Chasing Amanda

by Melissa Foster

  Rodney ate voraciously, as if he hadn’t eaten all day. Pastor Lett chided him, “Slow down, honey. Your food isn’t going anywhere.”

  Rodney immediately slowed his chewing to a waltz as opposed to a samba, watching Molly out of the corner of his eye. Molly whispered, “I eat fast, too,” which made him laugh out loud.

  After lunch, Rodney insisted on showing Molly his bedroom which had windows on two sides and dark-colored sheers parted to let the sun shine through. Molly hardly recognized the room from the last visit when it had been shrouded in darkness. She walked in, expecting the Knowing to find her. She felt nothing unusual. “What a beautiful room, Rodney,” she said. Pride filled his eyes.

  Suddenly, Rodney darted out of the room as quickly as his large body would allow. He thumped up a flight of stairs, hunching over to avoid hitting his head. Molly, Cole, and Pastor Lett followed him into the quaint, finished attic. There were toys scattered about, and one corner had drawings tacked up on the wall. Molly turned questioning eyes to Pastor Lett.

  “This is Rodney’s playroom,” she whispered.

  Molly lifted her chin toward the drawings. Cole came to her side, “Please, Molly, tell me they mean nothing.”

  She laughed and snuggled into his side, “Don’t worry. I don’t feel a thing.”

  Rodney rushed to the stairs, startling Molly. “Rodney go. Find Erik.”

  They found Erik and Rodney in the backyard. Rodney stood with his back to the house, his eyes locked in a gaze with Erik’s.

  “Rodney?” Molly asked. “Are you okay?” Rodney did not answer. She moved to Erik’s side. “Erik? What’s wrong?”

  Pastor Lett moved protectively to Rodney’s side.

  “Mom,” Erik’s voice was strained, “I kind of still feel the guy.”

  She turned and looked at Rodney. “Rodney?”

  “No, another guy,” he shifted his gaze to Pastor Lett.

  “What’s going on?” Molly asked in Pastor Lett’s direction.

  Pastor Lett looked down. Erik did not.

  “It’s her, Mom,” he said.

  “Pastor Lett,” Molly said, in confusion, “what the hell is going on?”

  Pastor Lett stepped forward, holding Molly’s gaze. “I need to show you something.”

  Pastor Lett walked with Betty, speaking in whispers, just ahead of Molly, Cole, and Erik. Newton and Hannah were already inside the Perkinson House, and she was thankful for their presence.

  “You’ve done a lot to this house in a day, Pastor Lett,” Molly said with feigned interest. Erik hurried around her, toward the rear of the house. Pastor Lett nervously followed him, ignoring Molly’s comment.

  “Molly,” Pastor Lett said nervously as she neared the rear of the house, “how long has Erik had visions?”

  “Why do you—” she turned to follow his gaze and saw Erik kneeling at the cellar doors, his palms flat against the cold metal. “Oh my God!” She ran to his side, leaving Cole a few steps behind.

  Pastor Lett registered Newton’s fleeting footsteps rushing toward them.

  Erik’s hands appeared frozen to the cellar doors. He looked over his shoulder at his mother, his eyes pleading with her.

  Molly kneeled next to him, her hand on his back.

  “It’s him,” Erik said, his eyes falling back down to the cellar doors, the lock.

  “Who?” Molly laid her hands on top of his. “My God,” she said under her breath. She looked over her shoulder at Pastor Lett, anger in her eyes. “How could you?”

  “Molly, it’s not what you think!” Pastor Lett said quickly. She had hoped that she would have been able to explain before Molly found out on her own.

  Newton moved swiftly between Molly and Pastor Lett. “Molly,” he said, “Pastor Lett’s done nothing wrong. Please, let her explain.”

  “Let her explain why there’s a man locked in a cellar? Newton, what are you thinking?” she said angrily. Her eyes fell back to her son, who appeared to be unable to move from his kneeling position.

  “What the hell is going on?” Cole demanded, seeing the fear in Erik’s eyes, the anger in Molly’s. No one moved or answered. “Erik?” Cole rushed to his side, then looked directly into Molly’s eyes. “Molly?”

  “There’s a man in there, locked in.”

  Cole’s eyes met Pastor Lett’s, cold and angry, filled with rancor. He lifted Molly to her feet, then took Erik by the shoulders, and with all of his strength, and all of his tenderness, he lifted him back, away from the cellar door. Molly rushed to Erik and wrapped her arms around him. Erik stared straight ahead, as if his mind had somehow been damaged by the scene.

  Cole confronted Pastor Lett angrily. “Open it!” he demanded.

  Pastor Lett could not speak, she was in a state of panic.

  “Open the goddamn door, Pastor!” Cole yelled.

  Newton came forward, trying to calm the situation, “Cole, please, before this gets worse, please let us explain.”

  Hannah, hearing the noise, came running onto the back porch. “What is going on out here?” She took in the scene: Erik, shivering and enveloped in his mother’s arms, Cole, angrily confronting Pastor Lett, and Newton, soft and small, standing between them, trying to make peace.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Cole,” Hannah said as she descended the steps. She reached out and placed her hand gently on his arm. He shrugged her off. “Cole!” She said in a motherly tone. “You listen to me, Cole Tanner. Carla did nothing wrong. She merely carried out the family’s wishes. Now calm your britches and come over here and talk to me, would you?” She spun on her heel and walked toward the gazebo.

  Cole pointed angrily toward Pastor Lett, then followed Hannah, venom in his eyes. “You’ve got my full attention,” Cole said to her, hands on hips, body tense with fury.

  Hannah wiped her hands on her jeans, her voice calm, direct, “Cole, Carla was asked years ago to care for one of the Perkinsons’ kids. You see, he was born retarded, and the family was scared. It all happened right after Rodney was,” she turned thoughtful eyes toward Pastor Lett, “beaten. They felt they had to hide William from the community. They were terrified for his life!” She looked from Cole to Pastor Lett, a look of sorrow in her eyes. “They had no family in the area, and they were a reclusive family to begin with. They didn’t trust anyone. They kept the child hidden in the house for years and years, until it was all he knew—and after what happened to Rodney, well, it seemed only right to continue to keep him hidden.” She looked down at the ground, then back at Cole. “It doesn’t seem right now, now that the world has changed, and everyone is accepted for who they are, but back then, in the time when he was born, well…it was what it was. They locked kids up that were different, put them in institutions, and the family didn’t want that.”

  Pastor Lett had moved closer to the gazebo, her shoulders dropped, her head hung low. She interrupted Hannah, hoping not to agitate Cole any further, but needing to speak her mind. “He had run of the house until just recently. I didn’t like keeping him there. I came to visit him every day, sometimes many times each day. He is family to me. As I said, while I cared for him, he lived in the house, not the cellar, and then those damned teenagers became curious about the haunted house on the hill.” She paused, looking up at the house, wearily. “We had to keep the kid,” she said endearingly, “William, secluded to the cellar where he had grown up.” Pastor Lett looked down and shook her head. She knew she would have to face the community and that this was just the beginning. Cole’s anger wasn’t near what she’d expected, but the ache in her gut still surprised her, the sadness for what she’d done engulfed her mind and her body. “It’s awful, Cole, and I know that,” she spoke from her heart, true words laced with disgrace. “I have wrestled with this for years. You have no idea how painful it is,” her voice escalated, “but I am a pastor, and I gave the family my word!”

  She looked at Molly, hoping for understanding, forgiveness. Erik sat beside her, worn out, motionless. “It was Molly who made me c
hange my mind. When I saw her with Rodney, I realized then that the kid, that William, needed to have more of a life, no matter what the Perkinson family wanted.” The anguish in Pastor Lett’s words was clear. “I have wanted to release him from that place for years, but Chet Perkinson was adamant about him remaining there, hidden from the community. I felt locked in a prison—knowing it was wrong to keep him hidden, and yet, I had given my word.” She turned away, ashamed.

  Cole looked at her, then at Hannah, and Newton. “How could you do this for so long? There’s a man in there! For Christ’s sake, Pastor Lett, you of all people.”

  “I know,” Pastor Lett said, solemnly. “I cannot reconcile it myself, so I don’t expect you to. We’re trying to right the wrong we’ve done, make his life better, provide a real life, no matter how closely we’re scrutinized.”

  “Newton, Hannah? You, too?” Cole turned pained eyes toward them.

  Hannah nodded, “Yes, Cole, we all helped take care of William. He’s a lovely man, just lovely.” She shrugged. “When a family asks something of you, how do you know when it is right to go against their wishes? How do you know when to back out of it?”

  “I thought for sure this would have ended years ago,” Pastor Lett added. “Another location found, a home with a family possibly, anything, but the years just kept passing by, and then it was such a habit, such a normal typical thing, taking care of him, well....” she let her words trail off with the setting sun and looked away. “I don’t expect to be forgiven. He’s a man now, physically, but he’s still a five-year-old mentally. I cannot tell you how many nights I wanted to bring him home with me, but I was worried that even that would get me into trouble. Once Rodney was beaten, I was unsure of anything in this town. Hannah,” she looked at her brown hair waving in the slight breeze, her hands covered with dirt and dust, the understanding that was evident on her face, and the compassion in her eyes, “and Newton,” Newton gazed nervously at the ground, hands in his khaki pants pockets, the toe of his sneaker kicked at the ground, “well, they are the only people I felt that I could truly trust with someone else’s life.” She looked toward Molly, “until the other night, when Molly opened my eyes and made me remember that there are good people in the world, that sometimes giving of yourself, making yourself vulnerable, is the right thing to do at any cost.” Her eyes pleaded with Molly, who allowed the end of her mouth to turn up.

  Cole paced, running his hand through his dark hair. “What the hell? Molly?” he looked at her, as if she held all of the answers.

  “Cole,” Molly said, “she didn’t have to invite us here.” Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. “She didn’t have to expose William at all. It sounds like—and not that I condone her behavior—but it sounds like she was overwhelmed, accepted a responsibility that she came to realize wasn’t the right thing to do, and now she is trying to right her wrong.” She reached up, tenderly brushing his hair off of his forehead. He leaned down and rested his cheek against hers, as if he would know what was right by touching her, as if the answer would seep through her skin to his own mind.

  He turned toward Pastor Lett then, and spoke softly, his hand in Molly’s, “Well, what the hell are we waiting for?” he looked around. “Let’s get William out of there and get this place in shape for him. The quicker the better.” He looked toward the gazebo where Erik sat, the color returned to his face. “Erik, I need you: Stat!”

  Erik walked swiftly to his side, “Dad?”

  Cole put his hands on his shoulder. “Are you all right, son?”

  Erik nodded.

  “Good. Can we use your strength to help make this place livable?”

  Erik looked to his mother for guidance. She nodded, encouraging him. “Hell yes!” he said.

  Hannah sidled up to Molly and tapped her on the shoulder. Molly turned and understood from the pained look in Hannah’s eyes that there was more. Hannah took Molly’s hand and led her away from the group, to the edge of the woods.

  “As long as we’re all confessing,” Hannah whispered, “I have something to tell you.” Tears formed in her eyes and she turned to face the lake. “Walk with me?” They walked over the crest of the hill, descending toward the lake. “Remember when I took you into the woods?”

  Molly feared what she’d hear next. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Hannah,” she said.

  Hannah stopped walking and faced Molly. “I want to. I’ve been carrying this around for too long.” She took a deep breath, let it out slowly. A bird landed on the water and Hannah watched the ripples snaking their way to the shore. “That place, where I knelt?”

  Molly nodded.

  “I…I had a daughter. She only lived for moments, and Charlie was so crazy,” her words spewed swiftly, nervously from her lips.

  “Hannah, no.”

  Hannah nodded. “I was terrified. If Charlie had found out he would have done god knows what. I know it was wrong, not to bury her properly, but I did the best I could.”

  I did the best I could. Molly felt the truth in her words. “I’m sorry,” was all she could say.

  Epilogue

  “Hurry up, you guys, we’ll be late for the party!” Molly hustled downstairs. The interwoven sparkles in her clingy black dress gleamed from the lights on the Christmas tree with her every move. She walked up behind Erik and hugged him, remembering the days when he had gone through a stage where he had pretended that Molly wasn’t his mother—embarrassed by any public displays of attention. She couldn’t believe that the young man who stood beside her, his arm around her shoulders, was the same person—she’d thought the stage would never end. Her heart swelled with pride. “Thanks for coming home for the holidays,” she said.

  “Ma, where else would I go?”

  “Jenna’s?” she said, cautiously.

  “Yeah, right, like she’d be more fun than you and Dad? I don’t think so.” He popped an almond in his mouth. “Besides,” he grinned from ear to ear, “she had to be with her family today anyway.”

  Molly gave him a look that asked for more details, and she wasn’t surprised when he responded, “Don’t even ask.” She followed him into the family room where Cole sat in his underwear and dress shirt watching television. “Cole!” Molly chided him. “What are you doing? We’re supposed to be there in ten minutes!” Exasperated, she threw her hands up in the air and waited for him to move upstairs. Instead, he turned his head to face her. The light caught his dark, sensual eyes, making it hard for Molly to stay upset with him. The look on his face was sweet, reminding her of all the reasons she’d fallen in love with him in the first place—and fallen in love with him again over the past few weeks as their harrowing ordeal had wound down.

  “Why don’t you just sit down here next to me a minute?” he said, patting the couch next to him. “You look so beautiful.” He reached for her hand.

  “Flattery, my friend, will get you nowhere. Come on,” she urged him, “the clock is ticking, and I promised. Eight o’clock, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” He patted the cushion again.

  “Urgh,” Molly relented, walking around the couch. He ran his hand seductively along the back of her legs as she stepped past him. She settled into the couch, a little agitated, and forced a smile.

  He wrapped his arm around her back, placing his other hand on her knee. He gazed into her eyes, reeling her in. “We’ve been so crazed lately. I just want a minute with you.” As he spoke, Erik walked into the room. “I wanted a quiet moment to give you your gift.”

  She gingerly took a flat box from his hand and excitedly tore it open. Inside was a leather-bound journal with the inscription, ‘My love, No more doubting. I believe in you. Go get ’em, Baby! I love you now and always, Cole.’

  “Oh, Cole,” she climbed into his lap and kissed his lips.

  “Oh, come on! Get a room! I don’t want to see this,” Erik laughed as he left the room.

  Pastor Lett stood in the living room of the Perkinson House in anticipation of the holi
day party. She watched Hannah, Betty, Rodney, and William sitting by the Christmas tree, drinking eggnog and eating Christmas treats. She had no doubt that they had done the right thing and wished that they had felt they could have done it years earlier. Part of her worried about forgiveness, but she knew that might be too much to ask. She’d have to wait and see what the Lord had in store for her. There had been a bit of an uproar from the community, and she had undergone an investigation of abuse, but she came out with a slap on the hand and a few harsh words about how she should have known better, done something sooner, made other arrangements, which she knew she deserved, but after a few short weeks, the grumbling stopped. The investigative committee had been surprised, though not nearly as surprised as Pastor Lett had been, to learn that William was the illegitimate son of Chet Perkinson’s mentally retarded sister, who had died during childbirth. That had made no difference to Pastor Lett, in fact, she believed it endeared him even more to her. In the end, it was the support of the community and the backing of the Boyds Presbyterian Church congregation that had enabled her to turn the Perkinson House into the Perkinson House for the Handicapped. Lauren, the caregiver she hired, was wonderful. She’d taken to William as if he were her own brother, showering him with attention, patiently listening to his repetitive stories and jokes, and generally making him feel loved and needed.