Afraid to Fly (Fearless #2)

by S. L. Jennings

  “Come on. I’ll even drive. I want to see you let loose for a change.”

  I had to admit, I was tempted. I hadn’t had a night out since moving back here to take care of Toby. Pre-Toby Raven partied all the time between coasting through classes. Post-Toby Raven had to transfer schools and move from everything and everyone she knew, to start all over again. Which meant no social life.

  And as infuriating as it was, I kept hearing Dom’s voice in my head. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was purposely shutting out the world, sabotaging any chance of a real connection with another human being. Velvet was cool, but we had never hung out, despite all the times she’d asked. I always had an excuse, that excuse being Toby. But right about now, Toby was over at Mrs. Ralston’s, probably engaged in an intense game of Gin Rummy. I wasn’t expected back for hours, and it wasn’t as if they’d begrudge me one night to myself. Hell, Mrs. Ralston had been trying to set me up with her grandson from Raleigh for months. She’d probably be delighted.

  I was out of excuses. I honestly had no reason to not want this for myself. Besides, it was just one night. How much harm could it do?

  “Ok. Fine,” I resigned. “Let’s do it.”

  Velvet’s apartment was in a hip, artsy area of Plaza Midwood, and it fit her perfectly. I knew she had to be dropping some major coin to rent the lavish space, which spoke volumes of her loyal tippers at The Pink Kitty. No wonder she chose the lunch shift. She was making a killing!

  “I’ll just be a minute. Make yourself at home!” she said before dashing into the shower to wash away the edible body glitter and sweat.

  While she got ready, I took the liberty of grabbing a glass of water and checking out her digs. She liked art—oil paintings mostly—and was pretty well read. She had everything from Anthony Doerr to Tina Fey and Anne Rice. Even a few authors I’d never heard of. I picked up an orange paperback and read the synopsis. It sounded pretty good. Actually, whoever this Kate Sedgwick character was, I envied her optimism. I could use a dose of it myself.

  “Oh, that’s one of my favorites. You should read it,” Velvet said from the hallway, still wet and wrapped in a towel. Her hair was in a turban on top of her head, and her face was bare. She looked absolutely stunning without the dark makeup she usually wore.

  I looked back down at the book so she wouldn’t think I was gawking at her. “Bright Side, huh? Trying to tell me something?”

  “Not at all. Just thought we all could use a little perspective. I won’t be much longer, love. Promise!” Then she was scurrying to her room. I guess constant wardrobe changes made her a pro at dressing quickly.

  In fifteen minutes flat, Velvet emerged fully dressed in leather leggings, a slouchy white tee, a leather jacket and black heeled booties. Her violet hair was blow-dried, and her minimal makeup was flawless. She wasn’t Velvet the stripper. She was her.

  “Wow, I just realized that I don’t even know your real name,” I said shaking my head. It was stupid to refer to her as some alias.

  “Victoria,” she smiled. And she was. This was my friend, Victoria. “What’s yours?”

  “Raven.” I inwardly cringed. It was mostly true, and that would have to do for now.

  “Oh. I just assumed it was as stage name. Most of the waitresses use them too. And considering the dark hair and pale skin . . . well, you know.”

  “Nope,” I smiled, glad she had bought. “Just Raven.”

  Before jumping in her drop-top Mini Cooper, I went to my car to grab a zip-up hoody and lock up. Not that anyone in this neighborhood would even bat an eye at my old girl, but she was a good car, and had been good to me. Some things didn’t go out of style. They just needed a little renovating.

  “So where are we going?” I asked, reapplying my lipstick in the visor mirror.

  “This cool little place I’ve been dying to check out. I pass by it all the time, and it’s always packed on the weekends. Plus, one of my uni mates told me they’ve got live music.”

  “Uni? You’re in college?”

  Velvet—I mean, Victoria—chuckled and shook her head. “Not anymore. I came to the U.S. to attend university, but after graduation, I just had no desire to go into law. So I started dancing. Good money . . . good hours . . . why not?”

  Wow. So she could have been in law school right now, or maybe even a lawyer, but she chose not to? I envied her freedom to choose. I envied the fact that she even had choices.

  “Here we are. Ace! A parking spot!” she said, pulling her tiny car into the space. She was right—it was packed. And with the marquee lit up, it looked completely different since the last time I had been here.

  “Dive? You want to go to Dive?”

  “You’ve been here?”

  Crap. I couldn’t answer that truthfully without giving away the fact that I knew Dom, the guy she was sleeping with. But I didn’t want to lie either. “Once. For lunch.”

  “Oh. Well, I heard this place completely transforms at night. Come on!”

  Victoria was buzzing with energy and excitement as she hopped out of her car and practically skipped onto the sidewalk. Me, not so much. The place looked decent, and there was a line to get in, so I assumed it would be a good time. But I didn’t want to risk seeing Dom. However, according to Toby, he was out sick with the flu, so I highly doubted that he’d be in a place like this.

  It didn’t take long to get inside, and once we did, we were on the hunt for seats. It was packed, yet not so much that you couldn’t walk around without getting stepped on or saying “Excuse me” a hundred times. A few guys had taken one look at Victoria and offered seats at their tables. She turned them down every time, telling them it was a girl’s night. When they looked over at me expectantly, I just shrugged and kept walking.

  After a good bit of walking, we lucked out and scored a tall round-top near the bar just as an older couple was leaving. The place was getting considerably more crowded by the minute, so I assumed the live music would be starting soon. We flagged down a waitress and ordered drinks and a couple of appetizers for dinner before she got completely swamped. I made sure to be extra polite to her. I knew the struggle.

  “So, what do you think?” Victoria asked, as she dipped a loaded potato skin in some avocado ranch. Those things were dangerous. I’d already had three and was thinking about ordering more. Actually, everything was delicious. The sirloin sliders and mac and cheese fritters would have me doing three extra miles around my neighborhood tomorrow.

  “It’s nice,” I replied. “Cool spot, I guess. Great food.”

  “And one of the best pomegranate margaritas I’ve ever had. How’s your mojito?”

  “Great,” I replied, holding it up before taking a sip. I wondered if she would freak if I told her that the bartender was just as yummy as the drinks. I had caught a glimpse of him through the break in the crowd around the bar, but it was enough to verify that he was working tonight. Good Lord, that man was sexy. I could totally see Victoria salivating over all his tattoos and piercings. Too bad he was taken. After seeing Dom’s lunch buddy at the hospital this morning, it confirmed that he was not the father. And I didn’t even need Maury for that one.

  We ordered another round of drinks, just in time for the lights to turn down, causing the whole room to erupt with cheers and move closer to the stage. I could see shadows of people moving into place on stage, but it was too dark to make them out. However, the guy who hopped on stage with a beer in his hand and grabbed the mic was impossible to miss.

  “Welcome hot coeds, MILFs and cougars. Fuck you, dickheads, douchebags and posers. I’m CJ, and I wanna welcome you to Dive, the best fucking bar on the planet! And why are we the best bar? Other than this sexy hunk of man that stands before you? Well, we also have the baddest fucking band in Charlotte, rocking your fucking tits off tonight! Give it up for AngelDust!”

  The crowd went ballistic once more, and didn’t calm until the drummer’s count. Then, I nearly choked on my strawberry basil mojito. Holy shit, it was Angel. And she was
singing and playing guitar. And she was good. Hell, she was amazing. The entire band was.

  “Bloody brill! An all-girl band! And they’re fantastic!” Victoria was already grooving in her seat to the fast paced song, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she would be dragging me onto the dance floor. I sucked down my second drink for the extra liquid courage. I had to admit, it was hard not to move to the infectious beat.

  Victoria somehow caught the waitress and placed an order. I was way too caught up in the shock of seeing Angel and the music to hear what it was. But when two shots appeared in front of us a bit later, I knew that Victoria was dead serious about getting me pissed, as she called it.

  “Drink up, love! I’m ready to get out there!”

  I picked up a shot glass and sniffed. Oh Lord. Tequila. I’d be calling upon the porcelain gods later tonight, for sure.

  I waited for her to take her glass, but she just shook her head. “All for you. Cheers!”

  My eyes flared with shock. Holy crap. Two shots? But then I thought about it. I used to drink much more Pre-Toby. And dammit, I deserved just one night off to have fun. Maybe it was the mojitos talking or the music rattling my skull, but I wanted to be free tonight. I’d worry about hangovers and work and growing up tomorrow. Tonight was just for me. And even though that made me feel guilty as hell, I just swallowed it down with the tequila.

  Two shots later, we were on the dance floor, fist pumping in time to the rhythm and bopping our heads as we hopped around laughing. Seeing her like this, being goofy and carefree, it was hard to believe Victoria took her clothes off for a living. There was no choreography, no gyrating, no hair flipping. She was happy to just be here, having fun with me.

  When a particular song started—obviously a fan favorite—I took a moment to watch Angel. She was beautiful up there—charismatic, engaging, alluring. But more than that, it was like she was singing right to me. I mean, obviously she didn’t even know I was one of dozens in the crowd, but the lyrics . . . they spoke to my soul. They were everything I had been feeling translated into song. Trapped. Lonely. Afraid.

  I needed a break after that one, so we made our way back to the bar area. Someone had snagged our table, so we decided to just hit up the bar. I was feeling no pain, but decided to have another drink, and Victoria didn’t object. Especially when she got a load of what I assumed was the head bartender.

  “What can I get you ladies?” he asked, his tattooed hands and deep brown eyes focused on grabbing bottles and mixing drinks effortlessly. When neither of us answered, too breathless by his mere presence, he looked up. And froze.

  Crap. I’d been made. I’d totally forgotten. Like the song goes, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

  “Hey,” I said nervously. Oh shit. Would he tell Dom that he’d seen me?

  “Hey,” he responded with the same apprehension.

  “Heeeyyy!” Victoria trilled through giggles. “We’ll take two shots of tequila, handsome.”

  Then the bartender, Blaine as I remembered, did something that had our panties melting down our legs. He smiled. Then said, “My specialty.” Then had the audacity to follow that with a wink. How dare he be so fucking hot! The nerve!

  “Can I touch him?” Victoria whimpered as soon as he walked off to grab our shots.

  “I wish. He’s got a girlfriend. And a baby on the way,” I pouted.

  “Oh, bollocks. He would.”

  We shared girlish giggles and gabbed on about whatever came to mind. It had been so long since I’d had a girlfriend. I had missed this camaraderie, having forgotten what it felt like to be young and boundless.

  After he dropped off our shots, Blaine told us they were on the house, then quickly moved to the other end of the bar, bypassing several people hoping to order. Most of them were women, so they didn’t seem to mind much. The view from behind was just as enjoyable.

  Once again, Victoria pushed the shots towards me, and I didn’t put up a fight. My tongue had just tasted the lip of the second shot and was tipping it back when a dark shadow fell over us, blocking my view of the stage and causing Victoria to gasp. I paused mid-sip and looked up.

  The moment he looked at Victoria—or Velvet as he knew her—then pinned his glare on me, I thought I might get sick. It was only my pride that kept my stomach from heaving.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he seethed through a clenched jaw.

  Shit. So much for girl’s night.

  I WAS PISSED. AND scared. But mostly pissed.

  Here I was, trying to enjoy my Friday night by putting all that shit with Raven behind me, and she had the audacity to insert herself into my space. I had accepted that she hated me, and probably would have for what I had done to her on that rooftop. But it would never amount to how much I hated myself. Still, I just need a night off from the self-loathing. Just a small escape from my guilt. But could I even do that? No! She had to come to my favorite place. Where my friends were. Even with my occasional hook up! It was like she wanted to flaunt her repulsion of me. She wanted me to be reminded of what I’d done.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  The question was harsh on my tongue, but I was tired of being nice. When I was, she pushed me away. When I was a dick, she apologized and begged me to stay (in Toby’s life). It was some sick, twisted game of cat and mouse, and I was tired of playing.

  “Well?”

  She looked stunned, as did Velvet. But what did she expect? She knew Blaine worked here. She had to have known he would tell me she was here. Hell, if I hadn’t had my back to the crowd all night, too busy wallowing, I would have probably seen her myself. But I didn’t feel like being social. And I damn sure didn’t want to risk running into anyone I’d slept with. I wasn’t in the mood.

  “Um, I, uh . . .” she stammered. She had the nerve to look surprised to see me. “Hey, um. I’m just . . .”

  Velvet practically pushed her aside in an act of defense and stepped into my face. Since when did they become best-fucking-friends? “We’re here dancing, you bloody wanker. Now if you’re quite done pestering us, feel free to bugger off and pull the stick out of your arse.”

  Normally, Velvet’s dirty mouth would have had me rock hard. The insults were practically foreplay for her, but sex was the farthest thing from my mind with Raven standing in front of me. As gorgeous as she looked tonight in a tight tank top and jeans, her hair a wild mass of soft waves, I wouldn’t allow myself to see her like that anymore. And considering she was rolling with Velvet, I could only imagine what she now thought about me and my perversions.

  I took a step back and collected myself. I was going about this all wrong. Making the girl that was already very clearly afraid of me even more petrified would only make things worse.

  “Shit, I’m sorry,” I said, just loud enough that she could hear me over the music without having to invade her personal space. She gave me a stiff nod and a tight flinch of a smile, and returned to the drink between her fingertips.

  I could see the way Velvet was regarding us, her eyes darting from the wariness in Raven’s gaze to the regret dimming mine. I didn’t want this turning anymore awkward than it already was, so I tried to mask it all with a grin. I was good at hiding behind a manufactured smile. Shit, honestly, I was a walking, breathing mirage.

  “Hey, let me get you two ladies a drink.” I was already signaling Blaine, who had been watching the entire exchange between mixing drinks. Minutes later, he returned with three shots and a few beers. He knew I needed a chaser with tequila. Like I said, damn good bartender. Even better friend.

  Velvet leaned in to grab her shotglass, moving in close to my ear. “So what brings Dirty Dom out tonight?”

  I nodded towards Blaine and my other friends that were sitting across the bar, watching us like hawks. “My friend owns the place. Kinda like a home away from home.”

  “That fuck-tastic piece of man is your mate? Bloody hell!” Then pressed in closer, her warm breath on my neck and her straining nipples
against my chest. I could feel them pebble against the fabric, as if they were reaching out for me, begging me to taste them, suck them, bite them. I had done all of those things and more, but that was the past. I didn’t want to continue on that like that. Not if I could help it.

  “You know . . .” she whispered, her voice husky with desire. “If your friend isn’t too attached to his girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind a little naughty fun tonight.” I knew when she spoke in that tone, she was horny. Honestly, I’d never spent any length of time with her that didn’t involve her naked and me inside her. But there was no way I’d go there with her, especially with another guy, let alone Blaine.

  I gently pushed her back so she could see the disapproval on my brow. “No thanks.”

  “Why not?”

  I shook my head. Shit, I didn’t want to do this around Raven, but I assumed she already knew about Velvet and me. And it wasn’t like the purple-haired vixen was making her intentions discreet. I wasn’t ashamed of her. I was ashamed of me. And I didn’t like her insinuating that Blaine would ever be unfaithful to Kami.

  “Why not? Because he is very attached to his girlfriend. And if he wasn’t, I’d rearrange that pretty little face of his.”

  She laughed heartily at that, tipping her head back with an air of drama. I looked to Raven to see that she, too, was trying to stifle a snicker. What the fuck was so funny? I snatched up my shot and pounded it, slamming down the glass, and grabbed my beer.

  “I fail to see the humor in what I just said,” I remarked putting the rim of the bottle to my lips.

  “You? Rearrange someone’s face?” Velvet scoffed. “You’re a handsome bloke, but you’re hardly frightening.”

  I peered over at Raven who was regarding the exchange with a raised brow. “Is that what you think too? That I’m . . . soft?”

  She blinked at the question, then went for her own gulp of tequila. “No. Not soft. But not . . . hard either.”

  “But I was hard enough for you the other night.” I took a swig, my eyes trained on her bemused expression from over the bottle. I knew the wording was crass, but fuck it. I was already three beers in, and that tequila had felt like golden fire in my veins. I signaled Blaine for another round.