The Lost Soul

by Ceci Giltenan

  Her anguished expression pained him, but he had to get this said. “Still, the fact remains that the laird’s permission, and that of my father and Amos, are courtesies, but not bound by law. A formal betrothal is. But so is a handfasting. I am going home now to find out if a betrothal exists yet. If it doesn’t, I will tell my father what the laird said as well as seek his permission to marry ye. However, regardless of whether he gives it or not, and without knowing whether Amos agrees or not, I will marry ye. The only way to do that is to handfast tonight.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Aye, lass. If my father has a chance to speak to Amos tomorrow, and Amos doesn’t agree to a wedding between Nell and one of my other brothers, I have no doubt the betrothal will be signed tomorrow.”

  She looked terrified but she nodded.

  “Do ye remember seeing the fairy ring on the ride up the mountain?”

  “Aye.”

  “Meet me there when the moon is high.”

  “I will.”

  He wished he could banish the worry in her expression, but there was nothing more he could do now. He gathered her in his arms. “I love ye, Margaret, and I’ll see ye tonight.”

  “I love ye too, Noah.”

  He gave her a quick kiss, mounted his horse, and rode for home.

  ~ * ~

  Margaret wasn’t sure how she made it through the next few hours. If anything her grandfather seemed more worried than she was. Finally she bade him goodnight and went to bed. She didn’t intend to sleep, but everything had happened so fast, she hadn’t had time to think about it all and there were certain facts she couldn’t escape.

  Her grandfather’s poor health was not likely to improve and the laird would not allow him to continue to manage this tract of land. Laird Keith wanted her to marry Gavin. They would have a home, with her grandfather, in the village. This would have tempted Margaret Grant. She would have a slightly higher status in the clan and adequate coin to buy whatever she needed.

  But the Margaret she had become didn’t want to marry Gavin, she loved Noah. And although the laird had given his tentative approval, there were so many conditions it seemed unlikely they’d be able to marry anyway. It also seemed that marrying Noah didn’t ensure that her Grandfather would be able to live out his days here.

  Noah had suggested a way they could bypass the conditions the laird had set—essentially slip away tonight and marry in secret.

  It didn’t strike her as remotely amusing that this was nearly the same dilemma she’d faced as Margaret Grant. Only then, the answer was simple. She did precisely what she wanted to do and the rest be damned.

  But she could no longer do that. Because the other version of herself was warm, and loving and compassionate, she’d learned what these things meant and how they felt. What’s more, she valued them and wanted them in her life.

  At some point in her never-ending argument with herself, it had occurred to her, this was a test. This is what would determine whether Nyada would give her a second chance at life, so it was absolutely vital that she make the right choices.

  What was best for her grandfather?

  What was best for Noah?

  What was best for her? She would have to live with the consequences.

  Oh, dear God, no she wouldn’t. If she made the right choices she’d get her life back. But she didn’t want her life back. She wanted to stay here and marry Noah.

  Her circular arguments were going nowhere. How was she supposed to know what to do if ultimately making the right choice meant leaving this life?

  She needed help. She needed to talk to Nyada but she had no clue as to how to do that.

  Then it occurred to her, she was planning to meet Noah later at the fairy ring. If she had any chance of speaking with Nyada, surely it would be at a fairy ring.

  Margaret got out of bed, intending to go straight there. Then she realized she was still wearing her old, worn work clothes. She was getting married tonight; a little finery was in order. She washed quickly, put on a fresh white linen underdress and her best green wool overdress. She unbraided her hair and combed it. As she started to braid it again she remembered that Noah had said he liked her hair. She smiled. It might be a chore combing it later, but she left the wild red ringlets unbound.

  Finally, she wrapped a clean plaid around her shoulders, holding it on with her one piece of jewelry—a brooch that had been her grandmother’s.

  She stepped out of her small room, into the main room of the cottage. Hoping her grandfather was asleep, she stood and listened for a minute. His soft, even snores coming from the only other room in the cottage set her at ease.

  She slipped outside into the clear cool night. The stars were bright and the moon was well above the horizon. It would be at least an hour or more before it reached its peak. Still, she practically ran to the fairy circle. Even if Nyada couldn’t hear her, she might gain some inspiration to help her sort things out.

  Once she reached it, she stood at its edge. For a moment she wondered if she should step inside it. But she decided against that. She felt it would be rude. It would feel like entering someone’s home without being invited. She chuckled to herself. The former Margaret Grant would have just charged right in, as if she owned it.

  As soon as that thought occurred to her, she sobered. The former Margaret Grant. That is why she was here, but what should she do now?

  Then she remembered, when she was in Nyada’s realm at the start of that one awful night, Nyada had said, “I’ll be back in the morning unless ye call for me to end the ordeal.”

  Well, she was in the midst of another ordeal now. Perhaps that was the answer.

  She closed her eyes, bowed her head and said, “Please, Nyada, I don’t know what to do.”

  She neither heard nor felt anything. Without opening her eyes she said, “Please, I need your help.”

  “Open, yer eyes lass, I came as soon as ye called.”

  Shocked to see the beautiful fairy standing in the middle of the circle, all Margaret could say was, “It worked.”

  “Aye, it did. Now tell me why ye’ve called me here.”

  Not wanting to waste time if it wasn’t necessary, Margaret asked, “Do ye know what’s happened?”

  She nodded, “Aye. I’ve been watching.”

  “Then ye know I’ve come to yer test, but I don’t know what to do.”

  “My test?”

  “Aye. I’m supposed to consider the needs of others but nothing’s clear. Is it better for Noah to marry Nell and receive a much larger farm in the process?”

  “Is that what he wants?” asked Nyada.

  “Nay, he wants to marry me. But if he does, it may mean he gains nothing at all.”

  Nyada smiled indulgently. “That isn’t true. He does gain something. What is it?”

  What did he gain? The only thing left she had to give was her love. Realization dawned. “Me, my love.”

  “Exactly. I trust I don’t have to ask ye which is more valuable.”

  Margaret shook her head. “Nay, ye don’t.” Then feeling a bit cheeky she grinned and said, “The farm, right?”

  Nyada laughed. “It seems among other things ye’ve acquired a sense of humor. Has this solved yer problem?”

  Margaret frowned. “Not fully. It may be best for Noah to handfast tonight, but then what will become of my grandfather?”

  “Sometimes knowing what to do involves trusting others. What is yer impression of Laird Keith?”

  “He seems to be a good man. I just wish we didn’t have to leave our home.”

  “Ye’re right, Laird Keith is a good man. I know his heart. He has many things to consider too, but rest assured, yer grandfather’s wellbeing is chief among them. It is what guided his actions today. Whatever happens, yer grandfather will be fine.”

  Margaret heaved a sigh of relief. “That eases my mind quite a bit.”

  “But not completely,” said Nyada.

  “Nay, there’s one last thing. If I have learned
the lessons ye intended, ye said I’d have a second chance at life. I know now that Margaret Grant can be a good person, but I don’t want to be her anymore. I want to stay here in this life.”

  “I never said ye’d be Margaret Grant again.”

  “Ye did. Ye said I’d have a second chance at life.”

  “And ye do. Right here as who ye are.”

  “But ye said I had to earn my second chance.”

  “Aye, that’s true. Tell me, Margaret, if ye hadn’t learned kindness, compassion and love, if ye ignored the things that this version of yerself knew, would ye be any happier here than ye were as Margaret Grant?”

  “Nay.”

  “That’s right. Ye’d have wasted yer chance. Ye’d be living in a Hell of yer own making.”

  The relief Margaret felt was only momentary. “But the things I did as Margaret Grant were destined to start a feud. If I can’t go back, I can’t fix anything. I can’t stop it.”

  “Ye don’t need to. Ye left a bit of a mess for Maggie Mitchell, but she’s up to the task.”

  Suddenly Margaret’s throat was tight and tears welled in her eyes. “Thank ye,” she whispered.

  Nyada laughed. “I didn’t do this. Ye did. I just made it possible. Ye should be very proud of yerself. Ye learned what ye needed to exceptionally well. Frankly, I didn’t expect ye to be worried about the Grants. That tells me the ice has completely melted and both versions of yerself have become one.”

  “Well then, thank ye for making it possible.”

  “Ye’re very welcome. I have one last thing to tell ye before I say farewell. Ye were right in assuming it would be rude to step inside the ring, uninvited. However, I am inviting ye. When ye handfast with Noah tonight, make yer vows to each other inside the ring. It’s a place between realms. I’ll be able to see it and I love weddings.” She said with a smile. “But there will be others who want to see and bless yer union.”

  Margaret’s jaw dropped. “From both of my lives? My mothers? My father? My grandparents?”

  Nyada shrugged. “I’m certain they’ll be among them.”

  Margaret couldn’t speak. There were no words to express what she felt.

  Nyada laughed again. “I told ye human languages were imprecise, but I understand, and ye’re very welcome. Now, I’ll say farewell. Ye won’t see me again. Ye won’t need to.”

  “Farewell, Nyada.”

  Then Nyada simply faded away and was gone.

  Margaret’s heart was finally at ease, but she was exhausted. She looked up at the moon. It might still be an hour or more before Noah arrived. She pulled her plaid over her head and curled up on the soft grass. She’d just rest until he arrived.

  Chapter 8

  Once Noah had returned to his home, he sought out his father immediately. To his great relief, Amos hadn’t been there yet. But talking his father around was harder than he’d expected.

  “Noah, think about this. Ye will gain Amos’s farm.”

  “And an eleven year-old wife. Please. Ye’ll be able to convince Amos that Paul or William are better suited.”

  “Both of them have a lot of growing up to do.”

  “Paul is seventeen and William fourteen, they are well on their way to maturity. Not to mention the fact that Nell has a lot of growing up to do too.”

  “I know that Noah. I never wanted Amos to choose ye. But for the chance that one of ye, or maybe even two, would get that farm, it was worth making the promise. How can I back out of it now?”

  “Ye aren’t backing out, at least not completely. Ye still have two sons, either of whom can fulfill yer commitment.”

  After much more discussion, his father agreed to try to convince Amos to change his mind about Noah. “But, son, I am not hopeful. I’ve always suspected he wanted the betrothal to be with ye. He probably thought I wouldn’t agree to it if that had been his first suggestion. Even then ye were on the verge of manhood and she was just a wee lassie.”

  Noah frowned. “Was he right? Would ye have turned him down?”

  “Noah, son, his farm was on the table. His farm.”

  Noah was dumbfounded. “Ye would have agreed to a betrothal to me?”

  “Of course I would have.”

  “Well then I’m glad Amos hedged.”

  “I am too. Now two of my sons will inherit farms—maybe three.”

  Noah decided not to tell his father that the laird might give John’s farm to someone else. He’d deal with that when and if it happened.

  Still, his father confirmed Noah’s own suspicions about what Amos would do. Thus, the only way to make certain he could have Margaret as his wife was to handfast with her tonight.

  When the moon was high, and he was certain everyone was asleep, Noah rose from his bed to slip away.

  His youngest brother stirred and barely awake asked, “Noah, where are ye going?”

  “Out. Go back to sleep.”

  Still half asleep, he asked, “What are ye going out for?

  “I have to get something.”

  “Oh.” He closed his eyes again.

  Noah stood still, waiting to make sure his brother had returned to sleep.

  But when he finally thought it safe to move again, his brother mumbled, “What are ye getting?” But the question was followed by a snore.

  Noah smiled and whispered, “The love of my life, and if all goes well, a farm for ye.”

  Once out of the house he all but ran to the fairy circle. The moon was high and as worried as Margaret had been, he didn’t want her to have to wait.

  When he arrived at the spot, it was to find her asleep beside the circle. She’d left her copper curls free and, as wild as ever, some had escaped from the plaid around her and framed her face.

  He knelt next to her, and leaning down gave her a soft kiss.

  She stirred and blinked her eyes open. A sleepy smile spread across her face. “Noah.”

  “Ye need to wake, my sweet. We have some business to attend.”

  More awake now, she sat up, her smile growing wider. “Aye, we do. How did things go with yer father?”

  “We were right, Amos hadn’t visited him yet so there’s no betrothal. And after a good bit of discussion, Da came around. But as I suspected, he too doesn’t think Amos will. So if ye still want to be my wife, we need to make our vows now.” He stood and held a hand out to help her up.

  “Before we do, can I ask ye something?”

  “Of course, ye can ask anything.”

  “Why did ye suggest we meet here, at the fairy ring?”

  That wasn’t what he was expecting. He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess I wanted a spot between our homes and it’s what popped into my head. Why?”

  “I was just curious. This place is beautiful and the ring lends a sense of magic to it.”

  He nodded. “I suppose it does. Maybe we should say our vows inside the circle.”

  She smiled. “I was thinking the same thing.”

  She stepped into the circle and he followed.

  He stood facing her, and crossing his hands he clasped hers, right hand in right and left hand in left. “Margaret, I love ye with everything in me and it seems I have forever. We are soulmates. Will ye be my wife?”

  A beatific smile lit her face. “Aye, soulmates. I will be yer wife and take ye as my husband. I’ll love and care for ye. I’ll work by yer side. I’ll keep yer home and if God so wills I’ll give ye children. I want us to live and cherish each day as if it were our last and I pray we grow old together doing so.”

  Noah swallowed hard. The words touched him deeply. “Margaret, I am in awe. God has blessed me with the wonder of ye and I am eternally grateful. I promise to always love, protect and defend ye as long as I draw breath. I too want us to live and cherish each day as if it were our last and I pray we grow old together doing so.” He leaned down and gave her a languorous kiss.

  When the kiss ended, she gave an almost giddy laugh. “We’re married.”

  He laughed too. “Aye, we
are.”

  Then her brows drew together. “What do we do now? Go back to our homes?”

  “Absolutely not. This is our wedding night. I don’t want to be separated from ye, and I don’t want ye to have to face yer grandda alone in the morning.”

  She sighed, looking relieved. “I don’t want to be apart from ye either.”

  “And another thing. If we consummate our vows, there is no chance that this handfasting can be annulled.”

  Even in the moonlight, he could see the blush rise in her cheeks. She smiled shyly and stepped out of the fairy ring, pulling him with her.

  ~ * ~

  Margaret woke to the sound of birds. The soft morning light called her to rise for the day, but she ignored it, snuggling closer to Noah, in whose arms she’d slept. Making love with him, under the moon and stars had been nothing short of magical. She still felt wrapped in that enchanted cocoon and was not yet ready to emerge. She wasn’t sure she ever would be.

  A little later, when he woke, he too seemed reluctant to rise. But soon the sun was above the horizon and they had to go and face their families.

  They went to see her grandfather first.

  He was standing outside the cottage, apparently waiting for them.

  When they reached him, Margaret kissed him on the cheek. “Good morning, Grandda.”

  But he was having none of it. “The niceties can wait. Did the two of ye bypass the laird’s conditions and slip off in the night to handfast?”

  Margaret nodded contritely. “Aye, we did.”

  She was not expecting the look of sheer relief that swept over him. “Well, thank God. I feared ye’d never figure it out.”

  “Ye’re not upset?” asked Margaret.

  “Not at all. It’s what I’ve wanted for years. It was just that blasted promise David made to Amos that stood in the way.”

  “Then why didn’t ye say so?” asked Margaret.

  “I couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been right. It was a drastic course of action. If ye were truly meant to be together, I figured one of ye had to think of it on yer own. Although I suspect I know, what finally pushed ye.”