by T. Styles
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SEPTEMBER 29th
THURSDAY, 10:15PM
JANET
“Shelly, I can’t tell you why, I just need you to promise.”
“You know I’ll take care of Kelsi if something ever happened to you, but if you trust me enough to do that, the least you could do is tell me why,” Shelly quizzed on the other end of the phone.
“For once, can you be a friend to me and not Lorenzo. I should be able to count on you and still maintain some level of privacy.”
“Whatever, Janet. Once again everything is about you. Well don’t worry, Kelsi will be taken care of in the event anything ever happened to you.”
I knew I couldn’t trust Shelly as far as I could throw her but I felt good she’d do right by Kelsi. With everything going on, anything could happen, and if it did, I wanted to have a back-up plan. I had even written a letter confessing to both the murders and would write another one which would include Lorenzo if need be. I was willing and ready to take the fall for everything including the murder of Charles. I felt confident that if I was killed within a year, Kelsi would be more than able to take care of himself, but if they took me out now, I wasn’t sure. Where my only son was concerned, I needed to be sure.
“Shelly, if everything was about me, why would I ask you to look after my son?”
“Are you in trouble?” She asked ignoring my question. “Or are you about to do something you ain’t got no business doing?”
“If I was, would you really want to know?” I said trying to scare her. I knew she didn’t have a clue of the life I really led because if she did, she’d be scared to death and she certainly wouldn’t be asking me any questions.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Shelly. I’m sorry,” I said realizing it was stupid to irritate the woman I was entrusting to look after Kelsi if I died.
“It’s cool, but Janet, how come you didn’t ask Lorenzo? I mean he is Kelsi’s father.”
You see how I was trying to spare her feelings right? I was convinced that the day I invited her into our bed, I introduced Lorenzo to someone more loyal to him than his own mother. I wanted to say something to shake her up, since she was always concerned about him. “How you know he’ll always be around?”
“Real cute, Janet. Did Kelsi like the stuff I brought over for him?” She asked doing a terrible job of trying to change the subject. Her voice was shaky and everything. Life without Lorenzo was totally unimaginable for her.
“Answer the question.”
“Janet, please. Lorenzo will always be around.”
“Are you certain? Is he invincible or something?” I asked picking at her wounds. Lorenzo was the right and left crutch for her and without him she would fall apart.
“Janet! What in the fuck is wrong with you! Stop it! Please!” She said as if she were about to start crying.
“Okay, okay,” I said reducing my voice.
“Did Kelsi like the things?” She asked repeating the original question before I got maniacal on her.
“I guess so,” I said trying to save her from further embarrassment. “He pulled the tags off and wore most of it out of here. Hey, I gotta go. Kelsi just walked through the door.”
“Okay Janet. Tell him I said hello.”
“I will.”
When I got off the phone I wanted to talk to Kelsi about my plan for Lorenzo but I’d given him so much already. I felt it would be best to put things off until later. But on the other hand, time was something we didn’t have a lot of. I ran into the kitchen and scooped his plate up and placed it on the counter. Afterwards, we met in the living room.
“Hey, Ma,” he said as he walked in, gave me a kiss on my cheek and sat on the couch. “I just came back from meeting Skully and I thought of something else I wanted to ask you.”
“Okay, shoot,” I said sensing uneasy urgency in his voice.
“How come you let me sell dope?”
“Kelsi, is that what you think?” Sitting on the recliner in front of him, I prepared to answer his question. After all, everything that happened recently appeared to be condoning violence and crime.
“Well, you knew I was pushing and you allowed it. You knew I murdered dude and you helped me cover it and then we go out and kill Delonte. So I’m wondering was making me a killer your plan all along?”
Whoa…pump the brakes. That hurt. Kelsi’s comment tore through me and hurt me to the core. I had to gain my composure because my first instinct was to reach out and smack the shit out of him.
“Kelsi, first off you’re wrong. Dead wrong. No mother wants to see her child hurt or hurting anyone. I tried my damndest to protect you from the streets and the pressure out there. Why you think I took that second job? To give you things so you wouldn’t have to resort to this lifestyle, but I had to prepare myself if you chose that path. Am I wrong for having a plan just in case you chose this life anyway?”
Silence.
“You were a victim of circumstance, so how could this have always been my plan? I ain’t hold the weapon in your hands when you took out Charles that was all you. I wasn’t on the corner with you pushing dope. That was all your doing. Delonte had to be killed because he was an accessory after the fact, so what we stood to earn a little profit! People earn profit all the time by the death of others, it’s called life insurance!”
“So why you let me run for Skully?”
“I let you run for him cuz you were gonna do it anyway. You’re a product of your environment, Kelsi. You didn’t think I saw the fire in your eyes and your desire to want more? You got it honest! I was the same way too and I’m just realizing that I’m still like that today. If I told you to stop you would’ve done it anyway. Why not put you in contact with someone who’d look after you? When you’re a hustler it’s in your soul and there’s nothing nobody could do to change that. So Skully promised me that he’d always look after for you, and to never give you more than you could handle. I took Skully’s word on that. Another reason I took the part-time job was just so I could save a stash just in case I saw something in your eyes which told me you needed me if you came up short or something. Everything was planned out to the “T”. Skully looked out for you and Delonte knew it, so when I told him he was blackmailing you and that I believed it had something to do with his product, he cut his ass off. End of story.”
“But you said Skully caught you running from the people you set up. It ain’t ever cross his mind that you weren’t trustworthy?”
“I’m gonna say no.” I answered building myself up to explain something that most people couldn’t and wouldn’t understand. “I think he knows I’m loyal. I was loyal to Jarvis but he wasn’t loyal to Kyope or me. He tried to play both sides. He’d tell me how much he hated Kyope and wanted to do business on his own, but then he’d tell Kyope that I was greedy and stayed in his pockets. That’s just like me being best friends with two people who can’t stand each other. It just ain’t possible. Although I helped set up Kyope, it wasn’t because I was disloyal, it was because I was very loyal to Jarvis.”
“But do you believe in your heart that Skully trusts you?”
“Yes I do.”
Kelsi got up and walked over to the fridge. He grabbed a soda and poured it down his throat. I knew he wanted some liquor, but I wasn’t ready for all that, even with the murders he committed.
“So Skully knows about the murders and everything huh?”
“No. He knows about the one with Delonte and he thinks you had something to do with Charles but that’s only because he knew about the fight.”
“You said trust no one.”
“I know and don’t,” I said meaning every word “But how could I not have some level of trust for the man who saved my life? He could’ve taken me out a long time ago, but he didn’t.”
“I guess you right,” he said with a slight smile.
“I think I am.”
“I’m sorry, Ma I never doubted you. I got a lot
of stuff on my mind. I think Keisha is sliding around on me. I just needed to hear a few things. It seems like when things fall apart in some places, they start falling apart everywhere.
“I know, baby and that’s why I wanted to be honest with you.”
“Thanks, Ma.”
“But, Kelsi I wanted to talk to you about her too. I saw her talking to Bricks at the IHOP off of Bladensburg Road today.”
It was true. Today she called me upset at how Kelsi was carrying on at school, so I suggested she meet with Bricks and talk about her problems with him. I even suggested the place and everything; so although it was all my idea, I really did see them together. He walked over to me and sat down.
“Ma, please don’t say that. Please tell me you just didn’t say that,” he pleaded as he kept punching the inside of one of his hands with his fist. Kelsi did that whenever he tried to prevent himself from crying or showing any emotions. “Please tell me that’s not true.”
He was hitting his right hand so hard I thought he would break it. At my own risk, I placed my hand in his, knowing he wouldn’t strike it, so he couldn’t hurt himself anymore.
“I can’t tell you that, baby. I can’t tell you that because it is true. I started not to say anything but when you mentioned her name to me, I took it as a sign.”
He took his hands, dropping mine and started rubbing the sides of his head as if it were a crystal ball. I knew he was trying to understand everything that was going on. I wanted to hug my baby and tell him I loved him because I did, but the bottom line was, this was the life we were dealt and there was no getting out of this game. Being in love and feeling hurt would be the least of our problems. I felt bad for him but I rather he be hurt right here with me, than out there in front of her.
“Ma, I ain’t want to tell you cause I cared about Keisha but that nigga came after me because of her. So in a sense, all this is her fault and now I’m finding out she sliding with my dude! I’m sorry for putting you in danger because of this. I’m sorry for everything.”
My hate for her just increased…But before I could get fully pissed, he said, “Ma, I gotta go! I gotta do something real quick.”
“Kelsi!” I shouted as I jumped up and blocked the door. “What are you getting ready to do?”
“I’m getting ready to kill that dude, Ma. He played me! He smiled in my face like he was my boy and he’s doing my girl! She got me murdering mothafuckas because of her. This is all her fault!” He yelled as he punched his hand over and over again. “I even seen them this morning smiling in each other’s face. They did that shit in front of me! I was thinking at first that she was trying to make me jealous, and at first I wasn’t tripping, but now…now I feel like both of them played me in front of everybody. They probably laughing at me right now.”
I could tell he was fighting back tears and I think it made him madder that he was about to cry. I needed to do something to calm him down and keep him in the house. If he left, he would be a one-man army and destroy whatever crossed him. In an even-toned voice, I said, “Baby, what I tell you about outside influences? We have too many things to worry about now. We have a plan to stick to, so let’s stick to it. Use that hate! Use it!!”
He looked up at me with rage in his eyes. I knew he was thinking about his best friend holding or having sex with his girl and had changed those feelings to hate to fuel his fire.
“I’m ready, Ma.”
“Ready for what?”
“Ready to hear your plan.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
SEPTEMBER 30th
FRIDAY, 8:15AM
KELSI
The first thing I saw when I walked in class was that bitch wearing a royal blue dress, spiked boot joints, with her legs wide open. I guess she had gotten over her little mood, and expected things to be cool, but I still hated that bitch. She was fucking my boy and I was hitting that raw. Dead man was right about that slut. She probably sucked his dick too. I realized she did the same thing to me that she did to him, except we weren’t friends.
She hops from nigga to nigga each year. Last year it was Charles this year it was me and next year it’ll be Bricks. But she ain’t about to make me look stupid. I’m cutting that bitch the fuck off.
“Hey, baby I called your cell last night. Did you get my message?”
Silence.
“How long you gonna be mad at me?”
Silence.
“Come on, Kelsi. I miss you!”
Silence.
“Why you acting like this? Why you still mad at me?”
Silence.
I hoarded that bitch through the entire first period.
When one of Keisha’s archrivals came over and whispered in my ear that she was having a party, Keisha damn near lost it. Carmen’s titties almost fell out of her shirt and everything. It was the perfect ending to my day. I heard her sniffling in the back of my head and I didn’t give a FUCK.
I was happy when the bell rang too. It was just a matter of time before her fake ass tears got on my shirt and I wasn’t trying to get dirty. The moment the bell rang she ran up to me.
“So you fucking with Carmen?” She asked as she ran up behind me. “Kelsi! Are you fucking with Carmen now?”
Maybe something on the back of my gray hoodie gave her the impression that I gave a fuck because she kept talking to it.
Kelsi, I’m serious. I don’t think I can take this. I can’t live without you,” she pleaded as she walked in front of me.
“Bitch, I’m done with you. It’s over! Get the fuck out my face!”
I was straight giving it to her and every time she begged, it made me madder and madder because that’s how she used to get me. I bought her anything when she cried but now I’m finding out that she seduced my boy just cuz she was mad at me. That nigga Bricks would have never had a chance with a girl like her. Don’t get me wrong; I ain’t fuck with him either. He was wrong as hell too but niggas will be niggas and I don’t know if I’d be able to turn down a girl of Keisha’s caliber if the shoe was on the other foot, but at least I’d try. I mean we had just broken up and already he was laying pipe to my bitch.
“Kelsi! I’m not leaving you alone!” She yelled loud enough to make a scene in the hallway, trying to make me look cruddy for carrying her. I didn’t care because she was making herself look worse, and since she wanted to act stupid, I decided to give it to her.
Niggas started to gather around to see what was happening. Bricks walked over through the crowd faking like he ain’t know what was going on. I used to know shit was all good when I saw his face but now he was my enemy too.
“Bitch, didn’t I tell you it was over? So why you still in my face? I’m done wit’ you!”
I looked into the group of niggas who were still watching; ready to scrap if I hit her. I noticed a lot of faces were those of niggas that were sweating Keisha since we first started kicking it. I also saw faces of niggas who I fought because of something she said or did. That fueled my anger even more.
“Who’s next with this, bitch? I’m done with her!!” I yelled as I pushed her hard into the group of nosey ass niggas and I walked off.
IN THE HALLS AFTER SCHOOL
Bricks had already come up to me trying to feel me out. He thought I was tripping off him saying something about Keisha’s jeans but he didn’t know I knew everything. That stingy mothafucka ain’t take nobody nowhere so the whole IHOP thing was blowing me. “I know you ain’t getting mad cuz I said something about how Keisha looked in her jeans, man. We play all the time,” he said. Fuck that nigga! I left that fat bastard in the hall because I was tired of him blocking my view.
I as almost out of the building when Lakeisha walked over to me. She was out of breath and already crying.
“Listen, Kelsi before you say anything, just listen to me. I love you.”
“Oh my goodness! Why you stalking me? First your ex-boyfriend, now you!”
“Kelsi, I’ll do anything you want. Please don’t do this to me. Don’t do
this to us. We been together forever. I don’t want nobody but you!”
I had the baddest girl in school begging me. Damn! It seems like when you treat a bitch right they carry you, but when you treat ‘em like shit, they stay on your dick. So if she wanted to beg, I decided to do one last thing before cutting her ass off…for good.
“Tell me the truth. You sucked Charles off in the lot at the Plaza, didn’t you?”
“If I tell you the truth you gonna be mad.” She was crying and I already knew what the answer was. For real I ain’t want to hear it. I just wanted confirmation that the bitch does lie and that most of all she was a whore. Damn, she was a fucking whore!
“You want me?” I quizzed thinking about what I knew she did.
“Yes, baby,” she said smiling like I asked her to marry me.
“Come here,” I said as I walked toward the boys bathroom holding her hand.
“Where we going, Kelsi?”
You asking questions?” I said giving her the impression that she’d be cut off with the quickness if she said yes.
“No.”
“Well get the fuck in here,” I said pulling her into the boys bathroom.
I walked into one of the stalls and opened the door. Without asking any questions, she came right in behind me. Once we were in the stall, I unzipped my pants, made her get on her knees on the nasty ass floor and told her to suck my dick.
“You know what time it is.”
“You gonna be with me after this?”
“Yep,” I said lying my ass off.
“You promise?”
“What I tell you about asking a million questions? Don’t!”
“Okay, Kelsi okay.”
Let me tell you something, she sucked my dick so good, that for a second, just one second, I was considering taking her ass back. I mean balls and all were in her mouth. But it’s funny what you remember when you love somebody and they do you wrong. I asked this bitch the night I murdered that mothafucka what happened. What really happened. And in my bed, next to me, she lied to me. It’s all good though. Because right now, she was sucking my dick like her life depended on it. In the boys bathroom, on her knees, she was giving me the best head of her life. She should be commended for this shit. Right when I was about to bust, I pulled my dick out and bust all over her face. I ain’t even want her swallowing my babies.