One Complicated Christmas

by Ciara Knight

  I stopped, not sure what to say.

  “I don’t think she liked my answer since I cited your cooking as a problem. And then when she told me to give you time, I might have made a comment about your family name. I don’t think she liked that last part, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked away, mumbling something about you being corrupted by the cook and that you would be the death of her social standing someday.”

  A crowd of people shuffled around us before I realized I wasn’t moving still, so I stepped onto the brown grass in the square. “That sounds like good ol’ Mom.”

  Seth guided me toward the Christmas tree and found a free bench on the other side. “How is it that you became a chef with a mother who obviously never cooked a day in her life?”

  I sighed. “You have to understand, when my father died, Mother threw herself into charity work, parties, banquets, and anything else that would dull her pain. She attended a few board meetings, but my uncles had the tech company well in hand. My mother, who was born into a rich family, never believed women should damage a nail by working in an office, so I was never groomed to take over the family business. Honestly, I never wanted it, so that suited me just fine.”

  Souffle set her head on my lap, and I stiffened.

  “She won’t bite you. I promise.” Seth scooted closer and did the “arm over the back of the bench” thing men do. I leaned forward to avoid any contact, opting to pat Souffle’s head instead. To my surprise, it was okay. Actually, kind of nice. Her fur was softer than I’d imagined.

  “So why did you choose to be a chef?” Seth asked.

  “When Mother was out all the time, I hung out in the kitchen with the staff. They were always good to me. They became my family.”

  “I’m sure your mother loved that.” Seth offered a crooked grin. “I can only imagine her reaction if she caught you hanging out with the staff.”

  “It’s worse than that. I spent two days making an exquisite dinner for her and a companion she was bringing home. When I came out to serve it to them, she fainted. Literally fainted. Swooned and all. Then the doctor was called, and I was told I almost killed my mother from the shock of seeing her only daughter working in a kitchen.”

  The crowd grew and I spotted one of my choir BFFs, Faith Sterling. We waved madly at each other and she trotted over to us. We flew into each other’s arms. After only a few months, it felt like a reunion of a lifetime. How I missed this girl. I lived a half hour away, but we’d only visited two or three times in the last year since Faith had such a busy work schedule now that her boss, the owner of Silver Bells Luxury Tours, had passed away unexpectedly.

  “Hi! I’m so glad I found you. Ash told me that you were here.” She stepped back and I noticed how shockingly beautiful she was with her long dark hair and stylish outfit. But then Faith had always managed to look good, even when she didn’t seem to be trying.

  As if announcing our epic reunion in the square, the speakers crackled, and Christmas music hummed from the corners of the park filling the area with holiday cheer. Faith eyed Seth standing behind me and I could tell she wanted the 411 on the hunk at my side, but I wasn’t sharing. Not when there was nothing to share.

  Souffle had other ideas, though. She bolted to Faith’s side. “You have a dog?” she asked, with a hint of understandable doubt in her voice. “She’s so sweet?”

  Apparently, it was true that dogs could sense who liked them, because Souffle was nuzzling against her designer pant leg and even flopped over for a full belly rub.

  Seth took her by the leash, “Okay, girl. That’s enough.” At his words, Souffle stood at attention and he offered his free hand to Faith. “Hi, this is Souffle, and I’m Seth.”

  Faith’s eyes widened and she looked to me with a smile before she shook his hand “Nice to meet you, Seth.”

  “Souffle shake,” Seth said.

  She lifted her paw and the way Faith squealed I knew she had totally fallen under the cute dog spell.

  “He’s here on business,” I said.

  “Yes, well. It’s nice to meet you.” As if Faith understood the friendship cue not to read any further into the Seth-Emma book, she spun back to me. “How have you been? Are things going well at the lodge? We miss you so much here in Christmas Mountain. Oh, before I forget, I hear they’re looking for a chef at The Chop House.”

  My heart filled with the love of friendship. I had no intention of moving back now, but I didn’t want to shut the idea down completely. “Things are going well. I should have some free time after Christmas, so maybe I’ll check into the position then. Thanks for the tip.”

  I gripped Faith’s hands tightly. “Listen, I’ll try to visit more. When are you free next?”

  “I’m glad you asked. I need help making homemade ornaments to sell as a fundraiser for the community center.”

  My heart ached for the loss of Ms. King, our choir teacher. “I’m not sure I’ll have time. There’s this big event, and—”

  Seth stepped into our friendship space. “She’ll have time to help. I hear the guy she’s planning an event for is an understanding and generous man.”

  Faith tilted her head and popped her hip out. “Really? And his name wouldn’t happen to be Seth, would it?”

  “Okay, that’s enough.” I spun Faith around and sent her on her way. “Send me a text with date and time for working on the ornaments. I’m in.” It took two shoves and a glower to get her on her way. I knew she meant well, all my forever friends from childhood did. That’s part of what kept me close to Christmas Mountain so I could see them more often. That hadn’t worked out too well lately, though. I’d make more of an effort in the future.

  “She was nice. Why haven’t you ever introduced me to more of your friends? I mean, the only ones I’ve ever met were Ashley for business and running into her in passing. Maybe I should attend This Christmas Extravaganza.”

  “Nope, no way. Not going to happen.” I plopped down on the bench and pointed to the tree. “Look, they’re about to turn on the lights.”

  “Nice try. There’s still thirty minutes.” Seth took a sip of his hot cocoa and made a face. “Ugh. Instant. You might accuse me of being a snob, but I’m not. Until it comes to hot chocolate.”

  “You sure that is all you’re a snob about?” I elbowed him.

  He pulled me into his side, pressing a finger to my rib. “I might be a little particular, but if I remember correctly, you’re ticklish.”

  “Stop.” I pushed him away, but Seth scooted me into his side. People mingled around us. I even spotted Carol and Joy near the tree, chatting with Ash and Brent.

  “I guess I should’ve made Ms. King’s famous hot chocolate, but when she entrusted me with her top-secret recipe, I swore I’d never share it. I’ll only make it for the girls in the future.”

  “I was sorry to hear about Ms. King. Did you get the flowers?”

  “Yes, but I assumed your assistant sent them. If I remember correctly, you don’t have time for silly gestures.”

  Seth’s attention settled on me. I’d forgotten how he always made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. The way he looked at me, opened doors, held my hand…kissed me. My toes curled in my boots at the memory of our first kiss. The one by the fireplace in the lodge next to the Christmas tree that sparkled and the smell of cinnamon and gingerbread. With that one kiss, all my troubles had disappeared, and I had believed in a Christmas miracle. But now I knew better.

  “Look, they are putting out the wrapped faux presents and the wooden nutcrackers.” I pointed, but his attention didn’t waiver until I pressed my palm to his cheek and nudged him to look. “And the wishing star.”

  “The wishing star?” Seth watched as they unloaded all the Christmas decoration boxes from the trailer.

  “It’s silly, but that’s what I call it. I used to sneak to the town square at Christmas and make a wish for what I wanted.” The memories flooded in on me. “As a child, when the first wish came true, I became a be
liever.”

  “So, you come to wish on the star every year?”

  “No. Not since high school. That was the last year.” I spoke the words, feeling hollow inside. Unable to even think about that wish.

  My hair blew in the wind, and I pushed it behind my ears, but Seth found one wayward strand. Perhaps he was the only man on earth who was almost as fastidious about things as I was. “Why was that your last year?”

  I shrugged. “I grew up, I guess.”

  “Sounds like you forgot how to believe in Christmas miracles.”

  “No, it was never about miracles, only practical wishes.” Miracles weren’t for women with poor judgement and mistakes they carried with them forever. It was my fault I couldn’t have children. I’d chosen the wrong guy. I’d chosen to hide the pregnancy. I’d chosen to keep the pains to myself.

  I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes. No. No. No. There was no time for pity. I’d accepted a long time ago that I could never have children, but I couldn’t accept never giving a man I loved children. Not that I loved Seth. He’d been gone too long. The feelings were different now. They weren’t the pixie dust kind. There were scratches and cracks and gouges out of our relationship now. Yes, he was attractive. Yes, he was attentive and strong.

  “What is it?” Seth whispered in my ear.

  I stiffened and forced the emotions away. “Nothing. It’s the cold air causing my eyes to water.”

  He’d leave tomorrow to return to New York on business while his assistant ironed out the details here. Then I could resume a normal life, free of pain and suffering.

  He pulled me tight against him and pressed a kiss to my head. My breath caught somewhere between doubt and want. A dusting of comfort coated my anguish, and I wanted more. I wanted that faith in him, the hope of a future, love that could never be between us.

  He took me by the shoulders and forced me to face him, knee-to-knee, nose-to-nose. “You don’t have to tell me anything. But I’m here. Here for whatever you need.” He cuddled me into him, rubbing small circles on my back.

  “It… It’s just that this is the first Christmas without Ms. King,” I whispered, and he hugged me tighter, as if without words he promised never to leave me again.

  We remained in each other’s arms and barely noticed the lights cut on, illuminating the tall tree in the town square, or the applause and squeals that followed.

  Snowflakes drifted from the sky but melted at first contact with trees or ground. “If there is anything I can do to make it better, I will.” He held me like he held me on Christmas Eve last year. In a way that made me feel like he’d be by my side forever.

  No. Not this time. I couldn’t believe it. “Let me go.” I pressed my hands to his chest. “I’m not yours to comfort.” I forced the lump from my throat and broke the connection between us, despite my desire to remain in his arms forever. Forever only meant a few days, and I didn’t want that. Not now, not ever.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you when I left. I thought it was what you wanted.”

  I shoved from the bench and the possibility of rekindling something with a man I couldn’t trust. “You didn’t. I’m fine.” Without another word, I bolted to the car, but I couldn’t help pausing at the edge of the square and glancing back at the wishing star.

  Before I could stop myself, I wished for a miracle. A miracle that Seth Mason would stay past Christmas Eve and that he wouldn’t care about having children.

  Chapter 10

  The next morning, I tiptoed into work after having another fitful night’s sleep. I set to work experimenting with unique hot chocolate recipes as a welcome drink for the kid’s arrival. After fourteen versions, I almost caved and used Ms. King’s, but I’d never betray her that way. Then I had a breakthrough, but I wanted a second opinion. Perhaps when Seth’s assistant arrived, I could ask her.

  At least I’d have a few days while Seth raced back to LA for some important meetings before he’d return. I sat down at my desk to send him the updates for the menu I’d created. After watching a few kid’s movies with a tub of ice cream on my lap and a box of tissues, I’d come up with some ideas. Not that they were sad movies. It was the fact that for hours I watched the tiny angelic faces that haunted my life. Did Seth have a point? I’d remained at the classy lodge for years, never having to face any kids since this was an escape for most adults. I mean, I saw them in the streets when I went to town, but that was it really.

  I opened my email to see the advertisement I’d saved and dreamed about over the last six months. The flyer revealed pristine white-sand beaches, turquoise water in an adult-only Caribbean island getaway. That’s what I needed. A beach vacation. I’d get a week off after Christmas, so why stay here and mope? An all-inclusive, all-adult vacation would be perfect.

  Wait. All-adult? Perhaps I was hiding on this mountain. A place where I’d never have to spend time with children, or my mother, or date, or face anything.

  No. That wasn’t it. I clicked the button for the vacation and booked it. There, I would make it through all of this now that I had something to look forward to. Who didn’t enjoy drinks, sunshine, and the ocean? Of course, the sand was not really my thing. It was so…gritty. I’d deal with it, though.

  I opened my email, ready to send the updated menu to Seth, but I noticed he’d already sent me a message. It only said one line. “Take the menu to the living room at nine a.m. for review.”

  The clock on my computer changed to 9:01. Before I could even think about it, I snatched my ideas and a tray with two cups of my new hot chocolate to share with his assistant and undoubtedly Frank. I shuffled through the slick kitchen floor on my slippery heels into the main room.

  Brown liquid sloshed over the rim, making a muddy river look on the bottom of the tray. Good thing Chef Ramsey wasn’t my client.

  I backed out the door and could feel and hear the fireplace already lit and alive. “I’m so sorry for the delay, but I have something delicious to make up for my tardiness.”

  “Here, let me help.” Seth’s voice boomed in the two-story room, stopping me in my tracks.

  “What? I thought—”

  “When I got back to my room last night, I realized the meetings weren’t as important as you, so I sent my assistant to cover those and I stayed here.”

  My mouth fell open. What was he saying? That he stayed to be with me?

  “What are you two chatting about?” Frank asked from the couch near the fireplace.

  Seth snagged the two cups from the tray, leaving me with mouth open and papers still under my arm. “I was just telling Ms. Winters how amazing these smell.”

  “Hot chocolate? That’s the amazing surprise? I thought you were a chef,” Frank grunted but took his mug anyway. “I’m sorry, Mr. Mason. I’ll make sure she develops a more sophisticated menu for you and your guests.”

  “Why do you think I need that? Did you read the proposal I sent to you before my arrival?” Seth asked in a way I recognized as the you’re-busted tone.

  “Read? Proposal? Yes, yes, of course. You mentioned something about families, but the main purpose was a corporate retreat.”

  “No. Mason Hotels corporation is sponsoring the retreat, but the retreat is for orphans. Something I clearly stated on page four of the proposal.” Seth set his mug down and towered over Frank. “Am I to understand that you made it through the introduction and the finance page but didn’t finish the details? As a general manager, I would’ve assumed that you read through the entire document. Have I been wasting my time here?”

  That was the bossy businessman I knew. The sad thing was the one thing I disliked about Seth was also the one thing I admired. A man who could command a room and never allow someone to give him attitude. He’d never let anyone change his mind or make him feel bad for his decisions.

  “I assure you that I understand this is for children, but any chef could make hot chocolate. As I mentioned earlier, I know a chef who—”

  “Let me be plain, Frank. If the
re is no Emma Winters, the chef I personally chose and only decided to book this failing resort because of her talents, then there is no resort-saving party. Understood?”

  Frank turned eggplant purple but didn’t lash out the way he normally would. Apparently his business sense could overcome his temper. “Understood.”

  “Great. Now, I’d like to meet with Ms. Winters on my own to discuss some of the menu. I’d prefer you go read over the document my assistant sent. I’ll come by your office to discuss room accommodations, transportation, ski rentals, and other general manager duties when I’m finished here.”

  Frank shot me a you-get-a-reprieve-for-now look and then bolted from the room, leaving me with the reality that my time at Pine Tree Lodge was coming to an end if I didn’t figure out a way to work better with Frank.

  “I wish you’d be more kind to the man. I know you’re some business giant, but he’s still a person.” Nervous energy wouldn’t let me sit, so I stoked the fire until it roared.

  “Is that how you see me? A tyrant who doesn’t care about anyone, who only focuses on business?”

  I returned the poker to the hanger but kept my gaze on the orange flames. “Don’t get me wrong. I admire you for being so successful. Good for you. But this isn’t one of your chain hotels. This is a mom-and-pop-owned lodge. You try to turn it into a chain, and it’ll lose its character.”

  “But at least it won’t have to shut down. Look, this place is empty. Not one person is staying here.”

  I shrugged. “That’s normal. The snow won’t hit until around the week before Christmas. At that time, I’m sure we’re booked solid. As a matter of fact, tomorrow morning at sunrise, I need to go find a tree and have it cut down and brought in so we can decorate it. I’ll have to get the place ready in the next week so that when people arrive, it’ll be ready. Then I need to order all the food for Christmas Eve dinner and make sure the rooms are refreshed and cleaned. Not to mention all the little touches.”

  “That sounds like the general manager’s job, not the chef. I know you love to cook, so why are you doing everything else, too?” He lowered onto the couch and patted the seat next to him. “All I’m saying is why is the general manager being paid to run this place if you’re doing it all? The owners should pay you double, or you should be allowed to spend your time in the kitchen, where you’re happiest.”