by T. Styles
“Baby, you don’t have to give me nothing. Although I did quit my job yesterday like you asked I was hoping we could spend a little time together tonight, that’s all.”
“Damn girl, straight up!” He was excited.
“Yeah, I was gonna tell you when I got home last night but I had to deal with Kelsi,” I said in a low voice. “You were right about him, it’s about time I put him in his place. He’s too far out of control. Not coming to the phone when I asked him was the last straw.”
There. I said it. I pretended to be against my son for a greater purpose. His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas day.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that shit too. I know you were tired as hell last night. Of course I’m down with spending some time with my lady,” he said as he hugged and kissed me softly on my lips.
The man I so badly wanted last week, now looked foreign to me. His kisses stung my lips and were bitter to the taste.
“Don’t worry about the job, baby as long as I’m here, you’re going to be okay.” He reached in his pocket and placed everything he had on the table. I picked up the wad of money right in front of him. I had to see it for myself. I had to see with my own eyes what price he put on my son’s life. He wanted me to sell him out and didn’t think I was smart enough to know it. I shook my head and laughed when I counted two grand in cash. Is two grand the price for Kelsi’s life, I thought. Not in my book.
“Thanks, honey. I can pay a few bills in advance with this. I really appreciate it,” was all I could manage to say.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. We’re in this together,” he said as he brushed his hand alongside my face.
“You’ve done a lot for me.”
“Don’t worry about it, baby.”
“I wish I can show you how much I appreciate you.” I told him as I rested my head on his stomach as he stood in front of me.
“I do have an idea on how you can show me just how much you really appreciate what I do around here.” He stepped back just a bit, unzipped his jeans and released his swollen dick. “Yeah baby, show me just how much you appreciate me.”
I hadn’t even been off my second job for a full 24 hours and already he was making me prove to him how much I needed him.
What Delonte didn’t realize was that I’d played this game before, plenty of times. I played it so much that it no longer bothered me. He was technically my second job. But this job was different because it was only temporary. I knew it but he didn’t.
I took him into my mouth and gave him the bomb ass head. I even let him grab the back of my neck and pump himself into my tongue strokes. It was something I never did before. I sucked and licked him on every inch of his rock hard dick. I twirled my tongue over and along the tip. I sucked him like I needed him to live.
I didn’t feel bad because it wasn’t me having sex to control the enemy it was Helena Hope, a two-time felon who was still wanted for murder.
He just didn’t know.
But then again, how would he?
CHAPTER EIGHT
SEPTEMBER 18th
SUNDAY, 10:50AM
KELSI
Walking to the bus stop with Lakeisha felt weird.
I wondered if anybody saw me murder Charles and if they’d be looking for me. I really did need a car. Days like this made me hate being a youngin. Sometimes I wondered why Lakeisha’s fine ass was walking with me when she could be cruising with somebody else. There were a few people out doing regular shit; talking, laughing and slanging coke, but nothing that would make me think I was wanted. Truthfully I couldn’t wait till Lakeisha got on this bus because I needed time alone.
I wanted to clear my head.
“Kelsi, why you ignoring me?” Keisha asked with her hand over her eyes to block the sun.
“Keisha, I’m not ignoring you. Just cuz I ain’t talking, don’t mean I ain’t listening.”
“Wellllll, I asked you what was up with Ms. Stayley. Why she bust in on us like that last night?”
Keisha asked too many questions. It wasn’t enough for her to just chill; she had to know how a nigga was thinking.
“Baby, she came in cuz it’s her house and she wanted to talk to me.”
“Well it’s been her house and she ain’t never bust in like that before.”
“Well she did it last night, so stop fucking tripping!”
I swear Keisha was pissing me the fuck off. I felt like knocking her ass out. I had too much shit on my mind and then to have her playing 20 questions, man, I was about to snap. I just killed a mothafucka, my moms tripped out on me, and my shawty’s mouth was on full.
“Oh no you didn’t just talk to me like you lost your damn mind, Kelsi!” Her hands were on her hips and her neck was rolling like only a black woman could do. “Boy you best act like you got some sense, Kelsi, I ain’t scared of you!” Next thing I know, she reached in and smacked the shit out of me.
Now Keisha has hit me in the past. It was always play taps or when she was mad she might slap me or some shit like that, but today, things were different. I ain’t want her touching me. I ain’t want nobody touching me. I don’t know what came over me, but I took my right hand, grabbed her neck, and pushed her up against the back of the bus stop. She started turning red but I didn’t stop. The silence relaxed me, because for right now, the bitch wasn’t saying shit. I even took a few seconds to think about what I had to deal with back at home. When I finally focused on Keisha, and not on what I was doing, I released the hold I had on her.
When the sound of a motorcycle driving down the street passed us, I realized what just happened. What the fuck was I thinking? Why was I choking the life out of my girl at the bus stop? Just yesterday I wanted to protect her and now I wanted to kill her. I immediately tried to console her. But how do you go from choking somebody, to asking them if they’re okay? She probably really thinks I’m crazy now. The thing is, I don’t know if I am or not.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I tripped out for a second, I’m so sorry,” I said as I tried to hug her.
She sat down on the bench and pushed me away from her. She placed her hands on her neck, like she was making sure it was still there. It was. It just had marks from my hands all around it. She was staring at me trying to figure out what was going on and who I’d become, but I knew as hard as she looked at me, she would never be able to tell what was up. Shit, I ain’t even know.
“Kk…elsi,” she said trying to catch her breath. “What are you doing? You changed. You ain’t nothing…like you used to be.” She was on the bench shaking and crying. “What are you going through? Talk to me?”
I paced back and forth and tried to answer her questions, but it felt like the hardest questions I ever had to answer in my life. Maybe in a way, I blamed her for all of this shit. I don’t know. All I know is two days ago I was a 15-year-old kid doing regular shit, now I’m a felon.
“Look, maybe we need some time a part Keisha. Shit’s real fucked up for me right now. I ain’t trying to hurt you, but if you stay wit me, I probably will.”
I don’t know where that came from but it was true. Maybe the same person who killed Charles said it, and he was right. The way I was going, I could snap at any given moment. I felt like two people were living inside of the same body, one was Kelsi Davis and the other was a cold-blooded murderer who was nameless.
“Kelsi,” she said in a low voice. “I ain’t trying to lose you. Maybe I was talking too much, maybe you needed to think and I ain’t let you. It’s cool. I’m still breathing.”
There she was. My shawty. I almost killed her and she was still trying to be with me but that ain’t do nothing but really make me want to call it quits. Somebody down for me like that deserved to be safe and if she stayed with me, I couldn’t guarantee it.
“Kelsi, do you love me? Cuz right now, you acting like you don’t.”
Silence.
“Kelsi…do you love me?”
I looked at her face and it was soaked in tears and all
I could think of as I walked away without answering was, it’s better than blood.
CHAPTER NINE
SEPTEMBER 19th
MONDAY, 2:30AM
KELSI
I thought I was dreaming when I felt my moms come in my room. She’d been in and out telling me that Lakeisha kept calling but I didn’t want to talk to her, at least not yet. When I glanced at the clock on my dresser, I saw it was two thirty in the morning. Keisha knew better than to call me that late. Moms would have cussed her ass out and me too, so what was going on?
“Kelsi, Kelsi, we got a problem, baby wake up.” I felt a soft but firm touch shaking me.
“What’s up, ma?”
“We may have to kill Delonte.” Moms was in the dark with nothing but the light from the LCD clock shining on her face.
I heard her but I didn’t. The last time I saw her in my room this time of night, outside of busting in on me and Keisha, she woke me up to give me this coat I’d been stressing over. To this day I don’t know how she knew I wanted the coat because I didn’t tell her or my father. But she came in my room at three something in the morning like she was doing now. When I woke up, she took me to the living room and showed me this four hundred dollar North Face coat I wanted. She’d worked overtime to get it for me.
I loved my mother more that day for buying me that coat. Not because she spent the money for it because we really didn’t have it, but because she cared about my feelings. She was like that, always caring about my feelings. But tonight, wasn’t about a coat.
“Ma…what did you say?”
“I said we have to kill Delonte.”
“What he do to you? Did he hurt you?” I yelled as I got up and sat on the edge of the bed, while cracking my knuckles.
I was wide-awake now. If he touched her, he’d most certainly sealed his fate.
“He didn’t do nothing to me. It’s because of what he wants to do to you.”
Now I was confused. How she go from being in love with him, to wanting to take him out and what did I have to do with it? I thought I was dreaming so I tried to focus on her face to see if what she was telling me was real.
“I don’t understand, Ma. You got to give me more than that.”
She stood up and started pacing. My eyes moved with her, just in case she made any sudden moves. I mean, I wouldn’t hurt my mother but she was tripping. She picked up one of the framed pictures I had of her on my dresser, cut the lamp on and sat back in the chair.
“Do you know where I took this picture, Kelsi?” She asked as if she never asked me to kill her boyfriend.
“Um, I think you took it at a park or something.”
“No, baby. I took this picture at a picnic area, in front of a clinic. An abortion clinic. Shelly took it for me. I was three months pregnant with you and your father was trying to get me to have an abortion. I was only 15-years-old and wanted to be with him, so I agreed I would, but when I got there, I just couldn’t do it.” She stared at the picture and smiled. “I ain’t want nobody taking you from me, even then, somebody was trying to split us up.”
She handed the picture to me as if I never seen it before. I’d seen that picture many times because I looked at it every day. I could tell her every detail in it, except where it was taken. I took the picture from her and put it back on the dresser.
I folded my hands with my elbows on my knees and looked into her eyes.
“Ma, I need you to tell me why you asking me to do this. This is serious. You ain’t just ask me to whoop his ass, you asking me to kill the nigga. Now I know Delonte don’t care for me and truthfully I don’t care for him either, but I ain’t trying to kill him.”
I knew I was wrong for cussing but she was asking me to murder and as far as I was concerned, one cancelled out the other.
“Kelsi, Delonte heard our conversation the other day. You know, when Keisha was here. He heard you admit to murdering that boy.”
“What, how do you know?” I asked as I stood up. “Did he say it? Did he actually say he heard us?”
“Well, yesterday I heard him on the phone talking to somebody and I could tell the conversation was about you. I decided to see how much he knew, so we went to dinner.” She stopped talking as she was trying to follow me with her eyes, while I paced the floor. She continued, “He took me to Moe’s in Baltimore and we talked about a lot. Anyway…”
Yeah, get to the point, I thought although I didn’t say it.
“I started questioning him about a few things. You know, trying to hint around to see how much he heard. What he said toward the end confirmed he knew everything.”
“What he say, Ma?”
She was making me mad. I hated when she dragged the story out. Get to the point!
“His exact words to me were, “I heard what I heard but I ain’t saying nothing. Tell Kelsi everything will be okay. His secret is safe with me.” It sounded good, but knowing how he feels about you baby, I know he gonna say something and I can’t have that. I don’t want you doing no fucking time! It just ain’t happening.”
“So what did you say? I mean, does he think you know he knows?”
“Naw, I tried to make him think that Keisha was pregnant or some dumb shit like that but I know he’s not buying it.”
“What did he say, Ma? How do you know he wasn’t going for that?” I asked wondering why that lie wouldn’t work.
“Because he said to tell you congratulations on the baby and that he’s happy to hear that it’s that because he could’ve sworn he saw death in your eyes the night you came in. He also said he thought you wanted him to see it.”
I sat back down on the bed and stared at her. I was listening but to me, him seeing death in my eyes didn’t mean he deserved to be killed. Based on what ma said, I wasn’t sure if he knew shit. Maybe he wanted her to think he knew something, just to fuck with her and see if she’d talk. “Ma, I think killing him is going too far,” I whispered, especially since I didn’t know where he was in the house.
The concerned look she had for me turned into rage.
“Kelsi Davis,” she said real slowly through clenched teeth and her finger pointed in my face. “I’m telling you now, I want him silenced!! There’s no need to question what I’m asking you to do, just do it!”
“Ma, you asking me to kill somebody. I got to question you ‘bout that.”
“You didn’t have no problem killing that boy did you? Killing Delonte is needed to cover your tracks. Sometimes you’ll have more than one casualty in war.”
More than one casualty in war? What the fuck was moms talking about? Just because I killed one person, ain’t mean I wanted to go on a killing spree. I could tell she was upset and I hated it but I couldn’t kill nobody else. I wanted all this shit to go away. I’m not a serial killer. I understand her not wanting to lose me but if I followed her plan, to me I’d most certainly be getting locked the fuck up.
“Ma, I can’t do that. Let’s let things blow over first and talk about this later.”
She got up, put the chair back where she got it from and turned around to look at me.
“You can’t leave a job half done, Kelsi. Remember that.” She walked out of my room and closed the door behind her.
CHAPTER TEN
SEPTEMBER 19th
MONDAY, 1:45PM
KELSI
I was rolling a pencil back and forth on my desk. You can’t leave a job half done Kelsi. Remember that. My life has really changed. I started rolling my pencil again. I pushed it to the left and it moved. I pushed it to the right and it moved again. For a second, I needed to have control over something because right now, all other aspects of my life were out of control.
“Mr. Kelsi William Davis, if you’d like to continue to interrupt the class by not participating, I suggest you leave. Contrary to what you may believe some people would like to complete their assignment.”
I was getting ready to cuss that bitch out when I noticed through the window in the door that people were going back
and forth in the hallway causing a lot of commotion. That nosey bitch Ms. Temples was complaining about me and they were just parlaying in the hallway. She decided to see what was up. Before she made it to the door, Mrs. Swagles, the office administrator made an announcement over the intercom.
“Excuse me Bladensburg High School students and faculty, we have a terrible announcement to make.” Her voice was sad and shaken. “I’m very sorry to have to inform you that Charles Rick, a senior here, has passed away. Grief Counselors will be available today and tomorrow for anyone who’d like to talk. Thank you.”
They found his body already? Shit!!
The entire class was moving around and going crazy. Ms. Temples sat back in her seat and dramatically placed her hands over her mouth, acting like she was in complete shock. She looked at us as if she were saying; you see how upset I am? Make sure you tell your parents.
Unlike Ms. Temples fake ass, I slumped all the way down in my seat, trying to avoid any extra attention and trying to go unnoticed. I felt if anyone looked at me, they’d know I had something to do with it. His blood was still fresh on my hands and the memory was embedded in my mind.
I took my cap off, wiped the sweat off my forehead and tried to relax. The room was spinning and I was getting hotter and hotter. Calm down Kelsi. Stop tripping and calm down! Nothing I said to myself was working. Don’t crack and remember that now that you’ve committed the ultimate crime, the streets are watching. This resounded in my head over and over. They hadn’t even come for me yet, and already I was breaking down. I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and it was time for me to leave. I had to get the fuck out of there.
I cleared my throat and said, “Ms. Temples, may I be excused?”
“No. With everything going on now, I don’t think it’s good to roam around.”
“I ain’t trying to roam but I gotta leave anyway,” I insisted.