.” Adar attempted to push Aundria away, but missed and fell back to the sidewalk.

  Shaking her head, Aundria reached out and grabbed Adar’s arm to help him stand. “No, I can’t let you go home like that. You must be injured, considering how far that SUV knocked you.”

  “I will be fine. Just let me be,” Adar insisted, getting his feet under him, only to fall back to his knees.

  “We’re having a slow night. Let me tell Steve I’m taking off, and I’ll be right back. Just sit here on the curb, please, and don’t move.” Aundria steadied Adar on the curb and then hurried back into the bar, while Adar pondered the edge of the curb between his feet.

  After updating Steve, Aundria flagged down a cab, helped Adar climb in and directed the taxi driver to her home. Adar had passed out by the time they arrived.

  Aundria carried Adar up to her second-floor, one-bedroom apartment where she put him down on a small couch upholstered in bright, yellow fabric, which also served as her guest bed. Tossing her keys on her battered Ikea coffee table, she removed Adar’s coat and boots, placing them bedside him on the couch. Noticing his weapons, she gingerly placed them on the couch, too.