Zombies of the Caribbean

by John Kloepfer

“No,” Mrs. Smith said. “But I could make you a salad if you want.”

  The kids all looked at one another. They knew they could all use a home-cooked meal. “We’re in,” Rice said, rubbing his tummy.

  “Okay.” Mrs. Smith smiled. “It’s the least we can do to thank you for unzombifying us.”

  Within the hour, the six of them plus the Smith family had devoured three huge lasagnas and two big bowls of fresh salad.

  “Thanks, Mrs. S,” said Zack. “That was amazing!”

  “You’re welcome,” she said. “Anything to help you guys complete your mission.”

  There was an awkward pause at the dinner table, then Laura spoke up. “We’re not going to rezombify again, are we?”

  “There’s no reason you should this time,” Rice said. “I made those gumballs myself.”

  “That’s a relief.” Mrs. Smith sighed.

  “Well,” Ozzie said, tossing his napkin on the table. “Hate to eat and run, but we need to get going.”

  “We understand,” said Mr. Smith. “Thank you for saving us.”

  The Smith family walked the kids back down to the beach and waved good-bye. With his belly stuffed with lasagna, Zack felt good and full, like when he used to lie on the couch after a family dinner. “If you ever need a place to stay, don’t hesitate to stop by,” Mr. Smith called to them as the kids waded out to the boat.

  “Thanks again for dinner!” Olivia yelled back.

  “Good luck saving the world!” Laura shouted to them.

  “Thanks!” Zack called back. “We’re going to need it!”

  The troller boat’s new motor growled, and they zipped off into the dark Caribbean night.

  Back at sea, Zack and Olivia were on night watch, sailing quietly through the now calm Caribbean night. Zack gazed pensively out at the black, star-speckled sky and the vast ocean before them.

  “Hey, chatterbox.” Olivia broke the silence. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Actually,” he said, “I’m kind of trying not to think right now.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “All I can think about is how bad we messed things up and now it might never be okay again.”

  “No point thinking like that,” she said. “Probably good to turn your brain off for a while. You want to see a magic trick?”

  “Sure,” Zack said. He was always up for a little magic. “Do you know one?”

  “A couple,” she said, pulling out a brand-new deck of cards and peeling off the plastic wrapper.

  “Where’d you get those?” Zack asked.

  “I snagged a deck back on the cruise ship.”

  “Nice,” Zack said.

  Olivia cracked the cards open and gave them a few shuffles. “Pick a card, any card,” she said, fanning them out.

  Zack reached for one.

  “Not that one,” Olivia said sternly, and Zack paused, furrowing his brow. “Just kidding.” She smiled. “Pick whichever one you want.”

  Zack picked a queen of hearts and then put it back in the deck.

  Olivia shuffled the cards again, and Zack cut the stack for good measure. She held the deck to her forehead. “Okay, now think of your card,” she said. Zack closed his eyes and pictured the card. “You’re not thinking hard enough.”

  “Yes I am,” Zack protested.

  “Touchy, touchy.” Olivia smirked. She took the deck and smacked it into the palm of her hand three times before tossing the cards onto the floor. They all scattered faceup except for a single card that landed facedown. She gestured for Zack to pick it up.

  He flipped the card over. “Queen of hearts,” he said. “That’s my card!”

  “I know,” Olivia said, taking a slight bow. “Pretty cool, eh?”

  “How’d you do that?”

  “A magician never tells her secrets. . . .” She paused and swallowed hard. “My dad taught that one to me. Whenever my brother and I were sick or down in the dumps, he always used to cheer us up with one of his card tricks.”

  “He sounds like a good dad,” Zack said.

  “Yeah.” Olivia looked away. “Hard to believe that he’s some deranged, undead super psycho.”

  “I know,” Zack said. “My parents are zombies right now, too.”

  “I’ve never been this scared in my life,” she said.

  “Me neither,” said Zack. “But listen, we’re going to figure out a way to get everything back the way it was. I promise.”

  Zack knew he shouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep, but Olivia smiled, so it was worth it.

  Zack’s eyes flicked open at first light. Olivia was passed out, snoring on the boat’s wooden bench. The wind had blown the playing cards all over the deck.

  Zack stretched a crick out of his neck and yawned loudly. Olivia stirred and mumbled something incoherent, then continued to snooze. It was still dark out despite the faint pink glow of dawn peeking over the horizon.

  Zack looked out across the water. They were cruising along the southern coast of a large land mass.

  “Is that—?” Olivia said, lifting her head out of slumber.

  “I think so. Hold on, I want to make sure,” Zack said. He ran up to the control room and checked the GPS to confirm. It was Jamaica.

  He gave Olivia the thumbs-up then rushed to tell the others. “Wake up, guys,” Zack said, poking his head down in the cabin, where everyone was sprawled out in various sleeping postures. “We made it!”

  Rice spoke without opening his eyes. “Good job.”

  Ozzie shot up in his seat and looked around disoriented. “What happened?”

  “We’re here, Oz,” Zack said. “Everybody, get up. We got work to do.”

  They slowed their boat to a crawl a ways off the coastline of Port Royal. Zack peered through the binoculars, looking onto the large island’s southern shore. Hundreds upon hundreds of undead Jamaican islanders were milling around the coastline, waddling into the ocean. The whole island had an eerie orange glow. Enormous, dense gray tendrils of smoke wafted skyward from the fires that raged inland.

  “We have to start looking for the frilled shark quick,” Olivia said. “And then get the heck out of here before this whole place gets zombified.”

  “What are we going to do?” Zack asked.

  “First, we’re going to need some more bait,” Olivia said. “Nigel said that there was a massive colony of those jellyfish around here.”

  “And where there are jellyfish, there could be a giant frilled tiger shark,” said Rice, pulling out the jellyfish spotting goggles Nigel had given them.

  “You see anything, Rice?” Ozzie asked, steering the boat away from port.

  “Out there.” Rice pointed southwest. “I think I see the colony.”

  The boat cruised out about a half mile from the shoreline and drifted into the humongous colony of immortal jellyfish.

  Olivia picked up the specially designed fishing net, leaned over the side of the boat, and ran it through the water. She scooped as many of the little jellyfish as she could reach with the net. She then dumped them in with the jellyfish from before, filling the chum bucket to the brim.

  “How are we going to bait the hook?” Ozzie asked, running his hands through the bucket of minuscule jellyfish. “They’re so small.”

  “I have an idea,” Olivia said. “Can I borrow your survival knife?”

  Ozzie handed her the blade and she sliced the microporous material away from the rim of the net. Olivia dipped the net in the bucket and scooped up some of the jellyfish. She tied off the top of the net and held up the pouch. “If this thing lives down so deep, then we ought to send him a little treat and try to lure him up,” Olivia said. “Or maybe just catch us one big old fiz-nish.”

  She baited the hook on the fishing pole crane with the net full of jellyfish and sent it down. She turned to Madison and Zoe. “You guys keep an eye on that and see if we get a bite.”

  With the bait dangling a few leagues under the sea, they trolled t
he Jamaican waters.

  “All we can really do is wait, I guess,” Zack said, watching the fishing line intently.

  “That’s not all we can do,” Ozzie said, walking over to the submersible pod on board. “I think it’s time to take this bad boy for another spin.”

  “What do you expect to do with that?” Zoe said. “We can’t go down in that thing again.”

  “Yeah,” said Rice. “But didn’t Nigel say that the frilled shark is attracted to light?”

  “That’s right,” Olivia said. “If we flash the lights on the pod, maybe we can lure it up!”

  “Then me and Oz can harpoon the sucker!” Rice sounded excited.

  Zack, Madison, and Olivia ran over to the pod. Zack flicked on the lights while Madison and Olivia unhooked it from the cable and lowered the pod into the water near the baited jellyfish hook. They watched as the pod illuminated the murky depths below their boat in a pale, dull glow.

  Now all they could do was wait.

  “Rice, get ready. You and I will man the harpoon guns in case the frilled shark rises to the surface,” Ozzie said. Ozzie and Rice loaded the harpoon guns in preparation for the biggest catch of their lives.

  “Ugh, how long is this going to take?” Zoe complained, obviously not enjoying the fishing experience.

  “Look!” Madison shouted to everyone, and pointed off the port side of their boat. The water around the baited net full of jellyfish stirred and started to rotate like a whirlpool.

  They all peered over the side of the boat.

  The outline of something humongous jetted through the light and then zipped into the shadows. It looked like some kind of giant eel, well over fifteen feet long. Zack recognized the shape of the sea creature from Nigel’s video.

  “It’s the giant frilled tiger shark!”

  “Holy mackerel!” Rice shouted. “Look at the size of it!”

  Madison squealed as the massive, prehistoric sea beast reared its head out of the water. “Ew! It’s so nasty looking!”

  The giant frilled tiger shark wrenched its long flexible jaws open wide. It lunged toward the jellyfish bait with the quickness of a serpent. CHOMP! One mighty bite and the net of immortal jellyfish disappeared.

  The gigantic fish snagged on the large metal hook and rocked the boat with its massive weight.

  “Hurry up, Rice!” Ozzie yelled from behind the harpoon gun turret. He lined up the sea creature in his sight. Rice peered down the barrel of his harpoon gun. They both pulled their triggers at the same time. Two tranquilizers flew through the Caribbean dawn and sank into the giant frilled tiger shark’s topskin. THUNK-THUNK!

  The rare deep-sea dweller let out a ferocious noise and thrashed violently in the water. The harpoons tugged at the frilled shark’s flesh, nearly ripping out two big chunks of its skin.

  “It’s going to break away!” Ozzie yelled to Rice. “Give it some slack!”

  The two boys both stopped cranking and allowed the beast to swim out a bit.

  The sea monster’s thrashing slowly turned into a weak wriggle. Before long the giant frilled tiger shark became docile from the heavy-duty tranquilizer darts.

  “We got him!” Rice shouted. The rare sea shark hung limply from the rope lines.

  “Open the cage so we can reel it in all the way!” Ozzie yelled.

  Zoe ran to the pilothouse and pulled the lever to open the special underwater compartment. Ozzie and Rice hauled the massive fish belowdeck. Zack raced toward them and high-fived his buddies. “Yeah, baby!”

  “Nice shooting, boys,” Madison said. “But we got bigger fish to fry.”

  “I don’t know, Madison,” Rice said. “This one’s pretty gigantic. . . . What the—”

  HONK! HONK! Two loud, familiar horns tooted in the distance. Zack’s stomach dropped.

  The Fun World cruise ship sailed toward them, captained by Cousin Ben and his goon squad of super zombies. Oh no, Zack thought, they hijacked the cruise ship! That means they found Nigel’s island. Zack prayed that Nigel’s fortress had withstood the super zombie attack. Or else they’d be in even more trouble than they already were.

  “This could get messy,” Ozzie said, cracking his knuckles.

  He steered their boat out of the way of the oncoming super zombie cruise ship. A minute later and the massive megaship would have plowed their much smaller boat to bits.

  As they gazed up, trying to see what was going on, three super zombies hurled themselves over the rails of the cruise ship and landed on the deck of their boat. Thump-thump-thump!

  The kids all grabbed their hand weapons and turned to face the super zombie trio. For a moment, nobody twitched a muscle. The super zombies ogled the kids with their cold, googly eyes.

  Behind them, Bunco’s cruise ship sailed full steam into port and crashed into the harbor, stranding the remaining super zombies on the Jamaican beach.

  “Aaarrghle!” The tallest of the super zombies gargled phlegm in the back of its throat and lurched toward them.

  Rice wound up his golf club and swung right at the super zombie’s head. But the zombie pirate anticipated the move. Catching the putter in one undead hand, it ripped it away from Rice. It then took the golf club in both hands, bent the metal handle, and chucked it overboard.

  “Whoa,” Rice said, empty-handed. “Not cool.”

  Zack and Zoe circled the super zombie woman. Zack clutched his baseball bat firmly as the insane zombie freak hissed and snarled at them. He took a swing and blasted the undead lady in the ribs. The super zombie squawked and growled. It got a running start and then leaped at Zack, but Zoe picked up the pole they’d clipped the net from and hooked the super ghoul around the neck like a dogcatcher. She yanked back hard, and the super zombie dropped flat on the deck of the ship.

  To the right of them, Ozzie pulled out his newly made nunchaku and set his sights on the muscular super zombie. Ozzie spun and whopped the super zombie on its head. Its undead noggin whiplashed to the side. The super zombie straightened up and gave Ozzie a cackling chuckle. The blow hadn’t even stunned it. The undead super freak rubbed the bump on its head and then charged at Ozzie again.

  “Zack, get this crazy lady offa me!” Zoe shrieked as the super zombie rose from the deck of the ship and choked her with one hand and grabbed a handful of her hair with the other.

  Zack raised the bat over his head and brought it down hard, but the super zombie woman’s head shifted to one side, and the bat struck its shoulder instead. The undead super lady craned its neck halfway around to look at Zack. A horrible ripping noise sounded out like quickly pulled Velcro. Zack heard his sister let out a high-pitched screech.

  “My hair!” Zoe shrieked. The super zombie had pulled away a chunk of her brunette locks. “That does it!” Zoe rose to her feet. “Now you’re going to get it, lady.” She put up her fists like a trained prizefighter. “Nobody messes with my hair!”

  The super zombie woman cackled.

  Zoe unleashed a furious barrage of kicks and punches that landed square in the undead freak’s face. The super zombie woman couldn’t do anything as Zoe kept blasting it in the mouth.

  WHAP! POW! WHAM! Zoe finished with a stiff uppercut that caught the super zombie woman under the chin and sent the zombie flipping over the side of the boat. The ravenous beast of a woman was unconscious before it even hit the water.

  “Nice work, Zo,” Zack said, and they bumped fists.

  Behind them, Ozzie was still fending off his flaky, musclebound super zombie while Madison and Rice stood between the tall super zombie man and Olivia. The super zombie tried to plow through Rice and Madison. Madison slid the shaft of her golf club between its legs while Rice charged, bashing the uber undead mutant in the gut with his elbow. The super zombie tripped and fell with a splat on the wooden deck.

  “He’s going for Olivia!” Rice shouted. “Olivia, get belowdeck!”

  Olivia turned and hurried quickly down to the cabin.

  Zack squinted toward the harbor to try to see what was
going on with the cruise ship. The motorized vessel had crashed into the docks at the port and was now leaning to one side, crushing a couple yachts in the harbor. The cruise ship wasn’t going anywhere, but the rest of the super zombies were abandoning the megaship and swimming out to where the kids were.

  “You guys,” Zack shouted, “we gotta get out of here! There are more super zombies coming!”

  Ozzie jumped in the air, did a twisting sidespin, and brought his leg down fast and hard against the muscled zombie. BAM! Ozzie’s foot drilled the super zombie right in the temple. The undead freak stumbled back and fell over the stern of the ship.

  “Where’s the third one?” Zack asked, swiveling his head around the deck, baseball bat at the ready.

  “We knocked him out already, dude,” Rice said.

  “You mean I knocked him out,” Madison said proudly.

  “Well, what’d you do with him?”

  “He’s right over th—” Rice started to say when Olivia’s squeal rang out from down below. They all spun around as the door leading belowdeck was flung open. The tall super zombie man had Olivia slung over its shoulder.

  “Hold it right there, you big weirdo!” Zoe shouted at the tall, lanky undead dude. “Put her down. Now!”

  “Yeah, she’s my cousin!” Madison yelled. “And if you mess with my family, you’re messin’ with me!”

  The super zombie growled at the kids as Olivia kicked and screamed over its shoulder. “You want to do this the hard way, man?” Ozzie asked, and flipped his homemade nunchaku under his arms and around his back. “We can do this the hard way. . . .” Ozzie lunged forward to bash the zombie’s head in with the martial arts weapon, but before he had a chance, the super zombie heaved Olivia overboard.

  KERPLUNK! Olivia dropped into the Caribbean.

  BAM! BAM! BAM! Ozzie finished off the super zombie brute with a hard-striking nunchaku flurry.

  The super zombie fell against the railing of the boat like a beat-up boxer leaning against the ropes. Ozzie stepped forward. With a simple high kick, the undead lunatic vanished over the side and dropped into the ocean.