by T. Styles
The hall stunk and there were more sets of balls in there than there were bitches. Empty cups were thrown all over the floor and I could tell right off the bat that the DJ was weak. He was bumping that Stefani chick’s song, Holla Back Girl. The song was OK if you didn’t just barrel a nigga with a weapon, but I needed to hear something different, something for me and that’s when he played Soul Survivor, by Young Jeezy.
That’s exactly what I needed!
That’s what’s up.
“Kelsi, don’t that broad look like Lakeisha?” Bricks asked.
I was scanning the room to see who the fuck he was talking about. Nothing in there looked anything like my shawty.
“I know you not talking ‘bout that chickenhead over there!”
“Whatever, man! Shawty looks just like Keisha and if you don’t want her, shit, I’ll get up on her.” Bricks said as he walked away to lay down his weak ass game.
There were only two or three mothafuckas on the floor and two of ‘em were dudes. They was dancing all hard and shit.
BAMMA NIGGAS!
I’m not a dancing type, so even if I would hit the floor, I’d just stand behind the girl and press my shit up against her ass. Ain’t no dancing needed for that.
Really the only thing I was thinking about was Lakeisha and if Charles did more than she told me. I had a feeling she’d lie to protect me instead of telling me the whole truth. She told me that when he kidnapped her and drove to the Capital Plaza lot to talk, he begged her to take him back, and of course she told his punk ass to get lost. Based on the time frame she told me, we must have just missed her before she left.
It just so happened that two of her friends noticed his whack ass Z sitting in the lot, and approached the car. Lakeisha said later she didn’t even know why they came to the car to begin with, because they knew she wasn’t dealing with him no more, but I figured maybe one of them were feeling him.
Anyway when Sparkle, one of the biggest freaks in school, approached his car, Lakeisha saw her chance to get away and asked if she could take her home. I’m glad he ain’t see the cracked headlight of her old ass Lexus and roll out. That shit’s been broke since the dude she was running bought it for her and she was too lazy to get it fixed. Since they all lived in Palmer Park, Sparkle agreed to take her home. I guess he got scared and let her go, because he couldn’t hold everybody at gunpoint just to profess his love to my girl. The more I thought about it, if that nigga was really ‘bout it like he thought he was, he woulda done it anyway.
That much I believed, her not wanting him, was why all this shit was happening. She even tried saying that everything was her fault but the way that girl was down for me, I wouldn’t give a fuck how many niggas were after me, I would still be by her side. As long as she doesn’t lie to me, I'll be by her side. It wasn’t because I was pussy whooped or no shit like that, it was because I was sure that outside of Bricks, Melvin and my moms, if some shit went down, she’d be right beside me, strapped up and ready for war. She already proved it.
“Slim, these broads in here weak as shit,” Bricks said as he walked up to me sipping on a drink.
“So what happened with the girl? She carried you?” I laughed.
“Yeah, okay,” he responded.
“I thought you said mad bitches was gonna be here, champ. Ain’t nothing in here but some skeezas. I could have stayed at home with my girl.”
“Why didn’t you nigga?”
“Cuz I wanted to see these fine ass bitches you were yapping about all week.”
Truth was I wasn’t tripping off none of them hoes in there. I was there because Bricks helped me punish a nigga on Friday and I ain’t want him catching the heat from it, if Charles happened to make an appearance tonight. See I knew Charles was a punk and that Bricks could handle his own. The only thing that had me skeptical was that Charles wasn’t thinking rationally. There was nothing more dangerous than a nigga who was in love and still tripping off a girl he ain’t have nomore.
Nobody could totally blame Charles for tripping because Lakeisha was top flight. She didn’t have a scar on her body and she gave head like it was going out of style. She wasn’t one of them girls you had to beg to suck your dick by placing a fifty-dollar bill on top of it. When she fucked, it was because she wanted to. Although I knew I wasn’t her first, her pussy was tight and wet every time I hit it.
The more I thought about Lakeisha, the more I was ready to leave. My plan was to occasionally remind Bricks how weak this joint was without going overboard and sounding like a bitch.
“Man, this shit is whack,” Bricks said. “We can leave in a few.”
Good! I was so glad he said it before I had to. Bricks had Melvin’s truck and Lakeisha was waiting for me at my house. Even though we were only fifteen and turning sixteen in a few months, Melvin ain’t mind him using the truck if we were going right around the corner. We had fake ID’s and everything, so if we got pulled over, we’d appear legit.
Bricks getting a ride was the only way I’d go to the party. Calling a cab around here took forever. That was one of the good things about staying at my father’s place in Baltimore County. I could catch a hack anytime of day or night; but in Landover, if you jumped in somebody’s car outside of a cab, you’d be lucky to leave with your life, let alone what’s in your pockets.
As if I wasn’t already ready to roll, some dude bumped into this cat on the dance floor and he was mad about it. They were dancing like two idiots, so it was just a matter of time before they knocked each other out.
Two bitches!
Yep, it was time for me to get the fuck out of here, so I could get up in Lakeisha.
I was still thinking about my moms and the conversation we had, too. I could tell she was worried about me and after our little talk; the only thing I realized was that I really couldn’t stand that Delonte nigga. I hated the way he talked to her, I didn’t like him playing daddy, and lately, he had become too concerned with what the fuck I was doing. He had some nerve considering he had a lot of shit of his own to deal with.
For one thing, he hot boxed and told her I was pushing weed around the apartment complex last year. He got all swole up when he caught me; I think he wanted her to throw me out. That shit was hilarious because I knew my moms would never do that shit. He just wanted me out the way so I couldn’t see how he be treating her. What he didn’t know was, if I left, I’d be even more dangerous. In a way it was good for him that I was still living there because the further I got from my moms, the more overprotective I’d get.
My mother and me had a connection that got tighter the further we got away from each other. I wasn’t going to forget about her if I couldn’t see her. All I’d do was think about her more.
“Kelsi, you got anything on you?” It was this dude I served sometimes in The Woods. “And what happened to your face man?”
“I ran into your mother’s fat ass and NO, I ain’t got shit. Why you sweating me at the Fire department anyway?”
“Cuz I need something tonight!”
“Nigga get the fuck outta my face,” I responded trying to brush him off.
“Please man.”
“Why you feening ova green?” I asked him.
“My girl want it.”
“Naw, nigga I’m out. Ask Bricks or something.” I said trying to get the tick off my dick.
“Aight man.”
Stupid nigga. Bricks and me pushed together for Skully. Our first weight was moved faster than we got it. We wasn’t fucking with coke, we were pushing weed, and at the time, nobody else in the hood was really dealing with that. In The Woods, it was all about the crack. I ain’t have no intentions of slanging forever, so when Delonte caught me, I asked him not to tell moms, but this bitch goes and does it anyway. That’s where her second job came in. She thought I was doing it for extra cash but that wasn’t the case. I was doing it for us. I didn’t tell my moms the reason because it wouldn’t make a difference to her. I knew she ain’t want me pushing period.
It made a difference to that Chauncey ass dude Delonte, that’s why he told her. He ain’t like the idea of running into me selling in Autumn Woods, because that’s were he pushed. He had been selling caine in the apartment complex for years. The only reason I didn’t get too upset was because he was moving weight way before we moved over there five years ago, but with him hurting my moms and staying in my business, we were starting to have some real issues. Plus snitches get stitches and it was time he got his.
“Kels, I’ma run to the bathroom real quick.”
“You ain’t got to make no announcements man. Just go!”
“Fuck you, nigga!” He laughed and grabbed his dick.
Clown ass nigga. He knew he ain’t have no business telling me he was going to the bathroom. That dude had one too many drinks and now he was lunching.
When I looked at my watch I noticed it was 10 o’clock and moms wouldn’t be home for another three hours. My girl was there alone with Delonte and while I didn’t trust him, I trusted her. My moms was cool with her chilling at the crib when I wasn’t there. That’s another reason we had such a close relationship, she ain’t trip off bullshit. When I hear about some of the shit my boys have to go through with their parents, its no wonder they stay in the streets. Although I’m elbow to elbow with them, I’m in the street because I love my moms, not because I hate her.
“I’m ready, Kels, let’s roll man,” Bricks said when he came back from the can.
“I’m ready when you are,” I said trying to act like I wasn’t rushing to dig Lakeisha’s back out.
When we walked outside I felt something was up the moment my timbs hit the concrete. The air was thick and it felt weird. Watch your back Kelsi, she told me. I was caught slipping yesterday but I wouldn’t be caught today. My moms was a vet to violence because she’d been robbed twice and always warned me to beware of my surroundings. I knew she wasn’t talking so much about the shit you could see, as she was about the shit you couldn’t.
“Hold fast Bricks, something ain’t right.”
“What you mean man?” He asked looking around him.
“I don’t know, I just got a feeling.”
We both looked around and didn’t see anything. I scanned quickly through the parked cars and alongside them and still saw nothing. A few cars whisked down Landover Road, which was always busy at night, but nobody was moving in our direction.
“Well whatever’s going on, let’s not stand in the parking lot like a couple of bitches waiting to be fucked. Let’s get out of here,” Bricks commanded.
“You right,” I said realizing standing there was only making us look stupid.
IN THE TRUCK
10:15PM
When we jumped in the truck, I checked in the rearview mirror to be sure he wasn’t following us. I knew his car window was gone and was pretty sure he hadn’t fixed it yet, so chances were he wouldn’t be driving it.
“Kels, you still thinking about that nigga ain’t you?” Bricks asked, after seeing me checking out my surroundings.
“That’s all I’m thinking about man. It’s fucking me up cuz I don’t see but one kind of ending to this story. It’s just a matter of who ends it first.”
“Look, that nigga know we not playing, and my brother all prepared to come back through if he comes back again.” Bricks reassured as he approached my apartment complex.
Fight your own battles Kelsi. You not a man until you fight your own battles.
“I appreciate that man, but ya’ll can’t be everywhere all the time. Pretty soon me and that nigga gonna come face to face, alone. And there’s nothing I can do but be ready. I have to fight my own battles.”
When the words left my mouth, I realized how serious shit really was, and all over a girl. If I had to go down, I always imagined dying for slinging in the hood, but not like this. When did my life change? Last week I was slinging in the hood and now I’m watching my back and fighting for my life.
“I hear you, champ but there’s more than one soldier on the battlefield. Remember that,” Bricks said.
“Aight, slim.” I laughed as I gave him dap. “I’m out.”
When I got out, I was careful because my instincts were always on point. And although I didn’t see him at the firehouse, something told me something was up, plus the nigga did pop up at my building, talking to my moms and shit. Even if he didn’t show up tonight, I was gonna have to fuck him up on sheer principles alone when I saw him.
Even though wasn’t shit happening in Landover, now I was in my parking lot so anything could go down. It was dark and there weren’t a lot of lights out there. Girls got raped all the time because of that shit, that’s why every night I’d wait up until my moms came home from work. I used to wait outside for her but she’d tell me, “How good do you think I’ll be if someone hurt you? Wait for me in the house Kelsi.”
I decided not to run but I wasn’t bullshitting either. I took quick, big steps toward my building and was almost there when he came out of the bushes.
“Kelsi, don’t even think about going in that apartment man.” He was calm and his voice didn’t shake. Tonight was the night and I knew it.
With two deep breaths, I turned around to face my predator. My heart was pumping so much blood, that I could feel it in my ears. Whatever was going down would be final. We both knew that unless somebody went down for good, I couldn’t keep watching my back and he wouldn’t be able to watch his. See he had violated me too much by popping up over my house so this was it. He didn’t have any respect for me, so I didn’t have any respect for his life.
“What you doing at my apartment man? Didn’t you get enough yesterday? And what the fuck you doing saying shit to my moms?”
Charles stepped up and looked at me. For the first time I saw a man and not someone who was willing to only go to a limit. I knew he was ready to kill me, just as much as I was ready to kill him, if I had to.
“Where’s Key man? I know she here, so go in the house and tell her to come out.” He stared at me and nodded his head toward my apartment.
“Charles, Lakeisha doesn’t want you man. You can’t keep popping up like Batman thinking that shit’ll work. She’s my girl!”
“She wanted me before you came in the picture, Kels,” he said as he walked closer to me. “I figured if you weren’t in the picture no more, maybe she’d want me again.” He walked over to me with his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt.
He wasn’t looking at me; he was looking through me, as if he were either drunk or high. I figured he did whatever he had to, to pump himself up to kill me. I ain’t need shit but the hate running through my veins.
I reached into my pocket and grabbed the pocketknife because I wanted to be ready. You’ll come to a point in life when it’s survival of the fittest, be ready baby, she told me. I was ready. I took a few deep breaths and was preparing myself for the ultimate crime, murder.
“Charles –”
And that’s when I heard it.
His hands were still in his pockets but I heard a familiar sound. It was the same sound I heard yesterday when the barrel of his gun was pointed to my head. Click! With all my strength and while his hands were still in his pockets, I lunged at him before he could pull that bitch out.
Any other Saturday night there would be people walking in and out of the complex but tonight, nothing. Maybe it was fear or not wanting to see anything or get involved. Either way, I knew I had to kill this mothafucka. Maybe it was best nobody was around anyway, they’d get in my way and delay the process. May as well get this over with now.
We were rolling around like two niggas fighting for their lives, and we were. I was trying to gain control, but I also was trying to prevent him from getting a good grip on the gun. He stole me in my face and I stole him back. Hitting me was the least he could do and to be honest, I ain’t feel shit.
Somehow he managed to pin me down and get on top of me, and there it was, the one thing I wasn’t trying to see any time soon. I
don’t know if I hated the gun or the man more. For the first time in my life I was really scared because I knew the barrel pointed in my face had a bullet with my name written over it.
“After I kill you, it won’t be no problem getting my Key back will it?” He was sweating and laughing like he’d lost his mind for real. I ain’t say shit. He had the upper hand and I wasn’t trying to hold it while he pulled the trigger. Never let ‘em see you sweat, I heard her say and I was trying not to. I swear to God I was. Still, this mothafucka was on top of me and then he whispered in my ear, “Everybody has to die sooner or later, Kels.” And it was true. As crazy as this mothafucka was, at this moment, what he was saying was true.
And suddenly I didn’t give a fuck anymore. If he was gonna pull the trigger, I wanted him to do it and get it over with. I was gonna leave in peace because I knew my moms knew how much I loved her, and so did Lakeisha. I was ready to die even if it wasn’t my time.
“Do what the fuck you gotta do,” I told him, as I looked him dead in his eyes. “You act like you scared to pull the trigger. Do it bitch ass nigga!”
He cocked the gun. I closed my eyes. He pulled the trigger. Click. If I was dead, it sure didn’t feel like it. I wasn’t in pain and to me it looked like I was still on the ground with this nigga still on top of me. I opened my eyes and he was still there, only now he was laughing like he was delirious.
“You one lucky nigga, but the next time you won’t be,” he said in a menacing tone.
The way I saw it, I had given up too easily on life. I was prepared to die by the hands of a sucker, and that couldn’t happen. The gun being jammed was my queue to claim my life and take his.
Where was the knife? Better yet, what was a knife going to do when this nigga had a gun? I must’ve lost it when we first started going at it. I needed to buy more time before he pulled the trigger again because I knew next time, I wouldn’t be so lucky.
“Hey, Kelsi, before I kill you, did you smell my dick on Keisha’s breath? She gives a mean ass blow-job. I see you taught her a few tricks too.” Charles grabbed his dick through his pants and cupped himself with one hand, while still holding the gun tightly with the other.